Question for my fellow T-Girls/Crossressers...

[StacyCD39]

There are some out there, myself included, who keep their crossdressing a secret, known only to those here on Lit, whether it be a fetish or something much deeper. Myself, I feel like I should have been born a woman. I don't really know how to explain it. Like, I'd be better as a woman, I guess. It just suits my personality better. Inside I feel like a woman, but on the outside I'm...wrong, if that makes any sense. I've never been the macho tough guy type, more the sensitive, giving type. I love women, but I'm totally attracted to everything about guys, too. It's something I struggle with daily, but I'm starting to accept myself for who I am, and not feel so ashamed about it.

I'm also discovering that, if given the chance, I'd happily live my life as a woman. Like, if I found a guy that was into t-girls/crossdressers, and we fell in love, I could totally live 24/7 as a woman. Completely. Panties, skirts, dresses, heels, shave my legs, everything. Like, it would give me the courage to finally go through with living as a woman.

Is there anyone else that feels like I do? For me, it's not a fetish. It's a way of connecting externally with how I really feel on the inside.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I am not a T-girl, but i guess you could say that I'm a T-boy-- and yes I get what you're saying.

It's very interesting to me, that so many T-girls can shave their legs, put on panties and makeup and truly feel that they are living as women. As someone who was born one, and who has spent her entire life chafing against that, I can't even begin to tell you how simplistic that is. But I do get it...

 

[StacyCD39]

I am not a T-girl, but i guess you could say that I'm a T-boy-- and yes I get what you're saying.

It's very interesting to me, that so many T-girls can shave their legs, put on panties and makeup and truly feel that they are living as women. As someone who was born one, and who has spent her entire life chafing against that, I can't even begin to tell you how simplistic that is. But I do get it...

I guess for me, it's the idea that I desperately want to manifest physically what I feel mentally and spiritually. If I could do that, and find someone that loves me for it, I think then I could be truly happy. I don't hate the body I was born with...I just...dislike it. If that makes any sense.

I mean, a man's body to me is totally sexy. The hair, the smell, the powerful arms, and that gorgeous, sexy cock, just my body doesn't appeal to me, because it's not the body I wish I had. I can't tell you how many mornings I just lay in bed thinking that I'd give anything to be a woman. To have a smooth, sexy, hairless body, curves that would make a man lust after me, love me.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm beginning to make peace with the fact that I was born wrong, and if I could at least live as a woman with a man who loved me, that would make me truly happy. Just, not sure a lot of guys out there are into hooking up with another guy who's into dressing and living like a woman! I mean, if they wanted a woman, they could just go and fall in love with a genetically born woman, why would they want me?

Just something I've been really struggling with lately.

 

[bicuriouscd]

Hi Stacy ,

You wrote ,
I guess for me, it's the idea that I desperately want to manifest physically what I feel mentally and spiritually. If I could do that, and find someone that loves me for it, I think then I could be truly happy

My opinion would be that you first have to make you happy , having a man in your life who says he loves you doesn't necessarily mean that he will make you happy .
Accept yourself , talk with your doctor and a therapist who specializes in gender related issues , find your path and follow it , when you are happy with yourself you will find that partner who will love you for who you are not what you are .

Best of luck to you !
T

 

[Stella_Omega]

I guess for me, it's the idea that I desperately want to manifest physically what I feel mentally and spiritually. If I could do that, and find someone that loves me for it, I think then I could be truly happy. I don't hate the body I was born with...I just...dislike it. If that makes any sense.

I mean, a man's body to me is totally sexy. The hair, the smell, the powerful arms, and that gorgeous, sexy cock, just my body doesn't appeal to me, because it's not the body I wish I had. I can't tell you how many mornings I just lay in bed thinking that I'd give anything to be a woman. To have a smooth, sexy, hairless body, curves that would make a man lust after me, love me.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm beginning to make peace with the fact that I was born wrong, and if I could at least live as a woman with a man who loved me, that would make me truly happy. Just, not sure a lot of guys out there are into hooking up with another guy who's into dressing and living like a woman! I mean, if they wanted a woman, they could just go and fall in love with a genetically born woman, why would they want me?

Just something I've been really struggling with lately.

Maybe we could switch bodies? I don't need to have a big, strong super-masculine male body. I'd be totally metrosexual as a man. In my own cross dressing, my motto is: "What would Oscar Wilde wear?"

I caution you, you would want to switch with the me of twenty-five years ago, not this one. I did have the sexy smooth curves back then, Now, I have cellulite and avoire du pois...

 

[CandiCame]

God, you guys are way braver then I am...

I would love to be able to do that-
Since I actually started talking about sex I think that I've come to realize that a lot of people see me as a chick anyway. I talk, write, and apparently think like a chick, and I've been to 2 drag shows and look totally convincing/feel comfortable...

Also, I do female cosplay sometimes, and I've been hit on by so many "strait" guys- but I don't know. I don't think I'm supposed to be a girl, I think maybe I'm supposed to just be a bottom- at least for a little while, but I think it would make more sense to everyone else if I were a girl.

 

[StacyCD39]

Candi! That's exactly how I feel! I think like a woman, in my heart I feel like a woman, I just have the wrong parts.

 

[portmaritime]

you'd be surprised

Stacy,
you'd be surprised how many guys would love you as a she-male if you wanted to begin that transition. What a great combination. Most of us are looking for that soul mate and if you're comfortable in you're body and mind, you'll find someone.

 

[Somehowyou]

For what it is worth, if you can cross dress and look totally hot and some guy finds that attractive than for all practicle purposes you are a girl...you just have a "outie" and not an "innie." It is between you and your lover. No one else matters.

 

[CandiCame]

For what it is worth, if you can cross dress and look totally hot and some guy finds that attractive than for all practicle purposes you are a girl...you just have a "outie" and not an "innie." It is between you and your lover. No one else matters.

This made me happy- fell out of my seat happy!

 

[jackstud]

Candi! That's exactly how I feel! I think like a woman, in my heart I feel like a woman, I just have the wrong parts.

The important thing is the mind n the heart. The other parts can be beautified even made sexier

 

[StacyCD39]

For what it is worth, if you can cross dress and look totally hot and some guy finds that attractive than for all practicle purposes you are a girl...you just have a "outie" and not an "innie." It is between you and your lover. No one else matters.

Thank you so much for the encouragement! It really does mean so much!

 

[Stella_Omega]

sadly, many of the loneliest women I know are post op transwomen. Before the operation, there are plenty of tranny chasers and shemale lovers wanting to date you.

After your operation you are an unusually tall woman. As you can see from some of the responses in this thread, guys put a hell of a lot of importance on looks. You're suddenly in competition with smaller, more girlish looking women, without that extra special penis thing that makes you a more better equipped woman in the eyes of the fetishists.

It's so fucked up.

 

[StacyCD39]

That's what I'm having so much trouble struggling with, Stella. Why would a guy fall in love with me dressed up like a woman, when he could fall in love with a REAL woman?

It's confusing and frustrating...

 

[Stella_Omega]

That's what I'm having so much trouble struggling with, Stella. Why would a guy fall in love with me dressed up like a woman, when he could fall in love with a REAL woman?

It's confusing and frustrating...

Lots of guys do, though. They don't want a real woman. They WANT a penis on a feminine body. And honestly, they want the trappings of femininity surrounding a masculine brain chemistry, although not too many people think of it that way. I'm kinda nerdy, I do think of it that way.

Some of them are really sincere, too-- about as many as would be sincere in any sort of dating milieu, sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of frogs and all that...

it could happen though

 

[lustatopia]

Hi Stacy,

All men have an anima, a distinctly feminine aspect of their persona. Our het society expends a lot of energy making sure that boys and young men suppress their anima to the deep recesses of their subconscious minds through various taboos against tender contact between males. In much of Asia and the middle east teenage male friends often walk arm in arm or hand in hand. To western eyes it looks decidedly gay, but it isn't at all. It's the tenderness that can exist in male friendship where the anima hasn't been made taboo. Note that there is much evidence in the letters between male compatriots during the Civil War where "bosom buddies" often composed mushy poetry about each other to show that our contemporary oppression of male tenderness is anomalous even in American culture.

What's this got to do with you? You seem to have such a strong physical connection with your anima that our culture's usual attempt to bash it back into the dark recesses of your subconscious failed. Instead your anima has manifest itself with decidedly physical attributes. For you it's not enough just to be able to share your feminine side with other men, you want to BECOME your anima, because it is so beautiful men will want you. You want to be what you would have been born as if your chromosomes had been arranged female. Still you, but you as a woman.

Straight men often share this same sexual desire to become one with their anima, but they express it by falling in love with women who subconsciously represents to them what they imagine their mirror image would be. (Sometimes women do this with men too, but it's less common for various reasons.) In our culture people say, well, he married a girl who was the spitting image of his mother. But more usually, the sexual attraction was powered by a lust for his own image, his anima.

In your situation you don't want to search for your anima in the reflection of someone else's eyes, but demand the next to impossible, to physically become the idealized woman inside you.

Some how you have to come to terms with the limitations of your physical body in order to match what you got with those who want it. You must realise that it's more than enough that inside your heart and mind a beautiful woman lives. As Stella says there are plenty of lovers who want what you have. Your anima doesn't need a new physical body to be happy or express herself. Yours will do just fine.

Just remember the power of a beautiful mind.

 

[StacyCD39]

Lustatopia, what you wrote almost had me in tears. It's so beautiful, and exactly what I'm feeling. I know in my heart and my mind, I'm a woman, it's just so difficult reconciling that with the body I have, then trying to come to some peace knowing that there's a man out there for me that will love me for my heart and soul and mind, and be able to see past that I have the wrong body.

Thank you and Stella for your kind words. I can't tell you how happy I am to have found this place, and how wonderful it is to find support.

Love to you both!

*hugs*

 

[jackstud]

We are just happy you are here Darlin

 

[420allday]

That's what I'm having so much trouble struggling with, Stella. Why would a guy fall in love with me dressed up like a woman, when he could fall in love with a REAL woman?

It's confusing and frustrating...

Hey Stacy -

many of us guys want to be with a pretty woman who also has a cock - i'm married to a woman that i love, but i still have very strong fantasies about t-girls and to a lesser extent, crossdressers (i like boobs!). because i'm married, i try not to act on my other attraction (and this is frustrating, too!), but i am sure lots of guys would rather be in a relationship with a girl who has a cock...don't give up - you'll find one, especially if you look anything like your av pic!

 

[legend57]

Tgirls

If I could find a tgirl/shemale to marry, it would be a dream come true!

 

[Stella_Omega]

If I could find a tgirl/shemale to marry, it would be a dream come true!

You're going to have to join the campaign for gay marriage then.

Because the way the laws work here-- she is still legally male until the final operation. It's totally fucked up, but true.

 

[StacyCD39]

especially if you look anything like your av pic!

That's the problem. I don't, and it kills me. I HATE my body. I hate that I'm not slender and smooth and sexy and beautiful. I hate that I was born the way I am. Don't get me wrong, I love penis, just...not mine. I don't even know if that makes any sense. Like, when I get really horny, and I dress up, I can almost feel like I have a pussy and a clit, and when I reach down there, it's just...wrong. I know I have breasts, in my mind I can almost feel them, but when I look down...nothing...nothing to voluptuously fill out the bras I like to wear. It's just wrong...all of it...I know I'm woman on the inside, I'm just so insecure and afraid that I could never find a guy to fall in love with my mind and not be disgusted with my body.

That's why I post all of those pictures in the "I Wish I Was Her" thread, because I really, really wish I was. Why did things get so mixed up? Why wasn't I given the body that should have gone along with my mind, heart, and soul?

If it were a possibility, I'd completely transform my body. 100%.

 

[jessicaj64]

Lustatopia, what you wrote almost had me in tears. It's so beautiful, and exactly what I'm feeling. I know in my heart and my mind, I'm a woman, it's just so difficult reconciling that with the body I have, then trying to come to some peace knowing that there's a man out there for me that will love me for my heart and soul and mind, and be able to see past that I have the wrong body.

Thank you and Stella for your kind words. I can't tell you how happy I am to have found this place, and how wonderful it is to find support.

Love to you both!

*hugs*

Stacy,
My only advice is to think it through very, very carefully. Think through what Lustotopia said carefully: is this your feminine side, or do you really feel that you were born in the wrong body? What makes you feel this way? How long have you felt like this? On reviewing your life so far, is there evidence that confirms your suspicion? Are you sure you're not just a gay man? Or an effeminate man? And, above all, TALK TO A THERAPIST who is trained in the field.

There is a helluva lot more to being a woman than wearing a dress. For one thing, you're a bona fide second class citizen, in the eyes of the law, of so many politicians, of most men and even other women.

Add to that, being a t-girl lowers your status even more, and puts at FAR more risk of being attacked than even regular women.

Finally, if you decide to come out as transgender or as a transsexual woman, you have to realize that you risk losing everything. Everything, and everyone, even, possibly, your life. While that sounds melodramatic, it is a distinct possibility.

Be very, very sure that this is not a sexual fantasy. Gender and sexuality, while connected, are not the same.

Chances are that you will not lose everything and everyone, but are you ready to take that risk?

But if you are sure that you are female, good luck to you. It is a long and difficult road ahead of you. But a liberating one too. While it is difficult at times, while you will feel like an utter freak at times, would I go back to what I was before? HELL NO! I am female, whether I like it or not, and there are times when I really do NOT like it. But it is what it is.

As to fetishists. I, for one, am thoroughly freaked out by them. Each to their own, of course, but I am NOT a she-male (you'll find in the trans community that that is considered a thoroughly degrading and offensive term). I am a woman. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

[StacyCD39]

Wow, Jessica! You bring up so many great talking points! I'll do my best to address them as best I can!

Stacy,
My only advice is to think it through very, very carefully. Think through what Lustotopia said carefully: is this your feminine side, or do you really feel that you were born in the wrong body?

100% yes, I was born in the wrong body. Period.

What makes you feel this way?

I wish I knew. It's more a feeling, really (women's intuition?) I really can't describe it, like, there is something fundamentally wrong with me, things are off kilter, my mind, heart and soul do not correspond with the body I was born with. I think the best way to describe it is similar to someone who's lost a limb, they wake up, and they swear they can feel a lost limb itch, as if it's there, only it's not. For me, it's like that with breasts and a vagina. I wake up, and I swear I can feel having a vagina and a clitoris, but when I reach down, it's a penis, and fundamentally, that's wrong.

I know that normally, I'm totally attracted to everything about a man's body, his scent, chest, muscles, and most importantly the penis, I'm just repulsed by these things on me.

How long have you felt like this?

Pretty much my entire life. I remember when I was young, I used to love having smooth, sexy legs, I used to feel like a woman. Then I went through puberty, and started growing hair and it was "not socially acceptable" for me to shave it, although I did quite a few times in junior high school (when I could get away with clean-shaven legs, and no one thought anything of it.) When I did, it was heaven, like I was, for a brief moment, having at least part of a body I was meant to.

I remember playing "house" with a friend down the street when I was younger, and I always played the part of the woman. We even explored each others' bodies, and I remember sitting with my legs crossed when he used to reach down and touch me. It just felt...natural.

Years later, I experimented a little in high school with a friend. It never went any further than just touching each other, but I remember one night, I was stroking his cock, while rubbing mine against his bare leg, and how I desperately wished that I was a girl in that moment. How badly I wished I could have taken him into my mouth without him jumping up and freaking out, how desperately I wished I had a vagina, so that he could spread my smooth, sexy legs, and take my virginity...

On reviewing your life so far, is there evidence that confirms your suspicion?

I'd say yes. I love wearing women's clothes and shoes. It feels natural for me. It's not so much a turn-on, (although it is, because I love feeling sexy!) as it is something that should be completely natural for me to wear, but it's not because I have the wrong body, plus there's the whole social acceptability factor.

Are you sure you're not just a gay man? Or an effeminate man?

As much as I hate trying to label myself, I guess since I have a guy's body, and I love men, I guess, technically, I am gay, but since I truly believe that I'm a woman inside, wouldn't that just make me...straight? I really hate labels. I don't know, I truly just don't know. I know in my heart, I'm a woman, I just don't have the body on the outside to match what is inside. I don't know what that makes me.

And, above all, TALK TO A THERAPIST who is trained in the field.

I know this is something I certainly need to look into. I'm just absolutely terrified to take that step, because I've never shared what I'm feeling with someone face-to-face, and that's a frightening concept to me.

There is a helluva lot more to being a woman than wearing a dress. For one thing, you're a bona fide second class citizen, in the eyes of the law, of so many politicians, of most men and even other women.

Add to that, being a t-girl lowers your status even more, and puts at FAR more risk of being attacked than even regular women.

Finally, if you decide to come out as transgender or as a transsexual woman, you have to realize that you risk losing everything. Everything, and everyone, even, possibly, your life. While that sounds melodramatic, it is a distinct possibility.

I know, but I feel like even less of a human being because I'm not being true to what's in my heart and soul, and that's way worse than any reaction I could get in real life, in my opinion. It's to the point that I really can't go on living this way. Living as a man.

Be very, very sure that this is not a sexual fantasy. Gender and sexuality, while connected, are not the same.

Believe me, I may be uncertain about a great number of things, but I am truly certain, 100% positive that this is not a sexual fantasy. I can truthfully say that if I woke up tomorrow with breasts, smooth legs, a vagina, and everything that goes with it, it would truly be happiest, most beautiful days of my life (aside from getting married to the man of my dreams!)

But if you are sure that you are female, good luck to you.

Thank you so much for your kind words. They really do mean so much!

*hugs*

 

[jessicaj64]

Well, good luck to you, sweetie. Feel free to look me up if ever you need to talk.
As for your concerns about talking to a therapist - he or she will understand. If she's trained in the field, she will have encountered many shy or reticent women like us in her time. And remember, she's there to help. xxx