Rejection, obstacles, challenges

[Keroin]

A good friend once told me I was a "rabid pitbull on a slipper" when it came to things that I wanted. Funny as I found it, there's some truth in there. When I have my eyes on a goal, nothing gets to me, criticism and doubts from the outside only fuel my desire to achieve.

Even rabid pitbulls have their limits though.

Today I got back the manuscript review I've been waiting for - from the gal at the agency who is in charge of my genre. The writing is sound, I know that, and she had no notes on that score. But the six pages of notes she sent tell me that I have to do yet another massive restructuring of the plot. Most of what she wrote I agree with, and I will do what needs to be done because I am determined to succeed. But...

But.

At this very moment, I'm just weary at the thought of the work ahead. Especially since I felt I was so close to finished. Also, I want to throw a temper tantrum, stamp my feet and scream "BUT IT"S NOT FAIR!!!!" - I won't do this but it would sure feel good.

So, tell me what you do to overcome challenges and obstacles in your life? How do you deal with those moments when you're up against the wall and not in a good way?

Me, I try to quarantine the emotional part of myself. Lock her away so she can't drag me down. (Easier said than done). I try to break down the BIG issue, into a series of smaller problems that I can realistically face one at a time.

And, of course, there is always gin.

 

[JamieJ424]

Congrats...sounds like you're a lot farther down the path then most people get.

Look at it as a positive...it's a lot of work, yes, but you know the bones of it are good, you can make the changes, and most importantly they still want it. What would TRULY suck at this point is a two sentence rejection letter. I am sure you have a drawer full of those marking your path to this point.

I always go for a long bike ride when I'm stressed. Even if I don't have time, I make time...sanity comes first. That approach in itself helps me feel like I'm more in control, telling myself "I'm behind because I went out on the bike, and I am okay with that, and so everyone else will have to be too."

 

[midwestyankee]

Scotch.

Or wine.

Sometimes gin.

Never martinis. They lead nowhere good.

 

[Keroin]

Congrats...sounds like you're a lot farther down the path then most people get.

Look at it as a positive...it's a lot of work, yes, but you know the bones of it are good, you can make the changes, and most importantly they still want it. What would TRULY suck at this point is a two sentence rejection letter. I am sure you have a drawer full of those marking your path to this point.

Oh yeah, I have a few rejection letters...

Yeah, I do see the positive side of it. I mean I am leaps ahead where I thought I'd be by this point and in a career with something around a 5% success rate, I feel good overall. Just having one of those "moments", you know?

(Mostly because the comments she made were things I knew on a gut level but turned a blind eye too...silly K)

I always go for a long bike ride when I'm stressed. Even if I don't have time, I make time...sanity comes first. That approach in itself helps me feel like I'm more in control, telling myself "I'm behind because I went out on the bike, and I am okay with that, and so everyone else will have to be too."

Oh man, I am so jonesing for the gym or a run or some sweat-inducing activity at this moment. That would usually be part of the recovery process but I ginched my back really bad while moving so I am desperately trying to be good and let it heal.

I do agree that getting out and doing something physical can help with almost any tough situation.

Scotch.

Or wine.

Sometimes gin.

Never martinis. They lead nowhere good.

Just went out and purchased chocolate and gin. I feel better already.

And I kind of like the places martinis take me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Double post attack

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Depends on the situation and what it is I have to deal with. As a rule I just face reality and then get on with it no matter what it takes....as age creeps on though I find I am first taking a little down time for myself, followed by a deep breath, then digging my heels in and getting on with it. Unfortunately perhaps, booze has never appealed to me and drugs are just not somewhere I have ever been prepared to go nor see little point in doing so, so it is just up to me at the end of the day, and perhaps a little chocolate for encouragement/reward.

Catalina

 

[midwestyankee]

And I kind of like the places martinis take me.

I think we had this discussion [about the evils of martinis] once before.

 

[Keroin]

Depends on the situation and what it is I have to deal with. As a rule I just face reality and then get on with it no matter what it takes....as age creeps on though I find I am first taking a little down time for myself, followed by a deep breath, then digging my heels in and getting on with it. Unfortunately perhaps, booze has never appealed to me and drugs are just not somewhere I have ever been prepared to go nor see little point in doing so, so it is just up to me at the end of the day, and perhaps a little chocolate for encouragement/reward.

Catalina

I'm (mostly) joking about the therapeutic properties of gin.

Down time is good. The amount of time I allow depends on the type of challenge I face. Usually it's a maximum of 24 hours though. I think if you can let yourself shamelessly wallow in misery, and seek out ego stroking where possible, with the knowledge that it's a temporary luxury, then that's fine.

For this particular problem I gave myself half a day. I truly am feeling better and more confident now, just by starting this thread and spewing out my frustrations to all the innocent Litsters out there.

Double post attack

*ducks and takes cover*

I think we had this discussion [about the evils of martinis] once before.

Obviously it didn't sink in.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Down time is good. The amount of time I allow depends on the type of challenge I face. Usually it's a maximum of 24 hours though. I think if you can let yourself shamelessly wallow in misery, and seek out ego stroking where possible, with the knowledge that it's a temporary luxury, then that's fine.

Yep, wallowing seems to do wonders for reviving the soul and whatever else is needed.

Catalina

 

[midwestyankee]

Obviously it didn't sink in.

That's the trouble with martinis: they're so unreliable.

To answer more appropriately: I usually find some way to de-stress for a while and then plot my way back to work. I find that my fight-or-flight response usually involves a massive tightening in the gut and a reduction in my ability to breathe. Lots of deep breathing and some light exercise - even a quiet walk at night - are usually on the menu.

Scotch does help, though, because to enjoy scotch you have to take your time and sip it. Taking my time slows me down and calms my nerves. Otherwise I might go online and terrorize newbies and that wouldn't be good, would it?

 

[Keroin]

To answer more appropriately: I usually find some way to de-stress for a while and then plot my way back to work. I find that my fight-or-flight response usually involves a massive tightening in the gut and a reduction in my ability to breathe. Lots of deep breathing and some light exercise - even a quiet walk at night - are usually on the menu.

Oh yes, the tightening of the gut, I hate that. When you look at food and think...'You have to be kidding me'.

Scotch does help, though, because to enjoy scotch you have to take your time and sip it. Taking my time slows me down and calms my nerves.

Mm, good point. When I get in these states, I find it very hard to concentrate. Even watching TV, as brainless as that is, is too much. I'll often end up just sitting and staring at some unknown point. Quite literally shutting down.

Otherwise I might go online and terrorize newbies and that wouldn't be good, would it?

I think we've had this conversation before - about what a mean, mean man you are.

 

[midwestyankee]

Oh yes, the tightening of the gut, I hate that. When you look at food and think...'You have to be kidding me'.



Mm, good point. When I get in these states, I find it very hard to concentrate. Even watching TV, as brainless as that is, is too much. I'll often end up just sitting and staring at some unknown point. Quite literally shutting down.



I think we've had this conversation before - about what a mean, mean man you are.

Yes, but I do a mean chest av when properly provoked.

 

[intothewoods]

I usually talk to everyone I know about whatever the challenge/obstacle is until i figure iut a game plan. I just like to talk stuff out.

Also wine and chocolate.

 

[Chiara_searches]

So, tell me what you do to overcome challenges and obstacles in your life? How do you deal with those moments when you're up against the wall and not in a good way?

Honestly, I first get mad at the universe or whomever is in charge upstairs. I've been known to ask "WTF - Why does this shit happen to me?" I also allow myself to come undone if just for a bit. And sometimes I come undone more than once. Yes, I'll stand up and admit certain obstacles can bring tears, usually out of frustration.

I've faced more than a few challenges in the last two years, from the end of a marriage, to the end of a great professional relationship due to the economy, to leaving one state, to having trouble sorting out what I'm doing in life, to finally relocating to another state. Twice earlier in life I faced even more extreme challenges, one of which lead me to moving out of my parent's home at 16 and deciding to be a high school drop out. Luckily today I have an advanced degree and a decent profession.

The climb back from certain challenges or obstacles can be difficult, to say the least. But what gets me going on tackling things is recognizing that in comparison, my obstacles aren't nearly as great as what others face. I never had to live, for example, through Katrina or the Japanese earthquake/tsunami. I've lost a lot, but I haven't lost everything. In comparison, it's almost whinny of me to list my obstacles.

Despite all the turmoil I've had these last two years, I am blessed to have certain people in my life. Recognizing how lucky I was in that way helped me see that I could right myself, get back to moving onward and upward. And the forward momentum is, I think, directly related to other positive things in my life right now.

I'm not really sure I'm answering the OP question. I guess it's simple: I allow myself to feel, and whether right or wrong, I also allow myself to be overwhelmed if just for a bit; then I find the silver lining, and while focusing on the silver lining, take baby steps (sometimes centimeter by centimeter) toward something even more outstanding. Is it easy? No, but it beats the alternative.

 

[YourCaptor]

When you have to do it again, I try to view it as a chance to do those things you didn't get around to the first time. Like in your case, instead of pure editing, maybe add that scene you really wanted, or character, or write in that coffee show you wanted to do writing in but didn't get too, etc.

View it as an opportunity as opposed to a set back.

 

[o2bebd]

I have always found that a hot meal, a hot shower, and a good night sleep cures the a lot of what ails me.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

I always find that doing something fun like bungee jumping works for me, it really clears the head out. Otherwise racing in a demolition derby, just pretend the cars that you are hitting are your problems, doesn't make them go away but it helps get rid of pent up emotions so you can start with a blank slate again.

 

[KoPilot]

Haha I sound a lot like you. My folks like to say that I've always had a history of knowing what I want, going after it, and getting it.

That definitely has its pros and its cons. The best part? That sense of accomplishment. I LIVE for that. The downside is that you end up sacrificing your well-being to get things done.

My method of charging ahead with stuff like this (and let's face it, all creative endeavors, especially personal ones, feel similarly to your situation) is to not give myself an out. Just do it. Or? Or what? There is no or, just getting it done, no matter what.

I've had to learn how to undo that thinking a little over the past few years, because it's resulted in a disconcerting amount of people telling me I look like a zombie. "The project comes first and must get done" will sometimes conflict with things like eating, sleeping, friends, family, and budgetary concerns. That's the con. The pro is that, if not given a choice, you'll be more likely to buckle down and finish.

So I say give yourself some time before diving back in. I assure you, your story will probably thank you as well.

 

[graceanne]

I've been accused of being a pit bull. I've also been accused of being a bull dozer, and a few other similar analogies. I tend to get my way when I really want my way, because I save my energy up for when I really want my way.

That said, when my inner two year old stomps her foot and says NO, I normally find I just need a nap. Sometimes it's just a matter of I'm overwhelmed and exhausted, and shelving the problem while I get some rest gives me a better attitude.

 

[Keroin]

I usually talk to everyone I know about whatever the challenge/obstacle is until i figure iut a game plan. I just like to talk stuff out.

Whether I talk it out or not really depends on the problem. For stuff like this, yes, I need to talk. Once I was able to track down my writing partner, we had a looooonnnng brainstorming session. I also contacted my editor and tomorrow I meet for coffee n' chat with the woman who did the review.

When it comes to personal/emotional stuff, I tend to go it alone most of the time. Not because I'm some huge rock of strength but because I know how fluid emotions are and I know that what I feel in that moment is not based in logic and I just need to go through it so that I can think clearly again.

Also wine and chocolate.

I don't think this should be underestimated.

The climb back from certain challenges or obstacles can be difficult, to say the least. But what gets me going on tackling things is recognizing that in comparison, my obstacles aren't nearly as great as what others face. I never had to live, for example, through Katrina or the Japanese earthquake/tsunami. I've lost a lot, but I haven't lost everything. In comparison, it's almost whinny of me to list my obstacles.

Despite all the turmoil I've had these last two years, I am blessed to have certain people in my life. Recognizing how lucky I was in that way helped me see that I could right myself, get back to moving onward and upward. And the forward momentum is, I think, directly related to other positive things in my life right now.

This is a big part of my arsenal. I am famous for saying, "Hey, I've got a roof over my head, food in the fridge and clean water to drink, which means my life is better than most people on the planet".

However, I don't dismiss my feelings completely.

I'm not really sure I'm answering the OP question.

The OP is notoriously loosey goosey when it comes to her threads.

When you have to do it again, I try to view it as a chance to do those things you didn't get around to the first time. Like in your case, instead of pure editing, maybe add that scene you really wanted, or character, or write in that coffee show you wanted to do writing in but didn't get too, etc.

View it as an opportunity as opposed to a set back.

LOL. My writing partner said the same thing yesterday. "This is a great opportunity, now we can plant even more seeds for the other books in the series." He is right. It definitely is a good chance for us to enhance what we already have!

I have always found that a hot meal, a hot bubble bath, and a good night sleep cures the a lot of what ails me.

Fixed that for ya.

That definitely has its pros and its cons. The best part? That sense of accomplishment. I LIVE for that. The downside is that you end up sacrificing your well-being to get things done.

Oh yeah, this very much. Many's the night that L has literally dragged me away from the laptop at midnight - as I'd been at it since 5am. This past year I have definitely sacrificed most of my social life/sleep/health/sanity for this project.

So I say give yourself some time before diving back in. I assure you, your story will probably thank you as well.

I have decided to wait until after I chat with the reviewer, then a "production" meeting with my partner, until I type a word. Last night I laid awake for a couple of hours and came up with lots of possible ideas; that felt good.

I always find that doing something fun like bungee jumping works for me, it really clears the head out. Otherwise racing in a demolition derby, just pretend the cars that you are hitting are your problems, doesn't make them go away but it helps get rid of pent up emotions so you can start with a blank slate again.

Fun is good. Sometimes it feels counter-intuitive. "I'm mad and frustrated, I don't want to have fun!!!" But that is sometimes exactly what can break you out of the funk.

That said, when my inner two year old stomps her foot and says NO, I normally find I just need a nap. Sometimes it's just a matter of I'm overwhelmed and exhausted, and shelving the problem while I get some rest gives me a better attitude.

Sometimes the best work is no work at all.


I'm happy to report that I am no longer shamelessly seeking ego strokes. But thanks for all who did, in fact, stroke me.

I contacted my editor and she said that they (the agency team) feel it's mostly just "tweaking" that's needed, not a full rewrite. WHEW! I will find out more tomorrow. I'm now actually looking forward to another round of polishing and perfecting. What a difference a day makes!

But, it's still cool to find out how different people deal with these kinds of moments.

 

[satindesire]

I turn off my emotions, like a light switch, and become a robot. My inner Dom smacks me hard on the ass and says "Get this shit done NOW."

And I just get up and do it.

This has been especially useful now that I have two very young children. There are no sick days when you're a mom, even when you're puking your guts out.

I realize this isn't the most emotionally sane thing to do, but it's the only source of self motivation I have. If I allow myself to feel anything after feeling that 'temper tantrum time', it completely stops my ability to get it done.

 

[Kojote]

I shrug it off.
At first I show a pretty normal reaction, but after a few seconds something in my head turns cool and tells me that it isn't worlds end and life will go on.
Maybe it has something to do with all the things that happened to me. Since I have been all teh way down I know how deep the maximum fall can be and that it gos on from there.
So why worry?

I take steps to prevent the worst things, anyway. No need to provoke the downfall anymore ...

And curiosly I have found that I work best when the situation is worse ...

 

[FloggingMolly]

long time no see Kojote

I have nothing useful to add, I fail badly at dealing with challenges or rejections

 

[Kojote]

long time no see Kojote

I have nothing useful to add, I fail badly at dealing with challenges or rejections

Glad to be here again, where serious discussion not only takes place, but is really welcomed.
And of course I'm really happy to 'see' you.

 

[DVS]

I've been accused of being a pit bull. I've also been accused of being a bull dozer, and a few other similar analogies. I tend to get my way when I really want my way, because I save my energy up for when I really want my way.

That said, when my inner two year old stomps her foot and says NO, I normally find I just need a nap. Sometimes it's just a matter of I'm overwhelmed and exhausted, and shelving the problem while I get some rest gives me a better attitude.

This is just a suggestion...maybe a new brand of kibble would help?



Woof!