Georgesowner1
Experienced
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2010
- Posts
- 36
in the twenty plus years we have been married I have been the one who made most of the decisions. His idea of making a difficult decision is to ignore it until "said deadline" has passed. This has caused us many problems in many areas. Once I realized if decisions were going to be made I needed to make them, then things got a bit better.
my husband had a rough childhood. He was sexually abused by a few people who were not related to him and physically abused by someone who was related to him. He was raped in the military before we met. He has PTSD. As you can see normal is so far gone for him/us we make the best of what we have.
He has been suicidal and in therapy for a decade. In the last couple of months he has come to the realization that he is transgendered, as well as submissive.
To say he rocked my universe to it's foundation when he said he wanted to go through hormone therapy etc and live as a woman would be an understatement. after much talking to his therapist, much crying, soul searching and denial on my part I came to the conclusion that since we don't have the money for him to move forward with the transgender issues I am not going to "worry" about it till something might happen.
I did set out to help him with some of the dressing issues. he wears some feminine clothing at home. I told him there were rules to my helping. Once those rules were laid out boy did his submissive tendencies come to the surface.
most of our D/s interaction takes place in the bedroom. Today while sitting on the sofa discussing heading to the bedroom for sex I started running my fingers up the inside of his arm in a way I know I turns him on. It sort of freaked him out a little bit. after some talking he said it didn't feel "right and safe" outside the bedroom. Since we were the only ones home I kept talking him through it. I laid down on the sofa, had him loosen his shirt and lay on top of me. I did the same stroking of my fingers on his arms and back.
The whole time talking to him, asking what was the worse that would happen if someone were to come home right then. He said, "they would see a married couple making out on the couch."
I got him through this particular freak out. Obviously I can't surprise him with anything in the bedroom/sex wise. Last week I asked him to give me a list of ten things he would like us to try. One of the things he said he wanted to try was being blindfolded, restrained and gagged. I told him we would have to have a physical safe word. I picked up a package of ping pong balls for him to hold in his hand when we do this.
Due to his history we use a two tiered safe word. Yellow means things are getting uncomfortable-I stop-I don't back off, just stop and we talk about what is going on. Our safeword is the everything stops and anything painful or uncomfortable is removed etc So far, so good.
I have told him some things I plan for when we go on vacation. Since we will be in a condo away from anyone we know he will spend part of our vacation dressed exclusively as a female.
I have come up with several things I think we would enjoy experimenting with, I am verbally introducing those to him outside the bedroom in a non sexual way so he can process them. the things that are not comfortable for him we talk about why and if we will proceed with them. Anything that doesn't send up red flags for him will be incorporated at some point and time. He knows this and I remind him of this occasionally, hopefully this will lessen the risks of him freaking out.
anyone with experience dealing with sub who has this kind of background and PTSD? This is new for me but I have been educating myself by doing lots of research and reading.
Thanks for taking the time to read.
my husband had a rough childhood. He was sexually abused by a few people who were not related to him and physically abused by someone who was related to him. He was raped in the military before we met. He has PTSD. As you can see normal is so far gone for him/us we make the best of what we have.
He has been suicidal and in therapy for a decade. In the last couple of months he has come to the realization that he is transgendered, as well as submissive.
To say he rocked my universe to it's foundation when he said he wanted to go through hormone therapy etc and live as a woman would be an understatement. after much talking to his therapist, much crying, soul searching and denial on my part I came to the conclusion that since we don't have the money for him to move forward with the transgender issues I am not going to "worry" about it till something might happen.
I did set out to help him with some of the dressing issues. he wears some feminine clothing at home. I told him there were rules to my helping. Once those rules were laid out boy did his submissive tendencies come to the surface.
most of our D/s interaction takes place in the bedroom. Today while sitting on the sofa discussing heading to the bedroom for sex I started running my fingers up the inside of his arm in a way I know I turns him on. It sort of freaked him out a little bit. after some talking he said it didn't feel "right and safe" outside the bedroom. Since we were the only ones home I kept talking him through it. I laid down on the sofa, had him loosen his shirt and lay on top of me. I did the same stroking of my fingers on his arms and back.
The whole time talking to him, asking what was the worse that would happen if someone were to come home right then. He said, "they would see a married couple making out on the couch."
I got him through this particular freak out. Obviously I can't surprise him with anything in the bedroom/sex wise. Last week I asked him to give me a list of ten things he would like us to try. One of the things he said he wanted to try was being blindfolded, restrained and gagged. I told him we would have to have a physical safe word. I picked up a package of ping pong balls for him to hold in his hand when we do this.
Due to his history we use a two tiered safe word. Yellow means things are getting uncomfortable-I stop-I don't back off, just stop and we talk about what is going on. Our safeword is the everything stops and anything painful or uncomfortable is removed etc So far, so good.
I have told him some things I plan for when we go on vacation. Since we will be in a condo away from anyone we know he will spend part of our vacation dressed exclusively as a female.
I have come up with several things I think we would enjoy experimenting with, I am verbally introducing those to him outside the bedroom in a non sexual way so he can process them. the things that are not comfortable for him we talk about why and if we will proceed with them. Anything that doesn't send up red flags for him will be incorporated at some point and time. He knows this and I remind him of this occasionally, hopefully this will lessen the risks of him freaking out.
anyone with experience dealing with sub who has this kind of background and PTSD? This is new for me but I have been educating myself by doing lots of research and reading.
Thanks for taking the time to read.
