Serious question

[downforce]

Hello all, I've been a member here for a while, and I've made several posts, but this is my first thread, and man what a doozy it's gonna be.

I've been a bisexual guy for as long as I can remember. Only I've never been emotionally attracted to guys, I've always been that way towards women exclusively. Recently I was talking to a guy, and he asked me how did I know I wasn't really just gay, and merely fooling myself? His question made me pause for a second and evaluate the situation. Could that be what it really is? I'd never thought about it that way. So I talked to a female friend of mine, who I've told about every one of my excursions, and she says she doesn't think Im gay, at least her gaydar doesn't go off when we hang out. But she thinks that I could have a relationship with a man, she thinks I am capable of that.

Here's the twist to the whole tale. I've been married for 3 years, with no intentions of losing my marriage. My wife has ABSOLUTELY no clue I am even remotely into this lifestyle, I think it would devastate her. So out of respect for her, I don't tell her anything.

Having said all that, here is my question. Since that guy posed me that question, it's stayed in the back of my mind. Could I date a guy? Should I even try?

What about it Lit, should I give it a try, to see where I really stand? Or should I just leave well enough alone and go on with discreetly meeting guys and hooking up with them?

 

[Pirate_Guy]

It's entirely likely that you are truly bi (or omnisexual or whatever tag you want to put on yourself). There are 9 zillion posts on here from mostly straight guys who love the occasional cock but have no interest in a relationship with a man above the waist.

And, in my experience, a lot of gay guys you hook up with will tell you they think you're probably gay too and you just haven't admitted it to yourself. Maybe it's just their paradigm and they tend to want to impose it on you. But you sound like you clearly fall into the "strongly prefer pussy but occasionally crave a faceless cock" category. If it were the other way around, they you might reconsider which tag you want to wear.

That said, I'd suggest you need to think carefully about what you're doing. I don't know anything about you and I won't judge you, but I will tell you my cautionary tale.

I too "discreetly" explored my bi side during the last five years or so of what had become a largely sexless marriage. I hooked up with guys while I was traveling, sucked cocks and got my cock sucked and rationalized that I wasn't cheating since my wife had lost interest in sex, it wasn't with another woman and there was no emotional attachment. I had a few guys I met multiple times (including a gay couple who really enjoyed fucking the daylights out of a married suburban guy) but it was mostly just anonymous cocks serving as a substitute for a "normal" sex life. No harm, no foul right?

My wife felt quite differently when she found some really shocking e-mails, pictures, etc., on my laptop. She was devastated beyond words. Our marriage wasn't perfect but I really hurt her by being so selfish and stupid.

Looking back, I should have had the courage to talk with her openly about both my dissatisfaction with our sex life and my curiousity about cock. It may not have saved our marriage, but it would have been the honest thing to do and the pain I caused her wouldn't have been nearly as terrible.

Here's my point: you can be as as careful and discreet as possible but it's entirely possible -- maybe even likely -- that your wife will discover what you're doing. I'm living proof of that.

Sorry to be a bit of a bummer but I thought you should hear some real advice from someone who's been there. Best of luck in whatever you choose...

 

[chelseabi]

Hello all, I've been a member here for a while, and I've made several posts, but this is my first thread, and man what a doozy it's gonna be.

I've been a bisexual guy for as long as I can remember. Only I've never been emotionally attracted to guys, I've always been that way towards women exclusively. Recently I was talking to a guy, and he asked me how did I know I wasn't really just gay, and merely fooling myself? His question made me pause for a second and evaluate the situation. Could that be what it really is? I'd never thought about it that way. So I talked to a female friend of mine, who I've told about every one of my excursions, and she says she doesn't think Im gay, at least her gaydar doesn't go off when we hang out. But she thinks that I could have a relationship with a man, she thinks I am capable of that.

Here's the twist to the whole tale. I've been married for 3 years, with no intentions of losing my marriage. My wife has ABSOLUTELY no clue I am even remotely into this lifestyle, I think it would devastate her. So out of respect for her, I don't tell her anything.

Having said all that, here is my question. Since that guy posed me that question, it's stayed in the back of my mind. Could I date a guy? Should I even try?

What about it Lit, should I give it a try, to see where I really stand? Or should I just leave well enough alone and go on with discreetly meeting guys and hooking up with them?

By stating you've never been emotionally attracted to guys I think you have answered your question, sex is one thing being gay is the whole 9 yards, attraction and commitment, I would agrue that you are bi in a sexual manner but hetro in a relationship one. Saying that I can see the attraction of a guy -guy relationship, on the face of it it should be simpler after all guys do understand guys (and girls girls of course) but being a friend and being a partner is different.
Dont worry about the are you gay question, all bi gays ask themselves that at some point, and nothing wrong with it if you are, but I feel if you were you would know, deep down. So have fun, take care and don't worry yourself, if you turn out to be you will find out in due course.

XX

 

[chelseabi]

By stating you've never been emotionally attracted to guys I think you have answered your question, sex is one thing being gay is the whole 9 yards, attraction and commitment, I would agrue that you are bi in a sexual manner but hetro in a relationship one. Saying that I can see the attraction of a guy -guy relationship, on the face of it it should be simpler after all guys do understand guys (and girls girls of course) but being a friend and being a partner is different.
Don't worry about the are you gay question, all bi gays ask themselves that at some point, and nothing wrong with it if you are, but I feel if you were you would know, deep down. So have fun, take care and don't worry yourself, if you turn out to be you will find out in due course.

XX

 

[chelseabi]

By stating you've never been emotionally attracted to guys I think you have answered your question, sex is one thing being gay is the whole 9 yards, attraction and commitment, I would agrue that you are bi in a sexual manner but hetro in a relationship one. Saying that I can see the attraction of a guy -guy relationship, on the face of it it should be simpler after all guys do understand guys (and girls girls of course) but being a friend and being a partner is different.
Dont worry about the are you gay question, all bi gays ask themselves that at some point, and nothing wrong with it if you are, but I feel if you were you would know, deep down. So have fun, take care and don't worry yourself, if you turn out to be you will find out in due course.

XX

 

[Chrissi]

Hello all, I've been a member here for a while, and I've made several posts, but this is my first thread, and man what a doozy it's gonna be.

I've been a bisexual guy for as long as I can remember. Only I've never been emotionally attracted to guys, I've always been that way towards women exclusively. Recently I was talking to a guy, and he asked me how did I know I wasn't really just gay, and merely fooling myself? His question made me pause for a second and evaluate the situation. Could that be what it really is? I'd never thought about it that way. So I talked to a female friend of mine, who I've told about every one of my excursions, and she says she doesn't think Im gay, at least her gaydar doesn't go off when we hang out. But she thinks that I could have a relationship with a man, she thinks I am capable of that.

Here's the twist to the whole tale. I've been married for 3 years, with no intentions of losing my marriage. My wife has ABSOLUTELY no clue I am even remotely into this lifestyle, I think it would devastate her. So out of respect for her, I don't tell her anything.

Having said all that, here is my question. Since that guy posed me that question, it's stayed in the back of my mind. Could I date a guy? Should I even try?

What about it Lit, should I give it a try, to see where I really stand? Or should I just leave well enough alone and go on with discreetly meeting guys and hooking up with them?

I don't know you, but if what you say is accurate: That you don't get any emotional feelings of attachment to men, then in all likelihood you are not gay. I tend to agree with your female friend in that respect.

As far as the relationship aspect of it, well then, isn't that an emotional attachment? I guess I am confused.

You may just be very open and accepting sexually.

However, you are in a short term marriage, hopefully without children yet. It is only fair to your wife that you tell her. (If it leads to divorce, so much the better now when you are both still young, then later when children become part of the picture.)

What is safe to say in all this, is your feelings/desires will not go away. Indeed they may only intensify if you repress or deny them.

topher

 

[geeraff]

I would say either find a way to talk to your wife. do something stupid that will lead to a divorce. skip the stupid and get a divorce. or just keep it a secret. I personally think you are bi if you are happily married to a woman and have been for 3 years then you aren't full out gay. If you look at porn together suggest looking at something different and look at mmf 3somes or gay porn and see how she feels about it. Another angle is to suggest spicing things up in the bedroom and ask her how she felt about having another man join in. (or you can use the word person) Make it clear its just a passing thought and you wanted her opinion and no means no. If she's not cool with it drop it. If she's willing to try then go for it baby and have a good time.