Writing from Experience

[Babeslady]

I was just wondering what people's take is on writing about things you haven't actually experienced or at the very least witnessed first hand.

I am not talking about situations exactly here more about sex acts themselves. Eg can you really write about anal if you have never done it? How do you describe what it feels like if you haven't had the feeling? If you wing it can a reader who HAS done it tell the difference?

I have read some stories about particular acts that I have been involved in and thought to myself "Really?? Does this author know what they are talking about?" Or is it just me being nit picky.

 

[SamScribble]

I’ve never actually been a woman. So, on the odd occasion on which I write from a female point of view, I am writing pretty much the whole ‘experience’ from what I have been told.

At least one of my informants was a writer – and far from shy – so I generally take her testimony to be quite a reliable guide – or at least quite a reliable guide to one particular woman’s experience. That said, I still wouldn’t feel confident getting into too much detail. But is good erotic writing necessarily about detail?

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Interesting...I too have never been a woman, yet I have written stories from the female perspective. Like Sam, I have had things told, explained to me by women, many women. When the hens get together, have a few drinks, they tend to cackle and it always seems they liked to cackle at our house.

I have heard stories that would curl your ears...I have used most of what I learned to enhance my stories where there is a female perspective used.

I have also written about things I have never done, places I have never gone and situations I would be caught dead in, but most of that was Sci-Fi.

There isn't too much today that you can't imagine once you have done the research and research is so much easier today than just twenty years ago.

Twenty-years...has it been that long...there was no "internet" as we know it today. You actually, had to go to the library to research something. Oh my god!

Of course I have used my many experiences to my advantage too! Then it's easy to write...no research needed.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I’ve never actually been a woman. So, on the odd occasion on which I write from a female point of view, I am writing pretty much the whole ‘experience’ from what I have been told.

At least one of my informants was a writer – and far from shy – so I generally take her testimony to be quite a reliable guide – or at least quite a reliable guide to one particular woman’s experience. That said, I still wouldn’t feel confident getting into too much detail. But is good erotic writing necessarily about detail?

Well, you could write in vague generalities, I suppose. I don't think I would read very far into it, myself... If you DO write details, you will want to write them well.

And you can choose which details you want to write about: Physical? Hers, or his? Emotional? Hers, or his?

 

[SamScribble]

And you can choose which details you want to write about: Physical? Hers, or his? Emotional? Hers, or his?

I didn't say anything about writing in vague generalities, Stella. You're just being naughty.

I suggested - or certainly I intened to suggest - that I don't get into too much detail about a female narrator's take on an erotic experience. But I don't think that prohibits me from setting the scene, creating the ambience, setting up the dramatic tensions, etc.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I used to think experience mattered, until I realized that most people are clueless about most things, and wont recognize the real deal from a description of taking a shit.

That said, I recently read a Chester Himes novel that includes some of the best porn I've ever read, and the sex scenes almost dont exist, they are so brief and cosmetic. Himes used a powerful hint of sex to launch the readers imagination.

 

[3113]

Job description of a fiction writer

If you wing it can a reader who HAS done it tell the difference?

Not if you do it well. Haven't you been keeping up with all these "scandals?" The ones where, in some autobiography or blog, the person claimed to be a drug addict or a poor black girl or a lesbian, then turned out to have never taken drugs or was a middle-class white woman living in a lily-white neighborhood, or a man in Ohio rather than a lesbian in Afganistan? These writers asserted that their experiences were true stories, and the people who read them believed it. That's how true to life the fictional "experiences" of these writers seemed to readers, even readers who were drug addicts, poor black women, lesbians.

Which is to say, of course writers can write about what they haven't experienced and readers who have done it won't know the difference--if the writer researches his topic and writes it up well, readers won't suspect a thing. And isn't that the job description of a fiction writer? To be a very, very good liar.

 

[lovecraft68]

I write most of my work from the female POV. I get away with this because the main female character was an abused child and a recovering addict. She is written with a lot of darkness and that I have from personal experience. I receive quite a bit of feedback on how depressing I write her so I guess I am getting it right.

When it comes to the sex I tend to lean towards describing more than just what the guys cock feels like and go into some of the other things going on that women also associate with sex-men it really is all about the cock- women it is a full body experience.

I am not sure how well I pull it off but not only have I had no complaints but aside from the forum here where everyone obviously knows I'm a guy. Lit at large thinks I'm "Laura Lovecraft" and much of my personal feedback through the site is addressed to Laura (including the pervs who keep asking for pics because I sound hot. Ummm yeah.)

On the subject of writing things that have never been experienced well most people who write incest have never experienced it, but for the most part the stories are enjoyable. Many loving wives authors have never been unfaithful. I think where it is glaring is BDSM, that category has more than its share of stories where I have said ummm no.

Personally with the exception of the female POV there is nothing I have written about that I have not experienced other than my two mother/son stories. The only time I have ever wanted to touch my mother inappropriately is to want to wring her neck from time to time.

I even have some "pseudo" incest experience having had a relationship with my foster sister back when I was at an age that cannot be mentioned here. Granted we were not blood but had been referring to each other as brother and sister for a few years before becoming lovers, so I do have an understanding of the taboo. That's why my stories are never "sis looked hot so why not" I try to actually build up the reason "justify" the attraction so to speak.

In closing however I think many do write things they have not experienced and many can pull it off. I mean that is where the talent of writing comes into play no?

 

[GinaTina]

I like to write from several different characters' perspectives at a time. My current work has five main ones: two females, three males.

As I am not male, it's sometimes difficult for me to write from a male point of view. My solution? I ask my male friends if what I write seems plausible or not. So far, it seems to be working out alright.

 

[Kurokami]

My current series has seven lead characters, only two of which are male. I'm a guy myself, and while I find I can get away with writing about things I've not personally experienced (to use the OP's example, I wrote my first anal scene a little ways before I experienced that particular act firsthand) I find that there's no reason not to do a bit of research if I can.

Personally, if I'm after a female perspective, I ask my wife. If she doesn't know what a particular act is like, or the memory has faded... Well, I'm always on hand to give her a refresher course

 

[SydneyBlake]

I write from a male POV, and have been told by more than one guy that I do it very well. Whenever I have a question, I ask my DH. There is some value, however, in not getting too exact with details. Kind of like when describing a character. Leave enough room for the reader to fill in the blanks with their own specific little naughty details.

 

[GinaTina]

I write from a male POV, and have been told by more than one guy that I do it very well. Whenever I have a question, I ask my DH. There is some value, however, in not getting too exact with details. Kind of like when describing a character. Leave enough room for the reader to fill in the blanks with their own specific little naughty details.

Same deal. I prefer to describe the physical attributes sparingly - the reader will imagine the character however they want, no matter how specific your description is. Moreover, I (personally) can't stand when authors list every single little detail about their character..

IE: Her face was heart-shaped with a pert little nose and full sensual lips. Her flashing green eyes took precedent over all other features, save her curvaceous figure. Even now, her breasts were juggling enticingly...blah blah blah.

She's gorgeous. We get it.

There are other ways to convey appearance; use them.

 

[SydneyBlake]

Same deal. I prefer to describe the physical attributes sparingly - the reader will imagine the character however they want, no matter how specific your description is. Moreover, I (personally) can't stand when authors list every single little detail about their character..

IE: Her face was heart-shaped with a pert little nose and full sensual lips. Her flashing green eyes took precedent over all other features, save her curvaceous figure. Even now, her breasts were juggling enticingly...blah blah blah.

She's gorgeous. We get it.

There are other ways to convey appearance; use them.

How true. It's also annoying - and boring - to be assaulted with an orgy of details in one massive paragraph. (Many writers here do this within the first three paragraphs.) It's much more interesting to release little nuggets here and there.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I didn't say anything about writing in vague generalities, Stella. You're just being naughty.

I suggested - or certainly I intened to suggest - that I don't get into too much detail about a female narrator's take on an erotic experience. But I don't think that prohibits me from setting the scene, creating the ambience, setting up the dramatic tensions, etc.

On behalf of all women, I am going to say that these things go a longway towards a feeling of authenticity in a woman's POV .

EVERY WOMAN IN THE UNIVERSE!

YMMV.

Not if you do it well. Haven't you been keeping up with all these "scandals?" The ones where, in some autobiography or blog, the person claimed to be a drug addict or a poor black girl or a lesbian, then turned out to have never taken drugs or was a middle-class white woman living in a lily-white neighborhood, or a man in Ohio rather than a lesbian in Afganistan? These writers asserted that their experiences were true stories, and the people who read them believed it. That's how true to life the fictional "experiences" of these writers seemed to readers, even readers who were drug addicts, poor black women, lesbians.

Which is to say, of course writers can write about what they haven't experienced and readers who have done it won't know the difference--if the writer researches his topic and writes it up well, readers won't suspect a thing. And isn't that the job description of a fiction writer? To be a very, very good liar.

Those writers, however did NOT "wing it." The "Syrian lesbian" dude did have lesbian friends who unwittingly assisted him with some detail-- and he is in fact, a specialist in Syrian politics, only with a name like MacMaster no one gave him credence. It was the details that he didn't have however, that destroyed his credibility. His mistake was thinking that he understood lesbian society-- not the same thing as understanding a lesbian individual.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

The "Syrian lesbian" dude did have lesbian friends who unwittingly assisted him with some detail-- and he is in fact, a specialist in Syrian politics, only with a name like MacMaster no one gave him credence. It was the details that he didn't have however, that destroyed his credibility. His mistake was thinking that he understood lesbian society-- not the same thing as understanding a lesbian individual.

And to think all he was missing was a note that Ellen Degeneres and Will and Grace weren't airing in his [HER] neighborhood in Syria...

Q_C