Why is it important to you to be scarred?

[eastern sun]

Physically? Emotionally? Mentally?

 

[evesdream]

Honestly I try to avoid it (all three types).

I like physical bruises and red marks though, because they fade and can be replaced.

A scar is a reminder, but if it's always there it becomes less interesting.
I can look at it and remember the events surrounding it, but I'd rather a real re-play than an imaginary one. (and if it's an event that I would rather never have happened, all the better that there's no scar) I think scars are over-rated and they never seem worth the injury in the first place.

A scar signifies something that was. Bruises are better and keep me in the present.

Note: I scar easily and they stay on my body for many years. I don't like it.

I guess you left your question wide open intentionally. This is my take on it.

 

[Keroin]

It's not important but it is...important.

Hm.

My scars are my story. I don't seek them out and I don't ooo and ahhh over bruises and welts and such, no matter how they come to me. But I like them because they're organic. As someone who shuns tattoos, piercings and such, (on my own body), my scars are the only visual reminder, on my skin, of the life I've lived and who I am (for better or for worse).

Well, my scars and my wrinkles. (Which I also love).

When I pull up my sleeve and see that familiar pattern on my wrist I am instantly taken back to that dirtbiking wipe out. I feel it all again, the pain as I yard-sale'd down the hillside, the pride as, bleeding and battered, I remounted my bike and tried again - successfully. It tells me that I can overcome fear.

And each scar has a different story. I love stories.

L has a long jagged scar down one knee, where he sliced his kneecap off during a gag. I love to run my fingers over it and listen to its story.

As for internal scars. They are important because they keep me from making mistakes. They're the warning signs that prevent me from sabotaging my own happiness.

Interesting question, ES. Enough to pull me away from pressing chores!

What prompted you to ask?

 

[Chiara_searches]

I would also be interested to hear what prompted the question.

The question is very analogous to some things I've been going through the last three weeks or so. Actually, it's been a much longer process, but I stopped for a while and got sidetracked.

I don't have physical scars from a loved one. I have looked at emotional scars from both past romantic relationships and childhood. I say "romantic" relationships because I've come to realize that the scars from those types did not arise out of a "loving" relationship. In reality they weren't very "romantic" either.

It's difficult to take a look at some scars, to trace the lines down to today and see how they are still with me. There are those that I want to erase. I would love to erase the scars from of being roommates with an on-again off-again boyfriend...who (as was his right?) was with other people in the shared house when we were off again. I've only begun to understand how that scar makes it hard to just simply trust; how it makes me examine, in great detail, every word that is said to me. I'm refusing to let those kinds of scars slide into my mind, entwining in their sinew way, and take me back to the person I was before. I think I've realized this before; but I forget and take a couple of steps backwards every once in a while.

Other scars I am thankful for because they help me remember that for a long while, even when I doubt myself, I have a strength in me. I was strong at 16 when faced with growing up very fast. I was strong at 23 to get out of that emotionally entangled relationship. I was strong at 40 to leave a marriage and break a vow I never had an intention of breaking. I was strong throughout my young adulthood to make a better life for myself than one would expect based on my childhood. Those kinds of scars do fade over time; but I wish they would linger a bit so I could examine them in my memory book of my mind.

Regardless of rejecting or accepting the effects of all my emotional scars, I realize every single event made up the person I am today. I still have a hell of a long way to go to get my life back in order; but I kind of like who I am. I like that I have someone in my life that I can trust; who even when the words are hard to hear, is still straightforward with me so that I don't have to examine in minutia everything he says or does. I like that I have someone in my life that I can express these same fears/scars/worries to and he doesn't run away. I wouldn't see the value in these things if I hadn't lived the life I have. And they are things I value and treasure almost beyond measure at this moment.

I guess with out great pain you never realize when you are experiencing great joy. I would live all the pains over again if I were assured I'd end up where I am right now. And where I'll be in the next few weeks.

 

[world69peace]

hmm scars! interesting question..

I have a few emotional scars and as someone mentioned they keep me from making mistakes, the same ones again... The emotional scars I value for a few reasons, They have made me stronger, I have learned a lot about myself...

Physical scars are interesting to me! I like it that my body reflects my life! Even when I die they will remain and if I am buried then they will be there to show anyone who should find me.. things about me!

I seek physical scars.. For I feel that tattoos are physical scars.. but they are ones I can choose! Many of the emotional scars that I have were not ones I could choose, rather I felt in some ways like they were inflicted on me.. And even some of my physical scars, results of accidents and such, not choice necessarily.. Where as ink and such..allows me to have control, control over my body and the scars it carries!

I too wonder what prompts the question..

 

[BiBunny]

I don't think I have scars. I have scabs that can be picked off with varying amounts of effort, depending on the scab. I realize that's a disgusting analogy, but it's accurate, I believe.

 

[eastern sun]

Has anyone here ever tried to go to Al Anon as a slave? It's quite an experience.

 

[Cattypuss]

I don't think I have scars. I have scabs that can be picked off with varying amounts of effort, depending on the scab. I realize that's a disgusting analogy, but it's accurate, I believe.

This is me too.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

My scars are my lessons in life, some of them good lessons and some of them not. My oldest scar which is still visable and I remember the pain, I got when I was 5 taught me that mum is always right, when she says something is hot and not to touch, well it really should not be touched.

 

[YourCaptor]

I don't like my scars. Wish I didn't have them, then I'd be pretty.

I also don't get people that show off theirs. I've though about getting tattoos to cover them up, then at least I get to chose the mark. But then that would probably just look stupid.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

I don't like my scars. Wish I didn't have them, then I'd be pretty.

I also don't get people that show off theirs. I've though about getting tattoos to cover them up, then at least I get to chose the mark. But then that would probably just look stupid.

Just say they are something really boring, its stops people asking.

A couple of mine are "chicken pock" scars, it's just easier than getting into a big discussion with people who are just being nosy.

 

[evesdream]

Has anyone here ever tried to go to Al Anon as a slave? It's quite an experience.

No, but I can see how it would be a challenge. Is it possible to separate a slave experience from 'co-dependency'? I think so, but it might take someone with a broader perspective and experience than normal to navigate that. (that's probably a different topic, but it's what popped into my head when you mentioned Al-Anon).

Is 'scarring' the type of question/issue that comes up?

 

[StacyV]

"And our scars remind us that the past is real...." -Papa Roach, "Scars"

I happen to find scars beautiful. I admit I would rather they didn't have to happen, but I don't regret them now that they're there. It's true, though, that make you learn from your mistakes. I used to be a cutter and many were made for exceptionally stupid reasons (not that any sort of cutting can be done for smart reasons); they remind me to THINK and not be so stupid in the future.

Indeed, scars do tell a story. They also are proof that you're alive and healing. I've learned to overcome my negativity that led me to cutting because, as I was recently reminded by someone that cares for me, everyone has their own set of problems; you just have to take them in stride and not let them affect you negatively.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I have one small scar, left over from some sharps play. I like it. It's a physical representation of the mark he's left on my heart.

I have some emotional ones, those I don't like so much. The coping mechanisms I developed to contain them are creative at best, and a pain in my ass at worst. It's hard work, overcoming them, leaving those scars raw and exposed.

But it's something I have to do.

 

[KoPilot]

It's not important but it is...important.

Hm.

My scars are my story. I don't seek them out and I don't ooo and ahhh over bruises and welts and such, no matter how they come to me. But I like them because they're organic. As someone who shuns tattoos, piercings and such, (on my own body), my scars are the only visual reminder, on my skin, of the life I've lived and who I am (for better or for worse).

Well, my scars and my wrinkles. (Which I also love).

When I pull up my sleeve and see that familiar pattern on my wrist I am instantly taken back to that dirtbiking wipe out. I feel it all again, the pain as I yard-sale'd down the hillside, the pride as, bleeding and battered, I remounted my bike and tried again - successfully. It tells me that I can overcome fear.

And each scar has a different story. I love stories.

L has a long jagged scar down one knee, where he sliced his kneecap off during a gag. I love to run my fingers over it and listen to its story.

As for internal scars. They are important because they keep me from making mistakes. They're the warning signs that prevent me from sabotaging my own happiness.

All of this.

Most of my scars make good stories. The one just under my chin I got as a little girl doing something dumb, the one on the bottom of my foot from stepping on a piece of glass while finding a place to pee in some dunes on a beach (there's still black sand in it). But my most important two are from my surgery, and I was actually disappointed that they weren't bigger. They're important to me because they marked my first time going under the knife, which I think of as a right of passage, and they remind me of what will happen if I don't take care of myself. They represent my possible infertility, or the ongoing debate I have in my mind of whether to undergo chemically-induced menopause, or even have a partial hysterectomy if and when this becomes a problem again in the future. If I don't do either of those things, though, then the scars remind me of when I'll inevitably need to have the procedure done at least one more time during the next 30 years.

But mostly they remind me how important good health is and the foolishness that is self-destructive behavior.

 

[Keroin]

Has anyone here ever tried to go to Al Anon as a slave? It's quite an experience.

I'm too tired for riddles.

I've been to Al Anon but since I'm not and never will be a slave my answer is no.

 

[eastern sun]

I'm too tired for riddles.

I've been to Al Anon but since I'm not and never will be a slave my answer is no.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be obtuse. I just haven't figured out how to talk about what prompted my question.

It came to mind when I was thinking about my son. My first inclination in dealing with him is to be concerned about any occurrence that might leave a scar.

On the other hand, I am exceedingly attached to my own scars, for reasons that aren't exactly clear to me. Sometimes I think it's because they separate me from everyone else. Sometimes because they make me feel tough and strong. Sometimes simply because they're so woven into the narrative of my life, I wouldn't be "me" without them.

But they also can be marks of shame, blatant reminders of stupid mistakes and lonely isolation, when I didn't get help when I needed it. And often I look at the smooth unblemished flesh of an infant and am so stunned by its sweet beauty I want more than anything to protect it from anything that could scar it.

And then, I walk into Al-Anon, of all places, with my slavery hidden in my back pocket (I still have no intention of discussing it there) and enter discussions of co-dependency that leave me staggering.

I start thinking that my love of my own scars, of being scarred, of seeking out people who want to scar me, is something I should question.

 

[Keroin]

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be obtuse. I just haven't figured out how to talk about what prompted my question.

No worries. I'm just putting in 12-14 hour days right now, at least ten of which are hard physical labour, and my brain is too fried to try and decipher anything more complicated than instructions for canned soup.

It came to mind when I was thinking about my son. My first inclination in dealing with him is to be concerned about any occurrence that might leave a scar.

On the other hand, I am exceedingly attached to my own scars, for reasons that aren't exactly clear to me. Sometimes I think it's because they separate me from everyone else. Sometimes because they make me feel tough and strong. Sometimes simply because they're so woven into the narrative of my life, I wouldn't be "me" without them.

But they also can be marks of shame, blatant reminders of stupid mistakes and lonely isolation, when I didn't get help when I needed it. And often I look at the smooth unblemished flesh of an infant and am so stunned by its sweet beauty I want more than anything to protect it from anything that could scar it.

And then, I walk into Al-Anon, of all places, with my slavery hidden in my back pocket (I still have no intention of discussing it there) and enter discussions of co-dependency that leave me staggering.

I start thinking that my love of my own scars, of being scarred, of seeking out people who want to scar me, is something I should question.

Ah, I see.

Funny, I can live with the dumbass mistakes I've made in my life that have left interior scars but when I think of how it must have been for my parents, watching me go through that stuff, how worried and hurt they were...I feel very ashamed and sad.