Staying in control of the situation.

[lydia45]

Good evening! Long time lurker, first time poster. Glad to be finally joining the fun.

Anyway...
I'm submissive. However, my PYL (did I use that right?) has made a few comments that indicate he'd like to let me try being in charge every once in a while. I think it would be fun.

We tried it once, and I had a blast.

My problem...
I'm good at the foreplay element. I do the dirty talk, force him to lick me, that sort of thing.
It's the actual sex that I don't know how to handle.
I don't really enjoy being on top and I can't orgasm that way.
It was really awkward to be in charge and then suddenly have him on top. I kind of lost control of the situation. I tried being dominant with words..."Don't you dare stop until I say so" and that sort of thing, but we both knew he took control on top, you know what I mean? HE was clearly fucking ME to his liking, even if he didn't mean to be.

So my question:
How do I stay in the dominant role while being in a position where I fall back into the submissive role? I hope that makes sense. I have a feeling ya'll will understand what I mean.

Thanks!

 

[NomadLady]

Good evening! Long time lurker, first time poster. Glad to be finally joining the fun.

Anyway...
I'm submissive. However, my PYL (did I use that right?) has made a few comments that indicate he'd like to let me try being in charge every once in a while. I think it would be fun.

We tried it once, and I had a blast.

My problem...
I'm good at the foreplay element. I do the dirty talk, force him to lick me, that sort of thing.
It's the actual sex that I don't know how to handle.
I don't really enjoy being on top and I can't orgasm that way.
It was really awkward to be in charge and then suddenly have him on top. I kind of lost control of the situation. I tried being dominant with words..."Don't you dare stop until I say so" and that sort of thing, but we both knew he took control on top, you know what I mean? HE was clearly fucking ME to his liking, even if he didn't mean to be.

So my question:
How do I stay in the dominant role while being in a position where I fall back into the submissive role? I hope that makes sense. I have a feeling ya'll will understand what I mean.

Thanks!

Just because he is 'physically' on top of you doesn't have to mean he is dominating you....you can still verbally dominant him....but tell him how you want to be pleasured

Is that what you mean?

 

[lydia45]

That's what I have trouble with. Even when I try to do it verbally, it's still clear he's in control. There's just something about our dynamic that makes him being on top equal to being in control. I can't put it into words. He's very good at what he does.

I suppose I'm asking for more suggestions on things I can do while on the bottom to show that I'm in control. Or say, I guess.

He himself admits that he's hard to dominate so I'm kind of determined to "win," you know? In a fun way.

 

[NomadLady]

That's what I have trouble with. Even when I try to do it verbally, it's still clear he's in control. There's just something about our dynamic that makes him being on top equal to being in control. I can't put it into words. He's very good at what he does.

I suppose I'm asking for more suggestions on things I can do while on the bottom to show that I'm in control. Or say, I guess.

He himself admits that he's hard to dominate so I'm kind of determined to "win," you know? In a fun way.

I didn't like being on top or "riding" a man for a very long time....but now after having been with men that were more well endowed, I have learned to enjoy it. Is there a reason you don't like riding him that you think you could overcome? I understand the determination to "win" at this endeavor and commend you for trying...maybe you should try a gag so he can't speak?
keeping him verbally quiet is still domination even if he is in a physically superior position.....and I'd throw in a blindfold for good measure...

 

[Stella_Omega]

I know we usually place a lot of symbolic importance on who's on top, but haveing watched more than one gay man control their bottom whilts getting fucked, I know it can be otherwise.

I think the trick there is to keep a little bit of restraint on him. use a collar and a leash, and leash him to the headboard while you're under him. You could put a cockring to keep him hard, and mitts on his hands, to keep him from getting the cock ring off. Fasten his ankles to the footboard... That sort of thing.

this woman was the best at hetero, non-femmedomme yet female Domination; http://bitchyjones.wordpress.com/

Sadly, she deleted a lot of her blog before someone talked her into leaving it as an archive. But there's a lot that's still there and very worth reading.

 

[Etoile]

Make him wear a strap-on instead of fucking you with his cock? Just an idea.

 

[BiBunny]

Make him wear a strap-on instead of fucking you with his cock? Just an idea.

I keep wanting to do this with somebody.

 

[YourCaptor]

Maybe think of it like this

on top = doing the work

on bottom = not doing the work

 

[Etoile]

Also try just having him stop and you both do something else. Like he wants to do it because he's enjoying it, but you just stop.

 

[talismania]

As has been said, being on top isn't the only way to dominate a man sexually. Might any of these work for you?

- Bind him to the bed but for one hand... and then order him to masturbate. Watching a man jerk himself off can be intensely dominant, especially if you can direct the action by having him wear a cock ring, stopping him right when he's about to come, using a crop on his ass, or are whispering in his ear about how it's too bad he can't have your pussy/ass. Be creative!

- Apply bondage of choice--hog-tie, maybe, or to a chair, or whatever suits--and masturbate him to climax yourself, just so you can see how far his ejaculate will shoot into the air.

- Buy him one of those lovely latex masks with a dildo at the mouth, and pussy or ass fuck his masked face.

- Have him use a dildo/vibrator to bring you to climax... and totally deny him use of your pussy or ass until your conditions are met. Once he meets your conditions (number of orgasms, saying the necessary endearments, or whatever else floats your boat), you can then concede your control, release the darling man and let him bang you to your subby heart's content.

That's thing, make it all about your pleasure. If you love having him be in control, then you know that if he CAN take control and somehow manages to do so (he is a top, after all), then you're going to love letting him.

So make the situation one where he cannot take control until you physically turn that control back over to him by releasing his bonds, or allow him to control his penis.

My husband and I deal with this all the time. He loves submitting to me and I'm most drawn to dominating him... however, he can get a bit toppish if he's super excited and I don't keep the upper hand in bed. Sometimes, I love getting a good hard banging and just let him go at it. Fine, I've conceded control. If that's not the way I want it to go, I grab his balls and say "Not tonight, darling." Believe me, he doesn't lose that erection.

Have fun with the ideas you get from everyone!

 

[Mr_Demeanor]

I would recommend the ultimate in domination when it comes to a difficult man who is topping from the bottom.

Ass fuck him with a strap-on.

It doesn't have to be a monster or anything like that, but it will put him firmly in his place especially when combined with some of the other great suggestions that have been made...

 

[Netzach]

Good evening! Long time lurker, first time poster. Glad to be finally joining the fun.

Anyway...
I'm submissive. However, my PYL (did I use that right?) has made a few comments that indicate he'd like to let me try being in charge every once in a while. I think it would be fun.

We tried it once, and I had a blast.

My problem...
I'm good at the foreplay element. I do the dirty talk, force him to lick me, that sort of thing.
It's the actual sex that I don't know how to handle.
I don't really enjoy being on top and I can't orgasm that way.
It was really awkward to be in charge and then suddenly have him on top. I kind of lost control of the situation. I tried being dominant with words..."Don't you dare stop until I say so" and that sort of thing, but we both knew he took control on top, you know what I mean? HE was clearly fucking ME to his liking, even if he didn't mean to be.

So my question:
How do I stay in the dominant role while being in a position where I fall back into the submissive role? I hope that makes sense. I have a feeling ya'll will understand what I mean.

Thanks!

A couple of ideas:

Leave his necktie on or slip something similar in place. You don't have to actually choke him, but just being able to jerk his head around and mean business has an interesting effect. They make gags that have a leash which attaches to the mouth parts, I always thought that could be kind of fun, having him on permanent shut up while fucking.

Explain to him while he's fucking you in this headspace that he's giving himself to you, it's not a selfish march to his orgasm and if he stops acting like it for a second it stops. Potentially something boring/unpleasant also ensues unless it's exactly as you want it. You will know and feel when his thrusting changes over and you can discourage it as you please.

Also I'm not afraid to be mean. I like a hard, still dick in me while I massage myself to get off and I'm happy to jump off it when I'm done and say "oh baby that was great" and put my arms around his neck.

 

[Netzach]

I would recommend the ultimate in domination when it comes to a difficult man who is topping from the bottom.

Ass fuck him with a strap-on.

It doesn't have to be a monster or anything like that, but it will put him firmly in his place especially when combined with some of the other great suggestions that have been made...

And her orgasm happens how? Incidental rubbing from her harness? Magic pixies?

 

[Mr_Demeanor]

And her orgasm happens how? Incidental rubbing from her harness? Magic pixies?

Lol, my bad for lack of detail....

After she has put him firmly into the correct mindset (by making his ass sore) strap a collar and lead or cuffs on him and instruct him in the correct way to service Mistress. I also recommend a cream-pie finish and make him eat his own cum straight from her pussy......

 

[Stella_Omega]

Lol, my bad for lack of detail....

After she has put him firmly into the correct mindset (by making his ass sore) strap a collar and lead or cuffs on him and instruct him in the correct way to service Mistress. I also recommend a cream-pie finish and make him eat his own cum straight from her pussy......

Classic male sub fantasy, fostered by male subs.

 

[lydia45]

Oh my gosh, so many good ideas. I love it here. Sorry, I don't know how to quote multiple people...

NomadLady: Yes, I think size is the reason I don't like being on top. Not that I'm complaining! It's just not the greatest position for us. I'm loving the blindfold idea. A lot.

talismania and Netzach: I LIKE you two. Those are super-hot ideas and now I'm completely excited to try some of that. Especially the "tie as a leash" thing. We have a dressy event coming up that I'm totally going to save that for. Perfect.

We've been chatting today and he's mentioned being slapped around a little. That was something I was hesitating to do because, you know, you never know who will like that and who won't. Didn't want it to be a buzzkill. Now that I've got the go-ahead, it's game on. (insert evil cackle here)

 

[Primalex]

How do I stay in the dominant role while being in a position where I fall back into the submissive role?

Maybe you don't. Switching with the same partner is not everyone's capability.

 

[BiBunny]

And her orgasm happens how? Incidental rubbing from her harness? Magic pixies?

Classic male sub fantasy, fostered by male subs.

Damn, y'all beat me to it.