Cicca_Jai
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2009
- Posts
- 862
here is a portion of my rough draft was hoping for a bit of feed back as for some reason this portion does not feel right to me.
Thanks in advance.
Two months after the family had moved in to the new house, just before bedtime there sounded an explosion so loud that it shook the very foundations of the home. Tamari and Nitesh both ran out of the house with their parents trailing after them. Nitesh ordered them all back into the house, as he set off down the dirt path in the direction of the flames that had erupted in the distance. Tamari shoved her family back into the house and ran off after him.
She found him standing outside of little Jamin’s house which was engulfed in a ball of fire.
“Go I will cover you.“ She shouted.
“Tam, go home.” He yelled over the roar of the flames.
“Just go, Hurry! Before it’s too late.” She called back shielding her face with her arms from the heat.
Nitesh looked around quickly and Orbed into the inferno. She watched holding her breath for him to emerge with a survivor. Just as the glowing Orb of light started to solidify in front of her a Demon shimmered in. Terrified she watched as the demon tossed an energy ball on the spot where Nitesh had deposited Jamin’s father. She screamed as she blew the demon up. Ashamed that she had not reacted faster, she had lost a member of the Pālaka because she had not been able to move fast enough. Tears welled in her eyes as she waited on guard for Nitesh to return, long moments later the ball of white light appeared again before her, Nitesh stood coughing, choking on the thick smoke, his eyes watering.
He handed her the small child, grabbed her arm, he Orbed them back to the house landing them in the front yard. Tamari concerned for the boy as well as Nitesh yelled for her mother and the adults came running out of the house, skidding to a halt beside the couple, and crumpled child who lay listless in Tamari’s arms.
Sita took control ordering blankets, and water as she started working, she preformed CPR while Nitesh ran to fetch the items Sita had called for, Balram ran off in the direction of the burning home. Abhu grabbed Sita’s arms “Go after him.” He commanded her. She looked into the old mans eyes, seeing there his concern as well as his determination she knew the boy was in safe hands. Nodding slightly Sita rose and ran off in the direction her husband had taken to.
Nitesh came out of the house just in time to watch as his father placed his hands over the boy’s heart and stood stunned as light flowed down the mans arms running to his palms lighting up the child bathing him in the golden light. Abhu spoke to someone unseen by anyone else “You can not have him. It is not his time. “
The child gasped deeply his eyes flying open, Tamari helped him sit up Nitesh handed her a bowl of water and a cloth; She washed his face and gave him small sips of the cool water. Abhu stood worn and ragged; staggering back into the house he collapsed in the entryway.
Nitesh picked up Jamin and handed him to Tamari, running into the house he laid his hands on his father and orbed him into his room. Tamari carried Jamin into the house and laid him in the bed of the guest room that they had finished setting up only a few weeks prior. Jamin broke into sobs, as Tamari held him tight working hard to not cry herself.
Nitesh retuned to check on them just as her parents returned. Balram sooty and near tears himself. Sita stoic sat her husband down on the bed while she looked over the child. She then asked where Abhu was and Nitesh asked her if she could take a look at him as well.
She followed him to the older mans room; after she inspected him carefully she declared that he had simply been overcome by the stress of the night’s events.
“Let him rest, I think he will be fine by morning but Nitesh, he can’t go running around town trying to save everyone anymore. He has to take it easy or he will suffer a major event.” She finished looking at the man that in such a short time she had come to respect a great deal.
Nitesh thanked her as she left him with his father returning to the room where Jamin lay shaking on the small bed. “Cover him up he is going into shock.” She said handing Tamari a quilt from the rack on the wall.
Tamari wrapped the child up tightly and held him in her lap. Sita checked Balram over, and ran off retuning with bottles filled with sweet smelling elixirs, she handed one to each of them instructing them to drink it all as she departed. She knocked on Abhu’s door Nitesh opened it she handed him two of the bottles and told him to have his father drink his as soon as he came to.
“Drink yours now Nitesh, It will help speed the healing process, It’s amazing that you got Jamin out alive. Take your time, Tamari and I will take care of Jamin. When you are feeling up to it I need you to go get SanDev.” She finished as she softly closed the door behind her.
Returning to the room she found the child asleep in her daughters lap, and her husband sobbing quietly leaning against the wall. She took the child and helped her daughter to her feet. Telling her to go and make something for them to eat. She laid the child down and covered him with the blankets, took her husband and led him out of the room. He followed her like a zombie he was seemingly unaware of the things going on around him. Sita sat him in a chair left to fetch Nitesh and retuned in time to help Tamari serve a bowl of soup to everyone.
Tamari finally able to take a moment to feel started sobbing, regret washing over her in giant all consuming waves, if only she had acted a fraction of a second faster she could have saved Jamin’s father. Sita listened to her recount the details of what had happened.
Standing and walking to her daughter she hugged her tightly and said “We are not meant to save everyone, it is impossible to even try. We got the boy that will have to be enough. But Nitesh now that the Demonic forces know there is still one whom can Orb; I think it would be best if you were more careful. Hire someone to tend the cattle being about alone is far too risky.” She concluded looking more than a little worn.
“Nitesh” Balram spoke now. “What happened? How did this come about, tell me how you found them?” he asked quietly not looking up from his untouched food.
“I went in and called for anyone to answer, and I heard Jamin crying I found him and his father in the bed room there was no exits, all were blocked by the flames. I can’t have been gone for more than a second between them. I looked for the Mother but she had already expired alone in the bed, I think the origin of the fire was there. But I can’t be sure of that Sir. I am sorry, I tried...” his voice catching as he told the sad story, punctuated by fits of coughing brought on by the inhalation of the thick smoke.
Balram nodded “We will figure it out. For now if you both would go and get SanDev we need to settle the matter of Jamin tonight… please.” He looked to his daughter and son in law not wishing to finish the thoughts tumbling in his head.
Tamari stood and held out her hand, Nitesh took it and both were gone is a flash of white glowing lights. Sita sat stunned listing to the humming sounds that were left behind as they departed. Her daughter had managed to find the one person in the village who was an Orber. It was a lot to take in, in one night to be certain. She wondered what other secrets her newest family members had. Her concern grew, Trackers had tracked the Orbs from the underworld and come up to investigate or at least that is what she assumed. More would be learnt after the Elders had time to extinguish the flames and investigate the origins of the fire.
“Babu, go lie down I will come for you once SanDev has arrived. It has been a trying time for everyone. I should go check on Abhu as well.” She spoke softly to her husband, taking his hand and leading him in the direction of the stairs to their rooms. He followed her blindly barely able to discern his actions. She laid him in the bed and covered him up. ‘To hell with the sheets’ she thought ‘they can be washed.’ she left him with a light kiss to his forehead and closed the door softly behind her.
Walking to Abhu’s room she knocked quietly getting no reply; she opened the door a crack and peeked in. The old man lay on the bed sleeping comfortably, she walked in and checked him once more his breathing was deep and regular, and he did not seem to be in distress so she left him as he was. There would be time to address the matter of his health tomorrow. The clicking of the door behind her caused Abhu to stir for a moment, his sleeping mind conjured images of his late wife, he slept deeply while holding her to him talking about their son, and what was to come next.
Hours later SanDev Tamari and Nitesh returned. The fire had been put out, and the remains had been collected, there was nothing left to do at this late hour aside from settle the affairs of Jamin. Sita retrieved Balram and the family sat around the table discussing the details of what could be done with him next.
“Balram, I understand that their will was for Jamin to live with you should they meet an untimely demise, however given the circumstances and living arrangements here is that something you all still wish to accept?” He waited while they all thought. It was Tamari who spoke first.
“He is a child alone in the world; he should be with family now. We are his family; I do not see reason to dishonor his parent’s request.”
“I agree Father can adjust to having a high spirited child in the home, Balram was the chosen guardian of the child before I see no reason to change that now.” Nitesh echoed his wife’s sentiments.
“Abhu is ill; he can not have stress any more. I am sure he could adjust but is it fair to ask both Elder and child to change so much in such a short time?” Sita spoke. "There are other family members who could take him in for a short time.” She said.
“No Jamin stays here it is the only thing my Uncle asked of me. I am duty bound to ensure his wishes are honored. We will find a way to make it work. My only concern is his training. He is young, and Sita and I are both getting to old to chase him about. He needs a proper education in both his powers and how to act. As the only child he was spoilt a bit and has been allowed to do pretty much what he liked for too long. If you both agree I want it known that should something happen to your Mother and I that you would be his appointed keepers.” He looked to his son in law and daughter.
“It’s settled than” Tamari spoke. “He stays with us here at Khuśi Manōra, collect anything you are able for him to use until we get him settled in can you do that SanDev? He will need clothing and anything else you are able to find, toys, books, and other items of comfort. I will also need to see his family tree and other histories, he will need a Kawandi made post haste, and I think it will make him feel more connected to have something of them with him. Also I will need permissions to enroll him in classes under our care, and he should be seen by a Doctor in the morning.” She finished...
For some reason copy paste removes the paragraphing :\ sorry about that.
Maybe I am being too oh I don't know but it does not have something... I have stared at this for three days trying to figure it out. Maybe someone here will have some idea of what it is.
Yes I know the punctuation is off Like I said it is the rough draft... so that is not my main concern at this point.
Thanks in advance.
Two months after the family had moved in to the new house, just before bedtime there sounded an explosion so loud that it shook the very foundations of the home. Tamari and Nitesh both ran out of the house with their parents trailing after them. Nitesh ordered them all back into the house, as he set off down the dirt path in the direction of the flames that had erupted in the distance. Tamari shoved her family back into the house and ran off after him.
She found him standing outside of little Jamin’s house which was engulfed in a ball of fire.
“Go I will cover you.“ She shouted.
“Tam, go home.” He yelled over the roar of the flames.
“Just go, Hurry! Before it’s too late.” She called back shielding her face with her arms from the heat.
Nitesh looked around quickly and Orbed into the inferno. She watched holding her breath for him to emerge with a survivor. Just as the glowing Orb of light started to solidify in front of her a Demon shimmered in. Terrified she watched as the demon tossed an energy ball on the spot where Nitesh had deposited Jamin’s father. She screamed as she blew the demon up. Ashamed that she had not reacted faster, she had lost a member of the Pālaka because she had not been able to move fast enough. Tears welled in her eyes as she waited on guard for Nitesh to return, long moments later the ball of white light appeared again before her, Nitesh stood coughing, choking on the thick smoke, his eyes watering.
He handed her the small child, grabbed her arm, he Orbed them back to the house landing them in the front yard. Tamari concerned for the boy as well as Nitesh yelled for her mother and the adults came running out of the house, skidding to a halt beside the couple, and crumpled child who lay listless in Tamari’s arms.
Sita took control ordering blankets, and water as she started working, she preformed CPR while Nitesh ran to fetch the items Sita had called for, Balram ran off in the direction of the burning home. Abhu grabbed Sita’s arms “Go after him.” He commanded her. She looked into the old mans eyes, seeing there his concern as well as his determination she knew the boy was in safe hands. Nodding slightly Sita rose and ran off in the direction her husband had taken to.
Nitesh came out of the house just in time to watch as his father placed his hands over the boy’s heart and stood stunned as light flowed down the mans arms running to his palms lighting up the child bathing him in the golden light. Abhu spoke to someone unseen by anyone else “You can not have him. It is not his time. “
The child gasped deeply his eyes flying open, Tamari helped him sit up Nitesh handed her a bowl of water and a cloth; She washed his face and gave him small sips of the cool water. Abhu stood worn and ragged; staggering back into the house he collapsed in the entryway.
Nitesh picked up Jamin and handed him to Tamari, running into the house he laid his hands on his father and orbed him into his room. Tamari carried Jamin into the house and laid him in the bed of the guest room that they had finished setting up only a few weeks prior. Jamin broke into sobs, as Tamari held him tight working hard to not cry herself.
Nitesh retuned to check on them just as her parents returned. Balram sooty and near tears himself. Sita stoic sat her husband down on the bed while she looked over the child. She then asked where Abhu was and Nitesh asked her if she could take a look at him as well.
She followed him to the older mans room; after she inspected him carefully she declared that he had simply been overcome by the stress of the night’s events.
“Let him rest, I think he will be fine by morning but Nitesh, he can’t go running around town trying to save everyone anymore. He has to take it easy or he will suffer a major event.” She finished looking at the man that in such a short time she had come to respect a great deal.
Nitesh thanked her as she left him with his father returning to the room where Jamin lay shaking on the small bed. “Cover him up he is going into shock.” She said handing Tamari a quilt from the rack on the wall.
Tamari wrapped the child up tightly and held him in her lap. Sita checked Balram over, and ran off retuning with bottles filled with sweet smelling elixirs, she handed one to each of them instructing them to drink it all as she departed. She knocked on Abhu’s door Nitesh opened it she handed him two of the bottles and told him to have his father drink his as soon as he came to.
“Drink yours now Nitesh, It will help speed the healing process, It’s amazing that you got Jamin out alive. Take your time, Tamari and I will take care of Jamin. When you are feeling up to it I need you to go get SanDev.” She finished as she softly closed the door behind her.
Returning to the room she found the child asleep in her daughters lap, and her husband sobbing quietly leaning against the wall. She took the child and helped her daughter to her feet. Telling her to go and make something for them to eat. She laid the child down and covered him with the blankets, took her husband and led him out of the room. He followed her like a zombie he was seemingly unaware of the things going on around him. Sita sat him in a chair left to fetch Nitesh and retuned in time to help Tamari serve a bowl of soup to everyone.
Tamari finally able to take a moment to feel started sobbing, regret washing over her in giant all consuming waves, if only she had acted a fraction of a second faster she could have saved Jamin’s father. Sita listened to her recount the details of what had happened.
Standing and walking to her daughter she hugged her tightly and said “We are not meant to save everyone, it is impossible to even try. We got the boy that will have to be enough. But Nitesh now that the Demonic forces know there is still one whom can Orb; I think it would be best if you were more careful. Hire someone to tend the cattle being about alone is far too risky.” She concluded looking more than a little worn.
“Nitesh” Balram spoke now. “What happened? How did this come about, tell me how you found them?” he asked quietly not looking up from his untouched food.
“I went in and called for anyone to answer, and I heard Jamin crying I found him and his father in the bed room there was no exits, all were blocked by the flames. I can’t have been gone for more than a second between them. I looked for the Mother but she had already expired alone in the bed, I think the origin of the fire was there. But I can’t be sure of that Sir. I am sorry, I tried...” his voice catching as he told the sad story, punctuated by fits of coughing brought on by the inhalation of the thick smoke.
Balram nodded “We will figure it out. For now if you both would go and get SanDev we need to settle the matter of Jamin tonight… please.” He looked to his daughter and son in law not wishing to finish the thoughts tumbling in his head.
Tamari stood and held out her hand, Nitesh took it and both were gone is a flash of white glowing lights. Sita sat stunned listing to the humming sounds that were left behind as they departed. Her daughter had managed to find the one person in the village who was an Orber. It was a lot to take in, in one night to be certain. She wondered what other secrets her newest family members had. Her concern grew, Trackers had tracked the Orbs from the underworld and come up to investigate or at least that is what she assumed. More would be learnt after the Elders had time to extinguish the flames and investigate the origins of the fire.
“Babu, go lie down I will come for you once SanDev has arrived. It has been a trying time for everyone. I should go check on Abhu as well.” She spoke softly to her husband, taking his hand and leading him in the direction of the stairs to their rooms. He followed her blindly barely able to discern his actions. She laid him in the bed and covered him up. ‘To hell with the sheets’ she thought ‘they can be washed.’ she left him with a light kiss to his forehead and closed the door softly behind her.
Walking to Abhu’s room she knocked quietly getting no reply; she opened the door a crack and peeked in. The old man lay on the bed sleeping comfortably, she walked in and checked him once more his breathing was deep and regular, and he did not seem to be in distress so she left him as he was. There would be time to address the matter of his health tomorrow. The clicking of the door behind her caused Abhu to stir for a moment, his sleeping mind conjured images of his late wife, he slept deeply while holding her to him talking about their son, and what was to come next.
Hours later SanDev Tamari and Nitesh returned. The fire had been put out, and the remains had been collected, there was nothing left to do at this late hour aside from settle the affairs of Jamin. Sita retrieved Balram and the family sat around the table discussing the details of what could be done with him next.
“Balram, I understand that their will was for Jamin to live with you should they meet an untimely demise, however given the circumstances and living arrangements here is that something you all still wish to accept?” He waited while they all thought. It was Tamari who spoke first.
“He is a child alone in the world; he should be with family now. We are his family; I do not see reason to dishonor his parent’s request.”
“I agree Father can adjust to having a high spirited child in the home, Balram was the chosen guardian of the child before I see no reason to change that now.” Nitesh echoed his wife’s sentiments.
“Abhu is ill; he can not have stress any more. I am sure he could adjust but is it fair to ask both Elder and child to change so much in such a short time?” Sita spoke. "There are other family members who could take him in for a short time.” She said.
“No Jamin stays here it is the only thing my Uncle asked of me. I am duty bound to ensure his wishes are honored. We will find a way to make it work. My only concern is his training. He is young, and Sita and I are both getting to old to chase him about. He needs a proper education in both his powers and how to act. As the only child he was spoilt a bit and has been allowed to do pretty much what he liked for too long. If you both agree I want it known that should something happen to your Mother and I that you would be his appointed keepers.” He looked to his son in law and daughter.
“It’s settled than” Tamari spoke. “He stays with us here at Khuśi Manōra, collect anything you are able for him to use until we get him settled in can you do that SanDev? He will need clothing and anything else you are able to find, toys, books, and other items of comfort. I will also need to see his family tree and other histories, he will need a Kawandi made post haste, and I think it will make him feel more connected to have something of them with him. Also I will need permissions to enroll him in classes under our care, and he should be seen by a Doctor in the morning.” She finished...
For some reason copy paste removes the paragraphing :\ sorry about that.
Maybe I am being too oh I don't know but it does not have something... I have stared at this for three days trying to figure it out. Maybe someone here will have some idea of what it is.
Yes I know the punctuation is off Like I said it is the rough draft... so that is not my main concern at this point.
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