And she'll have pun, pun, pun...

[Sir_Winston54]

I can't really fathom it, but if you're posting here during working hours, we'll have to dock your bay.

I think I'd sit on that until we check with Mr. Redding.

 

[Babyslave]

This is So Very Lame

But I promised myself I'd post something today. Sorry folks!

It's the season for sun and fun and beaches and boats and picnics and camping. As well as my summer reading list:

Nonfiction - The Tigers Revenge - Claude Bawls
Mystery - Haunted House - Hugo First
Gothic - A Cliff Tragedy - Eileen Dover

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I think I'd sit on that until we check with Mr. Redding.

Ahhhh, yes. Mr. Redding Herring. Love his work.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Ahhhh, yes. Mr. Redding Herring. Love his work.

Something sounds fishy here. Are you hard of herring? And perhaps your eyesight is degenerating, if you're having trouble redding...

 

[midwestyankee]

Something sounds fishy here. Are you hard of herring? And perhaps your eyesight is degenerating, if you're having trouble redding...

Whale, let me tell you something about that. Some dorsal open and some dorsal close, but you have to walk through to the otter side regardless.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

The Founding Fathers were sitting around a table sometime in 1776,
working on the constitution. It had been a long day.
"Whew! It's getting rather warm in here, isn't it?"
"Shall I open the window?"
"No, that's alright. I'll just take off my jacket, and roll up my
sleeves."
"Hey, that's a good idea. Why don't we include that in the
constitution?"
"What? That we're allowed to take our jackets off and
roll up our sleeves while at work?"
"Yeah, but that doesn't sound very smooth. How about, 'Everyone shall have the right to bare arms?'"

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

When Marco Polo first opened the trade routes to China, he was quite impressed with the people and the ingenious things they made. One invention he especially enjoyed hearing about was the rockets they created. While not quite the fireworks we know today, they did shoot into the air, explode, and make pretty patterns.

Much to Polo's chagrin, however, he could get no one to demonstrate the rockets for him, though everyone made them nearly everywhere he traveled in the country. "No, will not shoot them off here!" each person protested.

Finally, Marco traveled to a series of military bases in the beautiful city of Chu'Lai. Here fireworks were launched off every night, and on Friday evenings people would travel from great distances to launch their homemade rockets in one gigantic display.

"But why here, and nowhere else?" Marco Polo asked his guide.

"Why, honored sir," the guide replied, "everyone knows that we only set off fireworks on the forts of Chu'Lai!"

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Something sounds fishy here. Are you hard of herring? And perhaps your eyesight is degenerating, if you're having trouble redding...

I'm reeftiring, then.

Whale, let me tell you something about that. Some dorsal open and some dorsal close, but you have to walk through to the otter side regardless.

Whew. You mast make my head spin, becauseway your philophosea is tide up in nets.

The Founding Fathers were sitting around a table sometime in 1776,
working on the constitution. It had been a long day.
"Whew! It's getting rather warm in here, isn't it?"
"Shall I open the window?"
"No, that's alright. I'll just take off my jacket, and roll up my
sleeves."
"Hey, that's a good idea. Why don't we include that in the
constitution?"
"What? That we're allowed to take our jackets off and
roll up our sleeves while at work?"
"Yeah, but that doesn't sound very smooth. How about, 'Everyone shall have the right to bare arms?'"

Well, it wasn't just the heat. The wrist of the story is that they had been helping grind grain all day at the local mill for political photo ops. The gentlemen were not used to the daily grind of work in a fast-paced, well run mill, and ended up doing something rash.

It turns out, part of the reason they wanted the right to bear arms is because "a well ordered mill itch ya."

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Well, it wasn't just the heat. The wrist of the story is that they had been helping grind grain all day at the local mill for political photo ops. The gentlemen were not used to the daily grind of work in a fast-paced, well run mill, and ended up doing something rash.

It turns out, part of the reason they wanted the right to bear arms is because "a well ordered mill itch ya."

You know DGE, I have really been milling this over... spindling mulch time thinking about those flexed guns all red and in need of rubbing and scratching as they grind away at the grain.... and though you might find this a cutting remark, I think you are compwheatly wrong about the heat being the grain story here...because that is just hot.

 

[midwestyankee]

You know DGE, I have really been milling this over... spindling mulch time thinking about those flexed guns all red and in need of rubbing and scratching as they grind away at the grain.... and though you might find this a cutting remark, I think you are compwheatly wrong about the heat being the grain story here...because that is just hot.

Too many calories. My assistant Bunsen will answer this shortly.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

You know DGE, I have really been milling this over... spindling mulch time thinking about those flexed guns all red and in need of rubbing and scratching as they grind away at the grain.... and though you might find this a cutting remark, I think you are compwheatly wrong about the heat being the grain story here...because that is just hot.

"Compwheatly"? Are you sure that's spelt right? Hmmm...barley vous Francais, perhaps, and not English, muffin? I'd say if I were to mllet, I'd rice to the oatcasion. In fact, I'd do an amaizeing job, although I'd have to stop and smell the flour at yeast once a day, when things got tumaltuous.

Too many calories. My assistant Bunsen will answer this shortly.

Is Bunsen cooking again? *shakes head* Hope she doesn't burner self again; she gets testy!

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

"Compwheatly"? Are you sure that's spelt right? Hmmm...barley vous Francais, perhaps, and not English, muffin? I'd say if I were to mllet, I'd rice to the oatcasion. In fact, I'd do an amaizeing job, although I'd have to stop and smell the flour at yeast once a day, when things got tumaltuous.

I realrice that you bake your spelting quite cereal, and I amaranth to admit to you that I am not really sure, no. I do however think it is wonderful that you are able to also consider letting go of these fixed thoats and just pondurum everything. So great to let the mind travel farina wide and soak it all in. It can at times be teff to sort through the hops and downs, grains and oats of it all but I hope you never forget that in the end it is simply a terribly beautiful ryed.

Is Bunsen cooking again? *shakes head* Hope she doesn't burner self again; she gets testy!

I am kinda surprised that you consider this particulalry sadistic Dr. Bunsen Honeydew a female given the obvious testes in every clip I have seen them in... Hmm, do you have proof? That aside, I am not surprised at all that this delightful duo showed up on this board. Beaker is a perfect little masochistic submissive isn't she/he? I wonder if back stage Dr Bunsen calls Beaker "Muppet"?

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Cheeeeese!

http://legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/032011/cheese-puns-11.jpg

http://legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/032011/cheese-puns-3.jpg

http://legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/032011/cheese-puns-4.jpg

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I realrice that you bake your spelting quite cereal, and I amaranth to admit to you that I am not really sure, no. I do however think it is wonderful that you are able to also consider letting go of these fixed thoats and just pondurum everything. So great to let the mind travel farina wide and soak it all in. It can at times be teff to sort through the hops and downs, grains and oats of it all but I hope you never forget that in the end it is simply a terribly beautiful ryed.

No matter how its sliced, there is more than a grain of truth in this. I butter reflect on it when in a jam.

I am kinda surprised that you consider this particulalry sadistic Dr. Bunsen Honeydew a female given the obvious testes in every clip I have seen them in... Hmm, do you have proof? That aside, I am not surprised at all that this delightful duo showed up on this board. Beaker is a perfect little masochistic submissive isn't she/he? I wonder if back stage Dr Bunsen calls Beaker "Muppet"?

She is a hand trapped in a muppet's body.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I camembert how hot and cultured Brieonce is.

But I'm just a cracker.

 

[midwestyankee]

I camembert how hot and cultured Brieonce is.

But I'm just a cracker.

Sweet Cheezus on a pogo stick!

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

No matter how its sliced, there is more than a grain of truth in this. I butter reflect on it when in a jam.

Ahhhhhh, yeaaaah. Crust me there is nuthin like Toast & Jammin.

She is a hand trapped in a muppet's body.

Awww, that is sad...made me cry a puppetear.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

I camembert how hot and cultured Brieonce is.

But I'm just a cracker.

Wheat thin ricotta admit cheese not gonna get cheddar when cheese already that gouda.

If blue call yourself a cracker, some might find that crumby and it might not impretzel the ladies, are you sure you wanna trisquit?

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Sweet Cheezus on a pogo stick!

Yes, yes... like this game!!

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQuFabK_-7wCUZHNervhe-XQh0BZfB3kIRwjv49_pxojGQgSa7UJg

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

http://static.neatoshop.com/images/product/59/459/Math-Puns-are-the-First-Sine-of-Madness_1869-l.jpg

http://data.whicdn.com/images/9565527/funny-puns-transformative-advice_large.jpg?1304857317

http://legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/012011/starwars-pun-1.jpg

http://legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/012011/starwars-pun-5.jpg

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet of silver in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbird
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital= 1 IV League

 

[seela]

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet of silver in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbird
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital= 1 IV League

These, CiC, are perfection!

 

[midwestyankee]

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet of silver in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbird
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital= 1 IV League

Seems I've seen many of these before. Which reminds me of the time that Abdul made a pair of tents for the Haboob brothers of Kurdistan. He delivered his bill on a slate, which is what you call billing two kurds with the same stone.

 

[SubmissiveBrat]

My favorite quoted pun by Mae West

It's not the men in your life that count, it's the life in your men.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

My favorite quoted pun by Mae West

It's not the men in your life that count, it's the life in your men.

Hmmmm...I'd say, after a night with Mae, one would be weally, weally tired, and so advised to go west, young man.