leyna
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2011
- Posts
- 135
There has always been a part of me that craves being on the submissive side, a bit of bondage, and exploring the fine line between pleasure and pain. But, from reading these boards, I find myself questioning how “submissive” I am.
A little background: I was married 15 years to a boor of a man who believed that I should “know my role and shut my mouth.” Without getting into too many details, let’s just say this dynamic did not sit well with me and we divorced. But not before he had said to me, on many occasions, “You think you’re a man.” What he meant was that I was strong, authoritative, and a fighter. (Mind you, I’m 4’10” and he was 6’ – I was not a formidable physical threat – my will was just too strong).
But I think a big part of me WANTS to relinquish control. So here’s the question… HWHMMLWL and I have begun to add some BDSM related kink and I feel I want to avoid “topping from the bottom” as it were. For instance, whenever he’s tied me up it’s been at my suggestion. (I’ve even told him about Shibari and had him google it – which he was totally into.) Except, last time he tied me up, I kept making suggestions beyond that and he kept saying, “Maybe”. So I asked him, “What do you mean, maybe?” And he said, “In case you didn’t notice, I’M the one in control here.”
Ok – so I don’t even know what my question is perhaps it has something to do with the transition from a vanilla relationship– any thoughts?
A little background: I was married 15 years to a boor of a man who believed that I should “know my role and shut my mouth.” Without getting into too many details, let’s just say this dynamic did not sit well with me and we divorced. But not before he had said to me, on many occasions, “You think you’re a man.” What he meant was that I was strong, authoritative, and a fighter. (Mind you, I’m 4’10” and he was 6’ – I was not a formidable physical threat – my will was just too strong).
But I think a big part of me WANTS to relinquish control. So here’s the question… HWHMMLWL and I have begun to add some BDSM related kink and I feel I want to avoid “topping from the bottom” as it were. For instance, whenever he’s tied me up it’s been at my suggestion. (I’ve even told him about Shibari and had him google it – which he was totally into.) Except, last time he tied me up, I kept making suggestions beyond that and he kept saying, “Maybe”. So I asked him, “What do you mean, maybe?” And he said, “In case you didn’t notice, I’M the one in control here.”
Ok – so I don’t even know what my question is perhaps it has something to do with the transition from a vanilla relationship– any thoughts?
Talk to him, outside the bedroom and "playtime". That way, he knows what you're wanting/needing, but you're not infringing on his control. It's still up to him whether or not he does what you want...but you're still letting him know what you need. 
And give yourselves the flexibility to go back and forth. This isn't a rigid highway with a 10 ft concrete divider. You're allowed to decide you don't like something and go back, or decide, hey, this is just a kinky thing we do and we don't want to get real into it. There's plenty of rest stops along the road, and no one should make you pick and stay at one. Besides, I heard the one just off the turnpike gets HORRIBLE reception. Don't even ASK about their WiFi!
