Name Calling

[MasterKinker]

This is pretty much a vent thread so if I only get non-intellectual replies I'll understand.

I was interviewing a perspective sub today and the subject of name calling came up. She asked me what my view on it were. I replied along the lines that well I normally take the opinion of the sub on the matter... if the sub says she doesn't particularly like it I'll either keep it to a minimum or not do it (haha sometimes it slips and yes that's my fault).

About 4 hours later (We had to take a break as she a family commitment or something), We came back to chatting and she blindsides me with a I think we should stop this conversation now has we are at different stages of thoughts on BDSM in general. I kind of laughed to myself and thought about what things we had talked about that had to do with BDSM. The only thing that I could think of was the comment about the name calling. So I asked if she could really tell me were on different stages from one comment? She proceeds to tell me she has a protector that she didn't tell me about and says that the protector says that he hates wannabes and fakes like me... about five minutes later after telling me she has orders to ignore me if I don't stop talking to her because at that point I'm trying to defend myself she gets off the chat.

I'm pretty certain that was the only BDSM specific thing we discussed besides what my favorite thing was and she didn't have a problem with or didn't bring it up.

Sorry that was so long winded I don't take getting call a wannabe and a fake well especially when I am very serious about this. I guess my question is is my stance on the subject a good thing? I mean I think I've lost a sub cause I didn't ask first before I did it, so that is what lead me to believe in this.

 

[catalina_francisco]

It's all about mindset. You have not lost a sub as they were not yours to lose, just someone you were talking to. If they want to believe what they claim, accept and move on as it is not meant to be obviously.

Catalina

 

[MasterKinker]

Knew I shouldn't have said that at the end. I was actually talk about her. I was saying another sub had left because I had called them a name, and I hadn't ever thought of her as "mine." Actually now that I reread it it does make sense the way I had indented, but I guess you could have a read it wrong....

 

[CutieMouse]

Or maybe instead of worrying about it, you could be thankful you avoided moving forward with someone who depends more on her "protector's" opinion than her own.

Everyone has a different definition of "wannabe". For some people, your fluidity on the name calling thing would be an awesome example of an aware, thoughtful, relationship-focused Dominant. For others, it is the perfect example of a guy who's willing to say anything to get in a submissive's pants.

 

[yellow_zinnia]

I think both parties have to be upfront and honest in their questions and answers. It sounds like you were doing just that and it sounds like she wasn't, since she informed you, after the fact, that she had a "Protector".

If a sub leaves, just because the Dom, accidently calls her a name, rather than talking to her Dom about it, then she wasn't worth having.

 

[ImOnIt]

Don't give either of their opinions more weight than they deserve. Its reasonable to be mildly fucked off, but no more.

 

[Stella_Omega]

that 'protector' thing reeks of fetlife. Was this going to be a face-to-face thing, or online?

 

[MasterKinker]

Pretty sure it was not going to go behind online.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

sounds like you dodged a bullet to me

 

[MasterKinker]

Probably... It still kind of ticks me off that I called a wannabe and a fake... Guess I'm kind of over it now...

 

[Skaoi]

Communicating your wants and desires is never a bad thing. If someone doesn't agree with them, then move on or be happy they are.

When someone pisses you off just get crazy drunk then rant and rave about how they're probably just a gargoyle anyway. (That's good advice, right?)

 

[MasterKinker]

haah I try not to drink too much but thanks I think

 

[Skaoi]

Then substitute alcohol with pixie sticks, ride that sugar high!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Probably... It still kind of ticks me off that I called a wannabe and a fake... Guess I'm kind of over it now...

Fuck em, their loss!

 

[where]

Probably... It still kind of ticks me off that I called a wannabe and a fake... Guess I'm kind of over it now...

isn't it like a fetlife or bdsm rule that anyone with lord, sir, master or dom in their name is automatically a wannabe?

but seriously, my guess is the 'protector' was worried about losing his sub.

 

[Stella_Omega]

isn't it like a fetlife or bdsm rule that anyone with lord, sir, master or dom in their name is automatically a wannabe?

but seriously, my guess is the 'protector' was worried about losing his sub.

I think I'm gonna change my handle to Sir Stella Master Lord Omega Dom.

The third.

 

[where]

I think I'm gonna change my handle to Sir Stella Master Lord Omega Dom.

The third.

*orgasms*

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

About 4 hours later (We had to take a break as she a family commitment or something), We came back to chatting and she blindsides me with a I think we should stop this conversation now has we are at different stages of thoughts on BDSM in general. I kind of laughed to myself and thought about what things we had talked about that had to do with BDSM.

Sounds like she was looking for an excuse to end the conversation, and shook the magic 8-ball: "My sources say we are at different stages of thoughts on BDSM." You have no idea what was really up with her, and can't. She may be taken. Or she may just not be that into you.

There are a lot of other subs in the ocean.

Depth charge!

I think I'm gonna change my handle to Sir Stella Master Lord Omega Dom.

The third.

You rock, SirMasterLord.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I think I'm gonna change my handle to Sir Stella Master Lord Omega Dom.

The third.

lols. I'd hope you didn't make someone use your whole title. That'd get cumbersome!

 

[IrisAlthea]

lols. I'd hope you didn't make someone use your whole title. That'd get cumbersome!

Almost a bit...sadistic?

 

[CurvAppeal]

I am not that big into name calling actually. Unfortunately, I am a fragile (emotionally) female. I don't like being called Slut, Bitch, Whore, Cunt....I find that very disrespectful. It isn't like me to call anyone names, even if it involves sexual arousal.

I love more of the "pet" names. Babygirl, little girl, babe, Sweety, Cutie etc etc.......I can only remember one time where being called a slut turned me on.

Curvie ​

 

[Stella_Omega]

I am not that big into name calling actually. Unfortunately, I am a fragile (emotionally) female. I don't like being called Slut, Bitch, Whore, Cunt....I find that very disrespectful. It isn't like me to call anyone names, even if it involves sexual arousal.

I love more of the "pet" names. Babygirl, little girl, babe, Sweety, Cutie etc etc.......I can only remember one time where being called a slut turned me on.

Curvie ​

I love watching my pyl shake and writhe and I tell her she's a good girl, a strong girl, she's making it look so good for me...

 

[DVS]

BDSM has such a wide and differing definition, depending on who you talk to. Everybody has an opinion and I can pretty much guarantee that no two are the same. That can appear scary, but it's just how things can mutate. Personal preferences carry a lot of weight, when there is no steadfast set of rules that need to be followed. Name calling can mean a lot to some people, just like bondage or spanking is to me. It may help them to find their "place" in the lifestyle. Everybody has their own special kink.

I have my own opinion on names and name calling. I don't like names when I'm in a relationship with someone, unless my submissive prefers one. While I understand that some people would like slut or bitch within a scene, or maybe fuck toy or something sexually degrading like that, it just doesn't rank that high on the appeal scale for me.

The same applies to names I want to be called during a scene or relationship. Some Doms demand to be called Master or Sir or something similar and some submissives also have a desire to call their dominant by a superior name like that. I'm just me and while I will allow a submissive to call me Master or Sir if that appeals to her, I don't care what she calls me.

As far as I'm concerned, she can call me asshole or bastard or even dip shit. It makes no difference to me. Once she's bound and helpless, I'm going to have my fun. Names don't seem necessary at that point. Everything and everybody seems to have a title or a label. I don't get caught up in that game.

So, if I understand your correspondence with this person correctly, I'd probably be treated just like you were, when asked about name calling. I'd not worry about it in the least, and just move on. And like others have already told you...you are probably better off not getting mixed up with this person. Let her stay with her protector. That protector actually did you a favor.