Anyone know much about dementia?

[Marguerite01]

My father who is 83, has recently been diagnosed with dementia and I am currently visiting to look after him for a bit and to try to see what I can put in place to help him and my stepmother when I leave.

I have spoken to his specialist and have a fair idea of what to expect but I don't know much about this condition and would appreciate any advice.

He has recently become obsessed with sex (apparently not an uncommon symptom), talking about shagging various people and sneakily buying dodgy performance medications and thrill pills which are bad for his heart. This is all severely out of character for him and was one of the behaviour traits that drove us to find out what was wrong with him, as well as the forgetfulness.

The other day he cornered a friend of my stepmother's in public and tried to grope her and we are just lucky she was aware of the situation and shrugged it off. I and my stepmother are now worried about him doing something similar to a stranger and getting arrested, it seems like his libido is out of control and he doesn't have a clue what is appropriate or not any more. Anyone have any ideas how we can cope with this?

Yesterday for the first time he went through a short period when he didn't recognise me, he later came into the office and asked who that strange girl was who had been sitting there, and I realised it was me. It nearly broke my heart to realise this is probably what will happen next.

 

[minn]

Plenty of excellent information on line through the Mayo Clinic, Johns Hopkins websites and others. It's a heart wrenching disease for all involved - become educated on all aspects.., good luck.

 

[Ex Princess]

It's difficult for a family to go through that. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and I remember it was hard for all of us to be forgotten or thought to be different people.

Playing familiar music from significant times in their life can be helpful to help remind them of who they are with and what the relation is.

As far as the sexual aspects, I am not sure how to help with that as we did not go through any of that or I was unaware.

 

[GrimsPet]

I agree already with what others have said about going to the websites of John's Hopkins and other medical schools. They have a wealth of information. Also I am going to suggest finding a support group to attend as well. Support groups are all people dealing with what you are dealing with and through those groups you can find more information as well. Knowledge is power.

I remember a while back surfing around on Amazon.com and they had books on diets that helped to ease the symptoms of various diseases and one of them was dementia.

I found some links that might help. These are various books. Not all deal with any diet per se, but some might have some helpful information.

http://www.amazon.com/When-Your-Lov...=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1311702594&sr=1-5

http://www.amazon.com/Stopping-Infl...=sr_1_9?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1311702706&sr=1-9

http://www.amazon.com/Anti-Inflamma...=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1311702785&sr=1-1

My Grandfather and all of his siblings except for one of them died from alheimers. I know dementia can have similar symptoms. You are in my prayers. I see my Father starting to go down the Path that my Grandfather went down, but in dad's case I believe it is dementia as according to tests they have run Dad doesn't have the alheimer's plaque in his brain. I know what you are going through isn't easy. Dad has his good days and bad days. On his bad days he forgets he put dinner on the stove and leaves for the store and then comes home to a house filled with smoke. And what's really sad? He's only 61 - and he thinks there isn't anything wrong with him.

PM me if you want to talk. It's not easy to deal with but know that you have my support.

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

There are nursing facilities that specialize in dementia patients, and you need to start talking to them now. If he is already displaying unacceptable behavior, it isn’t going to get better, it’s going to get worse, probably a lot worse. You can love your father, but the person you knew as your father is going away, and in time, what is left is going to be someone you don’t know.

Dementia, particularly Alzheimer’s is one of the most difficult diseases for a family member to deal with. I am going to tell you this from my own experience, particularly your step-mother, and perhaps you too, will need someone to talk to on a regular basis, (counselor, psychologist, doctor, etc), who is familiar with dementia patients. I don’t think anyone can prepare themselves for what is ahead. If possible, you really need to stay close to your step-mother, (if she is going to try to be the primary care giver); she is going to need both physical and emotional support.

Also, you need a doctor who specializes in dementia care, and knows how to manage this disease from a medical standpoint. Most general practitioners just don’t have the experience to manage dementia patients. There are treatments that can minimize the progression of the disease. But as you already know, there is no cure.

When he reaches the point where he doesn’t recognize you or his wife, for his own benefit, you might want to consider a good care facility. And with that said, there are some really bad care facilities out there, which is why you need to start planning now. You don’t want to suddenly find yourself in a situation where all you have is bad choices.

You mentioned forgetfulness, if it is Alzheimer’s, it isn’t forgetfulness; specific pieces of memory disappear is if it was never there. For example, he may know who his daughter is, even remember all about you growing up, but not be able to recognize your face. I’m sure this isn’t exactly how it works, but it’s like a brain cell stops functioning.

It sounds like your father is in the beginning stages of this disease, but the biggest thing you need to do right now is both you and your step-mother need to emotionally prepare yourself for what is to come. You and your step-mother need to sit down with someone (preferably someone professional), who can explain in black and white terms what is ahead for your father. You really need professional advice to manage this disease; it is not something most people can do on their own.

With dementia, think of your father becoming like a small child, but instead of growing up, his mind is going the other direction. A dementia patient can be very difficult to handle, and when you feel as if you are at your wits end and feel you can't take anymore, think of what it must be like for him. Everything he ever knew, even his self identity, is simply going away and there is nothing he can do to stop it.

 

[Marguerite01]

Thank- you minn, Ex Princess,GrimmsPet, and Nasty_Deeds for your excellent and considered advice. I will be thinking and with luck acting on it carefully in the next few weeks.

My father lives in small-town South Africa so help is not always nearby or easily found but I am taking on your advice and will do the best I can in the time I have as I leave to go back to my life on another continent in a few short weeks. I think more than anything else my stepmother is the primary care-giver and you are right, I will have to find her some realistic support both practically and emotionally. I have already started the process of finding solutions for care for him.
Again, many thanks.

Marguerite

 

[fire_breeze]

I'm sorry to hear about your Father.

My Grandmother, before she passed, suffered from bouts of dementia/senility. It wasn't as bad as you have described, as she was on the low grade, and it only began to develop . Nonetheless, as you have experienced, it's the hardest on the family.

The advice in getting respite care for the primary caregiver, in this case your step-Mother, is spot on. Even several hours a week can give her a peace of mind and can bring tremendous amount of comfort. Can you arrange for someone to help with the domestic duties, such as cleaning, laundry, even bringing a meal several times a year?

If it's possible, then look into a home. While your Father may have slow-progression, and may not need too much assistance for several years. However, if it's a rapidly progressive type, then assisted living might be the best solution for all around. It's not that you and your family are unable to care for him, it's more that he needs a specific type of care which trained professionals are equipped with.

The most difficult thing is to convince him that his meds are necessary. I wish I had a magic solution, but it'll have to be a combination of gentle pressuring, reassurance, and way of telling him that these are necessary that may work for him.

If he's spending money on performance enhancing drugs, then perhaps you and your step-Mother can come up with a plan that will limit his spending capabilities. I'm not sure how readily available and how realistic this would be, but it's a thought. I'm not saying taking away his money, but limiting it may provide the challenge to discourage his spending. Just a thought.

You mentioned the fear of your Father cornering and groping a stranger. The only thing I can think of is to explain, if charges are pressed, his illness. He may very well have to start wearing a medi-alert bracelet or have some identification that would describe his condition. This is a valid concern, and one that your doctor/local police can better help with, as each country's customs and laws are different.

As for other guidance, research and talking with his doctor specialising in dementia would be your best options. Also, most health organisations have support groups for carers, as well as guides for resources, so that might be well worth looking into.

Good luck, and strength.

 

[Boundlife]

I and my stepmother are now worried about him doing something similar to a stranger and getting arrested, it seems like his libido is out of control and he doesn't have a clue what is appropriate or not any more. Anyone have any ideas how we can cope with this?


I live in an extended care facility and most of the residents have some form of demetia. They seem to "pick" a time they enjoyed or are haunted by. They lose their brain filter and "because I wanted to" is a good reason to do something. Tempertanturms and guilt trips are common.

A good support group with indivdual sessions helps immensely.
Reconizing when he needs more care than you can give is hard, but drawing it out helps no one (I don't know if your there or not, I just mean for when)
Don't worry about him being arrested. He would probably be taken to the hospital

 

[albertaboy]

Horrible situation for a formerly vital human being.

I am a bank manager and everyday this older guy(he's 82) comes in with an old investment statement and his bank books accusing us of taking one of his CD's. Pretty much everyday I show him where all the money went and he leaves satisfied. Then the next day he comes in again with the same issue. I got his wife to come in once and she remembered everything, i thought I had resolved the issue but then he came in again a couple of days later. We had him bring in his accountant once, next up is his lawyer.

This fellow looks very healthy, moves very well, otherwise looks great.

He gets very frustrated by the whole thing and I just show it to him every other day or so for 15 minutes.

 

[Boundlife]

Horrible situation for a formerly vital human being.

I am a bank manager and everyday this older guy(he's 82) comes in with an old investment statement and his bank books accusing us of taking one of his CD's. Pretty much everyday I show him where all the money went and he leaves satisfied. Then the next day he comes in again with the same issue. I got his wife to come in once and she remembered everything, i thought I had resolved the issue but then he came in again a couple of days later. We had him bring in his accountant once, next up is his lawyer.

This fellow looks very healthy, moves very well, otherwise looks great.

He gets very frustrated by the whole thing and I just show it to him every other day or so for 15 minutes.

Have you ever seen the movie "99 First Dates"? Mr.X is doing something similar. You could probably explain it to him 4 times a day and he would still come in.

Did his wife understand that he kept returning to the bank for the same thing? Call her and see if he is under medical care, and if they have kids or grandkids who help them. If his family is unable to help, I'd call Social Services before getting his lawyer in to listen to the Mr.X routine.

Patience is a virtue?

 

[Manroy]

Yesterday for the first time he went through a short period when he didn't recognise me, he later came into the office and asked who that strange girl was who had been sitting there, and I realised it was me. It nearly broke my heart to realise this is probably what will happen next.

Marguerite,

I understand. I've been through something similar with a family member. With dementia it's like the person who was formerly your father becomes another person altogether -- what's really happening is the brain is dying and his personality is becoming distorted. He can't help himself. He doesn't know what he's doing and his grasp on reality is slipping away from him. Try not to take anything personally, because it only makes things harder. Try and think of yourself as his nurse rather than his daughter for this difficult time, because a certain detachment is needed to deal with the increasingly erratic behavior. Remember him as he was, not how he is. And most definitely look into whatever help is available in his area, because he'll need it.

Bless you.

 

[ahungrymind]

My father who is 83, has recently been diagnosed with dementia and I am currently visiting to look after him for a bit and to try to see what I can put in place to help him and my stepmother when I leave.

I have spoken to his specialist and have a fair idea of what to expect but I don't know much about this condition and would appreciate any advice.

He has recently become obsessed with sex (apparently not an uncommon symptom), talking about shagging various people and sneakily buying dodgy performance medications and thrill pills which are bad for his heart. This is all severely out of character for him and was one of the behaviour traits that drove us to find out what was wrong with him, as well as the forgetfulness.

The other day he cornered a friend of my stepmother's in public and tried to grope her and we are just lucky she was aware of the situation and shrugged it off. I and my stepmother are now worried about him doing something similar to a stranger and getting arrested, it seems like his libido is out of control and he doesn't have a clue what is appropriate or not any more. Anyone have any ideas how we can cope with this?

Yesterday for the first time he went through a short period when he didn't recognise me, he later came into the office and asked who that strange girl was who had been sitting there, and I realised it was me. It nearly broke my heart to realise this is probably what will happen next.

Dementia is a heartbreaking disease, I'm sorry for your trials. It doesn't get easier but you do get better at dealing with it.

The sex obsession usually calms down a bit as the disease progresses. Additionally, most elderly people with dementia end up on antidepressents. They can help keep them from getting too bummed out about their dementia and calm down the sex drive but also have other undesired side effects (in most people the loss of sex drive is considered a shitty side effect but for the elderly many consider it a plus).

Your father will have good days and bad and I hope you know that just because he didn't recognize you once doesn't mean he won't ever again.

Look into in home health care, it helps a little if he can stay in familier suroundings. If you live in a country with a decent national health plan it may be free to you to have nurses and home health aids come and visit your father in his own home, which will probably help your mother out a great deal. It is very stressful to have to constantly babysit someone with dementia and finding ways to share the load is important.

There can be a small upside to the fact that many things are novel again. A relative got to watch the redsox win the world series again and again and again. Every time it was like he was watching it for the first time and it brought such joy.

Dementia is profoundly upsetting to witness in loved ones. I wish you the best in it.

 

[Noira]

Have you ever seen the movie "99 First Dates"? Mr.X is doing something similar. You could probably explain it to him 4 times a day and he would still come in.

Did his wife understand that he kept returning to the bank for the same thing? Call her and see if he is under medical care, and if they have kids or grandkids who help them. If his family is unable to help, I'd call Social Services before getting his lawyer in to listen to the Mr.X routine.

Patience is a virtue?

I know a man who's forgotten his wife died. He asks where his wife is. He threatens to call the cops. That's tough, when people are constantly sure of something, and then you have to repeatedly explain it, and stressful too. Definitely see if you can get the family to help. Maybe a poster could be put up that explains the problem to him, or something?

Dementia is a tough disease. I work in a hospital, and I'm one of the few who can tolerate working in the dementia unit without getting severely stressed out by the ordeal. Several of the residents are able-bodied. They're there because they can't function in the real world. It doesn't matter how well someone can walk and dress themselves and feed themselves if their mind is interfering with their ability to take care of themselves in other ways. Look into a care facility now. There are long wait lists up here. Look into homecare. Even if he's able-bodied and doesn't need full time care, caregivers need to take care of themselves and having someone who can come in and assist as needed will give a break.

When it comes to the hyper-sexuality, bring it up with a doctor. Apparently they can medicate for that, to decrease the drive.

I just can't say there's any way to prepare yourself. It's hard enough for me to reintroduce myself time after time to the same people, tell them my full name, my family members, no, I don't have children; I'm 21 years old; yes, it's a good job; yes, I'm working hard; no, I can't drive you uptown because I don't have a car... I'm sorry, I don't know where your farm is, you should phone your (primary relative/caregiver) to find out about that...

Cherish the memories--once it gets to the point where you're a new person every time you meet them, you have to treat them as though they were a new person too, and love the moments you share with that person. Don't let them ruin your memories of who he was. Once someone's mind starts to go, cherish every moment as it is in the now. Don't get caught up in worrying. It's hard, but I think that's the best advice I've got for dealing with the emotional factor. You need a certain detachment, and that's why looking into homecare or respite care is a good thing for the primary caregiver.

 

[Adrraiya]

My father who is 83, has recently been diagnosed with dementia and I am currently visiting to look after him for a bit and to try to see what I can put in place to help him and my stepmother when I leave.

I have spoken to his specialist and have a fair idea of what to expect but I don't know much about this condition and would appreciate any advice.

He has recently become obsessed with sex (apparently not an uncommon symptom), talking about shagging various people and sneakily buying dodgy performance medications and thrill pills which are bad for his heart. This is all severely out of character for him and was one of the behaviour traits that drove us to find out what was wrong with him, as well as the forgetfulness.

The other day he cornered a friend of my stepmother's in public and tried to grope her and we are just lucky she was aware of the situation and shrugged it off. I and my stepmother are now worried about him doing something similar to a stranger and getting arrested, it seems like his libido is out of control and he doesn't have a clue what is appropriate or not any more. Anyone have any ideas how we can cope with this?

Yesterday for the first time he went through a short period when he didn't recognise me, he later came into the office and asked who that strange girl was who had been sitting there, and I realised it was me. It nearly broke my heart to realise this is probably what will happen next.

first Bless Your Heart & your Stepmom's as well

My grandfather.. the issues were that he never recognized any of us

but... I have a friend & the situation with his mother..... ended up with no options other than Nursing Home care (in the US)

Steven had stayed home to care for his mother from age 70-80 she had dimentia, almost burned the house down a few times insiting she was cooking food but putting empty pots on the stove, turning it on & then forgetting it was on
then when she hit 80 things got really out-of-control
= she began to think there were "things" inside the walls & would use anything (chairs, books, coat hangers) to tear up the wall trying to get at whatever it was.... only later to forget she did this & get angry at him for tearing up her house.
= she always wanted to go, go, go.... the family complained if Steven didn't take her places, but they also didn't really believe that bad things happened when she left the house (even with supervision)... she would scream to not be treated like a child and try to go someplace on her own... she would manipulate the situation & say "I need to go to the ladie's room, you don't plan on coming in there with me, do you?"... only to then try to sneak out windows or any other method of getting away from being supervised.... on the few occasions she managed to do this... she would get away, then get lost... often break into people's car thinking she could go driving
= her very sexual younger days (woman who was bisexual & a swinger in the 30s & 40s) apparently came back to her... no one was safe... she climbed into Steven's (her son) bed & got pissed at him because he "didn't find her attractive"... one of the times she got out of the house & wandered down the street, an officer picked her up to bring her home... she tried to climb all over him and kept trying to grab his pants telling him she wanted to "blow his cock away"... and then the final straw: she cornered a 12 year old girl, trying to get her hands up the girls dress... in the ladies room at church.....
= when they then lock-down in her own home & didn't allow her out, she "attempted suicide"... but it was one of those tie a bedsheet around your neck & lay in bed saying you want to die

the end result was that there was no longer any choice... she was going to have to go into a home with proper care

then when she got to the home, she got in trouble for sexually harrassing other residents as well as nurses and then became combative ... threatening to kill people & beat them up if they weren't willing to have sex with her.

moved her to lock-in private room...

lots & lots & lots of drugs...
and she calmed down some... more manageble... they moved her back into a non-private room....
and then she started stealing from her room-mates....
they put her in a private room permanently

This family is friends of mine. I used to often go with them to visit her.
she has decided that Stephen (gay friend, aged 58) and I are married & keeps asking when she is going to get to see "Little Stephens running around"

we all have tried to explain to her that I am family friend.. and no small children are on the way for anyone (2 old gay sons & 1 hystorectomy'd married daughter)

in many ways it is benign for her to think Stephen is married... so, we all just decided to stop fighting it.... don't encourage it.. don't feed it, don't provide supporing info.. just accept & ignore it


I should add... it took many months to get her into a place... .and in the US there was no home-care option because she was on Medicare

 

[runsubmerged1956]

I had a fairly involved post about US elder-law attorneys & then saw the post wherein you mentioned your Dad is in South Africa - so obviously the advice I had to offer was less than relevant. No matter where the situation's occurring, you or other family members still in the area might want to at least start looking for an attorney with related experience; there may be issues with consents for medical treatment, and of course financial considerations such as powers of attorney and funding of nursing home-type care.

 

[desertslave]

I want to thank everyone who has added to this thread, and send out hugs and caring thoughts to those who are dealing with this horrible condition.

My MIL had Alzheimer's and came to stay with my now-ex and I (and kids) several years ago. It was a difficult time for all of us. We hadn't realized how far gone she was when she arrived. She was in a strange place with mostly strange-to-her people, without her usual routine or friends. We had her as long as possible so that my BIL's family could have a break, take a vacation, and then make some changes at home to better accommodate her. I felt it was the least we could do, since we lived about 200 miles away, in another state, and visits were infrequent.

On one day, I managed to "lose" her. I went to the basement to flip laundry from washer to dryer. In that short time she wandered around the house (I could hear her footsteps), then walked out the door and vanished! My ex had the kids out at a playground (their break time) with our car. I called the police, explained the situation, and they put out a notice almost immediately. My ex came home shortly after and I sent him off to search the neighborhood. Three hours later we got a call from the police one township over that they had found her. She managed to walk 6 miles away, without having a clue where she was! That was the saddest thing--her body was much more well than her brain was. She passed several years later.

My Mom is now in the early stages. Here's the irony--both my Mom and my MIL are exactly the same age, same birthday. Mom isn't in as good health and isn't particularly compliant with her meds and diet. This might sound terrible, but I don't pick on her about it because I feel that perhaps her body won't outlive her brain quite as much as was so for my MIL.

I just spent a week visiting with her (we do so twice a year) and I'm seeing more profound changes than before. The funny thing with her: she has her funeral planned and paid for, her will is very clear in terms of medical wishes, DNR, etc.; she's given serious thought and planned her demise, but neglected the potential problems between now and then. I've tried, in the past, to have conversations with her about it, and she's always blown me off. I think I know what she would want, if she could decide for herself, and my brother and I have had detailed discussions so we won't be blindsided. The hardest thing is going to be getting HER to cooperate when the day comes that she can't live on her own anymore.

I'm prepared, on one level; on the other hand I want to run away screaming because I don't want to lose my Mom in this awful way. She's had heart issues for years, so I always thought that would be what took her. I think she feels the same way, so this "detour" is unacceptable but apparently inevitable. <sigh>

Once more, my heart goes out to everyone else who has to deal with this.

 

[bernett69]

Unfortunately yes. My grandfather died with it recently, seemingly very similar to your story.
Currently my great uncle, grandmothers brother, has a form of it. His memory is Terrible with bouts of anger and some violence.
It brakes my grandmothers heart seeing him like that after loosing my grandfather a few years ago.

If you care to chat please let me know.

 

[dashd]

There are two major types of dementia... Vascular (sometime referred to as multi-infarct dementia) and Alzheimer's dementia. Although the clinical picture and memory issues are similar they are quite different and treatment response is likewise quite different. Both are irreversible but proper medications may help. You may PM me if you desire. Namenda along with Aricept may help with Alzheimer's type (a better response is received when the two are used in combination although many providers will only use one at a time) and may be used in vascular dementia but are most often not helpful. Treatment of choice for vascular dementia needs to be directed towards controlling hyperlipidemia (with high dose statin medications) and blood pressure. If you want more information again please pm me. There is a great book available but I do not have the name at my finger tips but it something like "The 36 hour Day" I think. Of course things that would help me guide you include health history, medications and laboratory values etc. as well as allergies and family history.

 

[Marguerite01]

Just checking back in here

Thanks for all the useful advice, anecdotes, and info you've all shared. It is quite heartening to see that others have got through the aftermath of this ghastly disease.

We have moved my Dad and stepmom into sheltered accommodation in what they call a "gated community for the elderly". Their small cottage is a block away from a frail-care clinic and a health worker visits every day.He can't leave the community without anyone checking in with my stepmom, and if she needs help, they provide it, and Dad seems to feel secure with the people who visit. His medications have done a good job of staving off the worst of the degeneration to come, but I think it is just a matter of time as we have recently seen his memory and confusion worsen considerably. It has been difficult to put this all in place as my brother and I live far away and we make short trips as often as possible,but the decision has been made, seems to be working fairly well, and for now it is the best we can do.

Thanks again everyone.

 

[HornyVikingMN]

Similar Story

Marguerite -

So sorry to hear that your family is dealing with this. And it is amazingly difficult - much more so than I would have imagined.

My father was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia (LBD) just over two months ago, and his decline has been rapid and shocking, so many of the comments posted by others are familiar to me, so I won't repeat those parts of my own story.

Your note doesn't say which variety of dementia your father has, whether Alzheimer's, LBD or some other less common form. It is very important to know what form of dementia he has, particularly as it relates to medications. Some of the anti-depressants and anti-psychotics that work well to manage behaviors in Alzheimer's patients can be quite destructive for those with Lewy Body Dementia. From everything I have read and witnessed, this is true. One drug that is very commonly used in clinical settings here in the US is Haldol. My father was given one dose while in the hospital recently and it knocked him into a near-comatose state and really set him back for a period of about two weeks. Others have a less dramatic but no less destructive effect, so watch that carefully if that is what your father has.

Getting a specialist in geriatrics, geriatric psychology, and/or dementia specifically will also be a huge help, as others have said. Others can treat the symptoms, but don't really understand the disease to the same level.

Best of luck to you and your father - and stepmother.

 

[good4u2]

Good Luck

Having been through this several times and now seeing my freinds dealing with it with their parents all I can say is good luck....we will be praying for you...and your step mom..as well as your father. The hardest period is when they realize what is happening and cannot understand what is going on. Its great you found a facility but you must make sure there is time for your step mom to escape the totaliity of his care occasionally....her health will be a concern as well....
Patience and prayers..

this type of "affliction" to me is the worst....a healthy husk with a soul and personality seeping away....

 

[MSTarot]

My great grandmother,my 'MeMaw' was born in 1901. She died in 1987. Before she passed she forgot a lot. She had for years said she couldn't eat this or that. We would go to the nursing home where she was at and there she would be eating things she had told people for twenty years she couldn't eat.

near the end she forgot who her daughters were. She thought they were friends of hers from high school. My grandmother and her sisters tried for awhile to convince her who they were. then they said it wasn't worth the tears they were causing.

They became her best friends from school.

They learned a lot about their mother they never knew.

Savor the memories she has. She doesn't need to be who she was to be the person she is.

M.S.Tarot

 

[SkylarFalling]

My father who is 83, has recently been diagnosed with dementia and I am currently visiting to look after him for a bit and to try to see what I can put in place to help him and my stepmother when I leave.

I have spoken to his specialist and have a fair idea of what to expect but I don't know much about this condition and would appreciate any advice.

I'm not much good for advice, but just someone else's experience might be helpful, I know it can show itself in loads of different ways. In my grandma she is extremely restless, always up and pacing and going somewhere, but nowhere in particular. We bring her gifts and items from home so she doesn't feel too out of place on her ward, but we have to go carefully, more than one item given to her at a time makes her overwhelmed and scared quite easily. The meds she is on seemed to have calmed her eventually, over time, but when she was first diagnosed she seemed to become violent and suspiscious very suddenly and without any apparent reason. She accused my mother of trying to kill her once. No idea why, they were playing Connect 4 at the time. She also swears a lot more now, she swears like a trooper. She seemed to lose any embarrassment at her nudity, which can be awkward, the ward have kind of trained her back into wearing clothes properly. They're very good with her.
I'm afraid memory does seem to be a common one, she doesn't recognise her husband when he comes to visit her, but does speak fondly of a boy that goes walking with her, which we eventually found was her referring to her husband but not recognising him. So keep an eye out for odd references like that.
That is how Dementia shows up in my grandma.
Oh, and a last more serious thing, and this might be important, if she is in pain she doesn't show it. AT ALL. It took us three days to discover she had broken her arm, apparently she knew but wasn't bothered by it.