The ways we neglect ourselves

[Stella_Omega]

I went to the free clinic last night, which is my primary care these days-- as it happens, the main doctor there was my primary physician back when I had insurance.

So, I've known about my hashimoto's syndrome thyroid for decades now. I've been careful, and I am vain enough to want to present myself in a reasonably attractive light, so I've always been good about taking my synthroid, getting my levels tested, adjusting my dose.

But over this year... I have really slipped up badly. Not taking it on time, forgetting entirely-- for as long as a week sometimes-- and the lower your thyroid goes, the harder it becomes to remember, you start grazing food-wise, which means it's harder to find the three-hour window inwhich to take the pill correctly.

Over the past couple of months I've been noticing joint pain. It's gotten much worse in the past few weeks. Even so, I've been doing stuff, staying active... maybe not as active as I would like, but...

But my PTH levels last night? 14.5. Normal, guys, is around 0.2 or 0.4.

My blood pressure was 100 over 89.

And my weight has gotten up to 184 lbs. I don't even know where it is-- but that's what the scale said.

I have let myself down, badly. I've put myself in danger of brain damage, heart attack, blindness.

Needless to say, I'm not letting this go on any longer. My WHOLE LIFE is going to revolve around getting that little pill into my system in the most efficient way possible while I encourage my body to ramp up again. I expect the fog to lift, and the pounds to melt away being able to exercise more will help with that too.

I called an elderly friend to sob on her shoulder about this, and she said that she, too, will neglect to take the medication that controls her Parkinson's disease, even though she knows very well how badly she will feel.

Why do we DO this shit to ourselves? Those of you who don't can you please explain how it is that you don't?

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

I think because people don't want to think that there is anything wrong with themselves. It's that small part of people that don't want to think of themselves as mortal.

So despite the fact that not taking care of themselves can lead to things going worse, even if they don't think of it consciously, if you have to do things to take care of yourself, then you're admitting that you need to do things to take care of yourself; but if you don't do anything to take care of yourself then in your subconscious then you're denying that anything is actually wrong.

For instance, one of my girlfriend's mother has diabetes, but refused to take insulin or even take the measurements for her blood sugar levels, even when new technolgies that came out that didn't require her to need regular injections. If she doesn't read her blood sugar then it can never be high or low, so nothing is wrong with her body.

It is the medical equivalent that we've developed of throwing the blankets on our heads as children to make the monsters go away

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... Why do we DO this shit to ourselves?

Damn good question, SO. I do - and in fact, the past few days *have* - neglect(ed) to take the medications that are supposed to keep my blood pressure and heart stable and operating, sometimes for as much as a couple of weeks. Then the frequent angina attacks, shortness of breath, etc., kind of force me to get back on the wagon... something like your second-to-last paragraph.

One way of looking at it is a tendency toward self-destructiveness, a (more or less) unconscious desire to just "get it all over with." Fortunately, for the most part, we triumph over that nasty little piece of ourselves. I've been giving in to it for almost 51 years now, though, with cigarettes, but this morning, I smoked the last cigarette in the last pack I had on hand, and as I stubbed it out, I said to myself, "This is it. The last one. Ever. I'm not going to keep killing myself this way."

I don't *know* 100% that I'll be successful in quitting this time. I've tried so *many* times before. But this time, I have a little "advantage." I have no cash, I have something like $0.12 in my checking account, and I'm not going to spend her money on cigarettes... so, until my next paycheck gets here in the mail, Monday or Tuesday, I'll have no way to buy cigarettes. That will be five or six days with no cigarettes, and *should* be enough time to get them mostly out of my blood and nervous system. Pretty much the only thing left will be the physical habit. Wish me luck, please. I really *do* want to get off the damned things.

 

[pussyg]

hun, don't beat yourself up - you've decided to make a change and it's a new day tomorrow. i know that low thyroid can lead to depression too, so remember that. You may feel you've let yourself down in the past - but you can change your future if you keep at it.
i've been known to go on a 'self destruct' cycle once in a while, and i really do understand what you're saying, but keep talking it out - keep talking to people who can support you - the more of us there are the stronger you will be.

you can make the difference - and you will. One day at a time.

x

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I think because people don't want to think that there is anything wrong with themselves. It's that small part of people that don't want to think of themselves as mortal.

So despite the fact that not taking care of themselves can lead to things going worse, even if they don't think of it consciously, if you have to do things to take care of yourself, then you're admitting that you need to do things to take care of yourself; but if you don't do anything to take care of yourself then in your subconscious then you're denying that anything is actually wrong.

Okay, that second paragraph/sentence is convoluted as *hell* (LOL!), but once I read through it slowly two more times, I got it. It makes sense. I guess I'm just a little slow and stupid this afternoon.

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

Okay, that second paragraph/sentence is convoluted as *hell* (LOL!), but once I read through it slowly two more times, I got it. It makes sense. I guess I'm just a little slow and stupid this afternoon.

Sorry! After I had written it, even I had to reread it to make sure that I wasn't just babbling But I'm glad you got what I meant

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

I am sorry to hear that you have these challenges and this battle in front of you. Please don't waste any energy on regrets of what you didn't do, or on a *facepalm* of any kind. Life isn't so much right and wrong all the time as much as it is a series of choices. You have a choice to make. Maybe several. Please forgive yourself and focus all of you on what you CAN do today, right now for your body. Given the pesky nature of linear time "right now" is always all we can ever do, and if you meet these moments as they come to you honestly it is always enough. Be kind to you. Our bodies are brilliant in telling us what they need, we just need to listen...if we don't listen they will always raise their voice to be heard. Sounds like your body has your attention, this is a good thing as you can now choose to respond. In general, I am a big fan of drinking more water and stopping to breathe, adding moments of peace in your daily chaos, and instead of worry, nurture love... It will comfort and buttress you as you struggle at times to find your way in the tasks ahead. When making life choices for health, focus your attentions on adding the stuff that will nurture you and not so much on the sacrifices. Please, please breathe deeply, cry if you need to, laugh if you want to and take very good care of YOU.

 

[Keroin]

Stella, I have been on Thyroid meds since I was 13. That's 29 years. It took me several years to get to the point where I didn't think about it anymore. So don't get down.

But do take steps to help yourself make it habit.

For me:

- I wake up at roughly the same time every day and take it then.
- I keep my pills in the bathroom, out in the open, right next to the sink so they're always top of mind.

Figure out how to outsmart your forgetfulness. You can do it.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank you, Mz Cunningham, pussyg (have we met yet, baby? ) CIC.

Sir Winston, let us know how it goes, okay?

I had a friend who figured out that the place he didn't feel like smoking.. was in the bathtub. So, when he desperately needed a smoke, he took a bath instead. He said that he was perma-pruned for a month and paind an astronomical water bill... but it got him over the hump.

Keroin, I am going to treat myself to a really pretty water carafe to keep by my bed. I can take it when I wake up, as long as there's some spit in my mouth... If i have to go get a drink of water, I've realised, that's all she wrote and I'm busy making coffee etc after that.

it's so damn irritating, because I used to take them every morning like clockwork! And then I got... i dunno, rebellous or something.

 

[BiBunny]

Stella, I have been on Thyroid meds since I was 13. That's 29 years. It took me several years to get to the point where I didn't think about it anymore. So don't get down.

But do take steps to help yourself make it habit.

For me:

- I wake up at roughly the same time every day and take it then.
- I keep my pills in the bathroom, out in the open, right next to the sink so they're always top of mind.

Figure out how to outsmart your forgetfulness. You can do it.

This is what I do, too. It helps a lot. If I go somewhere other than my own house, I'm bad about forgetting, but the splitting headaches I get after a day or two remind me.

 

[Stella_Omega]

cantankerous?

thats how I feel when I start dodging routines.

Plus it's just an awesome word.

A more awesome word than pissy. Thanks.

 

[CutieMouse]

Thank you, Mz Cunningham, pussyg (have we met yet, baby? ) CIC.

Sir Winston, let us know how it goes, okay?

I had a friend who figured out that the place he didn't feel like smoking.. was in the bathtub. So, when he desperately needed a smoke, he took a bath instead. He said that he was perma-pruned for a month and paind an astronomical water bill... but it got him over the hump.

Keroin, I am going to treat myself to a really pretty water carafe to keep by my bed. I can take it when I wake up, as long as there's some spit in my mouth... If i have to go get a drink of water, I've realised, that's all she wrote and I'm busy making coffee etc after that.

it's so damn irritating, because I used to take them every morning like clockwork! And then I got... i dunno, rebellous or something.

I joke that I am way better at taking care of everyone else, than myself.

Keeping water and pills on the nightstand might be the trick. That's what I do with my multi-vitamin & extra D3, plus I switched my routine to take them when I climb in bed to fall asleep instead of thinking that vitamins = morning routine [because I am not a morning person]. (I got a nasty lecture from my doctor last year when he discovered my D3 levels were are 11... they were supposed to be around 35. Oops.)

Now if I could just figure out how to convince myself the nerve glide exercises for my hand are worth the pain they cause...

 

[GrimsPet]

I joke that I am way better at taking care of everyone else, than myself.

I get accused of this constantly by my family and Master.

I'm pre-diabetic, hypothyroid and have PCOS. However the damned doctor won't treat my thyroid even though my levels are on the very low side of normal and I show all the symptoms of hypothyroid disease. So I've taken to self-medicating after doing a lot of research. I take cinnamon to help my insulin and sugar along with my Doctor prescribed Metformin, and then for the thyroid I take kelp, Fish oil, D3, and I recently started taking B vitamins on the advice of another litster. I'm trying to find a local source of tyrosine and if that fails I'm going to have to order it online.

I let myself go down the tubes a couple years ago now and it's been rough trying to get back on track. I used to work out at the gym and eat better and then two years ago my life went down the shitter and it's taken a bit to get back on track. Now I have Master to help kick me back into the swing of things and that helps.

 

[Keroin]

This is what I do, too. It helps a lot. If I go somewhere other than my own house, I'm bad about forgetting, but the splitting headaches I get after a day or two remind me.

Oh yeah. I ended up in the middle of the desert once with no pills. I thought I'd just tough it out.

We eventually drove back to civilization with me curled up in fetal position moaning in agony. Dumb K...dumb!

 

[Keroin]

Keroin, I am going to treat myself to a really pretty water carafe to keep by my bed. I can take it when I wake up, as long as there's some spit in my mouth... If i have to go get a drink of water, I've realised, that's all she wrote and I'm busy making coffee etc after that.

Good idea.

My parents used to tape giant signs around the house: "HAVE YOU TAKEN YOUR PILL?" Etc.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I get accused of this constantly by my family and Master.

I'm pre-diabetic, hypothyroid and have PCOS. However the damned doctor won't treat my thyroid even though my levels are on the very low side of normal and I show all the symptoms of hypothyroid disease. So I've taken to self-medicating after doing a lot of research. I take cinnamon to help my insulin and sugar along with my Doctor prescribed Metformin, and then for the thyroid I take kelp, Fish oil, D3, and I recently started taking B vitamins on the advice of another litster. I'm trying to find a local source of tyrosine and if that fails I'm going to have to order it online.

I let myself go down the tubes a couple years ago now and it's been rough trying to get back on track. I used to work out at the gym and eat better and then two years ago my life went down the shitter and it's taken a bit to get back on track. Now I have Master to help kick me back into the swing of things and that helps.

My doctors did that to me for a long time, too.

Tell your doctor you want a FULL PANEL thyroid blood test. The standard test only shows how much parathyroid hormone your body is releasing, and in some cases normal results only mean that your parathyroid system is out of whack.

the full panel shows how much of each actual thyroid hormone form is in your blood. My doc kinda went white in the face when he finally relented on that, and the results came back-- years ago, now. You can't support a nonexistent thyroid gland.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Oh sweet jesu that's a high PTH >.<

I totally understand you, though...particularly when it comes to taking pills. I'm HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE about taking meds regularly. It's pretty much THE reason why I get sinus infections. I stop taking my allergy meds. I get a stuffy nose. I sniffle gunk into my sinuses. It gets infected. VOILA!

I'm sure you'll figure out a system my mom has to take thyroid supplements along with a whole slew of other supplements (yay herbal medicine?) for other various problems, so she lines them up on her dresser. She can't so much as grab her underwear for the day without staring at her line of bottles. Seems to work pretty well for her.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

My doctors did that to me for a long time, too.

Tell your doctor you want a FULL PANEL thyroid blood test. The standard test only shows how much parathyroid hormone your body is releasing, and in some cases normal results only mean that your parathyroid system is out of whack.

the full panel shows how much of each actual thyroid hormone form is in your blood. My doc kinda went white in the face when he finally relented on that, and the results came back-- years ago, now. You can't support a nonexistent thyroid gland.

What, are you serious? Why are they testing the parathyroid to find out...what...

THAT MAKES NO SENSE. sure they're related and on each other, but they're different organs!!! I don't test for kidney problems by analyzing adrenal output!!!

*Grumble* this is why veterinarians are so much better than doctors...we know to test for THYROID HORMONES.

bloody doctors....

ugh...doctors...

 

[GrimsPet]

My doctors did that to me for a long time, too.

Tell your doctor you want a FULL PANEL thyroid blood test. The standard test only shows how much parathyroid hormone your body is releasing, and in some cases normal results only mean that your parathyroid system is out of whack.

the full panel shows how much of each actual thyroid hormone form is in your blood. My doc kinda went white in the face when he finally relented on that, and the results came back-- years ago, now. You can't support a nonexistent thyroid gland.

Thanks Stella.
I have considered calling my Doctor to get an actual physical done and ask him to do a full panel all around blood test on EVERYTHING. I do have a goiter on my thyroid as well with nodules on it - something which is a HUGE symptom of hypothyroidism yet I'm being told it's nothing to worry about by two specialists I've seen about it. I don't believe them. Something that is twice the size it should be is not something "one shouldn't worry about."

 

[Stella_Omega]

What, are you serious? Why are they testing the parathyroid to find out...what...

THAT MAKES NO SENSE. sure they're related and on each other, but they're different organs!!! I don't test for kidney problems by analyzing adrenal output!!!

*Grumble* this is why veterinarians are so much better than doctors...we know to test for THYROID HORMONES.

bloody doctors....

ugh...doctors...

have you ever read Terry Pratchett's Disc Wolrd series? When the Patrician is deathly ill, they call in the horse doctor, not the MD's. The reasoning is that the horse doctor gets his patients back in the race if he wants his money...

 

[BiBunny]

I'm always scared of the things that happen to me if I *don't* take my (various) meds. It works as its own form of negative reinforcement, I think! Not that I don't still have my moments (see above).

 

[HottieMama]

Like someone else said, I am MUCH better at taking care of everyone else than I am at taking care of myself. My three boys are meticulously managed, me...ehhh....not so much.

For example, I should NOT eat sugar/refined flour/white food. EVER. AT ALL. I'm not diabetic, but I am a horrendous sugar addict. Seems like when I got clean 13 years ago, I substituted heroinfor candy/cakes/breads etc. My weight and physical health showed the effects. After I had my middle son, I detoxed from all the sugar and crap and lost a TON of weight. I got pregnant with my youngest and went back to a relatively crappy eating pattern as a response to cravings. However, he is going to be 2 yrs old in 2 months and I am STILL eating crap. While I am not the heaviest I have ever been, (thank god) I am no where near as thin as I was before I got pregnant. I want to break the sugar addiction again. I NEED to.... I know this... Finding the motivation to do so is an entirely different story. It feeds into every damn issue/insecurity I have and is really only making things worse for me...but ask me how many packages of cookies are in my cabinet?

There are more and other ways I fuck myself over...LOL, but this will do for now...

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Stella, I have been on Thyroid meds since I was 13. That's 29 years. It took me several years to get to the point where I didn't think about it anymore. So don't get down.

But do take steps to help yourself make it habit.

For me:

- I wake up at roughly the same time every day and take it then.
- I keep my pills in the bathroom, out in the open, right next to the sink so they're always top of mind.

Figure out how to outsmart your forgetfulness. You can do it.

Yeah, outta sight, outta stomach. I take a pill and a multivitamin every day, and if I had to rely on my brain to remember, I would never take them. I keep them next to the coffee maker, and keep my keys there too, as an added kick in the head.

While we're at it, why is it that when we get stressed or things get crazy, the first thing we jettison to make more room or more time is taking care of ourselves? Really, we'd deal with the increased demands of a crisis if we were more assiduous about our health.

But that's when the Doritos animate and rise from the pantry graveyard, and all other means of self-care are abandoned, in the name of crisis management.

 

[Netzach]

I went to the free clinic last night, which is my primary care these days-- as it happens, the main doctor there was my primary physician back when I had insurance.

So, I've known about my hashimoto's syndrome thyroid for decades now. I've been careful, and I am vain enough to want to present myself in a reasonably attractive light, so I've always been good about taking my synthroid, getting my levels tested, adjusting my dose.

But over this year... I have really slipped up badly. Not taking it on time, forgetting entirely-- for as long as a week sometimes-- and the lower your thyroid goes, the harder it becomes to remember, you start grazing food-wise, which means it's harder to find the three-hour window inwhich to take the pill correctly.

Over the past couple of months I've been noticing joint pain. It's gotten much worse in the past few weeks. Even so, I've been doing stuff, staying active... maybe not as active as I would like, but...

But my PTH levels last night? 14.5. Normal, guys, is around 0.2 or 0.4.

My blood pressure was 100 over 89.

And my weight has gotten up to 184 lbs. I don't even know where it is-- but that's what the scale said.

I have let myself down, badly. I've put myself in danger of brain damage, heart attack, blindness.

Needless to say, I'm not letting this go on any longer. My WHOLE LIFE is going to revolve around getting that little pill into my system in the most efficient way possible while I encourage my body to ramp up again. I expect the fog to lift, and the pounds to melt away being able to exercise more will help with that too.

I called an elderly friend to sob on her shoulder about this, and she said that she, too, will neglect to take the medication that controls her Parkinson's disease, even though she knows very well how badly she will feel.

Why do we DO this shit to ourselves? Those of you who don't can you please explain how it is that you don't?

I do it too. It's ONE stupid ass 6mp and it keeps the remicade more effective. You'd think I could remember, seeing as I supposedly want not to have surgery.

We're humans. We're very scared straight when it's immediate and stupid when it's abstract. I never forget to get my infusion, of course, that's big and inconvenient and memorable, but the small single pill? I'm a moron.

When I was taking 85 pills a day it seemed, I was on the straight and narrow too. It feels too much like that vitamin you can just forget.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I have a lot of trouble remembering to take my medication as well, especially the one in the middle of the day. The morning and night ones I have right by my refrigerator. I've put a reminder with an alarm on my phone to remind me of the midday one and that usually works. The only time it doesn't is if I don't have any with me and don't get home until much later than expected.

For example, I should NOT eat sugar/refined flour/white food. EVER. AT ALL. I'm not diabetic, but I am a horrendous sugar addict.

I can totally identify with this. I'm trying to cut those things out and all I can think about are those foods.