Which method of birth control is best?

[Inquisitive_Mind]

So, a bit of background about me. I don't know if it really makes a difference what my background is, but I thought I'd put it in anyway. A brief sketch: I'm a virgin who is going to be losing her virginity within the next few months. The last thing in the world that I want is to get pregnant, so I want to go on birth control but I don't know what method to choose. I took the little survey at the Planned Parenthood website and was recommended three things: The birth control patch, the pill, and the nuva ring. Each seems to have its pros and cons. Basically, I don't want anything that will drastically alter my body chemistry and turn me into a hormonal mess but I also want something that is very effective. Right now I'm favoring the idea of the patch because you only have to apply it once a week as opposed to a pill which I would have to remember to take every day. The nuva ring is interesting, but to be honest the idea of having a little plastic ring stuck in my vagina for 3 weeks straight weirds me out a little. I would love to hear from the ladies about the kinds of birth control they practice and their pros and cons. This is all kind of new to me, so any advice you would like to share would be most welcome.

-Inquisitive Mind

 

[BunnyHopper]

Unfortunately they all do alter your body chemistry. It's just a matter of testing, which one will make you crazy and which one doesn't. I had the ring and it completely messed up my brain. I was a mess. I honestly thought I was going crazy. Now, that was just me. Others have better experiences with the ring than with the pill. I've had the best experience with a pill that has three different kinds of levels of hormones in them throughout the cycle.

Unfortunately you just have to test to see what's best for your body chemistry.

 

[wicked woman]

People can certainly share their experiences but frankly we can't tell you what's best for you. I suggest that you make an appointment with your doctor or planned parenthood, letting them know that you'll need a longer appointmen to discuss your options. Continue to do your research so you've educated yourself before you go.

Kudos to you for addressing this in advance. Depending on your situation you might consider condoms to deal with sexually transmitted diseases.

 

[Chiara_searches]

[snip] Kudos to you for addressing this in advance. Depending on your situation you might consider condoms to deal with sexually transmitted diseases.

Agreed. Good work on thinking about this before hand. It's absolutely fantastic that you are being responsible.

And being responsible includes using condoms or dental dams to prevent transmission of STDs. Even if your partner has never had sex with penetration before, remember that STDs are not transmitted only that way. It is much better to always, always, always use a condom until you are in a fully committed, long term relationship. Don't end up with an STD that could lessen your enjoyment of sex because sex is, well, awesomely fun. You can even take some enjoyment in integrating a condom into the mix.

It's a tried and true saying: No glove, no love.

If he's reluctant to use a condom, please consider his reluctance carefully. In my experience, the guys worth anything are always interested in making sure sex is safe for both of you.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Oral.


Seriously.

 

[satindesire]

Hormonal birth control reacts differently in each individual woman. A lot of women have had problems with, for example, the Depo Provera birth control injection. However, I was on it for three years with NO side effects whatsoever, other than the fact that I didn't have a single period, not even the barest hint of spotting, the entire time I was on it. It was great...I saved a lot of money on tampons and Pamprin, and the dark chocolate industry didn't have to hire child slave labor to keep up with my demand!

Quiet simply put, not one person on this planet can tell you what birth control you're going to like, because only YOU have your own body chemistry. You have to try methods and give them a few months in order to properly judge their effects.

For now, try the BC Pill, and use condoms and dental dams for STD protection. If the pill makes you sick or too moody, try the patch. If you're allergic to the glue or you don't like the side effects, try the Depo shot, but frankly, save that one for last. It's the BC option that most women have issues with, but it's kind of like an all-or-nothing BC option...either women LOVE it (me) or HATE it with a burning passion.

Regardless of the hormonal method you end up choosing, use condoms and dental dams ANYWAY. You certainly do NOT want to remember your first time as the time you got HPV or herpes.

 

[Christopher1981]

There's always in the butt.

Just kidding, sort of.

Really though, no matter what you use make sure he wraps it up unless he's been tested.

 

[minx1]

I'm currently considering the 'no sex' method of birth control lol.

I used to be on the pill but having done it for the first 10 years or so of being sexually active, I would be hesitant to go there again. Im not in favour of messing with my body's makeup when I dont have to.

I've used condoms a lot, but if I'm in a committed, ltr and could be sure of them being sexually clean/sti free, my peference would be not to use them. I would like my partner to cum in me without a barrier.

I know people who have used iuds and many rave about them, others say it scratches their partner.

Sorry, lol not much help. There's the female condom of course.

For me if it comes to a choice between hormonal and barrier methods, I think its going to have to be barrier.

Hope you find something that fits

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Well, obviously, the only 100% method is to not have sex. Duh. Obviously that's not what we're going for here.

Generally speaking, the highest success rates for a single method are with hormonal birth control. You just cannot beat "no egg to fertilize". Even when hormonal birth control doesn't stop THAT, it tends to make the reproductive tract so inhospitable and inaccessible to sperm that it's almost naturally spermicidic, and the cervix becomes an effective barrier. If you are worried about it messing up your natural hormonal balance, there is no one here who can tell you what is best for you. Not even a medical expert can just KNOW. It will require some trial and error with method, and contraceptive strength.

I do not recommend the patch due to the increased risk of side effects compared with the pill. But your doctor can help you with that decision better than me.

Personally, I use a hormonal IUD. My reasoning for this was it was a one-time cost that lasts 5 years without me having to do ANYTHING, except check it occasionally to make sure it's still in place. No once a day, week, month, year, any of that!!

After doing the pill for a while and becoming uncomfortable with my habit of irregular dosing, I decided to go with an IUD (if I could convince the gyne) or Depo, as they had the most long-term effect. I preferred the IUD due to the longer-term effect, as well as the way the hormone is dosed within the body compared to Depo.

A gyne is more likely to agree to Depo. Depending on the gyne, you may have to FIGHT tooth and nail to get an IUD as a woman who has not had a child. There are a lot of reasons for this, but they are statistically unlikely to occur, even IF you're a risk group.

A quasi-hormonal contraceptive you may be interested is a COPPER IUD. These have some more problems than hormonal ones, but they are just as effective and last an extra five years (up to ten). If you think you may be interested in that, research the difference between the hormonal one and the copper one. I liked the hormonal one better.

IUDs are initially painful. The procedure is painful (I found it mostly just "highly uncomfortable, but I deal with pain during medical procedures pretty well). There are a few good weeks of intense cramping as your uterus adjusts to the fact there's a piece of plastic in it.

However after that, you're set for 5 years (barring something happening or a desire to intentionally remove it) and it's possible for your cycles to peeter off and disappear entirely. I haven't had an actual period since I got mine last year. It's awesome.

My partner did complain about being poked. However, the strings are supposed to soften and adjust after a time, and we're hoping next time we're together that will have changed. My sister has an IUD and her strings no longer irritate her husband.

Anyway. Speak to your gyne/planned parenthood about it. They can discuss with you whats best for YOU.


NOTE: This is only speaking about contraceptive use. Except in a monogamous clean relationship, you should be using a condom as well no matter WHAT. Also, on such a note, proper use of a condom+spermicide is just about as effective as hormonal birth control.

 

[Inquisitive_Mind]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I am leaning towards a hormonal method but I know you all are right in saying that I will just have to experiment until I find the right one for me. Hopefully the process won't make me too psycho. As to condoms, my partner and I are in a long distance relationship. We have not yet met but we have known each other for over four months, and gone pretty much as far as it is possible to go over the internet. It will have been almost a year before we actually meet and I trust this person implicitly. Otherwise I would not have agreed to meet him. I trust him not to give me a disease and also I trust him to have enough control to not come inside of me. Because of these things I am leaning towards forgoing the condom, as long as I am using some form of birth control. I really want to feel what the sex is like skin to skin, as does he, and I feel like as long as I am diligent about practicing whatever method I choose, I should be alright.

 

[Chiara_searches]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I am leaning towards a hormonal method but I know you all are right in saying that I will just have to experiment until I find the right one for me. Hopefully the process won't make me too psycho. As to condoms, my partner and I are in a long distance relationship. We have not yet met but we have known each other for over four months, and gone pretty much as far as it is possible to go over the internet. It will have been almost a year before we actually meet and I trust this person implicitly. Otherwise I would not have agreed to meet him. I trust him not to give me a disease and also I trust him to have enough control to not come inside of me. Because of these things I am leaning towards forgoing the condom, as long as I am using some form of birth control. I really want to feel what the sex is like skin to skin, as does he, and I feel like as long as I am diligent about practicing whatever method I choose, I should be alright.

Please do not forgo the condom. In all the years I have had sex, I have never honestly felt much of a difference between sheathed and unsheathed. You may be lucky and have greater sensitivity than I, but the risk is so not worth it.

You have known this person only four months, over the internet, where there is still an element of anonymity even if you have gone as far as you can. Please look at this thread for an understanding that what you get when meeting in real life can be so much different than how things have gone on before. He may say he is sharing everything openly and honestly. He may even be actually doing that. But there is still a high probability that there are important things you have not been told.

My ex-husband and I used condoms up until just before getting married. We were engaged two years, using condoms the entire time and while dating (before getting engaged). I never felt a difference when he did or did not have a condom on. I remain, even now, a strong advocate for condoms.

Please protect yourself by practicing safe sex. Even if he does not climax in you, there is still pre-cum or pre-ejaculate. For starters, please read this article. Note that is says: "Among men with certain infectious diseases, pre-ejaculate can often contain disease pathogens."

Consider this as well: even if you do trust him not to give you a disease, he may be carrying something and not even know it himself. For example, according to the CDC's fact sheet regarding herpes: "Most people infected with HSV-2 are not aware of their infection." According to the CDC HIV In the United States page: "[The] CDC estimates that more than one million people are living with HIV in the United States. One in five (21%) of those people living with HIV is unaware of their infection."

These are all the more reasons to use a condom.

Sex is meant to be enjoyed for a life time. What you do sexually will evolve over time, but please don't take a risk your first time out that could impact your entire life. Your health is more important that a few minutes of "feeling skin on skin." And if the lack of condoms is really because he's insisting on "skin on skin," please consider if he is the right person to be with. As I already said, someone worth sharing your first time should want to do whatever is necessary to keep you healthy.

I don't mean to scare you off of sex. Please don't take my comments that way. Instead, I just want you to think long and hard about condoms. I also hope you are educating yourself further on this matter because it sounds like you are still learning the very basics. Please talk this issue over with your health practitioner.

This post also has more threads that delve into this topic.

Finally, please also read this post and the links provided there regarding taking safety measures when meeting an internet person in real life for the first time.

 

[wicked woman]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I am leaning towards a hormonal method but I know you all are right in saying that I will just have to experiment until I find the right one for me. Hopefully the process won't make me too psycho. As to condoms, my partner and I are in a long distance relationship. We have not yet met but we have known each other for over four months, and gone pretty much as far as it is possible to go over the internet. It will have been almost a year before we actually meet and I trust this person implicitly. Otherwise I would not have agreed to meet him. I trust him not to give me a disease and also I trust him to have enough control to not come inside of me. Because of these things I am leaning towards forgoing the condom, as long as I am using some form of birth control. I really want to feel what the sex is like skin to skin, as does he, and I feel like as long as I am diligent about practicing whatever method I choose, I should be alright.

That's a lot of trust.

 

[vrosej10]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I am leaning towards a hormonal method but I know you all are right in saying that I will just have to experiment until I find the right one for me. Hopefully the process won't make me too psycho. As to condoms, my partner and I are in a long distance relationship. We have not yet met but we have known each other for over four months, and gone pretty much as far as it is possible to go over the internet. It will have been almost a year before we actually meet and I trust this person implicitly. Otherwise I would not have agreed to meet him. I trust him not to give me a disease and also I trust him to have enough control to not come inside of me. Because of these things I am leaning towards forgoing the condom, as long as I am using some form of birth control. I really want to feel what the sex is like skin to skin, as does he, and I feel like as long as I am diligent about practicing whatever method I choose, I should be alright.

You are a virgin right? Well in practical terms, this is a mistake. The best intended man on earth will at times find the drive to come inside you overwhelming. Condoms are the smartest move for the first year of any relationship. Blind trust in any relationship is a mistake. Just look at the figures for the number of people who cheat.

 

[intothewoods]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I am leaning towards a hormonal method but I know you all are right in saying that I will just have to experiment until I find the right one for me. Hopefully the process won't make me too psycho. As to condoms, my partner and I are in a long distance relationship. We have not yet met but we have known each other for over four months, and gone pretty much as far as it is possible to go over the internet. It will have been almost a year before we actually meet and I trust this person implicitly. Otherwise I would not have agreed to meet him. I trust him not to give me a disease and also I trust him to have enough control to not come inside of me. Because of these things I am leaning towards forgoing the condom, as long as I am using some form of birth control. I really want to feel what the sex is like skin to skin, as does he, and I feel like as long as I am diligent about practicing whatever method I choose, I should be alright.

Are you kidding?

 

[Betticus]

You lost me at losing your virginity to someone you talk to online and have never met in real life.

This has to be a troll.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Oral.


Seriously.

Seconded.

 

[Inquisitive_Mind]

I knew that condom comment would get me into trouble. I have discussed it with my partner and he says that he will wear a condom if I ask him to. He would also probably get tested and show me the results if I asked it of him but I feel like that would be a bit rude at this point. Even with condoms accidents happen, and I would not plan on giving him oral while he was wearing a condom. Couldn't I get an STD from having him in my mouth almost as easily as in other areas? I am trying to go about this as smartly as possible, but there is always an element of risk involved meeting someone in person who you've met online. But the same risks can just as easily apply to a blind date or a date with someone you met in a bar. Who's to say that nice man you meet in the cafe isn't really a serial killer? I have talked with my partner on the phone as well as on webcam, and I am sure he would probably even give me character references if I asked him to. I am confident, that this person is who he says he is, and has no plans of chaining me up in a basement somewhere among the skeletons of his previous victims. The condom issue only came up because he mentioned that he sometimes has trouble finding ones wide enough to fit him. I asked him if a condom would dull the pleasure for him and he said, rather reluctantly, that it likely would. I like the idea of being able to give him as much pleasure as possible, so I am considering forgoing the condom.

If you had asked me a year ago if I would meet ever meet someone I had been talking to online I would have said no. I have always been very cautious about stuff like this. Probably too cautious, which is why I'm still a virgin at my age. We ran into each other online completely by accident and it took us months to get to the point of agreeing to meet, mostly because of my shyness, and since he lives far away it will be another few months before this meeting can actually occur. The meeting is not specifically for sex either, but I know that when we meet in the flesh, we are going to want to have sex. A lot. I know that condom use is one of those things people absolutely insist on, and I know that if I said I wanted him to use one he would, but I want this experience to be as pleasurable for him as possible. I have faith that this man is not just going to come visit me, fuck me a few times, give me HIV and then dip out back to where he came from. I know at this point that all of you probably think I'm being stupid, but to be honest I've never trusted anyone as much as I trust this person. I believe that he would tell me if he had an STD.

I really do appreciate all of the advice. It has given me some things to think about.

-Inquisitve_Mind

 

[FloggingMolly]

Can I be totally honest?
If asking him for proof of his test results seems 'rude', I strongly advise that you have a little think to make sure you're ready. You should never be hesitant to discuss/ask anything of someone you're a) going to give your virginity to, and b) considering sleeping with without condoms. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I also wouldn't want to see anyone rush into something. Just because you're meeting up for the first time doesn't mean you _have_ to do it there and then.
I'd definately be using condoms. Four months may seem like a long time, but in the grand scheme of things, you can never be too sure. Only told one of my close friends told me that her boyfriend of 8 months has just slept with someone behind her back, a girl with known careless sexual health. It happens, regardless of how long you've been together. Please protect yourself.
I hope you don't think I'm being cruel :S

 

[Skaoi]

Can I be totally honest?
If asking him for proof of his test results seems 'rude', I strongly advise that you have a little think to make sure you're ready. You should never be hesitant to discuss/ask anything of someone you're a) going to give your virginity to, and b) considering sleeping with without condoms.

100% agree with this.

This to me is a respect issue. Not only should you respect yourself enough to ask for proof of his cleanness but he should respect you enough to provide said results. No matter how much you think you know a person, you can never be quite sure they aren't hiding bodies in the basement. Get the tests and see the results.

The condom issue only came up because he mentioned that he sometimes has trouble finding ones wide enough to fit him. I asked him if a condom would dull the pleasure for him and he said, rather reluctantly, that it likely would.

Once you start becoming more sexually active you'll realize guys are always waaaay to big for condoms and are sooo very reluctant to admit condoms dull their pleasure. They usually get over these issues.

 

[Nameless_Rose]

Hmm, this seems kind of tricky. I do think though that if you trust this person enough to have sex with him, and unprotected sex at that, you should trust him enough to not be offended by your asking him to be tested.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Since I generally Agree I won't plague this response with quotes...but really your reasons for choosing for forego a condom are naive at best and outright stupid at worst.


"The condom issue only came up because he mentioned that he sometimes has trouble finding ones wide enough to fit him. I asked him if a condom would dull the pleasure for him and he said, rather reluctantly, that it likely would."

---> I will quote this one, because it's BULLSHIT. People can squeeze their ENTIRE BODIES into condoms. And it will be a rare drugstore that doesn't have the very largest of condoms, mostly because us ladies get tired of such bullshit. My boyfriend has had this issue as well, but do you know what we did? We didn't have sex again until he found condoms that he felt comfortable in. It really just meant going to a different drugstore in town. Taking the word of other men, the condom does not decrease stimulation THAT MUCH. Honestly, if my boyfriend had tried to convince me not to use condoms with this, I'd have thrown him out on his ear.



You should not trust ANYONE that much for a first meeting. As others have pointed out, he could be infected and NOT KNOW IT. I'm not saying you have to DEMAND test results (although it is not rude to ask for them), but be aware that without them you are taking him entirely at his word....that you have learned to trust after only 4 months. The only reason I took the word of my boyfriend that his last test was clean was because I'd known him and knew he was an honest guy after TWO YEARS. And even then, it wasn't really the smartest idea in the world.

Only YOU can prevent vagina-fires!!!! Never trust anyone to do it for you. I know it sounds paranoid, but you are your only 100% loyal advocate in this. You need to think with your head about this, not with your compassion, your love, or your loins. It's your whole life that's affected if you mess up. It is a serious health issue, not a romantic one.

 

[Inquisitive_Mind]

What you all are saying does make sense and I do trust my partner enough to talk candidly with him about these issues. I will bring up a lot of these things the next time we talk. I probably should have done it before now, but I'm shy. He has honestly probably been waiting for me to say something about it, but I have been stalling because I just don't know how to go about asking him if he would be tested tactfully, in a way that doesn't make it sound as if I think he is man-whore.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I am leaning towards a hormonal method but I know you all are right in saying that I will just have to experiment until I find the right one for me. Hopefully the process won't make me too psycho. As to condoms, my partner and I are in a long distance relationship. We have not yet met but we have known each other for over four months, and gone pretty much as far as it is possible to go over the internet. It will have been almost a year before we actually meet and I trust this person implicitly. Otherwise I would not have agreed to meet him. I trust him not to give me a disease and also I trust him to have enough control to not come inside of me. Because of these things I am leaning towards forgoing the condom, as long as I am using some form of birth control. I really want to feel what the sex is like skin to skin, as does he, and I feel like as long as I am diligent about practicing whatever method I choose, I should be alright.

Sorry, after reading this whole post, especially the highlighted part, I don't think you are ready for sex. If you are going to go there, you need to be sensible and responsible. When did you tell this trusted being you were a virgin, and what response did you get? Trusting someone you have met online is fine if you have some life experience to back up your judgement, but as a rule that level of experience takes many years. You do know there are diseases you can contract that are not cureable, nor visible, don't you? You do know women have contracted HIV after having sex for the first time with a trusted friend they had known for a long time in real life don't you? A

nd best of all, you do know that a man does not necessarily have to cum to make you pregnant don't you? Actually, I know someone who was going to have sex with a female friend, got hot and heavy but before any penetration took place, then the girl decided to not have sex with him at all as she decided the risk was not worth it....hmmmm, well she got pregnant and now has a lovely 9 year old as a result, and all without even having penetrative sex...so trusting him to not cum in you is really not a very good idea if you don't want to get pregnant as it might not have any use as a contraceptive at all.

As to what would work best for you as a contraceptive, as many have said, only your doctor and testing them out can answer that. What suits one person may not suit another. Basically, they are all only a deterrant, none of them are rated as 100% effective. Also, if you go for the pill, be careful of taking some medications/antibiotics, or taking a lot of vitamin C, or drinking lots of orange juice as all can make the pill useless as a contraceptive, as can vomiting or diahorrea.

Catalina

 

[Inquisitive_Mind]

Sorry, after reading this whole post, especially the highlighted part, I don't think you are ready for sex. If you are going to go there, you need to be sensible and responsible. When did you tell this trusted being you were a virgin, and what response did you get? Trusting someone you have met online is fine if you have some life experience to back up your judgement, but as a rule that level of experience takes many years. You do know there are diseases you can contract that are not cureable, nor visible, don't you? You do know women have contracted HIV after having sex for the first time with a trusted friend they had known for a long time in real life don't you?
Catalina

I know all about the diseases I can get from sex. They have been drilled into my head since I was 11 years old in every health class I've ever taken. Plus I went to a safe sex workshop in college. They had us role-play being different STDs. I know their symptoms, their causes, what they look like and whether or not they can be cured. I know that there is a chance I can get pregnant if an erect penis comes anywhere near my vagina. I am trying to be sensible about this, which is why I am seeking to be on a well-established form of birth control by the time we meet. I did not tell my partner I was a virgin until recently but he did not need me to tell him to realize it. I am painfully shy and awkward about some things and it would not take a genius to realize that I'm a virgin. It's true that I do not have experience, but should I really just ignore the feelings I have for this person because I do not have any experience? If I am not ready for sex at this point, then I doubt I ever will be. I feel like I have found someone I can trust and I do not trust easily. I have thought long and hard about this decision. I really am not a stupid person, I have just been ruled by caution my entire life and I feel like there comes a time when you just have to take a risk. I believe that my partner will take good care of me and will protect himself and be tested if I asked him. I would not have even considered meeting him if I did not believe this to be the case.

 

[BunnyHopper]

I think you do seem like a sensible and intelligent person. If you do not want to use condoms, I understand that, nobody really likes them and the first time should be special. However, I think you should have the right to ask for some proof of STD tests. If the other person is not ready to provide that proof to you, then he is not worthy of having your virginity unprotected.

I know that it is all so easy to say this as a person who's not in your position and I personally have no right to lecture others about losing their virginity... My personal experience was rather awful. I very much commend you for taking the responsibility and making sure that you are safe, but in the same time, your partner should take some of the responsibility as well. It's not like it's a one night stand happening whilst you're both drunk (hopefully not at least). You know it's going to happen and you're working on it together, so make it special and make sure that you're both safe and so you can just concentrate on the good things.