Need an editor with a big axe...

[EddieEgypt]

to chop-chop-chop this monster I've created down to size. Paul Bunyan - you out there?

When I first started writing it, I planned on turning out roughly three "Lit" pages. Completed, it's probably closer to seven. I don't even know how to get an exact word count (it's a Word doc.), but it's long; too damn long for what it is. Whatever the polar opposite of writers block is, is what I have been afflicted with.

I'm all about show, don't tell. There is some interior monologue, but mostly this story is driven by dialogue. Maybe this - the short paragraphs (and subsequently the frequent spacing between them) - has something to do with the length in terms of pages. But frankly, I think I just need an editor that can tell my characters when to shut the fuck up and get to the business.

I’m thinking that some of what is being said should be summed up in narrative summary? A little more tell and less show? I just can’t put my finger on what parts need this to happen, or can have it happen without taking out important story elements. Maybe it just needs to be broken into chapters…but where to make those breaks I dunno.

I’m not too shabby with spelling and grammar, and I’ve spell checked and proof read a number of times, but no doubt you’ll still find some errors that need correcting as well.

If you’re feeling particularly nasty; car broke down, wife left you, cat mistook your Manolo Blahniks for a litter box, someone just gave you a titty twister, etc. and you want to take out some aggression by assaulting my writing with harsh criticism - I’m game - as long as it’s done for the betterment of the story and/or this amateur writer. I’ve got thick skin; my epidermis is fucking chainmail.

NOW: The category…drum roll…is the nefarious Loving Wives section. * gasps and screams * 1st person POV. Yes there is a cheating wife; a downright filthy, slutty one. No the hubby is not a closet homosexual. No she does not get doused in gasoline, set ablaze, thrown off a cliff, and then have a nuke dropped on her carcass. Heaven forbid, the marriage doesn’t even end.

Also contained in the sexual content is interracial (BF+WM and a little WM+AF), some exhibitionism/voyeurism, a slight sprinkle of girl-girl, and possibly what some might consider fetish…questionably…nothing heavy if any. And no, my characters are not as boorish as I am…well…most of the time.

If I haven’t scared away all of my potential prospects with the category and material…and uh…sarcasm…please contact me. I’m not in a super hurry, but if it could be turned around within a few weeks it would be appreciated.

Gracias, fellow pervs.

 

[PennLady]

Hi.

I'd be willing to take a look. Loving Wives isn't my favorite genre, but even slutty sex should be grammatically correct.

For your word count, and not knowing your version of Word -- open the file, go to Tools and select Word Count. That should give it to you.

Showing is fine, but sometimes telling is better.

Anyway -- if you'd like to read some of my stuff to see if you'd like my feedback, have at. Or PM me and I can give you an email address.

PennLady

to chop-chop-chop this monster I've created down to size. Paul Bunyan - you out there?

When I first started writing it, I planned on turning out roughly three "Lit" pages. Completed, it's probably closer to seven. I don't even know how to get an exact word count (it's a Word doc.), but it's long; too damn long for what it is. Whatever the polar opposite of writers block is, is what I have been afflicted with.

I'm all about show, don't tell. There is some interior monologue, but mostly this story is driven by dialogue. Maybe this - the short paragraphs (and subsequently the frequent spacing between them) - has something to do with the length in terms of pages. But frankly, I think I just need an editor that can tell my characters when to shut the fuck up and get to the business.

I’m thinking that some of what is being said should be summed up in narrative summary? A little more tell and less show? I just can’t put my finger on what parts need this to happen, or can have it happen without taking out important story elements. Maybe it just needs to be broken into chapters…but where to make those breaks I dunno.

I’m not too shabby with spelling and grammar, and I’ve spell checked and proof read a number of times, but no doubt you’ll still find some errors that need correcting as well.

If you’re feeling particularly nasty; car broke down, wife left you, cat mistook your Manolo Blahniks for a litter box, someone just gave you a titty twister, etc. and you want to take out some aggression by assaulting my writing with harsh criticism - I’m game - as long as it’s done for the betterment of the story and/or this amateur writer. I’ve got thick skin; my epidermis is fucking chainmail.

NOW: The category…drum roll…is the nefarious Loving Wives section. * gasps and screams * 1st person POV. Yes there is a cheating wife; a downright filthy, slutty one. No the hubby is not a closet homosexual. No she does not get doused in gasoline, set ablaze, thrown off a cliff, and then have a nuke dropped on her carcass. Heaven forbid, the marriage doesn’t even end.

Also contained in the sexual content is interracial (BF+WM and a little WM+AF), some exhibitionism/voyeurism, a slight sprinkle of girl-girl, and possibly what some might consider fetish…questionably…nothing heavy if any. And no, my characters are not as boorish as I am…well…most of the time.

If I haven’t scared away all of my potential prospects with the category and material…and uh…sarcasm…please contact me. I’m not in a super hurry, but if it could be turned around within a few weeks it would be appreciated.

Gracias, fellow pervs.

 

[mynameisben]

Hi Big Eddie,

Paul Bunyan here. Yeah, I can cut to the chase. Below is an example of my work.


Pre Edit:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.--Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.​

Post edit:

Maybe I should kill myself.​

Let me know.

 

[PennLady]

Ha ha ha -- nicely done.

Hi Big Eddie,

Paul Bunyan here. Yeah, I can cut to the chase. Below is an example of my work.


Pre Edit:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

Post edit:

Maybe I should kill myself.​

Let me know.​

​