Married Dom seeking an outlet

[kinkierthanthou]

deleted

 

[sereneone4u]

My wife and I have been married for over 12 years now and we have a wonderful daughter, two dogs and our entire worlds made up of memories with one another. For various reasons, a split was not an option in the early part of our marriage as there were a lot of others that would have got hurt in the process. That list, has just snowballed, and now with our daughter growing up, I'm loathe to even consider moving apart.

Our sexual history has been limited. We had sex about twice a month in the first couple of years of our marriage, and since then its gone downhill. As things stand, we haven't had sex in over three years (with one another that is). I'd prefer not to sound whiny (even though I realize that's likely to happen anyway!) as I realize its a choice I have made, and its one I am actually very comfortable with. I have found my outlet with porn and the occasional affair.

I am Dominant sexually, and that's a part of my sexuality that's grown with time, and its also something I am more comfortable with now. Earlier, I would chide myself for my desires as I considered myself just another chauvinistic male who liked to lord over women. Its possibly just seeing the same facts in better light, but my affairs have made me realize that I am attracted to women who feel complete when with a Dominant, and that its merely a sexual thing. Socially, it does not warp my view of her nor do I consider her a 'lesser mortal'. If anything, I have found myself seeking women that are intelligent and socially accomplished who can challenge me and be my equal. My wife isn't a sexual submissive, and considers most of what turns me on to be "perverse". Yes I have tried to see if she would be interested in some of what turns me on, but even some of the milder stuff that I've engaged in repulses her.

What's this post ultimately about? I seek stimulation that is more intellectual than is physical. Ultimately, having a woman open up her darkest desires to me not just because she realizes this is relatively anonymous, but also because she needs to be understood, is what I would like to find. In the past, I have had acquaintances that started online turn into physical affairs and given that I travel as much as I do, that is a possibility. I am not looking for someone looking to meet over the weekend, and I'm not looking for someone who's looking to remain anonymous, come what may. The happy medium for me is someone who feels safe exploring her darker side via online communication, knowing that we MAY meet. If at any stage it becomes clear (for one of potentially many reasons), that we aren't suited, the interest would wane and we'd part ways. Does this make sense to anyone?

As I mentioned earlier, I am Dominant sexually but if anything, I have found that these words tend to be used rather loosely and mean different things to different people. For starts I need to ensure that it be differentiated from being a sadist. Often using the term without explaining it can bring images of leather and chains to one's mind and that's not all I mean.

While you can, at times, expect the reference to the odd prop, I prefer not to keep that as the focus. Essentially what gives me a kick is developing a rapport where my partner essentially trusts me and is willing to be led by me to trying new and different things. What specific things we explore can always be discussed. I am not looking for a guinea pig for my kinks, rather I seek a woman who is curious to explore her wild side and need a mentor and a partner to show the way. While I dont need you to have prior experience at this, I need you to be sincere about wanting to do this. And if you're open minded, there's a lot out there to explore. I would expect you to have limits and they are best discussed in person and will be respected. The intent is mutual pleasure after all! However if you're not the open minded kinds or are easily intimidated, you should probably not take this further.

My daughter is 7 now and I am far more careful about looking outside my marriage. While my wife is aware of this side of me, and we have an arrangement where we each have come to realize that we're just very different people sexually, we give one another freedom without being swingers or rubbing one another's faces in our affairs. I seek others in similar situations who can relate to my situation and are looking for something similar.

I'll apologize in advance if this is more verbose than the short one line posts that I see on here. I'd expect you'd have either gone to sleep somewhere through this post, or conversely found yourself more and more 'grabbed' by it. If you're the latter, I'd like to hear from you!

I think you did well. Here is a bump.

 

[mary_aranxia]

My wife and I have been married for over 12 years now and we have a wonderful daughter, two dogs and our entire worlds made up of memories with one another. For various reasons, a split was not an option in the early part of our marriage as there were a lot of others that would have got hurt in the process. That list, has just snowballed, and now with our daughter growing up, I'm loathe to even consider moving apart.

Our sexual history has been limited. We had sex about twice a month in the first couple of years of our marriage, and since then its gone downhill. As things stand, we haven't had sex in over three years (with one another that is). I'd prefer not to sound whiny (even though I realize that's likely to happen anyway!) as I realize its a choice I have made, and its one I am actually very comfortable with. I have found my outlet with porn and the occasional affair.

I am Dominant sexually, and that's a part of my sexuality that's grown with time, and its also something I am more comfortable with now. Earlier, I would chide myself for my desires as I considered myself just another chauvinistic male who liked to lord over women. Its possibly just seeing the same facts in better light, but my affairs have made me realize that I am attracted to women who feel complete when with a Dominant, and that its merely a sexual thing. Socially, it does not warp my view of her nor do I consider her a 'lesser mortal'. If anything, I have found myself seeking women that are intelligent and socially accomplished who can challenge me and be my equal. My wife isn't a sexual submissive, and considers most of what turns me on to be "perverse". Yes I have tried to see if she would be interested in some of what turns me on, but even some of the milder stuff that I've engaged in repulses her.

What's this post ultimately about? I seek stimulation that is more intellectual than is physical. Ultimately, having a woman open up her darkest desires to me not just because she realizes this is relatively anonymous, but also because she needs to be understood, is what I would like to find. In the past, I have had acquaintances that started online turn into physical affairs and given that I travel as much as I do, that is a possibility. I am not looking for someone looking to meet over the weekend, and I'm not looking for someone who's looking to remain anonymous, come what may. The happy medium for me is someone who feels safe exploring her darker side via online communication, knowing that we MAY meet. If at any stage it becomes clear (for one of potentially many reasons), that we aren't suited, the interest would wane and we'd part ways. Does this make sense to anyone?

As I mentioned earlier, I am Dominant sexually but if anything, I have found that these words tend to be used rather loosely and mean different things to different people. For starts I need to ensure that it be differentiated from being a sadist. Often using the term without explaining it can bring images of leather and chains to one's mind and that's not all I mean.

While you can, at times, expect the reference to the odd prop, I prefer not to keep that as the focus. Essentially what gives me a kick is developing a rapport where my partner essentially trusts me and is willing to be led by me to trying new and different things. What specific things we explore can always be discussed. I am not looking for a guinea pig for my kinks, rather I seek a woman who is curious to explore her wild side and need a mentor and a partner to show the way. While I dont need you to have prior experience at this, I need you to be sincere about wanting to do this. And if you're open minded, there's a lot out there to explore. I would expect you to have limits and they are best discussed in person and will be respected. The intent is mutual pleasure after all! However if you're not the open minded kinds or are easily intimidated, you should probably not take this further.

My daughter is 7 now and I am far more careful about looking outside my marriage. While my wife is aware of this side of me, and we have an arrangement where we each have come to realize that we're just very different people sexually, we give one another freedom without being swingers or rubbing one another's faces in our affairs. I seek others in similar situations who can relate to my situation and are looking for something similar.

I'll apologize in advance if this is more verbose than the short one line posts that I see on here. I'd expect you'd have either gone to sleep somewhere through this post, or conversely found yourself more and more 'grabbed' by it. If you're the latter, I'd like to hear from you!

Well, I'm impressed. I wish you the very best luck with this.

 

[mary_aranxia]

By the way, I LOVE your profile pic.

 

[kimuk]

Good luck. I hope you get the responses yur seeking

 

[abhangel]

I am interested

 

[Jewdles]

I wouldn't worry about a longer post, as it explains pretty fully what youre looking for.As you say, it hopefully gains the attention of those in a similar situation.

Sometimes when a marriage goes 'wrong' to stay is the right thing thing for all concerned. To look for that special connection of intimacy and fantasy can make life seem a heck of a lot better where you are. It fills that void, and you can feel mofre complete. For those who choose to only do this online can be an outlet without the terrible guilts of a physical affair.

Good luck

J

I think you expressed yourself well, and many will understand your dominant sentiments.

 

[wantonmama]

Just right

I just wanted to tell you that I am in a similar situation myself and have found here on Lit that D/s outlet you describe! So two points: 1-your description was perfect, hang in there and 2-I want to encourage any woman who is fenced about this thread to jump right in. Having this kind of mentor/play partner is the perfect compliment to a marriage lacking.

One more thought-there is another thread you might consider posting on called "Married and looking..." That is where I found my Dom.

Good luck!!

 

[VeraBad]

deleted

No apostrophe for "Whats" in your signature? It's time to stop bragging about your IQ.