A new Dom needs advice regarding practical application

[ValidandBinding]

I've read a great deal, researched and understand my role and responsibilities. That being said, I'm interested in learning how other Dom/sub relationships actually play out.

With respect to the non-sexual aspect of your relationship, what are examples of specific demands that Doms make on their subs, how are these demands communicated and how is less than satisfactory performance handled?

I appreciate your taking the time to share your examples.

 

[lamasopeu]

That question has literally limitless answers.
It depends on the dynamic, the boundaries, the limits of those participating.
Its a great part of the relationship, seeing what you want from you sub and what the sub can give their Dom that maybe they weren't even expecting. =)

 

[ValidandBinding]

Yes, that's why I'm interested in just hearing examples from Doms/subs about the things that go on in their relationships.

 

[lamasopeu]

Well with my previous Dom I was instructed with what to wear, what to eat and most other basic functions. I had that unberable need to please him though so I didn't often need corrected but once when I hadnt washed the clothes that he had instructed me to wear he made me wear the most ridiculous outfit for days. It was just as effective as a spanking or a whipping, although that was thoroughly enjoyed too.

 

[ImOnIt]

I've read a great deal, researched and understand my role and responsibilities. That being said, I'm interested in learning how other Dom/sub relationships actually play out.

With respect to the non-sexual aspect of your relationship, what are examples of specific demands that Doms make on their subs, how are these demands communicated and how is less than satisfactory performance handled?

I appreciate your taking the time to share your examples.

Post these when you go shopping hun.
Thank you.

It doesn't suit me to be a douchebag, domestically. Also, I take pride in my things and we both work, so we split chores and always have.

 

[ValidandBinding]

So for some there is an existing arrangement about chores in the relationship.

What about non-chores? Do you get your Dom a glass of water when he/she is thirsty? Fetch items for him/her? Do mundane tasks for his/her convenience?

I'm just curious how the rubber meets the road, so to speak.

 

[ImOnIt]

Not in a significant way. If she wants me to fix something, she can hold the torch. I get the first cup of tea that she makes, and I do the same when I'm serving it. I set water by the bed before we sleep, plait the hair after a long day, provide backrub. I get the same (sans plaiting) when I seem stressed too.

Chores just happen because we do them. If I started lording it and asking for (ordinary, domestic) things unreasonably then I would not deserve it. That being said, if I were with a lazier partner (HARD LIMIT) I would be different.

 

[Bandit58]

What about non-chores? Do you get your Dom a glass of water when he/she is thirsty? Fetch items for him/her? Do mundane tasks for his/her convenience?

Our relationship is probably a bit different than what you're asking about, because Sir has renal failure and diabetes among other things and I am His full time carer. So yes I do make Him cuppas/get His meals before my own/pick things up off the floor because it's easier than Him trying to bend down. I take care of our finances and make sure our bills are paid on time.

We also do home haemodialysis so I set up/take down a dialysis machine and cannulate Him. We work as a team in this regard

 

[welkin]

What about non-chores? Do you get your Dom a glass of water when he/she is thirsty? Fetch items for him/her? Do mundane tasks for his/her convenience?

Even before you start thinking about what nonsexual things you can do as a "dom", not everyone wants the 24/7 D/s experience. You should first make sure this is what you and your sub want. I know I don't. So outside the bedroom, I'd expect the relationship to look like just any other vanilla relationship.

And even if 24/7 D/s is what you and your partner agree on, I'd expect the "dom" things, whether sexual or not, should come from within, and not as an act just to look "dom". In other words, you should look to yourself for the answer to these things. Do you like having your glass of water handed to you? Do you like having your items fetched by the sub? ...

Honestly, what's the point of asking? Let's say if you find scat play absolutely horrendous, would you start doing it if everyone here tells you "That's how we do it in our relationship!"? I don't think so. And no, other people's answers here are also not a tool to "persuade" your sub into doing something s/he doesn't like because "All the other people on this forum are doing it!".

 

[Stella_Omega]

I once told a woman who was calling herself my 'sub' to clean and condition all of our leather. She said; "That's not fun!" Soon enough she wasn't calling herself my anything any longer.

I don't mind someone being a non-service bottom, or a pillow queen-- lord knows I love 'em in fact-- but she was all about being my Boi and i was to be her Daddy and well-- either you do what daddy asks or daddy just can't be arsed to do for you.

 

[BiBunny]

I once told a woman who was calling herself my 'sub' to clean and condition all of our leather. She said; "That's not fun!" Soon enough she wasn't calling herself my anything any longer.

I don't mind someone being a non-service bottom, or a pillow queen-- lord knows I love 'em in fact-- but she was all about being my Boi and i was to be her Daddy and well-- either you do what daddy asks or daddy just can't be arsed to do for you.

Girl has no idea what she's missing. Cleaning leather and polishing silver is its own reward. It's very Zen.

 

[ImOnIt]

She said; "That's not fun!" Soon enough she wasn't calling herself my anything any longer.

This needs to be added to your database. I propose we hereby refer to this as THIRTY FIVE, any objections?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Girl has no idea what she's missing. Cleaning leather and polishing silver is its own reward. It's very Zen.

Especially when you're doing it naked with a vibe egg up your whatsit and the remote is in my hand...

This needs to be added to your database. I propose we hereby refer to this as THIRTY FIVE, any objections?

Are we up to thirty five already?

 

[ValidandBinding]

We're starting slow. She texts me first thing in the morning, at some point in the afternoon and then calls me when she gets home. When she talks to me on the phone (where there is privacy), she takes her breasts out of her shirt, exposing them during our discussion. When I see her in person, first thing, she presents her mouth to me, wet and open with her tongue extended a bit for me to suck.

We're going to add new things slowly. I want her to choose much of what she wants me to control. She can let me know what those things are by repeatedly asking for permission to do those things.

 

[Stella_Omega]

We're starting slow. She texts me first thing in the morning, at some point in the afternoon and then calls me when she gets home. When she talks to me on the phone (where there is privacy), she takes her breasts out of her shirt, exposing them during our discussion. When I see her in person, first thing, she presents her mouth to me, wet and open with her tongue extended a bit for me to suck.

We're going to add new things slowly. I want her to choose much of what she wants me to control. She can let me know what those things are by repeatedly asking for permission to do those things.

Sounds very good, and the bolded is really a smart way to do it!

it's a great way for her to negotiate. Women often have a hard time stating outright what they want-- even without the submissive aspect of a personality. I'm going to remember this little trick, thank you very much for it.