End of world prediction: No need for plans after Oct. 21

[JackLuis]

End of world prediction: No need for plans after Oct. 21​

RALEIGH, N.C. — From her Subaru, a car painted as white as the fourth horse of Revelation, Allison Warden proclaims that Jesus Christ shall return May 21.

As in 151 days from now.

http://media.mcclatchydc.com/smedia/2010/12/20/16/WPwarden.wide_photo.prod_affiliate.91.jpg​

If you're on the left-behind list, get ready for some real disappointment. On Oct. 21, five months after the believers vanish into the sky, the entire planet will be engulfed in the cleansing fires of heaven.

Sounds like a Spring Vacation to Remember.

 

[3113]

May 21st? No, no, I'm sorry. I really have plans for that day. Could we reschedule?

Oh, and I'm going to be meeting up with friends in early November, so the end of the world on Oct. 21st won't work for me either. Jesus really should have talked to me before deciding on these dates.

 

[mynameisben]

I wonder what effect this will have on the 6-month Treasury bond.

 

[TxRad]

The nuts used to carry a sign or a sandwich board. Now they put graphics on the side of their cars and drive around polluting the air.

(You figure out if it's a pun or not)

 

[3113]

Can we play a joke on this lady? I want to create some weird cult near where she lives, worshipping some weird pantheon of gods. Like Quetzalcoatl, Balder and Taweret (the Hippo goddess). On May 22, she'll find that all the cult members have disappeared--yet she's still here on Earth.

And on her voice mail there'll be a message dated May 21st from one of the cult member. There'll be angelic harps in the background and the cult member will say, "You got the right date but the wrong deity that everyone needed to return to...sorry you're going to be burned to a crisp October 21st---coming, Taweret!"

 

[mynameisben]

Can we play a joke on this lady? I want to create some weird cult near where she lives, worshipping some weird pantheon of gods. Like Quetzalcoatl, Balder and Taweret (the Hippo goddess). On May 22, she'll find that all the cult members have disappeared--yet she's still here on Earth.

And on her voice mail there'll be a message dated May 21st from one of the cult member. There'll be angelic harps in the background and the cult member will say, "You got the right date but the wrong deity that everyone needed to return to...sorry you're going to be burned to a crisp October 21st---coming, Taweret!"

You have a deliciously twisted sense of humor, 3113.

 

[TxRad]

Can we play a joke on this lady? I want to create some weird cult near where she lives, worshipping some weird pantheon of gods. Like Quetzalcoatl, Balder and Taweret (the Hippo goddess). On May 22, she'll find that all the cult members have disappeared--yet she's still here on Earth.

And on her voice mail there'll be a message dated May 21st from one of the cult member. There'll be angelic harps in the background and the cult member will say, "You got the right date but the wrong deity that everyone needed to return to...sorry you're going to be burned to a crisp October 21st---coming, Taweret!"

You're pure evil.

But I like the way you think.

 

[sr71plt]

Can we play a joke on this lady? I want to create some weird cult near where she lives, worshipping some weird pantheon of gods. Like Quetzalcoatl, Balder and Taweret (the Hippo goddess). On May 22, she'll find that all the cult members have disappeared--yet she's still here on Earth.

And on her voice mail there'll be a message dated May 21st from one of the cult member. There'll be angelic harps in the background and the cult member will say, "You got the right date but the wrong deity that everyone needed to return to...sorry you're going to be burned to a crisp October 21st---coming, Taweret!"

It's slightly possible that you weren't consulted because you aren't on his list.

 

[oggbashan]

What calendar is she using?

Is the date 2011 AD, CE, or perhaps (Horror!) the Muslim one, in which case we'll all be long dead before 2011.

And when does the day start? At the International Date Line? Is there a rolling removal as the day starts in each time zone, or does everyone go as that day first starts at the Date Line?

Even if she's using AD, was Jesus born in Year Zero, Year One, or as some think, AD4? So 2011AD could be 2014.

I think the date she's thinking of is the Greek Kalends.

Og

 

[Handley_Page]

Sounds like a Spring Vacation to Remember.

I got to admire her determination, and probably her faith, but she's going to look mighty sick on May 22nd.

How do these nutters arrive at such values ? It reminds me of that Bishop who calculated that the World started at 9am of some day 5000 odd years ago.

 

[TxRad]

I got to admire her determination, and probably her faith, but she's going to look mighty sick on May 22nd.

How do these nutters arrive at such values ? It reminds me of that Bishop who calculated that the World started at 9am of some day 5000 odd years ago.

I had to be a Monday, right.

I think he misplaced a dozen zeros.

 

[3113]

It's slightly possible that you weren't consulted because you aren't on his list.

Not at all. J.C. and I are tight! Just read his parables. We share a similar sense of humor. In fact, I think Mr. "Do unto others" would totally agree with what I'm proposing we do to this woman. We're just telling her the same thing she's telling us, after all: that you'd better pray to the right deity or, no matter what else you've done in your life or been, you'll be left behind to burn.

Why should she have all the fun of scaring the shit out of people?

Speaking of which, isn't burning up the planet a breech of that contract god made with us after the flood. Remember that rainbow promise there? He kinda said he wouldn't ever do that sort of thing again. And remember how he "loved humankind so much" that he sacrificed his son for it? Burning billions doesn't sound like he loves anyone all that much.

I suspect this woman misunderstood the message. J.C.'s probably just letting her know that he wants her to celebrate Beltane this year (late May)--and Samhain (late October). Put up a maypole and really enjoy springtime, then, come fall, make sure to go out trick-or-treating.

 

[sr71plt]

Not at all. J.C. and I are tight! Just read his parables. We share a similar sense of humor. In fact, I think Mr. "Do unto others" would totally agree with what I'm proposing we do to this woman. We're just telling her the same thing she's telling us, after all: that you'd better pray to the right deity or, no matter what else you've done in your life or been, you'll be left behind to burn.

Why should she have all the fun of scaring the shit out of people?

Speaking of which, isn't burning up the planet a breech of that contract god made with us after the flood. Remember that rainbow promise there? He kinda said he wouldn't ever do that sort of thing again. And remember how he "loved humankind so much" that he sacrificed his son for it? Burning billions doesn't sound like he loves anyone all that much.

I suspect this woman misunderstood the message. J.C.'s probably just letting her know that he wants her to celebrate Beltane this year (late May)--and Samhain (late October). Put up a maypole and really enjoy springtime, then, come fall, make sure to go out trick-or-treating.

According to this woman, isn't J.C. planning on burning up the planet himself?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

You have to be very careful about personal revelations. Not all the voices you hear are Divine, yanno . . .

 

[3113]

According to this woman, isn't J.C. planning on burning up the planet himself?

Jesus himself is going to throw the barbecue? Hm....That doesn't sound very "turn-the-other-cheek-ish" to me....are we sure we're talking about the same Jesus?

And why wait till October 21st to do it if you're going to take up all the people you want on May 21st? Seems extra mean to leave the doomed waiting for five months for their fiery end.

 

[R. Richard]

What calendar is she using?

Is the date 2011 AD, CE, or perhaps (Horror!) the Muslim one, in which case we'll all be long dead before 2011.

And when does the day start? At the International Date Line? Is there a rolling removal as the day starts in each time zone, or does everyone go as that day first starts at the Date Line?

Even if she's using AD, was Jesus born in Year Zero, Year One, or as some think, AD4? So 2011AD could be 2014.

I think the date she's thinking of is the Greek Kalends.

Og

Neither Jesus, nor any one else in Europe or Asia was born in the year zero. There was no year zero. The idea of zero as a number didn't take hold until around the year 600 and that was in India.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Neither Jesus, nor any one else in Europe or Asia was born in the year zero. There was no year zero. The idea of zero as a number didn't take hold until around the year 600 and that was in India.

Astronomical estimates are that he was born in the year 6 or 7 BC. That means that if she was right, it's all over and done with. Stupid Fundies . . .

 

[TE999]

Sounds like a Spring Vacation to Remember.

Sister Allison is following in the footsteps of many a doom crier that brays '"Jesus is coming, be ready."

She needs to read a history book once in a while. The Millerites thought the end was near back in the 1800's.

Check them out:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millerites . Sound familiar?

 

[mynameisben]

The Bible is bursting at its bindings with one metaphor after the next. It amazes me so many peanut brains take the whole "End of the World" thing literally. The world comes to an end the day that you -- as in You -- die. Get with the program, already.

 

[michchick98]

Neither Jesus, nor any one else in Europe or Asia was born in the year zero. There was no year zero. The idea of zero as a number didn't take hold until around the year 600 and that was in India.

So if zero as a number didn't take hold until around the year 600, then wouldn't that technically be year 6? I mean after all, there are two zeroes in 600.

I'll make sure I have my flame retardant suit on on October 21st. Of course if that doesn't work to protect me, it's nice to know that I'll get to live long enough to see my 44th birthday.

 

[Pure]

i'm settling my affairs and selling my stocks.

 

[3113]

Astronomical estimates are that he was born in the year 6 or 7 BC. That means that if she was right, it's all over and done with. Stupid Fundies . . .

I missed it?

Wait. If we're all still communicating six years after it should have happened...does that mean we were all taken up? Whoah. So this is the afterlife. Who knew there'd be chatrooms and porn boards....

 

[sr71plt]

I missed it?

Wait. If we're all still communicating six years after it should have happened...does that mean we were all taken up? Whoah. So this is the afterlife. Who knew there'd be chatrooms and porn boards....

I'm thinking the chat rooms and porn boards mean we were all sent down.

 

[mynameisben]

I'm thinking the chat rooms and porn boards mean we were all sent down.

Being sent down ain't so bad, then.

 

[3113]

I'm thinking the chat rooms and porn boards mean we were all sent down.

Piss-posh-and-pashaw! I can't speak for the chat rooms, but what could be more heavenly for a writer then access to such wonderful porn stories--and the chance to discuss writing them with other porn writers? http://bestsmileys.com/angles/9.gif