Realization

[LetteEnvy18]

So, I've come to accept the fact that I am bisexual. Actually I've known it for quite a few years, but have never really thought to tell anyone. Let alone act on my impulses.

I think I've known from the time I was ten, my first kiss was from my best friend, it wasn't untill years later that I actually considered myself attracted to other women.

So, my question to all of you lovely people out there is this: how and/or when did you realize that you were gay/bi/ whichever?

 

[Spicy Southern Belle]

I remember being 11 or so and being just as interested in checking out my girlfriends as I was the boys. Maybe moreso. I was raised thinking that was horribly wrong and an immediate ticket to hell so I spent many years ignoring those thoughts/feelings. It came up in a big way again about 9 years ago and I ended up pushing it down again as well for the same reasons. About 5 years ago I finally admitted it to myself and my husband. I still haven't told many others in my life because I know how they would feel about it and I don't want to deal with the drama. I no longer think that there is something wrong with me for it and it is a great feeling.

 

[LetteEnvy18]

I remember being 11 or so and being just as interested in checking out my girlfriends as I was the boys. Maybe moreso. I was raised thinking that was horribly wrong and an immediate ticket to hell so I spent many years ignoring those thoughts/feelings. It came up in a big way again about 9 years ago and I ended up pushing it down again as well for the same reasons. About 5 years ago I finally admitted it to myself and my husband. I still haven't told many others in my life because I know how they would feel about it and I don't want to deal with the drama. I no longer think that there is something wrong with me for it and it is a great feeling.

That would of been hard. Growing up in my family it wasn't that big of a deal, my mother had a girlfriend while with my father so I never saw it as a bad thing exactly. But like you, I've only told this to a few people in my life to save the drama. Thank goodness for sites like Lit. Ha

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I am 38. I knew what I was meant to be over 30 years ago. I was meant to be queer. Life happened, I had some kids, and tried to fit into the world's preconceived notions of what I should be. Five years ago~I said fuck it. I love women. Always have. always will.

*shrugs*

 

[LetteEnvy18]

I am 38. I knew what I was meant to be over 30 years ago. I was meant to be queer. Life happened, I had some kids, and tried to fit into the world's preconceived notions of what I should be. Five years ago~I said fuck it. I love women. Always have. always will.

*shrugs*

*applauds*

But its hard to be who you are and do what you want when it seems like everyone is judging.

Like I said by being discreet it keeps the unneeded stress down and keeps away from the drama. Atleast for me.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Actually the hard part wasn't being out. I have been out as actively bi since my mid teens. I never gave a fuck about others opinions. I was a boi, a mini stud, long before I even knew what those things MEANT. My mother supported me...I never cared about anyone else.

The problem was admitting that as much as I liked men, I loved women and I should stop trying to BE bi when I was meant to BE queer. Hiding is much harder to do when you have already stepped half way out the closet.

I do understand why the stress of coming out would put paid to the notion OF coming out...but I have never really been in. *grins* I am glad you are seeing benefits to hiding your own discoveries...and I hope for your sake that you will always be comfortable with hiding that part of yourself away.

 

[scriptordelecto]

I've known for ages that I'm as attracted to women as to men, maybe a bit more to women. Hubby knows and is supportive. My difficulty comes because I'm the type who would like to be out and proud, Hubby's shy-bi but we live in the buckle of the bible belt. His parents are traditional Southern Baptist and mine are Mormon. There's already a lot of tension because of that. It doesn't make me hopeful for support, even though we know they all love us.

 

[Spicy Southern Belle]

I do understand why the stress of coming out would put paid to the notion OF coming out...but I have never really been in. *grins* I am glad you are seeing benefits to hiding your own discoveries...and I hope for your sake that you will always be comfortable with hiding that part of yourself away.

In some ways I'm not comfortable with hiding it but after spending the past 4 days with my parents and listening to what they have to say about my two cousins who are women married to other women, I just think it is best to stay hidden. As much as they trash talk about them, I know it would be 10 times worse with me.

 

[scriptordelecto]

In some ways I'm not comfortable with hiding it but after spending the past 4 days with my parents and listening to what they have to say about my two cousins who are women married to other women, I just think it is best to stay hidden. As much as they trash talk about them, I know it would be 10 times worse with me.

I've dealt with some of that from our parents too. It only reaffirms our decision not to tell the parents.

 

[bottomsatx]

I was in my mid-teens when I realize I was bisexual. Had one experience at 14, but tried to put it out of my mind. When I was 21, it came back with a vengeance and I finally accepted that I liked sex with men as much (or more than) as with women.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

In some ways I'm not comfortable with hiding it but after spending the past 4 days with my parents and listening to what they have to say about my two cousins who are women married to other women, I just think it is best to stay hidden. As much as they trash talk about them, I know it would be 10 times worse with me.

I know that things are sometimes better left unsaid. I wish that it wasn't so...but I do understand.

I've dealt with some of that from our parents too. It only reaffirms our decision not to tell the parents.

This sucks. I am very glad I had my mum and no one else's.

 

[Louise_Loves]

This story sounds a bit bizarre to me, even after a decade and a half.

My grandmother is a Jicarillo Apache, and she still lives on the rez. She told my mother when I was two years old - two! - that I had two spirits in me. This caused my uber-catholic father to freak out and ban contact with "the old witch." Plus I was doubly watch for any signs of gayness.

I married an abusive man at 18 and at 27 I was looking at divorce papers that meant I had to leave the safe house I'd hidden in for almost 18 months. I realized I was madly in love with the woman who sheltered me.

It nearly drove me crazy. I drank hard. I smoked a lot of stuff and swallowed lots of pills. Then one day my grandmother shows up in an ancient pickup. She burned my crucifixes and saints and even my bible and then filled my house with sage smoke. Then she made me ride in the back of her pickup to her sweat lodge and sweated all of the poisons out of my body and soul.

I had a vision during that time in the lodge. When I crawled out, I knew who I was and I have been unbowed since then. I am, however, fairly private about my desires, not the least reasons is that I'm not sure how it might impact my career. It isn't a risk I'm ready to take.

Like I said, it's crazy. Bizarre. Shit like this doesn't really happen. But...I did. Fucking weird.

 

[RedheadedHaze]

This story sounds a bit bizarre to me, even after a decade and a half.

My grandmother is a Jicarillo Apache, and she still lives on the rez. She told my mother when I was two years old - two! - that I had two spirits in me. This caused my uber-catholic father to freak out and ban contact with "the old witch." Plus I was doubly watch for any signs of gayness.

I married an abusive man at 18 and at 27 I was looking at divorce papers that meant I had to leave the safe house I'd hidden in for almost 18 months. I realized I was madly in love with the woman who sheltered me.

It nearly drove me crazy. I drank hard. I smoked a lot of stuff and swallowed lots of pills. Then one day my grandmother shows up in an ancient pickup. She burned my crucifixes and saints and even my bible and then filled my house with sage smoke. Then she made me ride in the back of her pickup to her sweat lodge and sweated all of the poisons out of my body and soul.

I had a vision during that time in the lodge. When I crawled out, I knew who I was and I have been unbowed since then. I am, however, fairly private about my desires, not the least reasons is that I'm not sure how it might impact my career. It isn't a risk I'm ready to take.

Like I said, it's crazy. Bizarre. Shit like this doesn't really happen. But...I did. Fucking weird.

I find this to be a beautiful story of love and salvation. Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful and wise woman.

<3 I'm glad she rescued you and helped to set you on a path that you were happy with....

 

[Safe_Bet]

This story sounds a bit bizarre to me, even after a decade and a half.

My grandmother is a Jicarillo Apache, and she still lives on the rez. She told my mother when I was two years old - two! - that I had two spirits in me. This caused my uber-catholic father to freak out and ban contact with "the old witch." Plus I was doubly watch for any signs of gayness.

I married an abusive man at 18 and at 27 I was looking at divorce papers that meant I had to leave the safe house I'd hidden in for almost 18 months. I realized I was madly in love with the woman who sheltered me.

It nearly drove me crazy. I drank hard. I smoked a lot of stuff and swallowed lots of pills. Then one day my grandmother shows up in an ancient pickup. She burned my crucifixes and saints and even my bible and then filled my house with sage smoke. Then she made me ride in the back of her pickup to her sweat lodge and sweated all of the poisons out of my body and soul.

I had a vision during that time in the lodge. When I crawled out, I knew who I was and I have been unbowed since then. I am, however, fairly private about my desires, not the least reasons is that I'm not sure how it might impact my career. It isn't a risk I'm ready to take.

Like I said, it's crazy. Bizarre. Shit like this doesn't really happen. But...I did. Fucking weird.

VERY cool.


Even with what went before, having a loving Grandmother come and save your ass beats the hell out of coming out to my female guardian before I was even a t'ween and then spending the next month or so having my male guardian "allegedly" try to beat and rape the queer out of me. (yeah, we all know that was bullshit. The fucker just used it as an excuse). Meh. What doesn't kill you makes your stronger, right?

 

[Spicy Southern Belle]

VERY cool.


Even with what went before, having a loving Grandmother come and save your ass beats the hell out of coming out to my female guardian before I was even a t'ween and then spending the next month or so having my male guardian "allegedly" try to beat and rape the queer out of me. (yeah, we all know that was bullshit. The fucker just used it as an excuse). Meh. What doesn't kill you makes your stronger, right?

So glad it made you stronger but so sorry something that horrible had to happen to you.

 

[Spicy Southern Belle]

I find this to be a beautiful story of love and salvation. Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful and wise woman.

<3 I'm glad she rescued you and helped to set you on a path that you were happy with....

I totally agree on this one!

 

[Louise_Loves]

I find this to be a beautiful story of love and salvation. Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful and wise woman.

<3 I'm glad she rescued you and helped to set you on a path that you were happy with....

She is all of that and very, very much more.

And thank you for your kind words. I guess I have a few issues remaining about my life story.

 

[Louise_Loves]

VERY cool.


Even with what went before, having a loving Grandmother come and save your ass beats the hell out of coming out to my female guardian before I was even a t'ween and then spending the next month or so having my male guardian "allegedly" try to beat and rape the queer out of me. (yeah, we all know that was bullshit. The fucker just used it as an excuse). Meh. What doesn't kill you makes your stronger, right?

Unfortunately, I see WAY too much of this. I investigate child abuse allegations, and pray that each one is untrue.

I'm not sure about that "makes you stronger" stuff. I've met too many people who were absolutely broken by life, and came too close to being one myself. I've decided that it's okay to be devastated by incredible evil. The important thing is to pick your ass up and fight back, one way or another. We are all warriors, in one way or another.

 

[girlsmiley]

This story sounds a bit bizarre to me, even after a decade and a half.

My grandmother is a Jicarillo Apache, and she still lives on the rez. She told my mother when I was two years old - two! - that I had two spirits in me. This caused my uber-catholic father to freak out and ban contact with "the old witch." Plus I was doubly watch for any signs of gayness.

I married an abusive man at 18 and at 27 I was looking at divorce papers that meant I had to leave the safe house I'd hidden in for almost 18 months. I realized I was madly in love with the woman who sheltered me.

It nearly drove me crazy. I drank hard. I smoked a lot of stuff and swallowed lots of pills. Then one day my grandmother shows up in an ancient pickup. She burned my crucifixes and saints and even my bible and then filled my house with sage smoke. Then she made me ride in the back of her pickup to her sweat lodge and sweated all of the poisons out of my body and soul.

I had a vision during that time in the lodge. When I crawled out, I knew who I was and I have been unbowed since then. I am, however, fairly private about my desires, not the least reasons is that I'm not sure how it might impact my career. It isn't a risk I'm ready to take.

Like I said, it's crazy. Bizarre. Shit like this doesn't really happen. But...I did. Fucking weird.

You have the coolest grandmother ever!
That is an AWESOME story.