Story Discussion 5-28-2001: A modern Werewolf Saga by Red

[Grimfalcon]

So, here is the first chapter to ‘Red,’ my full-length novel as I mentioned in Pure’s thread. It’s pretty short for starters, one LE page, but it seemed like the best place for a break given the follow on chapter.
I wanted to put an off the wall twist on the traditional fairy tale, and I think I accomplished that. I like to think outside the box as far as imagination and story telling goes, while keeping true to my own interests of mythology, history, and military settings.

Just a bit of warning to any sensitive readers; my writing it very 'real,' some might say graphic and violent at times. My bad guys are bad, and that's why they're villians. This isn't a romance novel for the faint of heart.

This chapter more or less sets the stage, and won’t make a lot of sense until the story begins to unfold in detail. Any questions, comments, or advice you have is appreciated.
Hope you enjoy it and thanks again.

http://www.literotica.com/s/red-16

Once again, a special thnaks to my VE, hotnbound. I'll get the second chapter submitted as soon as she's finished with it, and so on.

 

[LindsayRae]

I left feedback in the portal, and will add it here too. I had to remind myself that they were werewolves because I hadn't read this thread and didn't have warning of the violence. lol But, I reminded myself of such "tales" as Underworld and even Blade where the werefolk and vampyres were obviously a lot more primal and animalistic than human. (Ie: your quick description of the younger "new" alpha male planning to overthrow the elder just like Frost in Blade or Kraven in Underworld.)

I look forward to reading more and finding out where "Lil Red Riding Hood" comes into play in your underworld.

 

[Grimfalcon]

I left feedback in the portal, and will add it here too. I had to remind myself that they were werewolves because I hadn't read this thread and didn't have warning of the violence. lol But, I reminded myself of such "tales" as Underworld and even Blade where the werefolk and vampyres were obviously a lot more primal and animalistic than human. (Ie: your quick description of the younger "new" alpha male planning to overthrow the elder just like Frost in Blade or Kraven in Underworld.)

I look forward to reading more and finding out where "Lil Red Riding Hood" comes into play in your underworld.

As I said, I wanted to give the readers some advanced warning in regards to nature of the Dark Were as I call the 'bad guys' in my story. They are more primal and animalistic, and this sort of violence isn't for all readers.

The entire story is hinted with clues like that as the plot slowly unfolds, including the main character, Red, who will be introduced in the next chapter.


Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the comment.

 

[FelMarch]

Not bad at all, Grimfalcon! Looks like you've set up an intriguing lead in Sep, a chauvinist who'll presumably get the chance to change his ways later on. And you've done a great job in setting the villain of the piece, too!

 

[Grimfalcon]

Not bad at all, Grimfalcon! Looks like you've set up an intriguing lead in Sep, a chauvinist who'll presumably get the chance to change his ways later on. And you've done a great job in setting the villain of the piece, too!

Thanks,
My take on the Weres for this story, or at least the older ones, is along the lines of a male dominated societly like back in the 1950's.

I've submitted the next chapter for approval and it should be up and running later this week. Things will really start picking up from that point as the mystery, and plot, start to unfold. Thanks to all of you following the story thus far and gald you're enjoying it.

 

[Pure]

Note to Grim

i'd say, 'keep it up,' it's over the top, 'conan the barbarian'-type prose, purple as hell, but serves its purpose.

yes, i saw the promised violence, and while that degree is not erotic for me, i think i see its point. (i might ask, however, isn't there a way to beat
to submission that doesn't spoil the goods so much? if one has a 'bitch', surely one wants her face intact and her nose not broken)


the ravishment was well described; hot for the genre.

i hope the next chapters keeps things moving; i'd say you've 'hooked' the intended readers.

jan,
pure,
mod.

 

[Grimfalcon]

i'd say, 'keep it up,' it's over the top, 'conan the barbarian'-type prose, purple as hell, but serves its purpose.

yes, i saw the promised violence, and while that degree is not erotic for me, i think i see its point. (i might ask, however, isn't there a way to beat
to submission that doesn't spoil the goods so much? if one has a 'bitch', surely one wants her face intact and her nose not broken)


the ravishment was well described; hot for the genre.

i hope the next chapters keeps things moving; i'd say you've 'hooked' the intended readers.

jan,
pure,
mod.

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Pure.

Yes, you're correct, my writing is ‘purple’ as hell at times, but it seems like you can only say the same thing so many times, in so many different stories, that you start stretching for descriptive phrases without being too repetitive. Anyone else have this problem, or is it just me?

I think that maybe I read too much classical Lit as a kid, and bookstand romance stuff in the past while trying to decide on the course of my writing. Lots of drama, and flowery speech, that you've pointed out. I do tend to get over descriptive at times, and I’ve been working on weeding out the fluff as my skill as a writer improves.

The ravishment and violence is just the way of the ‘Dark Were’ as I refer to them later on in my story. They are a vile and brutal race as a whole, hardcore sadists and masochists, rapists and killers, and it’s a common mating practice for them to beat a female into submission before mating. Wounds heal, the way they see it, and if a potential mate dies in the process, she was weak to begin with, and of no use to the future bloodline of the clan. It's the Conan mentality: what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.
This isn’t the norm for all my sex scenes, it still leans in that direction, but not for all the characters involved. I put a lot of thought into developing my world, the history, and the individual characters in it, as you’ll see through out the course of the story.

As for follow on chapters, yes, they are on the way. I’m currently awaiting acceptance on Chapter 2 and I’ll post following chapters every week or so. The story as a whole really starts to pick up from here on out, and those following it will hopefully find the enjoyment in reading it, that I did while writing it.

Once again, thanks for the words of encouragement.

 

[FelMarch]

Quick question - given that these weres seem very long lived, is quick healing an ability they possess? If so, it leads me to think that the ugly results of the brutal beating might actually heal where they wouldn't on a human being.

 

[Grimfalcon]

Quick question - given that these weres seem very long lived, is quick healing an ability they possess? If so, it leads me to think that the ugly results of the brutal beating might actually heal where they wouldn't on a human being.

Hi FelMarch,

What I did was a total revamp on the Werewolf myth that will come to light as the story unfolds. Without giving too much away, the Were are completely normal, human at birth, until their ‘time of change,’ as referred to in the first chapter between Sep and his brother, while discussing his nephew. This is around the age of 18 when they can first take on the Were form and gain the majority of their abilities. (My first inclination would have been when puberty set in, due to all the hormonal and physical changes of the body, but I wanted to avoid any reference to underage sex, like one of the women that Karl had at his disposal, also in the first chapter.)

The time of change is like a rite of manhood, or an adulthood ceremony as in any culture, a turning point in their lives, hence the heartfelt discussion between Sep and his brother since he wouldn’t be their for his nephew when it happened.
And yes, after their time of change they have increased regenerative abilities even in human form, but even more so in Were. The physical beating that Karl gave his sister was nothing but foreplay, the way the Dark Were see it.

After their time of change the Were experience highly decelerated aging, but they do age.

I hope that answers your questions, and thanks for asking. Much of this will be made known through out the course of the story in one manner or another.

Take care,
Grim

 

[Grimfalcon]

Chapter 2 is up and posted.

http://www.literotica.com/s/red-ch-02

Thanks to all of you following, commenting, and favoriting thus far. Enjoy, the rabbit hole only starts to get deeper from here on out.

Grim

 

[Grimfalcon]

Chapter three is posted.

http://www.literotica.com/s/red-ch-03-1

Should be interesting to see what happens; there's no sex in this chapter. Here is the author's note I added at the top of the story:

As some of you may have noticed already, I use varying degrees and amounts of sexual content in this story. It can be a lot of sex, or maybe just snippets of erotic foreplay, and even none at all in some chapters. This one happens to be one of the later, due to keeping the size of the chapters within reason, while in the process of telling an in-depth story. Just warning you now, if you happen to be a casual reader looking for a quick turn on, you might as well pass.

This is a very instrumental chapter in the ongoing story though, and explains a lot of the missing pieces thus far. If you plan on following the story in it's entirety it's a must read, or there's a good chance you'll be lost from here on out. Enjoy.


I look forward to hearing some discussion questions on this one.
Thanks,
Grim

 

[LindsayRae]

Very nicely done! "Even with no sex", this chapter is important to the tale. I love the "back history" you're offering us for Red and I love the fact that you've added the fairytale grandmother as well!

 

[Grimfalcon]

Okay, I just submitted chapter 4 for approval and it should be posted in 2-3 days.

I have to admit I’m a bit surprised by the lack of questions and comments thus far, either for or against it; there are a lot of moving pieces in this one beginning to unfold at this point.
I know there my be grammar and mechanics issues I missed since I’m not using an editor, and my wording can get purple at times, but other then that, what?
Character development thus far is good/ bad?
Dynamics of the plot and story line are clear and easily understandable?
Dialogue and thought process of the characters flows well and is believable?
Ways to improve any of the above, or something else you may have noticed particular to my writing style that throws you off base?

I understand that longer 'Dark Erotic' stories like this have a limited audience apparently, or that’s my take on it based on the steady consistency of views, votes comments and favorites. There’s also a strange mix of sexual content that doesn’t appeal to many, as well as the fantasy/ supernatural aspect to consider. This was a tough one to figure out what category to place it in.

I appreciate all the comments and feedback left thus far, they’ve been helpful and it’s nice to know your work is being enjoyed at least by a select few. At this point I’m looking for some down and dirty, honest critiquing, though. If you hated it, fine, but tell me why and how to fix whatever the problem is? Does it need more detail or less detail, ect. Maybe something in the plot confused you or isn’t meshing together as it should? This is a re-write, a revision on a totally different idea, and there are bound to be issues that I missed at some point.

Any thing meaningful you can contribute as a reader will only make the story better in the long run.
Thanks,
Grim

 

[Grimfalcon]

Chapter 4

http://www.literotica.com/s/red-ch-04

Just recieved some nice anon feedback on the first chapter that called my Weres nothing but 'Klingons with fur.' Have to admit that one got a chuckle out of me.
Might have to put some work in that chapter though; seemed to have got the lowest score thus far, and with the most views, about three times as many as the other chapters, but it either didn't keep their interest or they were turned off by the simple brutality in it. Oh well, it's their loss I guess.

 

[Grimfalcon]

Okay, so Chapter Five is up, and things only get wierder from here on out.


http://www.literotica.com/s/red-ch-05

Really starting to wonder if I shouldn't have posted 'Red' in the Erotic Horror or Nonhuman section to better suit the readers. It's not a tradtional romance, or happily ever after story in the least. It was mainly because of the length that I didn't, but oh well.

I find it interesting that the one chapter without any sex, still has the hightest score. Not what I expected.

For all those following, enjoy, and thanks for commenting and voting.

 

[Grimfalcon]

Hey everyone

At the request of some of the more avid readers of this story, I'll try to pick up the pace of the submissions. ( Just submitted chapter 6 for approval and should post in 2-3 days.) Was trying to space them out a little to give me a bit of a cushion of time to work with. Starting in the chapter 6-7 area, it's all new material; the original short story ended at chapter 7 and much of those two chapters had to be re-written and re-edited in part for the continuation. Everything after that is all new.
As I said at the very beginning, this story isn't complete yet, but getting close on my end. Currently working on chapter 11.

Thanks again for following along and any input, ideas or comments you might have.

 

[Grimfalcon]

So, chapter six is up and running and number seven won't be far behind, a day or so until it posts.
This is another of those story and plot oriented chapters, no sex, but with a lot of action and some historical figures thrown in. Hope you enjoy, and a cookie to anyone that can tell me what they were famous for.

http://www.literotica.com/s/red-ch-06

 

[Grimfalcon]

That was a bit of a surprise; chapter 7 posted already.

Here you go, Enjoy.

http://www.literotica.com/s/red-ch-07

 

[Grimfalcon]

Still waiting on chapter 8 to come back approved.
Wondering if it's running slow because there's a child birthing scene in it. I couldn't even put 'child' in the description; it came back as a prohibited word. No sexual content or reference to kids in any way though, and the whole thing is rather sanitized, but still... Guess I'll have to wait and see if it posts tomorrow or not.

Sorry for the delay if you're waitng; kind of out of my hands at this point.

 

[GrimsPet]

huh?

OK so a birthing scene using the word "child" is being held up possibly? What is this world coming to...

I stopped frequenting Bondage.com ages ago because I asked a question about needing help finding resources to help an autistic child of a friend of mine get treatment and the damned post got deleted by the mods because I mentioned the word "child." For Heck's sake...I hate censorship...

As for not a lot of posts offering feedback on your stories. Not everyone is as enthralled with the genre you tend to write in as I am. Sure some people really love to read this kind of work. Others want something loving and romantic. I've read your writing for years now so I'm used to your warped, dark and twisted writing. I like to read something that keeps me guessing and isn't the same romantic predictable drivel over and over again. Your writing fits that bill. Do I like romance? Heck yeah! But I like variety too, and I find most romance has the same damned plotline with a few minor variations. If you don't believe me pick up four or five random romance novels and read them cover to cover and you'll see what I mean.

Erotica novels? I've been browsing this place for a while and there are some pretty creative writers on this site. However some seem to also churn out story after story with relatively similar plots.

Variety is the spice of life. I remember saying that to a customer at work and her comment to me was, "Don't tell that to my Husband." **L**

 

[Grimfalcon]

OK so a birthing scene using the word "child" is being held up possibly? What is this world coming to...

I stopped frequenting Bondage.com ages ago because I asked a question about needing help finding resources to help an autistic child of a friend of mine get treatment and the damned post got deleted by the mods because I mentioned the word "child." For Heck's sake...I hate censorship...

Variety is the spice of life. I remember saying that to a customer at work and her comment to me was, "Don't tell that to my Husband." **L**

Not sure if it is or not, to tell you the truth, but the thought had crossed my mind. If it is, that's going to kind of blow the rest of the story out of the water.

Nice joke btw

 

[GrimsPet]

The sad part is it wasn't even a joke! That was exactly what a customer said to me at that remark!

 

[Grimfalcon]

Chapter 8 finally posted. Enjoy. I have already submitted chapter nine for appoval.

http://www.literotica.com/s/red-ch-08

 

[Grimfalcon]

Chapter 9 posted this morning. Now the story really takes an unexpected twist.


http://www.literotica.com/s/red-ch-09

 

[GrimsPet]

Hrm....

OK so I read it and here's my initial thoughts on what you and I talked about last night.

I think I see the problem you're coming up against. You had mentioned that the ratings were slipping despite positive comments and after reading it while eating breakfast here's my thoughts...

1) You're alienating the reader. You haven't done anything to purposely alienate them. Plot twists are great, and add interest to a story, however to many of them can also be a drawback as well. When the reader finds it harder and harder to follow along on a story, it's not always the best thing. Eventually you start losing readers.

2) Having Paula betray her mate wasn't a great idea either. Unless the reader you're aiming this at is the kind that gets off on reading about betrayal, you're losing readers.

3) The whole Nazi thing. That sadly alienated a segment of readers as well. Not everyone wants to read about Nazis, even if they are portrayed in a bad light. To be frankly honest, I almost stopped reading it when that segment was introduced. Did I give feedback? Certainly. I do like how you draw your knowledge of war history and the military into things, however I believe by bringing Himmler into this whole picture and having the were so steeped in Nazi culture it does detract from the story.

After analyzing this new chapter those are my feelings on the matter.