Oh look... We're still in Narnia.

[Oneeyedpete]

Some people figure out that they're a GLTB pretty early in life. Some figure it out later but never look back. But what about all the people who want to slam that closet door shut?

I'm one of those people.

I'm Canadian and grew up in rural Alberta. For those of you who don't know what it's like think of growing up in rural Texas but with less people and you'll get the idea. I'm in my early going on on mid twenties and have recently 'come out' to the majority of my social network. Of my nuclear family I have not yet spoken to my father. I just realized my sexual orientation about six months ago.

I'm having... trouble with the transition. I know that I'm a lesbian. That label makes a lot sense to me. I have never found males particularly attractive in anything more than an aesthetic manner. I have dated twice, both men, only one of those relationships got anywhere near physical (only a bit of frottage) and I was uncomfortable the entire time and I knew that I was never going to have sex with him. Ever. Now that I have admitted to myself that I'm gay I've done some reflection and my childhood is full of those indications of homosexuality that all the documentaries go through. I'm pretty sure my first crush was actually on Rogue, the 1990s X-men cartoon character.

But I'm still having problems with... this. Frankly, I'm the person who seems to be the most freaked out about me being gay. I have a lot of difficulty giving myself permission to look at females in a sexual manner or even think about being in a relationship with another woman. The first time I ever looked up porn was less than a month ago. I'm on this website because my older sister decided I needed to expand my horizons (not that we've discussed what they are cause that would be awkward) and well, here I am.

So basically I what want to know is how many other people are or have had trouble adaption to the realization of their sexual identity? How did you get through it?

 

[sarod]

The first step is not caring about what society wants you to be.We are all individuals, we all look different, have different religions and philosophies, if we were all the same, we would be a dull dismal society, black and white, no color. Be who you are, if your daddy won't speak to you, speak to him. Let him know that its his choice if he loses you or not, but let him know that you love him and that it breaks your heart that he is choosing what society thinks over his own flesh and blood. Let everyone know, who shuns you. If they are truly friends, they wouldn't care about this, they would love you for who you are. A gay friend once told me that when he came out, he learned who his true friends really were. And this is a blessing in disguise, because you don't really want to be friends with posers do you? Fake friends are not friends!

Some people figure out that they're a GLTB pretty early in life. Some figure it out later but never look back. But what about all the people who want to slam that closet door shut?

I'm one of those people.

I'm Canadian and grew up in rural Alberta. For those of you who don't know what it's like think of growing up in rural Texas but with less people and you'll get the idea. I'm in my early going on on mid twenties and have recently 'come out' to the majority of my social network. Of my nuclear family I have not yet spoken to my father. I just realized my sexual orientation about six months ago.

I'm having... trouble with the transition. I know that I'm a lesbian. That label makes a lot sense to me. I have never found males particularly attractive in anything more than an aesthetic manner. I have dated twice, both men, only one of those relationships got anywhere near physical (only a bit of frottage) and I was uncomfortable the entire time and I knew that I was never going to have sex with him. Ever. Now that I have admitted to myself that I'm gay I've done some reflection and my childhood is full of those indications of homosexuality that all the documentaries go through. I'm pretty sure my first crush was actually on Rogue, the 1990s X-men cartoon character.

But I'm still having problems with... this. Frankly, I'm the person who seems to be the most freaked out about me being gay. I have a lot of difficulty giving myself permission to look at females in a sexual manner or even think about being in a relationship with another woman. The first time I ever looked up porn was less than a month ago. I'm on this website because my older sister decided I needed to expand my horizons (not that we've discussed what they are cause that would be awkward) and well, here I am.

So basically I what want to know is how many other people are or have had trouble adaption to the realization of their sexual identity? How did you get through it?

 

[loveinflames]

(I love your writing, by the way)
I also grew up in rural alberta, but in one of those fancy little communter towns where everyone just pretend to be rural, but they're really as urban as anyone else.

I'm still not out to my parents, with them paying for my education it hardly seems like the right time...

uhm I'm generally pretty confused about my sexuality but getting better.When I was a kid I only ever had crushes on girls. When I walk down a crowded street, it's the girls I notice. But I've dated guys and enjoyed dating guys. The label bi-sexual never seemed to fit me although maybe I am just resentful of the stereotypes associated with it. If I could choose I would much rather just be gay or straight. It took me a very long time, despite my obvious attraction to women to realize that I am gay (bi, pan, or whatever label I fall into) I think the worst thing for me is feeling like a total perv whenever I (even accidentally) check girls out. I have a hard time ever fantasizing about girls without feeling ashamed and I can't even begin to explain how uncomfortable using change rooms are for me.
I'm not sure if this is the answer you're looking for but it's my story

 

[Safe_Bet]

Some people figure out that they're a GLTB pretty early in life. Some figure it out later but never look back. But what about all the people who want to slam that closet door shut?

I'm one of those people.

I'm Canadian and grew up in rural Alberta. For those of you who don't know what it's like think of growing up in rural Texas but with less people and you'll get the idea. I'm in my early going on on mid twenties and have recently 'come out' to the majority of my social network. Of my nuclear family I have not yet spoken to my father. I just realized my sexual orientation about six months ago.

I'm having... trouble with the transition. I know that I'm a lesbian. That label makes a lot sense to me. I have never found males particularly attractive in anything more than an aesthetic manner. I have dated twice, both men, only one of those relationships got anywhere near physical (only a bit of frottage) and I was uncomfortable the entire time and I knew that I was never going to have sex with him. Ever. Now that I have admitted to myself that I'm gay I've done some reflection and my childhood is full of those indications of homosexuality that all the documentaries go through. I'm pretty sure my first crush was actually on Rogue, the 1990s X-men cartoon character.

But I'm still having problems with... this. Frankly, I'm the person who seems to be the most freaked out about me being gay. I have a lot of difficulty giving myself permission to look at females in a sexual manner or even think about being in a relationship with another woman. The first time I ever looked up porn was less than a month ago. I'm on this website because my older sister decided I needed to expand my horizons (not that we've discussed what they are cause that would be awkward) and well, here I am.

So basically I what want to know is how many other people are or have had trouble adaption to the realization of their sexual identity? How did you get through it?

Okay, loveinflames pretty much described how I felt when I came out to myself (only I hadn't even hit puberty yet).

The think is, is that's how loveinflames felt. I felt like I felt. YOU need to feel and progress as YOU feel it.

There is nothing in the Dyke Rulebook that says you need to come out till you are read or that you need to come out with flags waving and trumpets blaring.

I'd suggest that you just go slow, let things happen as they happen and relax.

You don't even need to "state" that you're a lesbian yet. For right now you can just be curious. If if you do decide, you don't have to have sex for a long time. You can just hang with the cool chicks till you're ready.

BTW, you are welcome to the visit and hang out at the Isle of Lesbos thread in this forum. Its a place that curious, bi, lesbian and TG chick can meet and relax without being pestered (yeah, its the "cool chicks thread ). If you go there feel free to ask questions or lurk, which ever you prefer. Tell'em Amy sent you.

 

[sunandshadow]

A therapist can be really good for talking to when you feel uncomfortable with some aspect of your life. A good one knows what questions to ask to get you to figure out the roots of your discomfort and dig into whether they are legitimate problems or something you're worried about for a not-so-real reason. (Just make sure it's a glbt friendly one.)

 

[LizzyDark]

I came really young (14) to my family and friends and pretty much everyone else. My girlfriend is still not entirely out even though we've been living together for about two years. Her parents know, but aren't happy about it, her extended family has no idea, and her friends are kind of segregated on whether they know, think she is bi, or still think she's straight. The point is, we're both still lesbians regardless of how many people know or who those people are. If you know what you are, then it doesn't matter who you tell or when you do it.

Buuuuuut it sounds like you haven't really embraced or figured out what your sexuality is yet, and that's completely normal too, especially in a small town place with no gay population to experiment with. It's also subject to change, since, as women, our sexuality isn't set in stone. If you don't feel like subscribing to a label until you have more information, that actually sounds like a smart course of action. It also sounds like the people in your life, like your sister, are guiding you toward self-discovery, which is a good idea.

You may want to consider moving to a place with a larger population and thus a larger gay community someday to expand your horizons. It'll also make dating a lot easier.

 

[Noira]

Oh, goodness. I STILL live in rural Alberta. Let me tell you just how entirely sympathetic to your cause I am. I know what it's like. Sounds like we're about the same age, and the same situation. Growing up here, coming out to YOURSELF is the hardest part. o_x I haven't even gotten to the 'coming out to everyone else' part.

I can't exactly remember the point where I was first able to mentally apply 'not straight' to myself. It was hard. I grew up overwhelmed by 'THAT'S BAD EVIL AND SINFUL EXLAMATIONPOINTELEVENTYONE'. I made so many excuses. "Man, she's hot. But not in a sexy way! I just appreciate the naked female body because uh ART." I lied my ass off. "Oh yeah, he's hot, I'd totally do him." I lied even more by trying to date a couple of people a couple of times. Didn't work out so well. Just kind of fizzled out, mostly because I was disinterested in anything physical.

I took it gradually. Tried applying bisexual to myself. Didn't work. Still doesn't. Lesbian doesn't feel right either. The labels clashed with me. I've finally settled on 'sexual' because I feel more comfortable without a label, just embracing that I am a sexual person, and from that I've been able to branch out.

It took me months to adapt myself to the concept, to the things that were definitely always there, to being able to accept the things I was saying to myself all along. Right now I'd kill to be in a place with a larger population. I think being out of my town of twelve hundred will really, really help me be able to explore my sexual identity.

So I'd give you the same advice I'd give me. Get to somewhere with a better real community for yourself, somewhere better than rural Alberta. Accept that not everyone will accept you, but that you do not need their acceptance. Find friends who will build you up. The best thing you can do for yourself is to weave a net of support around yourself during this fragile time. I love my sister and her openmindedness so much. But right now I've had to just find friends online to talk to when I need talking to because I don't trust anyone I know here with the honest truth even though I have this sneaking suspicion that at least one person I was talking to knows, just by the gentle way she prodded and the responses I gave. Maybe everyone knew before I did. I don't know.

But find people that will build you up, not tear you down, and surround yourself with those people.

If you need to talk, I'm a PM away (and hey, I wouldn't mind talking to people who know Alberta's very own stupidity! DAMN THIS SNOW.) and all of the wonderful ladies in the Isle of Lesbos will love you to pieces when you're down. Trust me. That's the best thread on this entire board to hang out with if you're a GLBT woman. They helped me a lot.

 

[blueberree]

Oh, goodness. I STILL live in rural Alberta. Let me tell you just how entirely sympathetic to your cause I am. I know what it's like. Sounds like we're about the same age, and the same situation. Growing up here, coming out to YOURSELF is the hardest part. o_x I haven't even gotten to the 'coming out to everyone else' part.

I can't exactly remember the point where I was first able to mentally apply 'not straight' to myself. It was hard. I grew up overwhelmed by 'THAT'S BAD EVIL AND SINFUL EXLAMATIONPOINTELEVENTYONE'. I made so many excuses. "Man, she's hot. But not in a sexy way! I just appreciate the naked female body because uh ART." I lied my ass off. "Oh yeah, he's hot, I'd totally do him." I lied even more by trying to date a couple of people a couple of times. Didn't work out so well. Just kind of fizzled out, mostly because I was disinterested in anything physical.

I took it gradually. Tried applying bisexual to myself. Didn't work. Still doesn't. Lesbian doesn't feel right either. The labels clashed with me. I've finally settled on 'sexual' because I feel more comfortable without a label, just embracing that I am a sexual person, and from that I've been able to branch out.

It took me months to adapt myself to the concept, to the things that were definitely always there, to being able to accept the things I was saying to myself all along. Right now I'd kill to be in a place with a larger population. I think being out of my town of twelve hundred will really, really help me be able to explore my sexual identity.

So I'd give you the same advice I'd give me. Get to somewhere with a better real community for yourself, somewhere better than rural Alberta. Accept that not everyone will accept you, but that you do not need their acceptance. Find friends who will build you up. The best thing you can do for yourself is to weave a net of support around yourself during this fragile time. I love my sister and her openmindedness so much. But right now I've had to just find friends online to talk to when I need talking to because I don't trust anyone I know here with the honest truth even though I have this sneaking suspicion that at least one person I was talking to knows, just by the gentle way she prodded and the responses I gave. Maybe everyone knew before I did. I don't know.

But find people that will build you up, not tear you down, and surround yourself with those people.

If you need to talk, I'm a PM away (and hey, I wouldn't mind talking to people who know Alberta's very own stupidity! DAMN THIS SNOW.) and all of the wonderful ladies in the Isle of Lesbos will love you to pieces when you're down. Trust me. That's the best thread on this entire board to hang out with if you're a GLBT woman. They helped me a lot.

I really like what you said here, especially about labeling. I also enjoyed the other posts. The label issue is vexing. I suppose I should be happy that I'm in Western Washington where the issue isn't socially problematic.