is it wrong for a sub to want

[reachedme]

I live in the back blocks of australia and I am finding I want more sensation all the time
is it wrong for a sub to want more or should I be satisfied with what I can get?

 

[FurryFury]

Depends on the sub, the relationship and a lot of other things. Perhaps you'd like to elucidate?

FF

 

[J D Danger]

I don't think it is wrong for a sub to want at all..just remember the old stones song....you can't always get what you want....but if you try sometimes..you just might find you get what you need

 

[SensualSuzan]

wrong to want?

Want... or better word, "needs" is more important as I feel this may help define who you are. (I believe a good sub/slave is more concerned with the "needs" of her/his Master or Dom/me.) A very wise Master once explained to me that a "want" is selfish while a "need" is shared. A good Master KNOWS what you need even better than you yourself do (unless you have been less than truthful). This is one of the rewards of submission! Yet, if you are unhappy and worthy, these needs will be met! Both parties enjoy the pushing of limits!!

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

There's nothing wrong with having some selfish wants.

Being sub doesn't automatically make you no longer human.

 

[PenIsMightier1]

There's nothing wrong with having some selfish wants.

Being sub doesn't automatically make you no longer human.

I agree

Being a sub does not suddenly make you incapable of doing what you want.

As a sub the only one truly able to make you follow orders is yourself, you follow them because that's what you want to do. So if you want to satisfy yourself, unless you're in an exclusive relationship then I don't see why you shouldn't be able to.

 

[the captians wench]

There's nothing wrong with having some selfish wants.

Being sub doesn't automatically make you no longer human.

Amen!

I want more, all the time, even after hours of playing and fucking I want more.

Infact I usually have to be pulled away or told to settle down.

No one has complained. I think the men I've been with have loved how much I want thier cock in some part of me, and want them touching me.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

There's nothing wrong with having some selfish wants.

Being sub doesn't automatically make you no longer human.

I agree with these statements on so many levels.

 

[redheadedtxn]

It's a hard balance. Pleasing your Dom should come first. Remember, wants and needs are two different things! Your Dom may be trying to unspoil you, and make you more aware of HIS needs..which is way more important than a sub's wants. Wants are a hard thing to learn past! But, it is good for you to learn...and a loving, true Master will help teach you the difference. It is good for a sub to want hard, it drives the "need" to a higher level, and so much more make you serve to earn the needs.
i hope that makes sense!

 

[mardin]

Expression of wants

I have such wonderful lines of communication with my girl on occasion I do ask her what she has particularly enjoyed and what she feels that I may not have taken full advantage of <grins>.

A simple statement of "Master do you enjoy ______", might be enough to spark some interest the an area that you top might not have considered.

Just my thoughts.

 

[the captians wench]

Dude, am I the only one around here who is asked "what would you like my dear?" on a some what regular basis?

My PYLs have always wanted me to want, and want to hear what I want. They know my sex drive is exponential, and they like it that way. They ask me what I want and for the most part I get it. Why? Because a happy slave is a good slave.

If I want something, and I haven't been asked, I will ask, because OMGZ he can't read my mind. That doesn't mean that I will always get it, but I won't get it at all if I don't ask.

Yes I'm spoiled. Yes every PYL I've been with knows I'm spoiled. They like spoiling me because I spoil them.

But that's probably breaking some code somewhere.

 

[mardin]

Dude, am I the only one around here who is asked "what would you like my dear?" on a some what regular basis?

I have asked this and girl was very clear that that question made made her very uncomfortable. That is why I came up with that method.

As for spoiled well I find the best of pyt will be a little spoiled <grins>

 

[Primalex]

I live in the back blocks of australia and I am finding I want more sensation all the time
is it wrong for a sub to want more or should I be satisfied with what I can get?

Maybe you deserve more, maybe you don't even deserve what you already have. What's your karma level?

 

[reachedme]

I still have so much to learn and I want so much and as a sub I felt conflicted thanks for the counsel
as for my karma level it must be low because the world around me is pretty shit at the moment with only a single ray of light breaking through to set me free

downloaded another stones song onto to my ipod when I hear it it will mean so much more now
thanks everyone

 

[chy_girl]

Dude, am I the only one around here who is asked "what would you like my dear?" on a some what regular basis?

My PYLs have always wanted me to want, and want to hear what I want. They know my sex drive is exponential, and they like it that way. They ask me what I want and for the most part I get it. Why? Because a happy slave is a good slave.

If I want something, and I haven't been asked, I will ask, because OMGZ he can't read my mind. That doesn't mean that I will always get it, but I won't get it at all if I don't ask.

Yes I'm spoiled. Yes every PYL I've been with knows I'm spoiled. They like spoiling me because I spoil them.

But that's probably breaking some code somewhere.

Nope. My People ask me that on a regular basis. It took me a long time to be able to tell them, and I don't always get what I want. But I learned rather quickly that not saying that I want something, even if it's just "I want play time with you and I'm not picky about the specifics," will result in my not getting anything.

Knowing my needs and wants is important to them and to the relationship. If I withhold that information they have a much harder time figuring out where the field is and how to torture me in delightfully wicked ways. It also pushes the line my being a door mat and/or whipping post. Which is WAY not ok.

And I'm sure they would agree that a happy girl is good and willing girl, which makes it all the more fun.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Dude, am I the only one around here who is asked "what would you like my dear?" on a some what regular basis?

My PYLs have always wanted me to want, and want to hear what I want. They know my sex drive is exponential, and they like it that way. They ask me what I want and for the most part I get it. Why? Because a happy slave is a good slave.

If I want something, and I haven't been asked, I will ask, because OMGZ he can't read my mind. That doesn't mean that I will always get it, but I won't get it at all if I don't ask.

Yes I'm spoiled. Yes every PYL I've been with knows I'm spoiled. They like spoiling me because I spoil them.

But that's probably breaking some code somewhere.

I get asked

And what do you mean he can't read your mind? What sort of Dom is he?

Srsly though, yes. As a partner in a relationship you do need toexpress your needs and wants. What your dominant partner decides to do with/about them is the power exchange bit!

I have such wonderful lines of communication with my girl on occasion I do ask her what she has particularly enjoyed and what she feels that I may not have taken full advantage of <grins>.

A simple statement of "Master do you enjoy ______", might be enough to spark some interest the an area that you top might not have considered.

Just my thoughts.

This I don't like. I can undetstand it working for some people, and more power to them, but the whole 'referring to oneself as a 3rd party entity' bit really makes me feel like people are putting the responsibility for themselves off themselves, and that's a cop out. That's just how I feel, and thus could never do it.

 

[Stella_Omega]

It's a hard balance. Pleasing your Dom should come first. Remember, wants and needs are two different things! Your Dom may be trying to unspoil you, and make you more aware of HIS needs..which is way more important than a sub's wants. Wants are a hard thing to learn past! But, it is good for you to learn...and a loving, true Master will help teach you the difference. It is good for a sub to want hard, it drives the "need" to a higher level, and so much more make you serve to earn the needs.
i hope that makes sense!

OP is a man.

"Sub" is not a synonym for "woman," and to make that assumption is really kinda creepy.

In hetero parlance, "sub" means everything from "abject slave" to "pillow queen." So, someone who loves to be done unto might call themselves a "sub" but may very well not be actually submissive in many ways.

Maybe you're a sensation addict. If so, you'll be much happier once you stop feeling like you have to play some paperback novel "submissive" role.

 

[00Syd]

Of course it's wrong. We lowly subs do not want! Only those fake-subs, the ones they call "brats" want things. You should banish all thoughts of ever wanting anything ever or risk being banished by the BDSM high council. And beware! I heard a rumor that the high council travels to Australia ever year around December.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Of course it's wrong. We lowly subs do not want! Only those fake-subs, the ones they call "brats" want things. You should banish all thoughts of ever wanting anything ever or risk being banished by the BDSM high council. And beware! I heard a rumor that the high council travels to Australia ever year around December.

in a bad mood, huh?

 

[CutieMouse]

It's a hard balance. Pleasing your Dom should come first. Remember, wants and needs are two different things! Your Dom may be trying to unspoil you, and make you more aware of HIS needs..which is way more important than a sub's wants. Wants are a hard thing to learn past! But, it is good for you to learn...and a loving, true Master will help teach you the difference. It is good for a sub to want hard, it drives the "need" to a higher level, and so much more make you serve to earn the needs.
i hope that makes sense!

Not necessarily.

For example - I've met men in the past who ascribe to the theory that orgasm control [denial] will turn me into this hypersensitive overzealous oversexed puddle of goo, desperate to be fucked. Theory being that WANTING so desperately to climax will push me to o whatever necessary to earn the NEED to climax.

Mmmm... yeah... not so much.

In reality, if I have a want that isn't heard, respected, and acknowledged - I'll shut down and channel that energy elsewhere. (Not that I have to always get what I want, but I do expect a smart man to recognize that I am sort of kind of a semi-expert on me and listen accordingly.)

I've learned to explain that my wants are often quite closely enmeshed with my needs - the understanding and expressing of which makes me no less submissive in any way, shape or form. For example, in the scenario above, I've learned to ignore men who cling to orgasm control [denial] like barnacles to bedrock. 'Cause it sure as hell does not result in a lust filled dripping wet CutieMouse* ready to give 110% of her service oriented self. But the house will be spotless, the blog will be updated regularly, the grocery lists will be impeccable, and I will read 3-4 books a week.














*That + the 110% stuff [ideally] requires sex 1-3+ times per day... or at least a few times a week... or at last resort a steady diet of random gang bangs. Lust feeds lust and all that!





























I suspect posting after that last glass of wine wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done...

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Of course it's wrong. We lowly subs do not want! Only those fake-subs, the ones they call "brats" want things. You should banish all thoughts of ever wanting anything ever or risk being banished by the BDSM high council. And beware! I heard a rumor that the high council travels to Australia ever year around December.

Your posts make me chuckle. They are splendid.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Of course it's wrong. We lowly subs do not want! Only those fake-subs, the ones they call "brats" want things. You should banish all thoughts of ever wanting anything ever or risk being banished by the BDSM high council. And beware! I heard a rumor that the high council travels to Australia ever year around December.

No, that's Santa.

*nods*

 

[discoverkirsty]

Of course it's wrong. We lowly subs do not want! Only those fake-subs, the ones they call "brats" want things. You should banish all thoughts of ever wanting anything ever or risk being banished by the BDSM high council. And beware! I heard a rumor that the high council travels to Australia ever year around December.

hehe this made me chuckle.
Something i've found as a newbie sub is that actually i'm now expected to say what i want far more than i've done before. it's become my responsibility to explain what's on my mind, my needs and wants - He *really* wants to know. D/s seems to be a bundle of contraditions in that respect.
kirsty
x

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

hehe this made me chuckle.
Something i've found as a newbie sub is that actually i'm now expected to say what i want far more than i've done before. it's become my responsibility to explain what's on my mind, my needs and wants - He *really* wants to know. D/s seems to be a bundle of contraditions in that respect.
kirsty
x

How's that a contradiction?

 

[discoverkirsty]

i mean that in putting myself in the position of a submissive, i'm actually having to be more assertive if that makes sense? Being someone who's not used to asking for what they need, it's an interesting learning process
kirsty
x