Feedback and opinions on Short erotic comic Script wanted.

[Badlander]

Hello!
First time poster long, long time reader of literotica. Not much is important besides that I make comics and generally dirty imagery by night, but my comics often get very porn-ish, and quite frankly not especially entertaining.
I intend to make something different this time, and writing up a series of fantasy erotic stories called "Erietales", focusing on people loosing control to their lust in different ways.

As mentioned, I'm not as experienced at writing erotic, sweet stories than I am drawing smut, so what I'm asking for is generally this:

Do you spontaneously want to read further?

What do you think about the small bite that is presented? Enticing, disgusting, bland...

Feedback basically.

The beginning of the script in it's raw form is here: https://***************/document/d/1Hz_IQ2FqLL7TWc4y6Sxw8UTykmTWg2mjRA_S1gLmGkA/edit?hl=en_US

Have in mind that this is a manuscript for the comic, so please try to see beyond my silly prose. This is the mere skeleton.

 

[CheekyCherry]

That was very cool and unique! What kind of plot do you plan to put around this idea?

 

[Badlander]

That was very cool and unique! What kind of plot do you plan to put around this idea?

I have drawn heavy inspiration from classic folk-tales in these stories, so there will be a dark twist to this tale.

This is what I have planned:

Sima (Name in progress) the protagonist who is of inquisitive nature and likes to explore her surroundings, uses the pond on a regular basis, get addicted to it's pleasures. She finds that the deeper she dips her body into the water, the more exciting gets the effect.
Eventually, she is warned. It is forbidden to look under the surface of the pond. No one can answer why.
One day, she fails to resist the allure and dives completely under the surface.

And it is here I am stuck. Basically, I have this "Erotica versus Fairy-tale-horror versus HORROR" scale and I am conflicted as where to put this story. I know I would enjoy the raunchiest ending.
In it's absolute core, really, it's about how broad of an audience I want to scare off a potential series.

 

[Badlander]

Also, I'm not quite sure how you reply on these boards... Like this?

 

[JackLuis]

What is in the pond?
Does it have tentacles?
Is it a 'she"?
Does the 'thing' derive pleasure or sustenance from the act?

Did it come from outer space?

This is where the writer is challenged. You've got a half assed idea and the build up is fine, now you just need a climax, to the story.

In the "Hero's Journey" trope, Simi would have to take a trip, perhaps she dives under and is transported to a place where she is constantly stimulated for her cum, by aliens who just want to go home to the "pink pools of Pythios," but need the vital ingredient to make the "Flux Capacitor" do it's thing?

I'd love to see the art work.