Sexual Health and BDSM

[aniserouge]

So for a non-health professional I know a lot about STI and pregnancy prevention, but I only really taught situations common to vanilla partners. I was wondering how people in the BDSM community factor into their practice things like birth control, testing, present STIs, and latex barrier methods. In what ways would it be different or the same to negotiating such things in a vanilla encounter? What are your personal practices? Can barrier methods be used seamlessly during play? It's one thing to know what one should do to keep themselves healthy, and another to work out how it actually happens. I'm not knowledgeable about this community, so if I imply anything offensive or uninclusive let me know.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Safe sex has been emphasized in the leather (primarily GLBT BDSM) community since I can't remember when... In semi-public parties or at dungeons, most DMs (Dungeon Master/Mistress) will go around and enforce latex safety on players, even at the cost of interrupting play. There are always, always, safety seminars offered at leather events.

But there is an emphasis on negotiation and communication in BDSM in general, since sex isn't your basic fuck by default-- it's usually a little more complicated. If you look at sites for equipment and toys, regardless of orientation, there will nearly always be a note about washability and ways to disinfect a gadget, as part of the sales pitch-- a note on whether you can share it with another user or not.

I'm of the opinion that talking about safety, negotiating it, came from the BDSM community, who had to invent it, to the vanilla.

 

[Chiara_searches]

Take my thoughts with a grain of salt (or a vat) because I'm new to this, but in my personal play book, I have complete open and honest communication down as a number one priority. That means talking about things when necessary, even "awkward" things. In my limited experience, discussions of these types of issues only strengthened that communication flow. So my advice is simple: communication with your partner or partners. Run, run far away, if they can't communicate back about this issue because you need to stay healthy. Besides, incorporating some of the barrier methods can actually be fun, if done playfully.

 

[aniserouge]

Safe sex has been emphasized in the leather (primarily GLBT BDSM) community since I can't remember when... In semi-public parties or at dungeons, most DMs (Dungeon Master/Mistress) will go around and enforce latex safety on players, even at the cost of interrupting play. There are always, always, safety seminars offered at leather events.

But there is an emphasis on negotiation and communication in BDSM in general, since sex isn't your basic fuck by default-- it's usually a little more complicated. If you look at sites for equipment and toys, regardless of orientation, there will nearly always be a note about washability and ways to disinfect a gadget, as part of the sales pitch-- a note on whether you can share it with another user or not.

I'm of the opinion that talking about safety, negotiating it, came from the BDSM community, who had to invent it, to the vanilla.

I have noticed notes on toy websites, yeah.
But that's so cool.
Come to think of it, it makes sense that it came from BDSM to vanilla. Entrepreneurs, you may say.
Anyway thanks for the ray of light, I'll keep my ears open for kink-tailored safety information and take it to heart, now that I know it's so available.

 

[Cattypuss]

I've always felt that the number 1 rule of safer sex is to use common sense.

If you don't know here it's been and it's not certified clean, put a barrier of some kind between you and it - whether "it" is a flogger or a dildo or a set of genitalia or whatever.

 

[shy slave]

Perhaps I am reading this wrong, but there seems to be a level of implication that people involved in BDSM are more promiscuous or have more sexual partners than vanilla people.

You can't catch an std from non-sexual playing, which is often the case in BDSM. Many clubs ban sexual contact.

 

[Cattypuss]

You can't catch an std from non-sexual playing.

That's not quite true. You can catch stuff from blood. And where there is e.g. impact play, there may be blood.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Perhaps I am reading this wrong, but there seems to be a level of implication that people involved in BDSM are more promiscuous or have more sexual partners than vanilla people.

You can't catch an std from non-sexual playing, which is often the case in BDSM. Many clubs ban sexual contact.

Not that BDSM people are more promiscuous than vanilla, but that there's more encouragement for promiscuous BDSM'ers to be more mindful than there is for vanilla.

Since vanilla folk don't think of themselves as a community they don't necessarily communicate or buy "howto" books...

 

[shy slave]

That's not quite true. You can catch stuff from blood. And where there is e.g. impact play, there may be blood.

True.

I read the OP as sexual health - from sex, not impact play.

Cleaning toys is a different thing all together.

 

[Stella_Omega]

True.

I read the OP as sexual health - from sex, not impact play.

Cleaning toys is a different thing all together.

For many BDSM folk, impact play is sex-- or included in our definition of sex...

 

[shy slave]

For many BDSM folk, impact play is sex-- or included in our definition of sex...

To me sex is penetration not playing, even if it brings about orgasm.

I agree with about vanilla people and communication.
As a lead on from that have always felt safer as a single woman at a munch or BDSM club than I do in a vanilla pub. Men are more communicative and respectful in BDSM setting when they don't know you, compared to a vanilla man after a few drinks.

 

[lissa808]

That's not quite true. You can catch stuff from blood. And where there is e.g. impact play, there may be blood.

Mmmm...blood...can't really play with it the way I like because of that risk.

 

[aniserouge]

Perhaps I am reading this wrong, but there seems to be a level of implication that people involved in BDSM are more promiscuous or have more sexual partners than vanilla people.

You can't catch an std from non-sexual playing, which is often the case in BDSM. Many clubs ban sexual contact.

Implications of promiscuity are something sexual health ed people avoid at all costs (or at least my organization does.) For one thing, everyone can and should engage in sexual activity however many times they freaking want, however they freaking want to assuming they are comfortable with and aware of health concerns. It is our deepest wish that they feel secure and healthy doing it. Sexual health is a basic part of human existence, whether you have sex once, ten times, 5.3 times, ___ times, or never. We've all got gonads, we should all know how they work and be prepared to pass that knowledge on to the people we care about. It's a right, not a mark of shame.

As a clarification to the use of the word "sexual health":
In the sexual health/reproductive health/etc/whatever you want to call it world, sexual health merely means health concerns related to exchange of bodily fluids that may result in pregnancy or transmission of an STI. It also deals with the normal functions of our biological sex-specific organs.

Penetration of any kind (with whatever, into wherever) is one of the many behaviors that can lead to transmission if proper precautions aren't taken, but it is in no way the only one, and many aren't what one might call "sex" or even sexual. This is particularly important because it is possible and likely that things that constitute "sex" are very different from person to person and carry different social and emotional weight.

Sexual health experts should never focus on the label of the patient's actions, only whether there were health risks based on the type of skin contact or fluid exchange possible. STI prevention and pregnancy planning are things everyone should know and love, no matter when, with who, or how, they may or may not be exchanging said potentially troublesome bodily fluids.

This doesn't have anything to do with how much, how, or when someone may or may not have sex. Or even if they do. BDSM can involve more exposure to possibly contagious fluids than, say, golf, and I hope I'm not stepping on toes when I say that sessions(for lack of a more polite word) do every now and then lead to or involve sexual contact, not at a club, but maybe say, at home?

So this thread is about issues I might not think of on my own, pertaining to sexual health, when BDSM and sexual contact intersect, or when fluids might move around. I assume a different perspective from every single person I talk to, I was just curious to glean horizon-broadening knowledge from all of the savvy, sex-positive, intellectual people on here. For example, having no experience with BDSM clubs of any kind, I didn't know that no sexual contact was a common policy, thanks for informing me.

Please continue to let me know if anything judgmental or ignorant is implied, I ensure you that I am dedicated to the freedom to be exactly how one wants to be, with acceptance and respect from the medical community.

 

[Stella_Omega]

To me sex is penetration not playing, even if it brings about orgasm.

... oh, boy.

Not to threadjack, but that means that thousands of gay men have never had sex because they don't buttfuck.

And thousands of lesbian women are virgins still, after all these years and lovers...

Nope-- you've drunk the Peen-in-vag koolade.

If any activity brings about orgasm, it's sex. That's what sex is. Masturbation is sex. Cunt licking is sex. Two dicks rubbing against each other-- that's sex. If it also brings about a sense of interconnectedness and companionship and lurve-- that's what makes it really really great sex.

Promise me you'll think about this a bit.

As a lead on from that have always felt safer as a single woman at a munch or BDSM club than I do in a vanilla pub. Men are more communicative and respectful in BDSM setting when they don't know you, compared to a vanilla man after a few drinks.

We think about it more.

 

[seela]

If any activity brings about orgasm, it's sex. That's what sex is. Masturbation is sex. Cunt licking is sex. Two dicks rubbing against each other-- that's sex. If it also brings about a sense of interconnectedness and companionship and lurve-- that's what makes it really really great sex.

Your definition of having sex rules out all the people, who don't or won't orgasm (such as moi). This is why I'm not into semantics - blanket definitions never quite seem to work, no matter how good the intentions are.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Your definition of having sex rules out all the people, who don't or won't orgasm (such as moi). This is why I'm not into semantics - blanket definitions never quite seem to work, no matter how good the intentions are.

You are quite right, and I apologise. But that was off the top of my head, and soundbites hardly ever work right out of the gate. I am very much into semantics-- we can keep working on it till we get the wording right. And her belief is so pervasive, that a soundbite would be a useful item to have at hand to dispute it with.

I think for tonight though, I will merely say that the activities I listed are certainly sex, regardless of penetration-- or of orgasmic finishes.