Please leave feedback and or rate most recent stories

[Maximillian_Excaliber]

I've had posted two new stories. They are entitled "End of the World" and "Unfaithful". They are not incest stories, nor are they non-concentual.

One of them has been read by over 2000 people yet noone has left feedback.

Please check them out them out and, for better or worse, leave me either public or private feedback. At this point, I don't care if anyone rates them.

If you don't like either of them, I'd like to know why.

Thanks

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=505317
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=505255

 

[Quiet_Cool]

I've had posted two new stories. They are entitled "End of the World" and "Unfaithful". They are not incest stories, nor are they non-concentual.

One of them has been read by over 2000 people yet noone has left feedback.

Please check them out them out and, for better or worse, leave me either public or private feedback. At this point, I don't care if anyone rates them.

If you don't like either of them, I'd like to know why.

Thanks

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=505317
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=505255

Okay, Max. Maybe I'm boring you with something you've heard before, but did you get that many votes, or that many views. A lot of readers, myself included, read the first so many lines and if the writing appears bad or the story doesn't pull you in, back clicks and finds another. Views can buildup rather quickly this way.

I have a story (posted long ago) with 51 votes, and over 95,000 views.

Q_C

 

[driphoney]

We have a special forum for just this desire. If you want comments and votes, you might want to visit the Story Feedback Forum, leave a link, and beg.

No comments with only 2,000 views is probably pretty typical. Good luck.

 

[Maximillian_Excaliber]

We have a special forum for just this desire. If you want comments and votes, you might want to visit the Story Feedback Forum, leave a link, and beg.

No comments with only 2,000 views is probably pretty typical. Good luck.

I did that. I was trying to cover my bets. While readers may not care, I figured that other writers might... at least enought to leave negative feedback if nothing else. Not that I'm looking to get abused, I'd have to spend money for that

To answer the question below, it's now 12 votes and 3537 views and still 0 feedbacks. It was posted today.

 

[sr71plt]

I did that. I was trying to cover my bets. While readers may not care, I figured that other writers might... at least enought to leave negative feedback if nothing else. Not that I'm looking to get abused, I'd have to spend money for that

To answer the question below, it's now 12 votes and 3537 views and still 0 feedbacks. It was posted today.

As Drip posted, those statistics are not in the least uncommon.

Readers are here for the most part to get titilated. They feel no obligation to give you any form of feedback and there's no pressure on them to do so.

 

[Maximillian_Excaliber]

As Drip posted, those statistics are not in the least uncommon.

Readers are here for the most part to get titilated. They feel no obligation to give you any form of feedback and there's no pressure on them to do so.

Aren't these usually the same people who've worn the letters off the fast forward button on the DVD player skiping through the dialog in porn movies?

I have noticed some readers have the attention span of three year old and the patienence to match. I'm reminded of a teenager standing in front of a microwave waiting for his popcorn saying, "Come on damn it! I haven't got all minute!"

As you implied, they don't want a story that has character development and a real plot. If you give them one, you get complaints about how it was too long and didn't get to the point fast enought. I guess their hands get tired and chafed while their waiting for the sex scene? Does that result in cockal tunnel? For the most part, I noticed it seems a condition found common in males. Anyone else picked that up?

 

[sr71plt]

There are probably literally millions of readers coming to Lit. They come in a wide variety of interests and literacy level and literary tastes. One of the first things I learned in going to the market with erotica was not to make fun of the readers--to be grateful for any who read and returned to read more and not to disparage the rest. Besides, I write a whole variety of heat levels, so there aren't many readers I'll count as total losses.

 

[Stella_Omega]

The group sex story is better written than the loving wives story. But I didn't read much of either of them-- I haven't got all minute!

You overdescribe your characters, and describe the boring things-- in my opinion, anyway. I do like knowing that they are black, or hispanic, because that colors my imagination, but I don't need to know that he's six foot tall and she's five foot five. He's much taller than she is, that's all I need to know, and i want to be sure that the height difference will contribute to the sexiness of the scene.

 

[scouries]

Maxie Excalibus Aren't these usually the same people who've worn the letters off the fast forward button on the DVD player skiping through the dialog in porn movies?

I have noticed some readers have the attention span of three year old and the patienence to match. I'm reminded of a teenager standing in front of a microwave waiting for his popcorn saying, "Come on damn it! I haven't got all minute!"

As you implied, they don't want a story that has character development and a real plot. If you give them one, you get complaints about how it was too long and didn't get to the point fast enought. I guess their hands get tired and chafed while their waiting for the sex scene? Does that result in cockal tunnel? For the most part, I noticed it seems a condition found common in males. Anyone else picked that up?

All I’ve picked up is that you’re an asshole. I’d add more but my good frienemy ace seems to have said everything that needed being said:

http://www.monahansacehardware.com/images/250_ace_helpful_logo.gif​

QUOTE ace There are probably literally millions of readers coming to Lit. They come in a wide variety of interests and literacy level and literary tastes. One of the first things I learned in going to the market with erotica was not to make fun of the readers—to be grateful for any who read and returned to read more and not to disparage the rest. Besides, I write a whole variety of heat levels, so there aren't many readers I'll count as total losses.

AMEN! Posts like the above one are why I don’t put ace on IGNORE. The beauty of the man is that even though he’s the biggest elitist among us he’s quite delighted to jump down the throat of anyone who expresses elitist opinions.

You made my day with that one ace! ​

[size=+2]james r scouries esq.[/size]
Multiple A.I.R. AWARD winner, MILLION SELLER,
Author of the MOST COMMENTED on
and the MOST VOTED on story on LITEROTICA

 

[JackLuis]

Welcome to the Snake Pit, Pilgrim.

Begging for feedback, pleading, sucking a few cocks, maybe might help your comments grow. Don't expect readers to care about you, they don't UNLESS, you touch them in a way they didn't expect.

Kind of like a TSA guy, exciting your Aunt Sadie at the Airport!

 

[Maximillian_Excaliber]

Maxie Excalibus Aren't these usually the same people who've worn the letters off the fast forward button on the DVD player skiping through the dialog in porn movies?

I have noticed some readers have the attention span of three year old and the patienence to match. I'm reminded of a teenager standing in front of a microwave waiting for his popcorn saying, "Come on damn it! I haven't got all minute!"

As you implied, they don't want a story that has character development and a real plot. If you give them one, you get complaints about how it was too long and didn't get to the point fast enought. I guess their hands get tired and chafed while their waiting for the sex scene? Does that result in cockal tunnel? For the most part, I noticed it seems a condition found common in males. Anyone else picked that up?

All I’ve picked up is that you’re an asshole. I’d add more but my good frienemy ace seems to have said everything that needed being said:

http://www.monahansacehardware.com/images/250_ace_helpful_logo.gif​

QUOTE ace There are probably literally millions of readers coming to Lit. They come in a wide variety of interests and literacy level and literary tastes. One of the first things I learned in going to the market with erotica was not to make fun of the readers—to be grateful for any who read and returned to read more and not to disparage the rest. Besides, I write a whole variety of heat levels, so there aren't many readers I'll count as total losses.

AMEN! Posts like the above one are why I don’t put ace on IGNORE. The beauty of the man is that even though he’s the biggest elitist among us he’s quite delighted to jump down the throat of anyone who expresses elitist opinions.

You made my day with that one ace! ​

[size=+2]james r scouries esq.[/size]
Multiple A.I.R. AWARD winner, MILLION SELLER,
Author of the MOST COMMENTED on
and the MOST VOTED on story on LITEROTICA

Let me be clear, I am not ungrateful of those who took the time to read my work and send feedback. Please do not read more into what I said than what I wrote.

From the replys in this thread, it appears some of you agree with me, at least in part if not in whole.

Lastly, if someone will tell me how, I will be more than happy to delete the 'offending' message. I'm sorry to say that I tried to do so several times but couldn't figure out how.

 

[baphemetis]

Hey Maximillian, I hope you take this as constructive criticism.

Your writing is really awkward. I try to immerse myself in your story and I am always jarred back to reality by awkward sentence structures or things that don't make sense.

The very first line of your story immediately turned me off and I'll bet that's why people can't make it to the end to comment:

The night it happened Kayla Burch was sitting at her favorite table at 'Club Noceur'.

This sentence has all kinds of problems. It starts off awkward. In my head, I want to correct it to say "The night it happened TO Kayla Burch, SHE was sitting...." but the missing "she" makes my mental correction of "to" make no sense and ... blah! I can't make it through the first sentence!

Then my brain reasons, "Maybe he means 'On the night it happened, Kayla..."

So, it took me forever just to make sense of the very first sentence of your story. What a mood breaker!

Also, I personally am not crazy about the last names. You identify everyone by their first and last names. Is that necessary to the story? Why "Kayla Burch" and "Chloe Daniels"? Why not just Kayla and Chloe? You can get around to the last names later if it's important. For example: "Kayla couldn't tell if the bouncer was trying to flatter her or if he was just a stickler for the rules when he asked for ID. He eyed her driver's license for an unusually long time. 'Kayla Burch, huh?' he said. 'You sure don't look no 34-years old, Kayla. Go on in.'"

Which brings me to another point, you then go into a long description about what she is wearing and how dynamite she looks, then in the very next paragraph you write:

It was the garb of a prowling cougar in heat and everybody could see it, but then, dressed as she was there much else they couldn't see.

You should've mentioned her age earlier. I had this mental picture of an extremely young woman formed in my head, then my mind had to contend with the incongruity of her being called a 'cougar'.

This sentence is also very awkward. I had to read it three times to understand what you were trying to say. Don't construct sentences with more than one conjunction. In fact, avoid compound sentences as much as you can. Limit your sentences to short, concise bits of information.

"It was the garb of a prowling cougar in heat. Everyone could see that. Then again, dressed as she was, there wasn't much people couldn't see."

Even that doesn't help much. It's always better to say what something *is* than what something *isn't* and double negatives are confusing.

"Then again, dressed as she was, there was little else people couldn't see."

Yeah, I still don't like it. If it were me, I would cut that out all together. The joke is cute, but it's too difficult to construct without sounding awkward.

With the eyes of a wild, sexual animal hunting for her prey, Kayla surveyed the crowd of patrons

Wordy. Definitely shorten "crowd of patrons" to just "crowd". I'm not too sure how I would reword this sentence, but I think it does need reworking.

"She was a wild, sexual animal. With the eyes of a predator, she scanned the crowd, searching for prey."

Maybe.

Then you take us through the nightclub scene. The writing is less awkward and the story is much easier to read. It flows nicely. The descriptions of what everyone looks like and what they are wearing are a bit long and tedious, but not jarring. So, not bad.

Then it ends. You take us out of the nightclub and start a new chapter. And we have to read about Kayla's double life, her husband Alex, the geographic of Columbus, Georgia in relation to Atlanta.... Honestly, if you hadn't asked for a critique, I would have moved on, too. The first taste of real action you give us is... over the phone? An oral sex scene over the phone? At this point, I've pretty much determined this story is not a turn on. Maybe your sexual tastes are different than mine, and that's fine, but this story isn't erotica to me. It's not stimulating. It doesn't build. I don't want to see Kayla or Chloe or anyone get laid. I have no sexual desire for any of these characters and I'm already in the middle of Chapter 2.

So, I guess it would help if you had a better opening, a better set up and more build up and rising action in the first part of your story.

My suggestion would be to abandon this story unless you love it. It will take some heavy editing and rewriting to fix it and make it more appealing. I would say just take the lessons you've learned and apply them to your next story.

Seek out an editor for help.

Good luck to you. I hope you don't take any of my criticisms personally. I am perfectly open to the possibility that some of my advice might not match what you are trying to achieve with your stories. So, use your best judgment on how to apply what I've said. Don't get discouraged! Keep writing and you'll see yourself get better and better!

 

[Quiet_Cool]

Aren't these usually the same people who've worn the letters off the fast forward button on the DVD player skiping through the dialog in porn movies?

I have noticed some readers have the attention span of three year old and the patienence to match. I'm reminded of a teenager standing in front of a microwave waiting for his popcorn saying, "Come on damn it! I haven't got all minute!"

As you implied, they don't want a story that has character development and a real plot. If you give them one, you get complaints about how it was too long and didn't get to the point fast enought.

I didn't realize porn still had dialogue.

As has been stated, readers all want something different, and mostly those here come for stroke. On the other hand, as someone who flips through the stories looking for some sort of literary merit, I've found that many people (apologies in advance) who write here have one thing in common: They can't write very well, and that gets to be a burden as a reader. Given the million of stories to choose from, those looking for literary work (with those fancy characters and plots and the like) are hard pressed to find something fitting those intention within a hour or so of looking (hence the tons of views and few votes) then to sort through the diamonds in the rough to find something with some abilities behind it...? Got a free weekend?

And save the rude comments about readers for when the trolls find your work. Trust me, you'll have more to say.

I guess their hands get tired and chafed while their waiting for the sex scene? Does that result in cockal tunnel? For the most part, I noticed it seems a condition found common in males. Anyone else picked that up?

When it comes to things of the cockal nature, I try not to pick anything up.

Q_C

 

[Maximillian_Excaliber]

Hey Maximillian, I hope you take this as constructive criticism.

Your writing is really awkward. I try to immerse myself in your story and I am always jarred back to reality by awkward sentence structures or things that don't make sense.

The very first line of your story immediately turned me off and I'll bet that's why people can't make it to the end to comment:



This sentence has all kinds of problems. It starts off awkward. In my head, I want to correct it to say "The night it happened TO Kayla Burch, SHE was sitting...." but the missing "she" makes my mental correction of "to" make no sense and ... blah! I can't make it through the first sentence!

Then my brain reasons, "Maybe he means 'On the night it happened, Kayla..."

So, it took me forever just to make sense of the very first sentence of your story. What a mood breaker!

Also, I personally am not crazy about the last names. You identify everyone by their first and last names. Is that necessary to the story? Why "Kayla Burch" and "Chloe Daniels"? Why not just Kayla and Chloe? You can get around to the last names later if it's important. For example: "Kayla couldn't tell if the bouncer was trying to flatter her or if he was just a stickler for the rules when he asked for ID. He eyed her driver's license for an unusually long time. 'Kayla Burch, huh?' he said. 'You sure don't look no 34-years old, Kayla. Go on in.'"

Which brings me to another point, you then go into a long description about what she is wearing and how dynamite she looks, then in the very next paragraph you write:



You should've mentioned her age earlier. I had this mental picture of an extremely young woman formed in my head, then my mind had to contend with the incongruity of her being called a 'cougar'.

This sentence is also very awkward. I had to read it three times to understand what you were trying to say. Don't construct sentences with more than one conjunction. In fact, avoid compound sentences as much as you can. Limit your sentences to short, concise bits of information.

"It was the garb of a prowling cougar in heat. Everyone could see that. Then again, dressed as she was, there wasn't much people couldn't see."

Even that doesn't help much. It's always better to say what something *is* than what something *isn't* and double negatives are confusing.

"Then again, dressed as she was, there was little else people couldn't see."

Yeah, I still don't like it. If it were me, I would cut that out all together. The joke is cute, but it's too difficult to construct without sounding awkward.



Wordy. Definitely shorten "crowd of patrons" to just "crowd". I'm not too sure how I would reword this sentence, but I think it does need reworking.

"She was a wild, sexual animal. With the eyes of a predator, she scanned the crowd, searching for prey."

Maybe.

Then you take us through the nightclub scene. The writing is less awkward and the story is much easier to read. It flows nicely. The descriptions of what everyone looks like and what they are wearing are a bit long and tedious, but not jarring. So, not bad.

Then it ends. You take us out of the nightclub and start a new chapter. And we have to read about Kayla's double life, her husband Alex, the geographic of Columbus, Georgia in relation to Atlanta.... Honestly, if you hadn't asked for a critique, I would have moved on, too. The first taste of real action you give us is... over the phone? An oral sex scene over the phone? At this point, I've pretty much determined this story is not a turn on. Maybe your sexual tastes are different than mine, and that's fine, but this story isn't erotica to me. It's not stimulating. It doesn't build. I don't want to see Kayla or Chloe or anyone get laid. I have no sexual desire for any of these characters and I'm already in the middle of Chapter 2.

So, I guess it would help if you had a better opening, a better set up and more build up and rising action in the first part of your story.

My suggestion would be to abandon this story unless you love it. It will take some heavy editing and rewriting to fix it and make it more appealing. I would say just take the lessons you've learned and apply them to your next story.

Seek out an editor for help.

Good luck to you. I hope you don't take any of my criticisms personally. I am perfectly open to the possibility that some of my advice might not match what you are trying to achieve with your stories. So, use your best judgment on how to apply what I've said. Don't get discouraged! Keep writing and you'll see yourself get better and better!

Thanks for the feedback. I didn't take them personally. You are entitled to your opinion and, after all, I did ask for it.

Bear in mind, I'm trying to write erotic fiction, not porn. Some of them main distinctions between the two are plot, character development and something as simple as the use of last names. That's why I put them in there as soon as possible.

As for the sex scenes, that is a matter of personal tastes or lack there of... depending on your point of view. There is nothing much else I can say about that.

Again, thank you for your input.

 

[sr71plt]

The think the cited opening sentence to the story is fine.

 

[driphoney]

The think the cited opening sentence to the story is fine.

I liked it too. I instantly wonder what happened. I'm curious -- just not enough to actually read a LW story!

 

[Maximillian_Excaliber]

I liked it too. I instantly wonder what happened. I'm curious -- just not enough to actually read a LW story!

Thanks. The story was put in the wrong catagory. I have submitted a request to have it moved to Group Sex but I really am not sure that is where it really belongs. Strickly speaking, with the ending I gave the story, it could have gone into Loving Wifes but that is a matter of opinion. The wife turns to swinging. To say more would be to tell you the whole story. Suffice it to say, there is a twist at the end which I hope the readers don't see coming.

 

[Lalochezia]

I did that. I was trying to cover my bets. While readers may not care, I figured that other writers might... at least enought to leave negative feedback if nothing else. Not that I'm looking to get abused, I'd have to spend money for that

To answer the question below, it's now 12 votes and 3537 views and still 0 feedbacks. It was posted today.

3537 views in one day?

I posted my first story three days ago and I have 608 views.

I think I'm doing it wrong.

I'll look at yours if you look at mine.

 

[Metamorphose]

Unless I’m mistaken I’ve added a comment to your story a two days ago like a good Samaritan the instant I saw you request and it’s gone now. It wasn’t a very positive criticism. I’m never cruel when I give a negative view and strive for a ‘to the point’ type.
Could it be that you’ve deleted it ?

I always go read and add comments when I notice someone asking either in Authors or Feedback Forums (which are the only two I’ve entered so far).
I don’t think promoting your story through here or anywhere else is a bad Idea or should earn you scorn like someone did above. You’ve invested in something, really hard, and you didn’t do it just for the sake of the art so…


About hits – I’m not really sure it gives you a right statistic about how many people actually clicked on your story.
I’ve got something real weird. My only running chain story got 6 chapters. Due to it’s length and consistency, I sliced Chapter 5 into 5.A and 5.B and posted them seconds apart. Initial post came a day apart, which is in itself weird. But Chapter 5.B has more comments and votes (reasonable enough- If you gonna leave a comment you want to do it at the end of the chapter). However chapter 5.B has 9300+ hits and 5.A has only 8100 hits which makes no sense at all because the delta keeps growing. Part 5.B makes no sense without first reading 5.A. Why would someone skip half a chapter and go to the second part (hoping all the juicy parts are there?).

My conclusion – hits score is probably a calculation of hits and votes and god knows what else. Meaning they are pretty much useless.

 

[jomar]

Max, if you didn't get what you want here, consider taking your story(s) to the story discussion circle for critique - good folk there give you good feedback...but don't expect a pat on the back, just because.

 

[Maximillian_Excaliber]

Unless I’m mistaken I’ve added a comment to your story a two days ago like a good Samaritan the instant I saw you request and it’s gone now. It wasn’t a very positive criticism. I’m never cruel when I give a negative view and strive for a ‘to the point’ type.
Could it be that you’ve deleted it ?

I always go read and add comments when I notice someone asking either in Authors or Feedback Forums (which are the only two I’ve entered so far).
I don’t think promoting your story through here or anywhere else is a bad Idea or should earn you scorn like someone did above. You’ve invested in something, really hard, and you didn’t do it just for the sake of the art so…


About hits – I’m not really sure it gives you a right statistic about how many people actually clicked on your story.
I’ve got something real weird. My only running chain story got 6 chapters. Due to it’s length and consistency, I sliced Chapter 5 into 5.A and 5.B and posted them seconds apart. Initial post came a day apart, which is in itself weird. But Chapter 5.B has more comments and votes (reasonable enough- If you gonna leave a comment you want to do it at the end of the chapter). However chapter 5.B has 9300+ hits and 5.A has only 8100 hits which makes no sense at all because the delta keeps growing. Part 5.B makes no sense without first reading 5.A. Why would someone skip half a chapter and go to the second part (hoping all the juicy parts are there?).

My conclusion – hits score is probably a calculation of hits and votes and god knows what else. Meaning they are pretty much useless.

The story Unfaithful was in the wrong catagory. It was moved, at my request, to the correct catagory. In doing so, all comments, hits and scores were wiped out and reset. Unfortuantly, the Recent History log is gone too.

When I made the request, I turned off voting and deleted all comments save one. That comment was one I posted telling the reader that I was in the wrong catagory and was requested it be moved.

Also, whenever I enter a public comment on one of my own stories, I scrore the story with a 0 or 1 star depending on the site so.

It is my usually practice that unless a comment is abuse or devoid of any logic to let it stand. One time I had a reader who obviously did not read the description and then complained about the stories content. It was labled "straight version of the story...", a fact he pointed in his complaint after reading the story. On some one rare occasion, I have deleted all comments both negative and positive after reading them and would have turned them off public comments except I needed to communicate to the readers and it was the only way to get a message to them.

As for the view statics, I post my stories on a site called storiesonline.com. They break things down by chapters and I have noticed that the views for each chapter will drop slightly, then mysteriously pick up with the last chapter. I'm not convinced that people are reading the last chapter to see how the story ends.

I have noticed that most feedback is pure opinion. "It was too long", "I can't believe someone took the time to write this crap, what a loser!", "You have too many details" etc. I've also noticed that for every person who had a complaint there were at least two who disagreed.

So what do you do?

I read everything, evalute it for its usefulness and ignore what is not.

It's taken me a while, okay so I'm slow sometimes, but I've decided to completely ignore any feedback in which someone tells me they didn't finish the story. I figure if I can sit through a bad movie before complaining about it, then they should be able to read my story bofore doing the same.

Sometimes I will learn something I didn't know... like not to stick a story about a wife and husband swinger in the catagory "Loving Wives". That was a mistake. I thought the happy ending I gave it justified the catagory I put it in. You live and learn.

Sometimes I will read feedback and ask myself, "didn't they know from the description what kind of story it was going to be?"

But most of the time, people have good things to say. I really appreciate them.

Anyway, I'm sorry your feedback got deleted. I did read it. Thanks, it wasn't a waste of time.