I want to lose my virginity

[Inquisitive_Mind]

Hey everyone. I've been haunting this board off and on for awhile, but never really posted anything. I want some advice from people who don't know me personally and who aren't afraid to tell me the truth, so I figured why not take advantage of the anonymity of the internet. Here is my problem: I'm 22, female, decent looking, and still a virgin. I'm not saving myself for marriage or anything, I've just never been very good at relating to men on a sexual level. I have plenty of guy friends, just have never had any boyfriends. I'm painfully shy in uncertain public situations because at this point I've been psyching myself out about the necessity of getting laid for so long that when it comes to flirting I'm tongue tied and stupid. I close myself off to people because I'm afraid that my inexperience is obvious and that they'll just laugh at me.

The reason I'm posting this in BDSM, apart from everyone here being a lot nicer than on the general board, is that ever since I discovered the world of BDSM I've very strongly identified as a sub. My fantasies are all one's in which I'm the submissive partner and I'm attracted to men who are domineering, and cocky. I've done a little of the online BDSM thing, but nothing that lasted because I get nervous or ashamed of myself for doing on the internet what I don't have the metaphoric balls to do in real life. I think that part of the reason I'm so attracted to dominant men is that I want someone who is willing to force his way past my shyness and access the little freak trapped in my interior.

Anyway, that's an overview of me and my problem. My question for you all is this: What should I do to end this 22 year dry spell? Should I throw myself at the next person who looks at me in a bar and work my way up from there? Should I try to get in on the BDSM scene in my city and meet some nice Doms? Should I seek therapy to work out my issues rather than blabbing about them on a message board? Just kidding. It's cathartic even just writing this out. If anyone has some advice for me, I'd greatly love to hear it.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Honestly, your inexperience is nothing to be ashamed of, and is in fact hugely charming and a selling point to many men. Don't make the mistake of thinking you have to give expert blowjobs, right away, for instance-- or ever, in fact, unless you decide you love giving them. Don't let the porn culture get its hooks in you.

That said...
You know what I think you should do, is put your virginity up for auction, like that one girl did.

 

[YourCaptor]

Silly girl, but I love the perverting of the innocent. Soo...

Before I say anything, no guy in the history and future of the world will ever reject free sex because of the girl. It’s impossible. The only reason a guy would turn such an offer down is because he has other thing going on that don’t fit will with fucking you. Like a girlfriend, or being a monk.

1st you have got to prep, no question about it.

Get on birth control, and be on it for a while before you start fucking.

Get condoms in case he don’t have his, and make sure he uses them. And make sure he uses it right. If it looks wrong on him, it probably is wrong. And if he can’t get on a condom the sex is probably gonna suck anyway.

Lube is also a good idea, especially for anal, and toys if you you’re up to it. Find your local sex shop and go shopping. It’s fun.

2nd pick out your guy

If you want good sex you’ll need to find a guy who has experience. You can probably figure that out by talking to him about sex.

This guy should be a trustworthy friend, or a trustworthy friend of a friend, so not that pervert at the bar. You want to be able to get a trustworthy history on him, especially STD wise. If you feel like he’s not telling you everything, don’t fuck him, plenty more where he came from. Also make sure he's not gonna get all lovey and needy if you fuck him.

3rd Flirt
This is very, very simple.

Wear something that hints at sex, like something that shows leg, or a little boob, or anything that makes you look sexual. Ask your friends what fits on you. That is the big flag that says, “sex is a topic I’m ok with”.

Have your friend introduce you, or talk to him if you know him, and smile lots. Look into his eyes slightly longer than normal. If it makes you turn red don’t worry about it, that only adds to the flirting. Basically put all your attention on him like he is the most awesome dude alive. He’ll probably try and show off, at which point a “wow” or something like it will make him think he can have you.

Ultimately bring the conversation towards “sex”, and how you are “single”. Very important key words to drive home.

The experienced guy will have your number at this point with plans to invite you over. The boys will need more reassurance.

4th
No matter how hot things are and how much you need it, don’t forget the fucking condom. Clean up and use a new one with each go.

Don't focus on the moment, just let yourself get lost in it.

Say/ beg what you want and where you want it, out laud. Really does up things.

Make sure you get it in your ass and try deep throat all during your first time. You will be my hero and statues will be made.

Oh and if you swallow his cum it can't get your pregnant. It's fact.

Now go and be slutty.

 

[SimonBrooke]

Hey everyone. I've been haunting this board off and on for awhile, but never really posted anything. I want some advice from people who don't know me personally and who aren't afraid to tell me the truth, so I figured why not take advantage of the anonymity of the internet. Here is my problem: I'm 22, female, decent looking, and still a virgin. I'm not saving myself for marriage or anything, I've just never been very good at relating to men on a sexual level. I have plenty of guy friends, just have never had any boyfriends. I'm painfully shy in uncertain public situations because at this point I've been psyching myself out about the necessity of getting laid for so long that when it comes to flirting I'm tongue tied and stupid. I close myself off to people because I'm afraid that my inexperience is obvious and that they'll just laugh at me.

The reason I'm posting this in BDSM, apart from everyone here being a lot nicer than on the general board, is that ever since I discovered the world of BDSM I've very strongly identified as a sub. My fantasies are all one's in which I'm the submissive partner and I'm attracted to men who are domineering, and cocky. I've done a little of the online BDSM thing, but nothing that lasted because I get nervous or ashamed of myself for doing on the internet what I don't have the metaphoric balls to do in real life. I think that part of the reason I'm so attracted to dominant men is that I want someone who is willing to force his way past my shyness and access the little freak trapped in my interior.

Anyway, that's an overview of me and my problem. My question for you all is this: What should I do to end this 22 year dry spell? Should I throw myself at the next person who looks at me in a bar and work my way up from there? Should I try to get in on the BDSM scene in my city and meet some nice Doms? Should I seek therapy to work out my issues rather than blabbing about them on a message board? Just kidding. It's cathartic even just writing this out. If anyone has some advice for me, I'd greatly love to hear it.

OK, lassie, lots of men have virginity fetishes. The two women whose virginities I took I remember with great affection. So your virginity is an asset, not a liability.

I don't endorse Stella's suggestion that you put your virginity up for auction - at least not a public auction. You are vulnerable, you (easily) can be emotionally hurt. But there would be something seriously hot in an auction or raffle where you had chosen or invited the men who could bid. You would need to make sure that someone would give you aftercare - look after you and make a big fuss of you and give you lots of cuddles - afterwards. Obviously it's ideal if the man who takes you does this, but if you can't rely on that then arrange to have someone there you can rely on. If you went down this route you might think about whether you wanted to do it in public - at a club, for example - or whether you want it photographed or filmed.

I know all this sounds absurdly extreme, but think about it. It could be a very memorable event - something you treasure afterwards. And having other stable and trustworthy people present would be some guarantee against a bad experience (definitely do not try this at a party of drunken young folk!)

Having said that, finding one man you really trust (and fancy at least a bit) - even if you don't love him and he doesn't love you - and offering him your virginity as a birthday or Christmas present or something would be a good deal safer. I'd advise someone a bit older, and steady. I find it hard to believe that any straight man who wasn't in a committed relationship would refuse to take the virginity of someone they liked if it was offered to him - I know I wouldn't!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

<Snip> But there would be something seriously hot in an auction or raffle where you had chosen or invited the men who could bid. You would need to make sure that someone would give you aftercare - look after you and make a big fuss of you and give you lots of cuddles - afterwards.

Why does this remind me of "Pretty Baby?"

 

[Primalex]

I'm painfully shy in uncertain public situations because at this point I've been psyching myself out about the necessity of getting laid

Did you make a contract with <insert favorite deity of choice> to have sex before the age of 24 or where does the necessity come from?

When I met my wife she was 27 and never had given a blowjob - perfect catholic church conditioning. Sure, other guys ran away - I trained her (and finally married her). We have been together 7 years now and I've never had better blowjobs. If her inexperience is no problem for a lasting and loving relationship, why should yours?

I think that part of the reason I'm so attracted to dominant men is that I want someone who is willing to force his way past my shyness and access the little freak trapped in my interior.

Quoted for truth. Except that I would remove the 'part' part. But I doubt it works this way. Even dominant men hate a charge of sexual assault.

Anyway, that's an overview of me and my problem.

What exactly was the problem? Oh yes, you are tired of calling yourself "virgin". You could call yourself "slut in progress". You could throw yourself at me, my PM box is always available. Of course, I admit, this advice is slightly biased. But maybe I really can come up with some more ideas, although I've never trained a woman for someone else, just for my own sick taste.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Hey everyone. I've been haunting this board off and on for awhile, but never really posted anything. I want some advice from people who don't know me personally and who aren't afraid to tell me the truth, so I figured why not take advantage of the anonymity of the internet. Here is my problem: I'm 22, female, decent looking, and still a virgin. I'm not saving myself for marriage or anything, I've just never been very good at relating to men on a sexual level. I have plenty of guy friends, just have never had any boyfriends. I'm painfully shy in uncertain public situations because at this point I've been psyching myself out about the necessity of getting laid for so long that when it comes to flirting I'm tongue tied and stupid. I close myself off to people because I'm afraid that my inexperience is obvious and that they'll just laugh at me.

The reason I'm posting this in BDSM, apart from everyone here being a lot nicer than on the general board, is that ever since I discovered the world of BDSM I've very strongly identified as a sub. My fantasies are all one's in which I'm the submissive partner and I'm attracted to men who are domineering, and cocky. I've done a little of the online BDSM thing, but nothing that lasted because I get nervous or ashamed of myself for doing on the internet what I don't have the metaphoric balls to do in real life. I think that part of the reason I'm so attracted to dominant men is that I want someone who is willing to force his way past my shyness and access the little freak trapped in my interior.

Anyway, that's an overview of me and my problem. My question for you all is this: What should I do to end this 22 year dry spell? Should I throw myself at the next person who looks at me in a bar and work my way up from there? Should I try to get in on the BDSM scene in my city and meet some nice Doms? Should I seek therapy to work out my issues rather than blabbing about them on a message board? Just kidding. It's cathartic even just writing this out. If anyone has some advice for me, I'd greatly love to hear it.

I think you should put the BDSM to the side; you're already putting all kinds of pressure on yourself to Get This Done. It will still be there. The more you inflate this as the be-all and end-all of your sexuality, the more imposing it all becomes.

Find a guy you're into and ask him out. It may be awkward, you may be sweating bullets, you may be rejected. But you still have to do it (this is where the therapy you mentioned comes in). People like to be asked out. "Find" an extra concert ticket or go out for a drink. In fact, a drink would probably be a good idea. And know what? If he's a good guy, he won't care that you're a little awkward. You'll get a yes, you'll feel less awkward and you'll have sex with him.

And be honest with him about your lack of experience. I agree, it's a plus. It's not going to be that hard to find a decent, likable, considerate, safe guy who will fuck you hard (with a condom).

Good luck.

 

[FloggingMolly]

I really think that you'd be best to concentrate on finding a boyfriend and working from there. Have you got any female friends? Or any male friends who give good advice? They might be able to point you in the direction of suitable guys, and give you help and support in reducing your social anxieties.

good luck hon

 

[Inquisitive_Mind]

You know what I think you should do, is put your virginity up for auction, like that one girl did.

Lol, I considered it for a moment, but that's not really the way I want to enter the game I think. Also, I doubt I would be able to fetch quite as much money as that one chick did. I think she was a model or an heiress or something. Not I.

Did you make a contract with <insert favorite deity of choice> to have sex before the age of 24 or where does the necessity come from?

I'm in such a hurry because I am incredibly sexually frustrated. I've been kind of obsessed with sex ever since puberty, and I've been writing erotica since I was 12 and stumbled on Anne Rice's erotic Sleeping Beauty series. I want so desperately to be able to experience the things that I write about, at least to some extent.

I really think that you'd be best to concentrate on finding a boyfriend and working from there. Have you got any female friends? Or any male friends who give good advice? They might be able to point you in the direction of suitable guys, and give you help and support in reducing your social anxieties.

I just moved to a new city a month or 2 ago and I don't really know anyone here yet. Most of my friends are back in the town I went to college, and I haven't had any really close girlfriends since they all graduated a few years ago. I have one good friend here, and he's gay so he does know about men, but I don't really think I can rely on a lot of his advice. He just thinks I need to hop into bed with the first guy who hits on me in a bar and then work my way up from there until I find someone I really like.

Anyway...
Thanks for the advice everyone. You're being very nice and I appreciate it.

 

[Stella_Omega]

How could we be mean to a virgin?

Just for jollies, I googled that girl-- she made contact with the bidders, and picked the ones that she felt comfortable with, and invited them to continue.

The final price was mumblemillion dollars, and the gent plunked down 250,000 as earnest money-- but his wife found out about it and vetoed it

I'm in such a hurry because I am incredibly sexually frustrated. I've been kind of obsessed with sex ever since puberty, and I've been writing erotica since I was 12 and stumbled on Anne Rice's erotic Sleeping Beauty series. I want so desperately to be able to experience the things that I write about, at least to some extent.

You probably won't have a hymen by now... just saying.

He just thinks I need to hop into bed with the first guy who hits on me in a bar and then work my way up from there until I find someone I really like.

I wouldn't counsel anything quite that loose-- but I don't recommend thinking about your first time as the huge life-altering experience that can shake you to the soul-- because you will be dsisappointed and because you will be investing some schmuck with way more importance than he will deserve in the long run.

Not a bar, but-- keep it light. it's only five minutes out of your entire lifetime, after all. There will be other five minutes.

You might join up on fetlife.com, find out about the munches and play parties in your are and start going to them, get to know people that way.

 

[CarnageSIS]

I'm in such a hurry because I am incredibly sexually frustrated. I've been kind of obsessed with sex ever since puberty, and I've been writing erotica since I was 12 and stumbled on Anne Rice's erotic Sleeping Beauty series. I want so desperately to be able to experience the things that I write about, at least to some extent.

I can totally understand you on this, I have been in the same boat. Since I was 13 I have been studying sex online either through RP or research, playing with ideas. Personally I believe that this is why my own writing has stumbled because I have not yet broken down that wall and feel that no matter how good the sex I write is I want it to be real. Once I convinced myself of this I became stalled because in order to make it really I had to experience it first.

At this time I am 29 and still a virgin. Not a day goes by that I don't think about sex at some point as my curious mind continues to ponder and play with it.

However, the biggest reason I have never taken up anyone on their offer to de-virginize me over a weekend is because I know that won't be enough. I know I have to be in a relationship with someone I am comfortable with.

Why?

Because I have been curious about sex and studying it since I was 13. There is no way one night, one weekend is going to be enough for me to explore everything I want to about it. Some things I want to do will require me to seriously trust my partner, no random guy I can snag at a bar can do those things to me. Talking to my involved friends I know that communication is a big part of sex and there are certain things I cannot talk with someone I barely or do not know.

Most people I have talked to who lost their virginity either when they were too young or to simply "get it over with" tell me about how they wish they had waited. They tell me that I'm lucky that I have held out and that I have made the right choice.

Just wanted to share alittle from someone who has and basically is still there

 

[WaitWhatt]

Telling people you're a virgin though is like painting a bullseye on your forehead. You're going to be a target for every guy who would kill to be able to have sex with a virgin. It's a fetish for a lot of them and afterwards you could end up feeling like you were taken advantage of and feel like crap. The virginity is yours, you don't have to share that little detail. If you're going to do it though with someone into BDSM, my advice would be to NOT actually have sex. Do other things. Get him off or let him get you off in other ways. Start there.

Going out and losing it to a random person is a personal decision. It could go wrong or it could make you feel worse. So you'll have a one night stand and lose it..then what? What happens the next time you want sex ? Another random guy? What if one night stand guy was just that and you never see him again? Jersey Shore isn't real life for everyone.

 

[WaitWhatt]

Sorry for the rambling. I type better when I'm not half asleep.

 

[Darkest_Knight]

Yeah, what he said!

Silly girl, but I love the perverting of the innocent. Soo...

Before I say anything, no guy in the history and future of the world will ever reject free sex because of the girl. It’s impossible. The only reason a guy would turn such an offer down is because he has other thing going on that don’t fit will with fucking you. Like a girlfriend, or being a monk.

1st you have got to prep, no question about it.

Get on birth control, and be on it for a while before you start fucking.

Get condoms in case he don’t have his, and make sure he uses them. And make sure he uses it right. If it looks wrong on him, it probably is wrong. And if he can’t get on a condom the sex is probably gonna suck anyway.

Lube is also a good idea, especially for anal, and toys if you you’re up to it. Find your local sex shop and go shopping. It’s fun.

2nd pick out your guy

If you want good sex you’ll need to find a guy who has experience. You can probably figure that out by talking to him about sex.

This guy should be a trustworthy friend, or a trustworthy friend of a friend, so not that pervert at the bar. You want to be able to get a trustworthy history on him, especially STD wise. If you feel like he’s not telling you everything, don’t fuck him, plenty more where he came from. Also make sure he's not gonna get all lovey and needy if you fuck him.

3rd Flirt
This is very, very simple.

Wear something that hints at sex, like something that shows leg, or a little boob, or anything that makes you look sexual. Ask your friends what fits on you. That is the big flag that says, “sex is a topic I’m ok with”.

Have your friend introduce you, or talk to him if you know him, and smile lots. Look into his eyes slightly longer than normal. If it makes you turn red don’t worry about it, that only adds to the flirting. Basically put all your attention on him like he is the most awesome dude alive. He’ll probably try and show off, at which point a “wow” or something like it will make him think he can have you.

Ultimately bring the conversation towards “sex”, and how you are “single”. Very important key words to drive home.

The experienced guy will have your number at this point with plans to invite you over. The boys will need more reassurance.

4th
No matter how hot things are and how much you need it, don’t forget the fucking condom. Clean up and use a new one with each go.

Don't focus on the moment, just let yourself get lost in it.

Say/ beg what you want and where you want it, out laud. Really does up things.

Make sure you get it in your ass and try deep throat all during your first time. You will be my hero and statues will be made.

Oh and if you swallow his cum it can't get your pregnant. It's fact.

Now go and be slutty.

 

[sardoniclaugh]

To the virgins, to make much of time

GATHER ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying :
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer ;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may go marry :
For having lost but once your prime
You may for ever tarry.

I just posted that to be a wiseass. But really, my advice is don't sweat it. If you're waiting for the perfect encounter, it's not going to happen. Sex takes two people, and contrary to myth, really great sex is as much about what you bring as what your partner brings. If you're expecting an amazing, life-changing, bodice-ripping experience, find a guy who's cut a swath through a field of virgins, who can bullshit you into believing that you're getting exactly what you want, and be prepared to be a notch on the bedpost. People who promise you the moon are rarely honest. Or, find a guy that you like, and start learning about what makes him feel good, and what makes you feel good. When you feel good enough, drag him back to your lair and have your way with him.

 

[DVS]

Hey everyone. I've been haunting this board off and on for awhile, but never really posted anything. I want some advice from people who don't know me personally and who aren't afraid to tell me the truth, so I figured why not take advantage of the anonymity of the internet. Here is my problem: I'm 22, female, decent looking, and still a virgin. I'm not saving myself for marriage or anything, I've just never been very good at relating to men on a sexual level. I have plenty of guy friends, just have never had any boyfriends. I'm painfully shy in uncertain public situations because at this point I've been psyching myself out about the necessity of getting laid for so long that when it comes to flirting I'm tongue tied and stupid. I close myself off to people because I'm afraid that my inexperience is obvious and that they'll just laugh at me.

The reason I'm posting this in BDSM, apart from everyone here being a lot nicer than on the general board, is that ever since I discovered the world of BDSM I've very strongly identified as a sub. My fantasies are all one's in which I'm the submissive partner and I'm attracted to men who are domineering, and cocky. I've done a little of the online BDSM thing, but nothing that lasted because I get nervous or ashamed of myself for doing on the internet what I don't have the metaphoric balls to do in real life. I think that part of the reason I'm so attracted to dominant men is that I want someone who is willing to force his way past my shyness and access the little freak trapped in my interior.

Anyway, that's an overview of me and my problem. My question for you all is this: What should I do to end this 22 year dry spell? Should I throw myself at the next person who looks at me in a bar and work my way up from there? Should I try to get in on the BDSM scene in my city and meet some nice Doms? Should I seek therapy to work out my issues rather than blabbing about them on a message board? Just kidding. It's cathartic even just writing this out. If anyone has some advice for me, I'd greatly love to hear it.

Actually, shyness is very attractive to me. Of course, I know some will see it as naive or whatever but they are just stuck on themselves too much to understand what they're missing. The type of man you are interested in could be your problem. Not that you should change your interests, but I'd think most men who are cocky just might look past someone who's shy for his female counterpart. Oh, that's his loss, for sure. I would guess there are some in the cocky group that would see you for what you are, but if you happen to be in a group, you just might go unnoticed. I guess I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, am I.

I'm not cocky in my day to day life, but in my sexual life I'm very sure of my skills, interests and desires. There's nothing I'd enjoy more than to teach someone like you the finer points of submission. I enjoy showing newbies new things and watch their eyes open wide and their desires blossom into a near unstoppable passion.

If I were you, I'd check out the scene for BDSM groups in your area, if being a submissive woman is what you are interested in. I'd keep being a virgin secret for a while. Instead of looking for a male Dom, make friends with the female submissives. Once they get to know you and you them, I'd hope that at least one of them would take you under their wing and fill you in on the local Doms and which ones to stay away from. And hopefully, she can also steer you in how to be safe when meeting prospective Doms. If the group is large enough, they may have play parties where you can slowly move into more and more areas that you have been shy about.

But one thing to remember is you are in charge of your personal self and no matter who you allow to dominate you they must go at your pace, whatever that pace happens to be. Sometimes, newbies need to learn things at a slow pace, so they can absorb what's going on. Too much too fast can overwhelm you, and even turn you off to someone, if not BDSM completely. Without a friend, you are on your own, and can be at the mercy of someone who you'd be better off not messing with.

Of course, this is just my opinion, but I can see how someone new in more ways than one could be overpowered by temptations as well as new desires never before experienced. So, finding a female friend that is respected in the group and knows other members would be ideal. Someone to kind of watch over your newness.

 

[Stella_Omega]

<snip>
I just posted that to be a wiseass. But really, my advice is don't sweat it. If you're waiting for the perfect encounter, it's not going to happen. Sex takes two people, and contrary to myth, really great sex is as much about what you bring as what your partner brings. If you're expecting an amazing, life-changing, bodice-ripping experience, find a guy who's cut a swath through a field of virgins, who can bullshit you into believing that you're getting exactly what you want, and be prepared to be a notch on the bedpost. People who promise you the moon are rarely honest. Or, find a guy that you like, and start learning about what makes him feel good, and what makes you feel good. When you feel good enough, drag him back to your lair and have your way with him.

I am officially your devoted fan.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Actually, shyness is very attractive to me. Of course, I know some will see it as naive or whatever but they are just stuck on themselves too much to understand what they're missing. The type of man you are interested in could be your problem. Not that you should change your interests, but I'd think most men who are cocky just might look past someone who's shy for his female counterpart.

in my experiences as a freakishly shy person, i've found the opposite to be true...most of the men i tend to attract tend to be very confident and self-assured, and yeah definitely cocky. people tend to be attracted to someone who complements them...being shy, quiet and passive, i'm attracted to men who are cocky, bold and aggressive. likewise those types tend to dig me as my nature serves to bring out theirs even more. it's a yin/yang thing.

to the OP, try and stop obsessing over getting it done. it will happen. if there's a very specific manner in which you'd like your first time to happen...(i.e. you want it to be a one night stand, or you want it to definitely be with a Dominant, etc.), then you just have to expose yourself to environments where that's likely to be the case. but just remember to be careful and use common sense, and also know that your first time is almost guaranteed to suck so please don't place a lot of stock in it.

 

[subwannabe]

I agree with the crowd who says you need to start at the beginning by getting a boyfriend, instead of starting in the middle going down the official BDSM route. In any event, you really have to use your brains instead of your penis, I mean oops, well, you know what I mean. It can be very dangerous in many ways just to find someone to fuck just for the sake of losing your virginity. I knew a girl once who was married, had a house, kids, swingset, was well respected in her church, the whole nine yards, and got divorced. She went on a fucking spree shortly afterward and wound up with herpes. She's got that forever.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I agree with the crowd who says you need to start at the beginning by getting a boyfriend, instead of starting in the middle going down the official BDSM route. In any event, you really have to use your brains instead of your penis, I mean oops, well, you know what I mean. It can be very dangerous in many ways just to find someone to fuck just for the sake of losing your virginity. I knew a girl once who was married, had a house, kids, swingset, was well respected in her church, the whole nine yards, and got divorced. She went on a fucking spree shortly afterward and wound up with herpes. She's got that forever.

Well yeah, Safe Sex. Learn it, live it, love it.

 

[sardoniclaugh]

I am officially your devoted fan.

Sweet!
As soon as I get another one, y'all can start a club.
I try to mix a little good sense in with the bitchy sarcasm that comprises the majority of my posts.

I'm thinking of running for office as the Long Island Ice Tea Party candidate.

 

[Bandit58]

Inquisitive_Mind, my daughter is your age. She just lost her virginity last weekend. I know because she rang me and told me

The reason she waited so long? She reckoned she hadn't met the right person yet. The guy she's seeing is a bit older (30). He knew she was a virgin and took his time, and she had a wonderful experience. I'm so glad for her, because my first time (at 18) was less than wonderful and it didn't really get any better until I met Sir 7 years ago.

As for your shyness - it's still a problem for me, and I'm 52 Sir loves to make me blush and He loves that I'm still so innocent in many ways. He calls me His shy country girl However the shyness vanishes when we're playing and I really get into what we're doing

My advice...don't be in too much of a hurry to "lose it". As with my daughter, it will happen when the time is right. Don't let losing your virginity be the main reason you have sex with anyone. Do it because you want to and because the person is someone special. You aren't the only 22 year old virgin out there

 

[Inquisitive_Mind]

You probably won't have a hymen by now... just saying.

Lost that somewhere a while back. I have some smaller sex toys that I use every now and again, so at least I don't have to worry about a literal cherry popping. I try to be a good girl and do my kegels too, so I'm hoping that it won't hurt too bad my first time if and when that ever occurs.

You might join up on fetlife.com, find out about the munches and play parties in your are and start going to them, get to know people that way.

Thanks for the tip. I'd never heard of that site before and I'm definitely going to set up a profile.

Thanks again everyone for all of you advice. I went out to a bar last night and actually flirted lol. Not very well, but I did try. I'll let you know if there are any developments.

 

[virgochild]

Hey everyone. I've been haunting this board off and on for awhile, but never really posted anything. I want some advice from people who don't know me personally and who aren't afraid to tell me the truth, so I figured why not take advantage of the anonymity of the internet. Here is my problem: I'm 22, female, decent looking, and still a virgin. I'm not saving myself for marriage or anything, I've just never been very good at relating to men on a sexual level. I have plenty of guy friends, just have never had any boyfriends. I'm painfully shy in uncertain public situations because at this point I've been psyching myself out about the necessity of getting laid for so long that when it comes to flirting I'm tongue tied and stupid. I close myself off to people because I'm afraid that my inexperience is obvious and that they'll just laugh at me.

The reason I'm posting this in BDSM, apart from everyone here being a lot nicer than on the general board, is that ever since I discovered the world of BDSM I've very strongly identified as a sub. My fantasies are all one's in which I'm the submissive partner and I'm attracted to men who are domineering, and cocky. I've done a little of the online BDSM thing, but nothing that lasted because I get nervous or ashamed of myself for doing on the internet what I don't have the metaphoric balls to do in real life. I think that part of the reason I'm so attracted to dominant men is that I want someone who is willing to force his way past my shyness and access the little freak trapped in my interior.

Anyway, that's an overview of me and my problem. My question for you all is this: What should I do to end this 22 year dry spell? Should I throw myself at the next person who looks at me in a bar and work my way up from there? Should I try to get in on the BDSM scene in my city and meet some nice Doms? Should I seek therapy to work out my issues rather than blabbing about them on a message board? Just kidding. It's cathartic even just writing this out. If anyone has some advice for me, I'd greatly love to hear it.

YAAAYYYYYAAAYYY I am not the 22 year old virgin on this site. *High fives through the computer* The only difference between us though, is that I am in noooooooooo rush to get rid of it anywhere time soon, especially with the men I keep running into. With all the shit that comes out their mouths I run the other direction. I will say first, at first wanted to get rid of it and believe me I had some volunteers who wanted take it, but once I got to know those people I didn't want to be bothered anymore. I actually had one guy that told me he really wanted to date me because I weighed 91 pounds, and not only that he would call me 2 or 3'oclock in the morning drunk screaming at me.

He was not the only one that made me be grateful that I was still a virgin and that I give up my precious gift as my mother would say I had more encounters than that.

I am to say something that my mother told me "don't give your pussy some busted ass nigga that end up you some nasty ass disease and leaving dirty that don't give a shit about you" She said this when we're talking about a family friend who was getting married at 26 and she was also a virgin at that time. My point is don't put a rush on things just slow down and smell the roses.

P.S. when I say nigga me and my family and other people where I live use it more as a noun just in case anybody was wondering.

 

[DVS]

in my experiences as a freakishly shy person, i've found the opposite to be true...most of the men i tend to attract tend to be very confident and self-assured, and yeah definitely cocky. people tend to be attracted to someone who complements them...being shy, quiet and passive, i'm attracted to men who are cocky, bold and aggressive. likewise those types tend to dig me as my nature serves to bring out theirs even more. it's a yin/yang thing.

to the OP, try and stop obsessing over getting it done. it will happen. if there's a very specific manner in which you'd like your first time to happen...(i.e. you want it to be a one night stand, or you want it to definitely be with a Dominant, etc.), then you just have to expose yourself to environments where that's likely to be the case. but just remember to be careful and use common sense, and also know that your first time is almost guaranteed to suck so please don't place a lot of stock in it.

I agree that some cocky men will flock to different types and shy is sometimes seen as a challenge, but an easy one. Not that they are easy, but shy women are sometimes perceived as naive and that computes into someone who hasn't heard all of the stupid lines, if you know what I mean.

And this doesn't mean what I'm saying is true in every case, but I do think some men assume this to be the case. I'm sure, after a short time at the attempt, they find even shy women have their standards, where they may have assumed them to be somewhat easy prey. Just because someone is shy, one shouldn't assume anything else.