Slave and Rape Scene

[odjake]

I'm new to the D/s scene, as is my partner. We're kind of discovering this together.

Recently she told me she has had fantasys of me raping her. I happen to know that she's been raped in the past, as a child.

I'm very aware of the potential difficulties of having a rape scene, and very keen on preparing (both her and I) mentally and physically for what would be involved.

I love her, very much. We have been together for a bit more than a year and trust one another quite a lot. I'm very open to hearing anything she has to say, but she is the type to keep things inside. As 'master' this will be a problem, and something I will not allow. I don't want to rush or push things though, so I wanted to know if anyone had any insight on this situation.

Do you preform a rape scene with someone who has been raped?
How do you prepare a sub for that?
What should a master do to prepare?

 

[JMohegan]

I'm new to the D/s scene, as is my partner. We're kind of discovering this together.

Recently she told me she has had fantasys of me raping her. I happen to know that she's been raped in the past, as a child.

I'm very aware of the potential difficulties of having a rape scene, and very keen on preparing (both her and I) mentally and physically for what would be involved.

I love her, very much. We have been together for a bit more than a year and trust one another quite a lot. I'm very open to hearing anything she has to say, but she is the type to keep things inside. As 'master' this will be a problem, and something I will not allow. I don't want to rush or push things though, so I wanted to know if anyone had any insight on this situation.

Do you preform a rape scene with someone who has been raped?
How do you prepare a sub for that?
What should a master do to prepare?

I don't think this topic lends itself to generalization. It's the individual that matters here, yes?

It seems useful to note that her disclosure of rape fantasies does not necessarily mean she wants you to play the scene out.

What sort of rape has she been fantasizing about? And what were the circumstances of her rape as a child? In the wake of the trauma, did she receive professional counseling? Has she ever confessed rape fantasies to a therapist? If so, what was advised?

 

[Cattypuss]

Really, REALLY dodgy territory.

All could be going well, you could both think it was going brilliantly.... and then you happen to use a word, or move her body in a certain way, that unexpectedly keys into the worst of the bad memories and BAM!!!! Some nice play turns into a highly traumatic nightmare for her.

 

[subwannabe]

She should really get some help first before going down into this territory. It might not be healthy for her.

 

[odjake]

My understanding is that she never received professional counseling. She wants to be vague, as it's a difficult subject. I won't go forward with this scene until we've discussed her experiences, fears and desires until there is nothing left to discuss.

Long before we entered the d/s dynamic (and after she disclosed that she had been raped) she told me she wanted me to 'rape' her. Neither of us considered it a scene, or had any real idea or inkling of the BDSM world.
We played out a scenario in which I was essentially rough and treated her as though I were a rapist having snatched someone. It was rough, not violent, and I restrained her physically, though only with my own hands. She enjoys slapping, and choking, both were employed. The sex was great, and we BOTH enjoyed ourselves. No aftercare was needed.

She admitted to wanting a bit more from the situation. I've since devised a rape scene that would for all intents and purposes put any normal person in the mindset of "I'm being raped." I'm concerned, and will not move forward until my concern is sated (or at all if not), that this could be traumatic for her.
I love her very much, and would of course abhor doing anything traumatic to her.

She has never received any professional help for this, nor has the bastard come to justice. I understand the role of a Master is to guide the Sub into a healthy state of mind and to guide a Sub to deal with underlying issues. This is a potentially enormous issue and while I understand love and gentle caring is a massively healing force I also understand that Rape is a massively damaging force. I want to help her, and I want to please her and help her safely enjoy this fantasy... but I'm not sure where to go from here.

 

[eastern sun]

I'm going to go way out on a limb here . . . I happen to think that life - all of life - is a therapeutic exercise, in the sense that we are always constantly acting on old issues and working through them (or not). Everything I do is rooted in things that went before.

If your partner wants you to "rape" her, and she experienced rape in the past, it's probably going to end up being connected somehow. It may be her way of making certain sexual experiences more tolerable. It may be her way of feeling safe and courageous in what she has experienced as frightening in the past. It may be her way of feeling more in control of something that she doesn't feel in control of. Or of feeling more safe in not being in control. It may not even matter why she wants it. It may just turn her on.

The essential difference is that you're not actually raping her. And if, in the heat of the moment, you forget that and you do something that she can't handle - then maybe it's good to remember that you might be raping her all over again.

Sometimes we repeat experiences in our lives. And not to our benefit.

Know that you're playing with fire. Help her feel safe, by being safe. Expect the unexpected. She may have no idea what will arise. She may like it, and she may end up fighting you off like a cornered animal (that's what I did to my husband the first time we played that way . . .) But that might be what she needs to do, too. In order to create a different ending to the original story.

Here's the limb I'm sitting on . . . I don't think we necessarily need professional help to work through every case of trauma, if - and it's an extremely important if - you're both paying really close attention to what's going on - and are totally committed to keeping it safe. The biggest problem you could encounter is the real possibility that you might be playing out the abuse over and over and over again, without being fully aware of it.

And part of the reason I'm bringing this up is that in these relationships a lot of stuff gets triggered that is less obvious than rape. I think it's really important for both partners to recognize they're playing potentially harmful games with bodies and minds. Just like any dangerous activity, the thrill of doing it successfully is incredible. But it's good to know where the fault lines lie.

 

[JMohegan]

My understanding is that she never received professional counseling. She wants to be vague, as it's a difficult subject. I won't go forward with this scene until we've discussed her experiences, fears and desires until there is nothing left to discuss.

Long before we entered the d/s dynamic (and after she disclosed that she had been raped) she told me she wanted me to 'rape' her. Neither of us considered it a scene, or had any real idea or inkling of the BDSM world.
We played out a scenario in which I was essentially rough and treated her as though I were a rapist having snatched someone. It was rough, not violent, and I restrained her physically, though only with my own hands. She enjoys slapping, and choking, both were employed. The sex was great, and we BOTH enjoyed ourselves. No aftercare was needed.

She admitted to wanting a bit more from the situation. I've since devised a rape scene that would for all intents and purposes put any normal person in the mindset of "I'm being raped." I'm concerned, and will not move forward until my concern is sated (or at all if not), that this could be traumatic for her.
I love her very much, and would of course abhor doing anything traumatic to her.

She has never received any professional help for this, nor has the bastard come to justice. I understand the role of a Master is to guide the Sub into a healthy state of mind and to guide a Sub to deal with underlying issues. This is a potentially enormous issue and while I understand love and gentle caring is a massively healing force I also understand that Rape is a massively damaging force. I want to help her, and I want to please her and help her safely enjoy this fantasy... but I'm not sure where to go from here.

You can't guide someone "into a healthy state of mind" unless you know her incredibly well AND guess correctly as to what might help AND are intellectually, physically, and emotionally capable of following through on that guess. Though I concede ES's point that professional help is not always required to do this, if I were you I'd be asking myself the following question.

Are the odds of a successful outcome better with the trio of you, your partner, and a professional working this out, or with you flying solo and just giving it your best shot?

Also - keep in mind, odjake, that there could be very negative repercussions for you in this as well. Don't let her push you into becoming something or someone you don't want to be. Guard your own mental health.

 

[cromsgirl]

Another warning

I'm probably just being overly paranoid here, but thought I'd add my two cents. I had some childhood trauma and although I hadn't had therapy for it, I thought I'd pretty much put it behind me. Last summer I started having seizures and found out this month that I have Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures (PNES). This is a physical manifestation of a psychological issue, so I need therapy NOW. This kind of psychological stuff can be way dangerous and it may be years down the road before it surfaced. I think it was 20 years before mine did. One of the other problems with this disease is that few doctors are familiar with it and get treated for epilepsy for years before they discover the real problem.

 

[statton]

Rape scene

I believe it was Freud who posed the recapitulation theory, which in essence states that individuals who deal with trauma have a tendency to put themselves back into the same situations, as a means of trying to control the trauma. Your girlfriend's wish for a rape scene is a therapuetic, safe way to relive the situation. She can relive the emotions, and work through the emotions, without relinquishing safety. Depending on her age and relationship with the aggressor, at the time of the incident(s), there may be guilt and shame associated - which often, I believe, are part of the BSDM draw. Good luck.

 

[teknight]

I believe it was Freud who posed the recapitulation theory, which in essence states that individuals who deal with trauma have a tendency to put themselves back into the same situations, as a means of trying to control the trauma. Your girlfriend's wish for a rape scene is a therapuetic, safe way to relive the situation. She can relive the emotions, and work through the emotions, without relinquishing safety. Depending on her age and relationship with the aggressor, at the time of the incident(s), there may be guilt and shame associated - which often, I believe, are part of the BSDM draw. Good luck.

Freud's was a hack whose techniques offer the least effective therapy.

Psychology has moved far beyond him and his semiotic, idiotic guesses.