What can one do with oneself, to oneself

Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school simply by referring to oneself as one.
-Sheldon Cooper
 
Oh Crap! One is now afraid of a second

Is this a case of I'm not crazy, it's just the voices in my head that are telling me to terminate you?

Okey, dokey. How about a little less formality.

I've run out of ideas about how to pleasure myself while alone. I've done things to nipples; dropped rods down places you may not have considered as "places"; inserted obscenely large objects in other places; applied hot things to many places; punctured things and places.

I need help. I've exhausted my repertoire. CRAP. Will repertoire get me beaten up?

Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school simply by referring to oneself as one.
-Sheldon Cooper
 
Make a sandwich with fresh bread, lettuce, tomato, ham, turkey, aoli, pepper and a thin slice of cheese, grill each piece of bread carefully and press each slice together over the filling. Close the sandwich with a toothpick. Settle down to eat it with your favourite book, and have yourself a fine evening.
 
Make a sandwich with fresh bread, lettuce, tomato, ham, turkey, aoli, pepper and a thin slice of cheese, grill each piece of bread carefully and press each slice together over the filling. Close the sandwich with a toothpick. Settle down to eat it with your favourite book, and have yourself a fine evening.

I think I just came.
 
Is this a case of I'm not crazy, it's just the voices in my head that are telling me to terminate you?

Okey, dokey. How about a little less formality.

I've run out of ideas about how to pleasure myself while alone. I've done things to nipples; dropped rods down places you may not have considered as "places"; inserted obscenely large objects in other places; applied hot things to many places; punctured things and places.

I need help. I've exhausted my repertoire. CRAP. Will repertoire get me beaten up?

it's using 'one' when you meant 'I'.

is it possible that you have become sexually jaded? maybe just have a good old fashioned wank and hold off for as long as possible.
 
*Shakes head for saying this*

*Leaves a gun and a single bullet and leaves*
 
Doggone it, Etiole!

So far, the exquisite sandwich suggestion is best idea I've heard.

However, I know you have even better ideas. Gimme.

Not desperate, but less certain of the joy of discovering uncertainty with each day older I get.

Are you kidding? This is the BDSM forum. We know about ALL the orifices. :devil:
 
It sounds to me like laying off of yourself for a while is what you need. Maybe let the callus's fade.

Go two weeks without touching yourself and you'll likely fall in love with yourself all over again.

Maybe edge yourself for a week if you have enough self control.

This is my attempt at an answer without the thematic ridicule. I really think it might help if you haven't already tried just stopping for a while.
 
Naw Won't work.

I thinking about filing for a divorce from me based on irreconcilable boredom with myself.

I'm giving me one last chance. Purchased a tool today that serves very well as a urethral speculum; going to see if I can insert a bulldozer down my urethra.

It sounds to me like laying off of yourself for a while is what you need. Maybe let the callus's fade.

Go two weeks without touching yourself and you'll likely fall in love with yourself all over again.

Maybe edge yourself for a week if you have enough self control.

This is my attempt at an answer without the thematic ridicule. I really think it might help if you haven't already tried just stopping for a while.
 
Wow! Just introduced myself to the tool I mentioned above. I'm now enamored all over again. If you live in New York City, L.A., Chicago you may or may not be able to find this tool. Sorry. It's simple, it's cheap but big city residents could find that finding one is difficult.

What is it, what's it do. It's meant to stretch a small, specialized rubberband over the testicles to castrate infant cattle, horses, sheep, dogs etc...that is, before it becomes unbearably painful for older animals, even those only a few weeks old.

How could this possibly excite me. Well, I could get excited simply by stretching the tiny band over a nipple and enjoying the constriction until I don't enjoy it. Same with my testicles. On the other hand, the physical configuration of the tool makes it the perfect urethral speculum - actually, a urethral stretching tool - with four prongs that merge when closed into a perfect little probe for urethral insertion. However, they emerge with a vengence; I've used a lot of tools on my poor urethral sphincter, but I've never looked down into the the depths of my urethra as I did a few minutes ago after less than 30 seconds of "foreplay" with this tool.

Perhaps, there will be some who question the appropriateness of this post on this site. I won't question their questions. On the other hand, loving the pain that spreading one's urethral sphincter so wide a thumb could easily slide down it, seems to fit within the (M) of BDSM. Maybe not. It was only 30 seconds, wonder if results after 5 minutes would be adequate. If not; I don't care. I'm definitely not going file for divorce from me; at least, not right now.
 
Answer? Urethral beads

I'd heard of anal beads and so many years ago I don't remember, I may have even tried them; but I just discovered among a large set of women's jewelry a cheap/inexpensive neckless made of small, white beads. Naturally, my first thought wasn't: Why am I keeping this? It was: Hmmm... I wonder?

Turns out, I found a use for it; it wasn't until AFTERWARD that I bothered to check the physical dimensions. [Neckless was 36" long, made up of 99 white beads, each 5/8 inches in diameter.]

Naturally, I stuffed them down my penis. First, I sterilized the neckless as best I could. I really didn't think I'd be able to get the entire neckless in; but I did.
It took about 15 minutes; the first 30" went in rather easily although slowly; however, the last 6" required much patience and...er...stroking [actually I simulated masturbation; the sensation as I ran my hand down my urethra over the beads was indescribable.] With over 30" in, my penis had no choice but to become erect; actually helped to insert the rest.

With nothing but the small gold clasp sticking out, I walked around and did several ordinary activities. The weight or the neckless, which seemed negligible in my hand, actually threw me somewhat off-balance walking around. It was similar to the sensation I've gotten when driving a truck after loading it changes the center-of-gravity.

Of course the "climax" was removing all three feet of the neckless. I pulled some of it slowly about three inches; then, three more much faster; then I pulled the entire chain out. The sensation was similar to an ejaculation.

If you're young and impressionable and reading this and thinking about trying it -- DON"T. Sterilization is a real issue; the possibility of the neckless breaking during removal and the embarrassing hosptial visit is also an issue. The best argument is, you can get the same (actually better) results masturbating.



When one is by oneself?

I'm at your mercy. Please, be kind.
 
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Where is Shankara? ge must have a host of ideas that would be perfect.

Tried to find his thread to bump but my phone keeps timing out.
 
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