Guilty because of married bi guys

[Missouribiguy]

Hey all,

I notice alot of times when I go on Yahoo Chat and talking to a married bisexual guy. I also admit that I do cyber and/or expose myself to them (and vice versa) on my webcam. However, they always seem to tell me that their wives are in the dark about their bisexuality. And, I need to talk about it cause I want to get your views on this.

Now, I'm not totally judging them. Hell, I'm a willing member of their conversations or cam shows. Hell, there have been some I would like have sex with (either as a top or bottom). I've also had the married man fantasty where I either seduced a married man (albeit in a easy way) or he seduces me. So, judging them would be completely pointless, since I'm not exactly better.

I think it bugs me the most cause I do feel guilt. Not a whole lot of it, keep in mind, but it's there. It's like "great, now I am essentially the other woman" online. I guess it depends on how the guy is. Some are repeat cheaters while others have never been with a guy at all, but think about it. It bugs me when they have to go away when their wives wake up. I'm like "why don't you just tell her, damnit! It would make things so much easier".

Of course, is this true or am I living a pipe dream? I know that if I get married, my wife will/should know that I am bisexual.

Also, am I just dirty whore for playing with these guys or do I raise a good point?

I especially like the women on this board to answer. I want to get your opinons on this mess.

 

[malecasual]

I think you're right to have those fears. At the same time, there are plenty of us out there that love to fantasize, and our sex lives with our wives are better for it...

Mine knows that I'd love to fuck anything that moves, and so she gets a kick out of reading what I post/message to others. Usually we have mindblowing sex right afterwards

I guess my point would be that despite the fact that you're a dirty whore for tantalizing these guys, we thank you If you want to feel better about it, screen us a bit and ask if their wife knows--if they say yes, continue on; if they say no and get uncomfortable, move on. There's plenty of rock-hard cock out there that doesn't mind their wives knowing that the "other woman" is sometimes a guy!

 

[TomBoner]

Well ... to be honest ... I don't believe most married guys (including myself) plan on having bi-interests on the day that they're getting married. In my case I had experimented some with it ... found it enjoyable for sure ... but had decided that I preferred to be married and raise a family, and didn't foresee myself getting interested in guys again. Maybe that was a foolish way of thinking about it ... but the mind does funny things when you're in love.

Now in my case, my wife made it clear that she thinks your either gay or straight ... no inbetween. Since I'd definitely prefer she think I'm straight, I didn't tell her when my bi side started coming back to life again. In ways, in fact, it seems like a lesser form of cheating because it's enjoying sex that she can't provide me anyway. Most assuredly that's mostly a rationalization ... but then we all tend to do that from time to time. So while I don't feel really good about hiding this side of myself from her, I'm comfortable with my decision to do that nonetheless.

But if you're not comfortable being the "other guy" I might occassionally get horny with, then find somebody you are comfortable with.

 

[plaza_plaz]

Well ... to be honest ... I don't believe most married guys (including myself) plan on having bi-interests on the day that they're getting married. In my case I had experimented some with it ... found it enjoyable for sure ... but had decided that I preferred to be married and raise a family, and didn't foresee myself getting interested in guys again. Maybe that was a foolish way of thinking about it ... but the mind does funny things when you're in love.

Now in my case, my wife made it clear that she thinks your either gay or straight ... no inbetween. Since I'd definitely prefer she think I'm straight, I didn't tell her when my bi side started coming back to life again. In ways, in fact, it seems like a lesser form of cheating because it's enjoying sex that she can't provide me anyway. Most assuredly that's mostly a rationalization ... but then we all tend to do that from time to time. So while I don't feel really good about hiding this side of myself from her, I'm comfortable with my decision to do that nonetheless.

But if you're not comfortable being the "other guy" I might occassionally get horny with, then find somebody you are comfortable with.

This, exactly this. Hey it's not great, but it works for me at least.

 

[downforce]

My wife told me that if they can provide something she can't. then by all means have at it. She just doesn't want to know.

 

[Missouribiguy]

I think it bugs me more cause they won't tell their wives than me being "the other guy". I mean, I'm not actually meeting these guys and having sex with them (yet), I'm just playing with them on Yahoo.

It does feel weird when someone calls me a whore though, and I am a virgin.

 

[SilkyDave]

Well ... to be honest ... I don't believe most married guys (including myself) plan on having bi-interests on the day that they're getting married. In my case I had experimented some with it ... found it enjoyable for sure ... but had decided that I preferred to be married and raise a family, and didn't foresee myself getting interested in guys again. Maybe that was a foolish way of thinking about it ... but the mind does funny things when you're in love.

Now in my case, my wife made it clear that she thinks your either gay or straight ... no inbetween. Since I'd definitely prefer she think I'm straight, I didn't tell her when my bi side started coming back to life again. In ways, in fact, it seems like a lesser form of cheating because it's enjoying sex that she can't provide me anyway. Most assuredly that's mostly a rationalization ... but then we all tend to do that from time to time. So while I don't feel really good about hiding this side of myself from her, I'm comfortable with my decision to do that nonetheless.

But if you're not comfortable being the "other guy" I might occassionally get horny with, then find somebody you are comfortable with.

that is it 100%, just when you think you've got it figured out - boom - all those repressed feelings hit you right in the balls and confusion reigns supreme once again....i love my wife, i love my kids, i love my life...that being said it is so friggin' difficult to hide such a tremendous part of what makes me ME from those I love so much because they can't understand it or understand that my sexuality is a part of me and is no threat to them or us as a family. It hurts so damn much at times because i am a bi sexual man & they will never understand..

 

[thickrod]

that is it 100%, just when you think you've got it figured out - boom - all those repressed feelings hit you right in the balls and confusion reigns supreme once again....i love my wife, i love my kids, i love my life...that being said it is so friggin' difficult to hide such a tremendous part of what makes me ME from those I love so much because they can't understand it or understand that my sexuality is a part of me and is no threat to them or us as a family. It hurts so damn much at times because i am a bi sexual man & they will never understand..

Yep... I'm with you both on this one, too.

 

[WickedWendyDru]

The Female Perspective

Okay, Missouri, you wanted a female's take on this... here it is:

You have no control over what anyone else does. The only person over whom you have control is yourself. So when these married guys who are identifying as bi... and I am loathe to get into whether or not they knew when they married if they were bi or not, because my opinion is that they most assuredly had an IDEA about it... when they are hot to trot on your web cam right up to the second when their wife wakes up or comes home, then that's when you have the power to say, um, you know what? Disconnect. Take your untrustworthy and uncommunicative self to therapy and deal with your issues.

And before anybody flames me for this, let me just state: I'm bisexual. I've been married for over ten years to a bisexual man. Yes, I knew who he was when I married him, because that was KEY and INTEGRAL to our relationship when we started dating. I really don't see how anybody can get married and expect to live a lifetime together, if they intend to "forget" about experiences in their life that were formulative, or just "tuck away" something as important as, oh gee, enjoying sex with their same gender!

I'm reading these posts from you guys about your wives not accepting your sexuality or not accepting you for who you are... well good grief! Have you even tried having the conversation?? That's what organizations like PFLAG are around for! Even the United Methodist Church has a support group for gay and bisexual adults in crisis. Check online by state or look in your phone book under Gay Community Services. You might be surprised at the resources available to HELP YOU talk to your wives and families! If by some bizarre fluke you did think you were straight as a arrow when you married and know now you're not, you still need to have that conversation with your wife. And you know what? If you married her for the right reasons, if you have a strong relationship based on trust, communication, mutual respect and unconditional love, then her response to hearing that you have sexual attractions to guys should be this:

WOW, really? So... which guys turn you on?

or this:

Wow. Yikes. Um. *I* still turn you on, though... right?

I just find it incredibly hard to believe that any women in a loving, trusting, respectful relationship with a partner who DOESN'T KEEP SECRETS would turn on her husband and reject him for something he has no control over - something like his own sexuality. That would be like rejecting him because he was left-handed or had brown eyes.

So there it is, Missouri. Your female perspective.

Ditch these married jerks who are disrespecting themselves and their wives by not manning up and coming out. You'll feel better about it all, I promise. Whore or not.

-Wicked

 

[Missouribiguy]

Okay, Missouri, you wanted a female's take on this... here it is:

You have no control over what anyone else does. The only person over whom you have control is yourself. So when these married guys who are identifying as bi... and I am loathe to get into whether or not they knew when they married if they were bi or not, because my opinion is that they most assuredly had an IDEA about it... when they are hot to trot on your web cam right up to the second when their wife wakes up or comes home, then that's when you have the power to say, um, you know what? Disconnect. Take your untrustworthy and uncommunicative self to therapy and deal with your issues.

And before anybody flames me for this, let me just state: I'm bisexual. I've been married for over ten years to a bisexual man. Yes, I knew who he was when I married him, because that was KEY and INTEGRAL to our relationship when we started dating. I really don't see how anybody can get married and expect to live a lifetime together, if they intend to "forget" about experiences in their life that were formulative, or just "tuck away" something as important as, oh gee, enjoying sex with their same gender!

I'm reading these posts from you guys about your wives not accepting your sexuality or not accepting you for who you are... well good grief! Have you even tried having the conversation?? That's what organizations like PFLAG are around for! Even the United Methodist Church has a support group for gay and bisexual adults in crisis. Check online by state or look in your phone book under Gay Community Services. You might be surprised at the resources available to HELP YOU talk to your wives and families! If by some bizarre fluke you did think you were straight as a arrow when you married and know now you're not, you still need to have that conversation with your wife. And you know what? If you married her for the right reasons, if you have a strong relationship based on trust, communication, mutual respect and unconditional love, then her response to hearing that you have sexual attractions to guys should be this:

WOW, really? So... which guys turn you on?

or this:

Wow. Yikes. Um. *I* still turn you on, though... right?

I just find it incredibly hard to believe that any women in a loving, trusting, respectful relationship with a partner who DOESN'T KEEP SECRETS would turn on her husband and reject him for something he has no control over - something like his own sexuality. That would be like rejecting him because he was left-handed or had brown eyes.

So there it is, Missouri. Your female perspective.

Ditch these married jerks who are disrespecting themselves and their wives by not manning up and coming out. You'll feel better about it all, I promise. Whore or not.

-Wicked

Very well said. And thanks, you made me realize that I've been pretty idiotic about this shit, again.

 

[Missouribiguy]

A bit of a change of mine, I figured if they are married, they are really hurting themselves sometimes. But, it is a fantasty of mine.

 

[SweetAnnie4u]

Another Female Perspective...

I completely agree with with Wicked...I am a female, single, who loves the idea of 'straight' men exploring their bisexuality, and have longed to be a fly on the wall for one of these encounters...
or more than one!

I played in yahoo for years, and even met some of my play friends in real life... the playtime on any site especially over time, can get intense, and can get 'real' pretty quick...especially for men who are exploring long repressed, or hidden, parts of their sexuality...esp when it's a part that even they are uncomfortable with - not uncomfortable enough to not turn on a webcam and masturbate with another guy - but definitely uncomfortable enough to not tell their wife??!?

I stopped playing with these married guys, stopped chatting with them, stopped fantasizing with them, because time and time again I'd hear some version of "wow, I wish my gf, wife, lover was as understanding about this as you are" and when I'd ask if they'd ever told their wife, gf or lover about their curiosity or fantasy, they'd say No....

There were always a million reasons why they didn't tell, but ultimately it just came down to one - they were afraid...they enjoyed their married life, had kids, had stature in the community , whatever...they didn't want to rock the boat....but they also wanted to have their cock, and eat it to...so to speak...Over time, I found this to be the biggest form of cowardice, and ultimately realized that these men are every woman's worst nightmare.

To those that say, "in my wife's mind you are either gay or straight"...and then still, seeing other men, despite her belief system (and she is entitled to her belief system, whether you or I agree with it is irrelevant, it's hers, not ours). So to understand that about her, and have sex with men anyway...that man had an opportunity years ago to end the relationship, to not marry, or tell her the truth and let her make her own decision about what she wanted...but to have sex with her, and then have sex with other men, and go back and have unprotected sex with her some more, is just wrong...and dishonest in the highest degree. And the ultimate in self-absorption...If your marriage involves monogomy, and that is your agreement with your spouse, it doesn't matter that the object of your fantasy is, cock or another woman...f you act on that you're a cheater...and if you act on it without telling her, you're a liar the next time you get into bed with her...

If she doesn't want to be with a bisexual man, that is her right...it may also be her loss, but men who make that decision for their wife by lying to her, have no integrity whatsoever...no matter the excuse, rationalization, blame put on the unenlightened wife - it's her right to choose what sort of man she wants to be in a sexual relationship with, and who she doesn't...

I stopped playing with these married men, who were lying to their wives, because I was encouraging that lie by my playing with them...it gave them the idea that what they were doing was OK, or being condoned by me, and that just felt wrong.

Being a grown up person means taking responsibility for yourself, your sexuality, your integrity, your relationships...how can someone think they are honest, in any part of their life, if in their relationship, the foundational piece of it, the sexuality they share with their spouse is a lie???

And there are single men out here who have integrity, who want to explore this, definitely smaller numbers than married guys, but still, to have fun, to play online and explore the 'forbidden' in an honest way beats the hell out of participating in someone's lie...

just my two cents...

 

[smj4740]

delete

 

[suffolkengland]

Well, as I'm partnered and secret, I can't complain if the other guy is, too.

That said, I think 90% of the men I've met for sex are married/living with a girlfriend and secretly bi. If they didn't cheat, I'd get a LOT less sex!

 

[ADIDAS00]

My story is pretty straight forward. I'm married, I play online in my free time and sometimes fantasize about bi scenarios. I don't plan on meeting up or hooking up or anything else. I'm just going to fantasize online. No harm, no foul!

 

[dluvstoread]

Maybe....

maybe you just need to meet a couple like us...my wife knows how I feel and enjoys it. Turns her on to know it turns me on she knows how bad I want to suck another cock and she admits it turns her on to think about me getting fucked by a man.....she gets jealous if I want to be with another woman but not a man.....I guess because with another man we would both be sharing, she knows I want her to fuck another man so she gets something out of it as well......at first she didn't take to the idea of being with another man but has since warmed up to the idea especially since we knows we would both be sucking him together and knowing it turns me as much as it does now she wants to fuck another man.....

 

[kcwordsmith]

my take

Call me a coward if you want, I just don't want my wife to know about my bi side, which in fact is very few online conversations and a few real time cock sucking situations, both of which I find very kinky and taboo. I really don't think it would change anything if I told her. I just don't want to take a chance on ruining my marriaige. It's something I have to think through, though.

 

[Missouribiguy]

Here's the thing. I just started talking to this one married guy from Kansas (essentially a neighbor) who I sent (and vice versa) some nudes of myself. I admit, there was a indeed a click between us.

However, I am debating if i should stop talking to him. Bit of a shame, he is a hot lookg guy (army dude). Wish he was more honest to his wife.

 

[Cabeza]

For myself, my wife knows about my bi side, she just doesn't want to hear the details. "Don't ask; don't tell." As long as it's only fantasy / cyber, we're generally okay.

More to your point, I've never thought that the "other man/woman/person" was the one to blame in cheating situations. It's up to each of us to choose to keep promises, or not.

 

[smj4740]

delete

 

[Missouribiguy]

So the married guy says he is one of the following I'm divorced, I'm single,I'm married and my wife knows but don't like the idea. You say ok sorry let me comfort you, cool how's single life treating you, oh I'm sorry she don't understand. Why worry if your playing online with someone I don't cam but do cyber but I don't have to you I'm married and proably won't just because

......Huh?

 

[suffolkengland]

However, I am debating if i should stop talking to him. Bit of a shame, he is a hot lookg guy (army dude). Wish he was more honest to his wife.

This happens a lot. I've used a couple of gay hook-up sites and so far for every one guy I've actually met, maybe three hot-to-trot contacts just go cold after a lot of online flirting. Might be the guilt starting the closer they get to actually doing something for real? Or maybe the online flirting was enough to get them off and that was enough.

It used to bug me, but it doesn't now - just part of this secret world a few of us live in.

 

[Missouribiguy]

Maybe, I'm not for sure.

 

[Missouribiguy]

maybe you just need to meet a couple like us...my wife knows how I feel and enjoys it. Turns her on to know it turns me on she knows how bad I want to suck another cock and she admits it turns her on to think about me getting fucked by a man.....she gets jealous if I want to be with another woman but not a man.....I guess because with another man we would both be sharing, she knows I want her to fuck another man so she gets something out of it as well......at first she didn't take to the idea of being with another man but has since warmed up to the idea especially since we knows we would both be sucking him together and knowing it turns me as much as it does now she wants to fuck another man.....

To bad you live too far from me.

 

[mandoscot]

My wife told me that if they can provide something she can't. then by all means have at it. She just doesn't want to know.

I'm in the same place as Downforce - works for us and she lets me share her pics too. At least we've discussed it and we know our own limits, doesn't mean we don't love and respect each other.