Frustration?Inspiration?

[fridayam]

Your “friend”

If it is plastic, metal, glass,
or the end of a bottle;
even if it’s realistic,
with veins and all;
or much bigger than me;
if it’s humming makes you shiver;
black or green or putridly pink;
lasts all night or until the
batteries expire:
I don’t mind.
But if it’s rubber,
hot-water-filled and
clasped tightly to your bosom,
I hate it ‘til it hurts.

 

[vrosej10]

Your “friend”

If it is plastic, metal, glass,
or the end of a bottle;
even if it’s realistic,
with veins and all;
or much bigger than me;
if it’s humming makes you shiver;
black or green or putridly pink;
lasts all night or until the
batteries expire:
I don’t mind.
But if it’s rubber,
hot-water-filled and
clasped tightly to your bosom,
I hate it ‘til it hurts.

Pyrex for me, and I must say jealous much? There is no substitute for the real thing or even his fingers!

 

[EroticOrogeny]

All quite strange to me. Likewise for her, I believe.

 

[butters]

Your “friend”

If it is plastic, metal, glass,
or the end of a bottle;
even if it’s realistic,
with veins and all;
or much bigger than me;
if it's humming makes you shiver;
black or green or putridly pink;
lasts all night or until the
batteries expire:
I don’t mind.
But if it’s rubber,
hot-water-filled and
clasped tightly to your bosom,
I hate it ‘til it hurts.

i'm in two minds about this, friday: i think you make it work - the implicit ugliness of the dildo/vibrator reflected well enough in the language used, and the contrasting concepts of those and the hot-water-bottle, both used for comfort but different types ... and how the narrator can be jealous of the one whilst entirely indifferent to the other. i get the why. what i don't like is reading the poem. that sounds stupid - i'd even go so far as to say it's me, not you as the writer (omg, that sounds worse!). what i'm trying to say is i find the poem ugly - and i think it's because the imagery of the vibrators etc is ugly to me. there's nothing about one i find holds any appeal and somehow it's putting me right off reading your poem. i don't know - maybe it's a combination of subject and language.

what i do like, though, is the absolute sense of honesty that radiates from this. even if that's fake, it doesn't feel it.

you have an it's that should be an its, and would question your use of 'til over till...

 

[CharleyH]

Your “friend”

If it is plastic, metal, glass,
or the end of a bottle;
even if it’s realistic,
with veins and all;
or much bigger than me;
if it’s humming makes you shiver;
black or green or putridly pink;
lasts all night or until the
batteries expire:
I don’t mind.
But if it’s rubber,
hot-water-filled and
clasped tightly to your bosom,
I hate it ‘til it hurts.

kinky! Good concept, but the problem is that I can't distinguish the Dominant from the submissive voice, and there are two distinct voices or sides of the coin here. On the one hand I can understand the sub POV wanting to be part of the Dom POV and trying to merge the two into one synchronized voice. On the other hand, the poem suffers from being difficult and sloppy to read by doing so. It's a good start, and I adore the idea of synergism - keep plucking at it.

 

[fridayam]

i'm in two minds about this, friday: i think you make it work - the implicit ugliness of the dildo/vibrator reflected well enough in the language used, and the contrasting concepts of those and the hot-water-bottle, both used for comfort but different types ... and how the narrator can be jealous of the one whilst entirely indifferent to the other. i get the why. what i don't like is reading the poem. that sounds stupid - i'd even go so far as to say it's me, not you as the writer (omg, that sounds worse!). what i'm trying to say is i find the poem ugly - and i think it's because the imagery of the vibrators etc is ugly to me. there's nothing about one i find holds any appeal and somehow it's putting me right off reading your poem. i don't know - maybe it's a combination of subject and language.

what i do like, though, is the absolute sense of honesty that radiates from this. even if that's fake, it doesn't feel it.

you have an it's that should be an its, and would question your use of 'til over till...

Oh Chip I hate it if you dislike a poem of mine But there is an "if" at the start which puts the first section in the perspective that sets up the second.The "if" implies that none of the first section is true, but the second is all too true. I was merely trying to invoke the range of things that I wouldn't object to, if it implied sex for yours truly: may a boy not dream? x

 

[fridayam]

kinky! Good concept, but the problem is that I can't distinguish the Dominant from the submissive voice, and there are two distinct voices or sides of the coin here. On the one hand I can understand the sub POV wanting to be part of the Dom POV and trying to merge the two into one synchronized voice. On the other hand, the poem suffers from being difficult and sloppy to read by doing so. It's a good start, and I adore the idea of synergism - keep plucking at it.

Charley, I loved your take on my poem, but sadly didn't understand a word of it Thank you nevertheless. I may pluck at it in another poem!

 

[twelveoone]

Hey chipper

 

[butters]

Hey chipper

sorted

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