Play as therapy

[WhisperingWinds]

Hello.

I haven't been on here in a very long time. I used to be in a relationship as a submissive which lasted a few years. It turned out that a number of things we did brought up past issues I needed to acknowledge and work through. During the time since, I have changed relationships and did not play as a submissive at all, he really is not interested in that aspect of life. Given the depth of my growth, it was probably not ideal I follow it anyway.

I was wondering if anyone out here had come to a point where you've handled most of the underlying issues, but still find that maybe there is still a therapeutic advantage to D/S in being called to it as a lifestyle aside from just missing it in general? I used to feel it was just a lifestyle choice until the issues came in focus. Then I thought I was searching for a piece of truth within myself so the road ended. Now, I'd like to return to it without rocking any boats. The absence of it now is harder to take some days.

Feedback is welcome.

 

[sdineen]

dd

I agree, I often roleplay things ill never be able to do in reality, because of my disabilty. Ir gives me back power ive lost in the real world

 

[seela]

I'm always a little bit wary of the BDSM as therapy thing, but I can very well see, how the dynamic might bring up issues to work through. I guess what I'm mostly wary of, is what happens after the issues surface. It's very easy to start using the partner as a crutch, in a way, and rely on them as a mean of coping with some past issues and dealing with them. But IMO there are things that should be left to professionals, as well as things that you (general you) should work through on your own. It, of course, depends on the relationship and people in it, but having to be afraid of accidentally triggering some deep buried emotional baggage isn't something a lot of PYLs IME enjoy. (I quite enjoy having my emotional baggage poked, laughed at and toyed with, but it all boils down to my emotional masochism and need to go to a really dark place sometimes, but in those situations it's always his intent to do so and he's aware of what he's doing. But I digress.)

My current relationship has changed me and has helped me ditch some bad habits, but I think the situation might have been the same in a vanilla relationship as well, had I ever had one as long as this one. For me, the most therapeutic thing about D/s is that I can be who I am.

When it comes to play, though, we are working through my fear of needles, so I suppose that's some kind of therapy as well.

This is an interesting topic!

 

[KoPilot]

I can relate to that a little bit, but more in the sense of self-discovery, which I could definitely count as being under the therapeutic umbrella. And of course, aside from the general support system a relationship provides, exploring myself with him in a D/s environment is really cathartic. And it doesn't get much more therapeutic than catharsis. ;B

In my previous "relationship", before I knew what BDSM even was, I was always feeling like I was hiding something from him, like a dark little secret that I thought he didn't want to hear. (Turns out I was right, too.)

The only thing that really feels like "therapy" tbh, is the fact that I get to let it all hang out with someone I trust. Beyond that, excavating my wants, needs, and boundaries is also an interesting process so far. In fact, I discovered that I had an extremely phobic reaction to something that he thought little of, so dealing with the aftermath of that was something that I'd call straight-up therapy. Funny, because I made more headway with him with that incident than my therapist!

But don't underestimate the power of being able to be yourself in your personal relationships. That's heady stuff. :]

 

[subwannabe]

Some may find underlying issues but there are also those that just enjoy it without having underlying issues. I guess you could make the arguement that anyone wanting to be dominated or even the dominator has underlying issues but maybe sometimes people just analyze things too much.

 

[Teaser_Girl]

I have trust issues... there's no doubt about that. I guess exploring my submission has forced me to face these, deal with them, and learn to really trust someone again.

 

[Homburg]

On one hand, the idea of play as therapy is stunningly dangerous ground. If you aren't a trained therapist, you shouldn't be screwing around with the idea.

On the other hand, all play is therapeutic at some level, simply because of what it is.

/shrug

Fill your boots.

 

[Marquis]

Hello.

I haven't been on here in a very long time. I used to be in a relationship as a submissive which lasted a few years. It turned out that a number of things we did brought up past issues I needed to acknowledge and work through. During the time since, I have changed relationships and did not play as a submissive at all, he really is not interested in that aspect of life. Given the depth of my growth, it was probably not ideal I follow it anyway.

I was wondering if anyone out here had come to a point where you've handled most of the underlying issues, but still find that maybe there is still a therapeutic advantage to D/S in being called to it as a lifestyle aside from just missing it in general? I used to feel it was just a lifestyle choice until the issues came in focus. Then I thought I was searching for a piece of truth within myself so the road ended. Now, I'd like to return to it without rocking any boats. The absence of it now is harder to take some days.

Feedback is welcome.

I have been both in relationships where D/s was a mild addition to sex and relationships where it was an integral part of our arrangement.

D/s is in your blood. It's in your soul. It's part of your DNA. This I believe really and truly.

It is something that can never go away. You can choose to indulge in it or not. You can choose if the oft ignored DARK side(s) of D/s are worth dealing with the unparalleled EXCITEMENT the feeling of BELONGING and COMPLETENESS only D/s offer.

There is no D/s AND your fucked up issues. It's in you now and will always be a part of you.

D/s is a dangerous game.

 

[WhisperingWinds]

feedback

thanks for all the feedback. For the record, I have never thought of it as a game nor gone into it intending for it to be therapy. As with most things in life, it kind of unfolded and left me with an AHA moment. After that, it was okay now what do I do with it. It did seem to break more ground in daily experience than I ever had covered in counseling sessions with a therapist. I never expected that my partner should hold responsibility for what I learned and evolved with working through. My D knew going in about some items I wanted to explore and/or work on experiencing, and he was incredibly apt about how to pluck those strings. It was a shared exploration and he took responsibility in those terms. It wasn't so much a mine field as we had completely worked out safety scenarios and terms ahead of time.

It does seem to not "go away" and I often frame things in a learning method I first experienced in submission. I just find as I sort through the place D/s has in my life at this time, if any, that I'm truly interested to hear the perspective of others that practice.

 

[Adakgirl]

In my opinion, making the decision to get back in to D/s, in order to use it as a therapeutic tool, would not be in your best interest. Returning to it because you feel incomplete without it, like a piece of a very important part of you is missing, would be a much healthier reason.

 

[Passing]

Personally, I think we ALL have issues. I think this IS our 'therapy', and in it we all find some kind of healing. Most of us don't have an Aha moment though.

My therapy came mostly in the form of validation. I am what I am, my needs are my needs, and as long as no one is hurt (without permission) by the fulfilling of those needs, I am complete.