social_morality
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2011
- Posts
- 326
......
Last edited:
Trust and Betrayal
- Thread starter social_morality
- Start date
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
Whoah, big question! It has nothing to do with BDSM, really-- or with bisexuality, or a fetish for a different race, or a desire to dress in drag. Those are some of the reasons people give. But the decision to renege on a promise without warning is a betrayal.
Betrayal of a relationship is heartbreaking, stops your life dead for a while while you figure out how to pick up the pieces. I am so sorry.
Betrayal of a relationship is heartbreaking, stops your life dead for a while while you figure out how to pick up the pieces. I am so sorry.
social_morality
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2011
- Posts
- 326
......
Last edited:
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
What do you want to do?
social_morality
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2011
- Posts
- 326
......
Last edited:
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
I really don't think a kiss is "cheating," but that's me. If it were balls-out freaking fucking, with the "yes daddy" and "take it bitch" and such, and it happened more than once-- then I would be worried. Or if she were fucking a lot of dudes behind your back.
You have to decide if a kiss is a deal breaker, or if you can be flexible. And if you so magnamously take her back, if you plan to blame her and distrust her for ever and ever for it, because sub or not she'll get mighty tired of that.
What can you give her thqt he can't? One thing is respect-- you can point out that YOU don't go kissing other people's girlfriends, frunk or sober.
You have to decide if a kiss is a deal breaker, or if you can be flexible. And if you so magnamously take her back, if you plan to blame her and distrust her for ever and ever for it, because sub or not she'll get mighty tired of that.
What can you give her thqt he can't? One thing is respect-- you can point out that YOU don't go kissing other people's girlfriends, frunk or sober.
social_morality
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2011
- Posts
- 326
......
Last edited:
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2004
- Posts
- 8,493
I get that you love the woman, but there is no way in hell I would stay in a relationship with someone who made me wait to see who they would choose - me or someone else. IMO that hesitancy you're feeling is your gut telling you to think again.
welkin
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2010
- Posts
- 232
That means if you'll take her back with reservation, if you continue to hold some sort of grudge against her and brings this up in future fights to send her on the guilt trips, it's probably better to end it after all, now. Only take her back if you can really let it go.
And, even when two people are in a romantic relationship, our genes are wired such that we continue look elsewhere. And depending on personal preferences, some people go with the flow while others rein themselves in. Don't idealize love too much, but don't become a cynic either.
And, even when two people are in a romantic relationship, our genes are wired such that we continue look elsewhere. And depending on personal preferences, some people go with the flow while others rein themselves in. Don't idealize love too much, but don't become a cynic either.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
If SHE considers it cheating, then you'd better be thinking about the ramifications of why she might do that. I knew a lesbian couple where one of them was beginning to chafe at the relationship. It was very easy for her to "accidentally get carried away" at a play party, and fist... well, me, actually. 
And the news got back to her SO. There was heartbreak and drama galore, the tattler got kicked out of the BDSM group for a while, and the SO cried and threw Miss Thang out of the house. I asked the ex why she would let five minutes of stupid ruin a lifetime relationship. She said that was just the way it went and that she didn't blame me especially, but I would understand if she didn't see anyone for a while. Because of course she did blame me.
I was pretty pissed off at being put in the middle of it all, and at being made a patsy for Miss Thang, who proceded to burn the city down around her ears and then moved to Houston to burn some more people... So, I think her ex made the right decision, that time.
dunno if any of that is of help to you...
And the news got back to her SO. There was heartbreak and drama galore, the tattler got kicked out of the BDSM group for a while, and the SO cried and threw Miss Thang out of the house. I asked the ex why she would let five minutes of stupid ruin a lifetime relationship. She said that was just the way it went and that she didn't blame me especially, but I would understand if she didn't see anyone for a while. Because of course she did blame me.
I was pretty pissed off at being put in the middle of it all, and at being made a patsy for Miss Thang, who proceded to burn the city down around her ears and then moved to Houston to burn some more people... So, I think her ex made the right decision, that time.
dunno if any of that is of help to you...
I was cheated on a few months ago, and decided to stay, so I thought I should share my reasons in case it helps.
For what it is worth, I am much happier now than I was a year ago, and I am having the best sex of my life. I don't have any regrets about staying, but I have to admit that if weren't a) married, and b) had a kid, I wouldn't have given myself the time to realise that staying was the correct decision.
When I started to find out, we had a calm chat and I started to get an idea of where she was in her mind. I think this is a really important step that perhaps you haven't taken yet. It sounds to me that she considers what she did cheating because of what she is thinking, not what she did. Until you know what she is thinking it will be next to impossible to know if you have something left to 'save'.
The root cause of our problems was definitely unhappiness in both of us, and a lack of a support system to help her through her difficulties. I decided that it was my responsibility to fix my happiness, and to provide her with what support I could as she tried to deal with what she was going through.
A key thing for me at this stage was that I could save my marriage, but I couldn't save hers. In effect I was getting myself into a position where I didn't need her to be happy as I didn't want her to stay through guilt, and I was absolutely clear in my mind that I wasn't prepared to be a doormat. I think the worst thing I cooks.have done was told her how much I needed her and how I couldn't cope without her (ok, I did actually do that once, but very early on, and that was what I would consider my lowest moment).
Once I had pulled myself together and sorted myself out, I left it up to her to decide whether she wanted to share in my new found happiness, or to let me go so that I could enjoy a new life without her. I am glad she chose to stay, and even happier that things seem to be working.
I hope you can work things out whether that means staying or leaving.
For what it is worth, I am much happier now than I was a year ago, and I am having the best sex of my life. I don't have any regrets about staying, but I have to admit that if weren't a) married, and b) had a kid, I wouldn't have given myself the time to realise that staying was the correct decision.
When I started to find out, we had a calm chat and I started to get an idea of where she was in her mind. I think this is a really important step that perhaps you haven't taken yet. It sounds to me that she considers what she did cheating because of what she is thinking, not what she did. Until you know what she is thinking it will be next to impossible to know if you have something left to 'save'.
The root cause of our problems was definitely unhappiness in both of us, and a lack of a support system to help her through her difficulties. I decided that it was my responsibility to fix my happiness, and to provide her with what support I could as she tried to deal with what she was going through.
A key thing for me at this stage was that I could save my marriage, but I couldn't save hers. In effect I was getting myself into a position where I didn't need her to be happy as I didn't want her to stay through guilt, and I was absolutely clear in my mind that I wasn't prepared to be a doormat. I think the worst thing I cooks.have done was told her how much I needed her and how I couldn't cope without her (ok, I did actually do that once, but very early on, and that was what I would consider my lowest moment).
Once I had pulled myself together and sorted myself out, I left it up to her to decide whether she wanted to share in my new found happiness, or to let me go so that I could enjoy a new life without her. I am glad she chose to stay, and even happier that things seem to be working.
I hope you can work things out whether that means staying or leaving.
ecstaticsub
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 5, 2007
- Posts
- 3,389
Ok, I may be off base here but you are in a D/s relationship, right? Maybe she is being a bit bratty and testing you a bit?
I have been with my Dominant for 6 years. I love him dearly and our relationship is as much a love affair as a D/s relationship. If I ever kissed someone without his permission his wrath would come down on me so fast my head would spin.
Dom up and tell her that kind of behavior will not be tolerated that she has to decide whether she wants to stay with you or move on. Then beat her and fuck her till she cries uncle.
At least that would work for us (and is what I would want)
I have been with my Dominant for 6 years. I love him dearly and our relationship is as much a love affair as a D/s relationship. If I ever kissed someone without his permission his wrath would come down on me so fast my head would spin.
Dom up and tell her that kind of behavior will not be tolerated that she has to decide whether she wants to stay with you or move on. Then beat her and fuck her till she cries uncle.
At least that would work for us (and is what I would want)
