Sangria Bloodshed byjd4george©

[twelveoone]

jd4george arrived at literotica some months after I did. He took the place by storm, he was not only what I consider a great writer, he was also a nice guy. He was also probably the best goddam punster I've ever met. I have a personal debt to him. I wrote a short 8 or 6 line poem, that was devastating; I couldn't look at it. I couldn't tell whether it was devastating because it was so personal. It was stiffed by the New Poems Reviewer. I think it got something like three comments. (back in the days when anybody in the cliques would get six or eight rave reviews);jd4george not only commented, he PM'ed me on it. That poem is long gone, even when I removed it, I couldn't look at it. I never forgot that. It was also the last time I wrote anything that personal.

jd4george was also hit by the "top list vigilantes" a group of "literal" and moralistic posers, who would grasp at any rationalization to vote someone down from the list. Drug and alcohol references where #2 and #3 on their list. #1 was of course any criticism of their leader. As you can see jd does mention "wine" and "junkies" below.

I am greatly saddened by the news of his passing, and since he won't see any comments on this, I am posting it here. And since comments on this may possibly be of help to new writers, I think he would have liked that.
What does surprise me was only one "E"?

 

[twelveoone]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=166950
Sangria Bloodshed
byjd4george©

Wineskin drippings
plastered across the front page,
spitting words I do not understand.
Americans curse in letters
three inches high
as photojournalists wait
for the proper light
to snap Pulitzer Prize winning stuff.

The blizzard drifts
from jungle sweat to banks
of powdered snow for the junkies
on Wall Street,
the New York cartels…
money and hype
and bullshit.

The cat knocks my arm,
spilling my wine and soaking
the page in sangrian ooze,
wiping out some sidebar story
about the families
and the victims.

Note to self: Next time,
be more careful with the wine.

 

[twelveoone]

Sangria Bloodshed
byjd4george©

Wineskin drippings
plastered across the front page,
spitting words I do not understand.
Americans curse in letters
three inches high
as photojournalists wait
for the proper light
to snap Pulitzer Prize winning stuff.

The blizzard drifts
from jungle sweat to banks
of powdered snow for the junkies
on Wall Street,
the New York cartels…
money and hype
and bullshit.

The cat knocks my arm,
spilling my wine and soaking
the page in sangrian ooze,
wiping out some sidebar story
about the families
and the victims.

Note to self: Next time,
be more careful with the wine.

This is what I first look at when confronted by a poem:
Title: Sangria Bloodshed - not bad
Authour: byjd4george - all of his stuff was interesting, he was involved, name recognition is important.
Text: In bold is what I see first, first two lines, words at the end of the sentence, spreading in sometimes, the ending. Any of this can kill your poem, I am forming an opinion as whether to proceed and/or what to look for.

Note:
Sangria is devired from the Spanish word for blood (sangre), jd was a punster
I wonder what he meant by wine.

Take a look at the middle end lines New York cartels…hype bullshit. I wonder, intent or inadvertant?

 

[twelveoone]

I will link this to the new "E" thread. But my literary tigers, all comments are welcomed. I will try to play Devils Advocate. What do you see?

One of the things you might notice, is this:
Wineskin drippings plastered across the front page,spitting words I do not understand. Americans curse in letters three inches high as photojournalists wait for the proper light to snap Pulitzer Prize winning stuff.

The blizzard drifts from jungle sweat to banks of powdered snow for the junkies on Wall Street,
the New York cartels…money and hype and bullshit.

The cat knocks my arm, spilling my wine and soaking the page in sangrian ooze, wiping out some sidebar story about the families and the victims.

Four sentences as prose; first stanza as the 1st and 2nd sentence; second stanza, 3rd sentence; third stanza, 4th. Why is this poetry?

 

[vrosej10]

jd4george arrived at literotica some months after I did. He took the place by storm, he was not only what I consider a great writer, he was also a nice guy. He was also probably the best goddam punster I've ever met. I have a personal debt to him. I wrote a short 8 or 6 line poem, that was devastating; I couldn't look at it. I couldn't tell whether it was devastating because it was so personal. It was stiffed by the New Poems Reviewer. I think it got something like three comments. (back in the days when anybody in the cliques would get six or eight rave reviews);jd4george not only commented, he PM'ed me on it. That poem is long gone, even when I removed it, I couldn't look at it. I never forgot that. It was also the last time I wrote anything that personal.

jd4george was also hit by the "top list vigilantes" a group of "literal" and moralistic posers, who would grasp at any rationalization to vote someone down from the list. Drug and alcohol references where #2 and #3 on their list. #1 was of course any criticism of their leader. As you can see jd does mention "wine" and "junkies" below.

I am greatly saddened by the news of his passing, and since he won't see any comments on this, I am posting it here. And since comments on this may possibly be of help to new writers, I think he would have liked that.
What does surprise me was only one "E"?

Fuck me. I am sorry to hear that a good poet was run off. This bothers me on many levels, the easiest and most obvious to attack are firstly; if you're a moralistic fuckhead, why the hell are you having out on Lit? What do you think goes on here? I pretty much consider Lit a moral judgement free zone, bar touching up kiddies and then you should die a horrible and painful death at the hand of large fellow prisoners, but I digress. Secondly, where the hell would poetry be without booze and junkies. Half the great ones were very fond of both and though i don't indulge myself, I do not begrudge others....

 

[champagne1982]

Fuck me. I am sorry to hear that a good poet was run off. This bothers me on many levels, the easiest and most obvious to attack are firstly; if you're a moralistic fuckhead, why the hell are you having out on Lit? What do you think goes on here? I pretty much consider Lit a moral judgement free zone, bar touching up kiddies and then you should die a horrible and painful death at the hand of large fellow prisoners, but I digress. Secondly, where the hell would poetry be without booze and junkies. Half the great ones were very fond of both and though i don't indulge myself, I do not begrudge others....

vrose.. jd4george has died, like rybka and smithpeter.

I first encountered jd on a different message board as I was out there looking for the perfect poem. I read all of the lauds he was getting in reviews and I agreed, except I found ways to help him improve the poem I was looking at. Well, I was attacked for daring to critique such wonderful work by all those he overshadowed. He wrote me an email and asked me a bit about why I had jumped into the shark tank on behalf of his work and I explained that the earthy knowledge I sensed behind his words and theme meritted close attention. He explained he never edited, I explained the value of doing so... No one else ever told him his work could be improved. I told him to come to literotica, just to read... Here he found wonderful poets; boo, ange, WE, 1201, tt2u and jtserra. We all learned so much from each other and I was glad to have been instrumental in encouraging jd to become a vital part of the community.

I'll address the E poem at another time.

 

[vrosej10]

vrose.. jd4george has died, like rybka and smithpeter.

I first encountered jd on a different message board as I was out there looking for the perfect poem. I read all of the lauds he was getting in reviews and I agreed, except I found ways to help him improve the poem I was looking at. Well, I was attacked for daring to critique such wonderful work by all those he overshadowed. He wrote me an email and asked me a bit about why I had jumped into the shark tank on behalf of his work and I explained that the earthy knowledge I sensed behind his words and theme meritted close attention. He explained he never edited, I explained the value of doing so... No one else ever told him his work could be improved. I told him to come to literotica, just to read... Here he found wonderful poets; boo, ange, WE, 1201, tt2u and jtserra. We all learned so much from each other and I was glad to have been instrumental in encouraging jd to become a vital part of the community.

I'll address the E poem at another time.

I plead intoxication on this one. I missed the dead part and only got the other stuff. Everybody needs to be challenged so they improve. Creative, practical criticism is the best gift anyone can give a writer. It keeps you honest and moving along. Some people just can't deal with it though.

 

[twelveoone]

vrose.. jd4george has died, like rybka and smithpeter.

I was attacked for daring to critique such wonderful work by all those he overshadowed. He wrote me an email and asked me a bit about why I had jumped into the shark tank on behalf of his work and I explained that the earthy knowledge I sensed behind his words and theme meritted close attention. He explained he never edited, I explained the value of doing so... We all learned so much from each other and I was glad to have been instrumental in encouraging jd to become a vital part of the community.

You're kidding?
You're kidding?
We can, and I learned from jd, he was wonderful person, awesome poet
and thank you

 

[twelveoone]

Anybody have any problems with the words at the end of the line, I didn't, good strong choices and I wouldn't even be surprised if this was deliberate: Wall Street-cartels-hype-bullshit. Seems to me I recall a thread once...interesting place this was.

I have only one thing I would quibble with on this; "The cat", what cat, some sort of special cat or just some cat, I would have used "Some cat", just to let you know.
I'll show you another trick he did, a little slight of hand, an encasing of what the poem is about.

Wineskin drippings...The cat knocks my arm, spilling my wine and soaking the page in sangrian ooze,...

Note to self: Next time,
be more careful with the wine

Which without could have be easily a 2nd rate beat poem, even though the voice is flawless.

Americans curse in letters
three inches high
as photojournalists wait
for the proper light
to snap Pulitzer Prize winning stuff.

The blizzard drifts
from jungle sweat to banks
of powdered snow for the junkies
on Wall Street,
the New York cartels…
money and hype
and bullshit.

Man was good. He gives you a vignette with the message as a voice. And there a also few standard poetic tricks...like alliteration, rhythm...

Now about those "junkies"?

 

[butters]

Sangria Bloodshed
byjd4george©

Wineskin drippings
plastered across the front page,
spitting words I do not understand.
Americans curse in letters
three inches high
as photojournalists wait
for the proper light
to snap Pulitzer Prize winning stuff.

The blizzard drifts
from jungle sweat to banks
of powdered snow for the junkies
on Wall Street,
the New York cartels…
money and hype
and bullshit.

The cat knocks my arm,
spilling my wine and soaking
the page in sangrian ooze,
wiping out some sidebar story
about the families
and the victims.

Note to self: Next time,
be more careful with the wine.

as i read this - and thankyou for finding it and posting it up 1201 - it speaks to me about how small things really are... the drips, the spits, the snaps, with the lilliputian-making three inch high letters (i enjoy how he's shown what might appear to be loud, big, attention-grabbing to be the small stuff) ... i like the contrast of this with the important stuff being relegated to 'some sidebar story'.

his use of sound is valued, lending a thread of continuity from which to string the images he generously hands out, and his word-play using snow, drifts, and high are all noted.

i think there's more to 'wineskin drippings' than the image of bloodied droplets soaking into the page - makes me see Amy at her worst as caught by the papz. and his message, as i read it, is about the hypocrisy so prevalent in the media/money circuses in town.

The cat - this gives me an overlapping image of the furry, impartial moggie carelessly stepping where it shouldn't and Amy (again) with her feline make-up, feral, night-on-the-tiles persona. Her antics headlining in the press, relegating the important issues to near invisibility. She may well be 'the cat' (in reality, a small, unthreatening, really quite fragile creature when all's told) whose antics jog the arm of the narrative voice/author of the article into writing what they do - and whose work might even be created under the influence of stimulants just like those he writes about.

following that train of thought (and i have no way now of finding out if this interpretation was his intention to show), the final lines say to me that he's aware of the damage his article and those of others might do to someone in a vulnerable condition. It also sounds unlikely that he'll (the narrator) take his own advice.


then again, maybe it's simply a guy sitting at a table, reading the paper, and 'the cat' who happens to share his abode makes him spill his drink. i prefer seeing the overlaid exposures - makes it more interesting a write for me as a reader.

 

[twelveoone]

I told him to come to literotica, just to read... Here he found wonderful poets; boo, ange, WE, 1201, tt2u and jtserra. We all learned so much from each other and I was glad to have been instrumental in encouraging jd to become a vital part of the community.

I'll address the E poem at another time.

and his main rival Pat aka Rainman; A true duel for the top those two. (poetic stud muffins for the women, and I had to crawl back into that bizarro niche and fight WE for that dark cartoonish place, and lose.) I wonder how the Rainman found the place?
Let me thank you again champ for bringing jd4 in.

All good poets find a way that make it seem so natural, so easy, if we take his 4 sentences as prose, it should be obvious some of the changes he made to convert it to poetry, and some of it will never know, what went into it.

Too easy? any of you 5 in 5ers, 30 in 30ers want to take a crack at this? I find this almost flawless.

 

[butters]

i'd offer my thanks to champers, too, for introducing this place to me. we met at Edit Red when it was a cool place to be... she told me about the poetry here, and then - after two and a half years of no internet - i remembered and found my way here. she was right about the quality here.

 

[twelveoone]

i'd offer my thanks to champers, too, for introducing this place to me. we met at Edit Red when it was a cool place to be... she told me about the poetry here, and then - after two and a half years of no internet - i remembered and found my way here. she was right about the quality here.

well in that case thank you twice champers, I like this one. DO NOT LOOK IN THE OTHER THREAD, chip, it's scary

I finally got my obtuse dictionary out, and figured out that you tossin me the goose, is really a quaint olde English expression for flippin' me the bird. Believe it was first used by Johnson.
A toss of the goose to ya Cowper.

The Winter Nosegay

What Nature, alas! has deni'd
To the delicate growth of our isle,
Art has in a measure suppli'd,
And winter is deck'd with a smile.
See, Mary, what beauties I bring
From the shelter of that sunny shed,
Where the flowers have the charms of the spring,
Though abroad they are frozen and dead.
.....

 

[champagne1982]

Do you remember how many exercises we all participated in on line breaks and enjambment? This (I mean Sangria Bloodshed) is a good example of successfully doing so. Find the most meaningful word in a phrase and then highlight the significance of it by strategically locating it as an end word... Watch, we can do it with any sentence.

I finally got my obtuse
dictionary out, and figured
out that you tossin me
the goose, is really a quaint
olde English
expression for flippin'
me the bird.

 

[twelveoone]

Do you remember how many exercises we all participated in on line breaks and enjambment? This is a good example of successfully doing so. Find the most meaningful word in a phrase and then highlight the significance of it by strategically locating it as an end word... Watch, we can do it with any sentence.

I finally got my obtuse
dictionary out, and figured
out that you tossin me t
he goose, is really a quaint
olde English
expression for flippin'
me the bird.

Now if only that cat would come around..

Flippy the bird sits on my shoulder
as I sing an Amy Winehouse tune,
and Flippy's getting bolder
he wants his damn donut
soon some girl in fishnet stockings...

Kohl is that pronounced as coal?

 

[vrosej10]

Now if only that cat would come around..

Flippy the bird sits on my shoulder
as I sing an Amy Winehouse tune,
and Flippy's getting bolder
he wants his damn donut
soon some girl in fishnet stockings...

Kohl is that pronounced as coal?

Yes, i hope you weren't just ripping...

 

[twelveoone]

Yes, i hope you weren't just ripping...

I was just thinking of christmas
an Kohl in fishnet stockings
by the fireplace with glee

 

[vrosej10]

I was just thinking of christmas
an Kohl in fishnet stockings
by the fireplace with glee

Anyone sticking Kohl in my stocking at Xmas would be my bud for life. I have a deep seated addiction to eyeliner and go through the stuff like water. Someone recently put me onto the Indian stuff and its brilliant but I digress..

 

[twelveoone]

Anyone sticking Kohl in my stocking at Xmas would be my bud for life. I have a deep seated addiction to eyeliner and go through the stuff like water. Someone recently put me onto the Indian stuff and its brilliant but I digress..

Well, if that's all it takes
Did I ever tell you I was a kohl minor

...and I can't believe I've wreaked my own thread
back to jd4george
what did you think of what he did? Really, you should go read his stuff?

 

[vrosej10]

Well, if that's all it takes
Did I ever tell you I was a kohl minor

...and I can't believe I've wreaked my own thread
back to jd4george
what did you think of what he did? Really, you should go read his stuff?

Well at least your not a mini minor! (I don't know whether they had them where you are. They were these tiny little cars the size of those idget smart cars; the testosterone balance in my house has tipped and there is way too much Top Gear getting watched..).

I am buggered tonight, will check that dude out tommorow.

 

[vrosej10]

Well, if that's all it takes
Did I ever tell you I was a kohl minor

...and I can't believe I've wreaked my own thread
back to jd4george
what did you think of what he did? Really, you should go read his stuff?

Brilliant poet, very tight writing style and extremely vivid, though not quite to my taste. Taste is opinion, a writer can be great and not to your liking. I know a lot of people can't dislike something taste wise and appreciate the art involved but I am not one of them. This guy is an artist. However I did enjoy these four:

Bramblewood Musing,
First reading at Café No
Free Street Bar Scene 1970
The Helga Pictures of Andrew Wyeth

 

[twelveoone]

Brilliant poet, very tight writing style and extremely vivid, though not quite to my taste. Taste is opinion, a writer can be great and not to your liking. I know a lot of people can't dislike something taste wise and appreciate the art involved but I am not one of them. This guy is an artist. However I did enjoy these four:

Bramblewood Musing,
First reading at Café No
Free Street Bar Scene 1970
The Helga Pictures of Andrew Wyeth

and everyday I get more impressed with you