How many gay men (or bi with M partners) don't fuck?

[okapirox]

So I'm new to the GLBT thing, and exploring my bi-curious side. Have PMed and emailed with a few guys here and from AN Other forum. Am having a 'safe meeting/chat' with a guy later this week.

First thing: I'm amazed that quite so many guys do not want to fuck or be sucked to orgasm. Seems there are some who really just want to suck cock (or be fucked) and go straight home. And quite a few who just prefer wank play.

Now I'm not judging (good luck to them), but I'm going to have to dump my long-held gay stereotype I'd assumed that gay sex was a reciprocal thing - oral and anal. It's proving quite difficult to find someone who wants to explore everything in both directions.

Not a rant, I'm just genuinely surprised. Interested in your thoughts?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Belly up to your partner.

Get both of your cocks in your hand. Feel his hand around them too. A little spit or lube is great, too.

Thrust into that tunnel you've made together, feeling his cock moving and rubbing against yours.

Try to tell me the two of you are not fucking.



(try that with one of these guys, maybe)

 

[Chrissi]

So I'm new to the GLBT thing, and exploring my bi-curious side. Have PMed and emailed with a few guys here and from AN Other forum. Am having a 'safe meeting/chat' with a guy later this week.

First thing: I'm amazed that quite so many guys do not want to fuck or be sucked to orgasm. Seems there are some who really just want to suck cock (or be fucked) and go straight home. And quite a few who just prefer wank play.

Now I'm not judging (good luck to them), but I'm going to have to dump my long-held gay stereotype I'd assumed that gay sex was a reciprocal thing - oral and anal. It's proving quite difficult to find someone who wants to explore everything in both directions.

Not a rant, I'm just genuinely surprised. Interested in your thoughts?

Haha, well not all gay men do everything...

but your post is one of the reasons why I tend to stay away from "first timers" or married men. Many are just interested in a quick bj and once they cum they are gone...I don't consider these types of men "gay" as they are not looking for or enjoying the intimacy and emotional fulfillment that another gay man can share with you.

While I have a bf (we are open), some of my favorite things are kissing and holding hands, cuddling and waking up (whenever) spooning with each other. I love morning breath, morning stubble and morning wood.

...most gay men are versatile, true, but some are all top or all bottom, like me.

topher

 

[A_Kefka]

If they are married they may only want what they can't get from their wife. Talked to someone one time and he wanted to suck guys, but didn't want to cum himself because it would affect his performance with the wife later that night.

 

[okapirox]

Thanks all. For sure, some of the guys I've been in touch with (maybe a third?) are also in MF relationships. Perhaps many just want the experience of being a bottom and playing with a cock, and are not at all interested in being a top? (Top/bottom - I didn't know these terms until recently.)

topher - I see what you're saying. I rather agree on the 'gay' point. I'm in the group that is not interested in the holding hands, etc bit. It is just about the sex for me - I just expected it to be more 'give and take'.

Had also joined Squirt and ticked just about every category on the sexual activities list - my imagination tells me that anythign goes. Then I saw that most guys had only ticked a few. It was a real disappointment finding sexy local guys who were pure bottoms. (sigh).

Not venting - just thinking out loud how it's actually a bit trickier to explore this reciprocal gay-sex fantasy than I'd thought.

 

[infinity706]

As far as I can tell, anal sex isn't that common in the gay/bi community as a whole. It happens, but not really any more frequently than between heterosexual couples, despite popular belief. Now, as for oral sex, it's pretty close to univeral.

Oh, and with the reciprocal thing, that's not restricted to gay/bi people, either. I know plenty of straight people that give a partner a freebie, too.

 

[sterculius]

I'm a guy who is married to a wonderful woman but I also have an obsessive need to suck cock. I have absolutely no desire to do anything else sexually with another man. Nada!! No kissing, hugging, cuddling and no anal!! I don't even want to get a blowjob in return. My favorite thing is to be down on my knees, with a guy standing up in front of me, tightly holding onto my head and repeatedly ramming his, preferably, very thick cock in and out of my throat!! I'm constantly lusting after women and the sight of a sexy woman wearing high heels makes me weak in the knees. I don't know how to classify myself. I simply love sucking cock and swallowing cum.

 

[Hitchiker69]

Every guy, myself included, seems to have his own wants, needs, and level of comfort.
I don't have an answer or explanation for you.
But I can tell you I seen almost a full range of man on man sexual experiences, but I've never had one experience
that was 100% reciprocal.

I can try to be analytical...
I've found that when there is a significant age difference, the older guys seem to want to suck and get fucked.
I think they're making the most of the youthful virility that they may not have anymore, and worshipping the hard cock.
And some guys want to have a secret fling, and could never hide from the wife that they had anal sex.

And some guys are greedy. They just want to satisfy their needs, and to hell with your needs.
Or nervous and uncomfortable...they just want to get their needs met and leave as soon as possible.

For myself, when I was young and naive my comfort level was very low, but I'd let almost anyone give me a blowjob.
That was all I was willing to do. I didn't even know that some gays liked and wanted anal sex.
As I gained experience I learned to enjoy giving head, being a bottom,even kissing (that was the last taboo for me.)

I'd like to have a 'full' experience. That would mean totally relaxed, uninhibited and unrestrained sex with a man.
It would include kissing, sucking, 69'ing, and each of us taking turns fucking each other.
Definitely spending the night, and perhaps doing it all again in the morning..
That hasn't happened yet, but there's always hope.

 

[okapirox]

Guys - thanks for taking the time to explain. Got to log out for a while, but will be back later/tomorrow for a full read.

x

 

[txboyalone]

I have always been bi and in the closet to my wife. When I was younger I mainly did oral with college buddies or someone I would meet at a Adult Video store.

About 10 years ago I developed a relationship with another Bi married guy and we would get together maybe a couple of times a month for mutual oral play. We started digitally stimulating the other while we where blowing each other and finally admitted that we both fantasized about taken it up the rear.

I travel some for work so I had the opportunity to visit gay spas and started experimenting as a bottoming. Safe sex only, but always enjoyed the experience and realized that unlike what you see at porn sites that guys with small cock where as much fun to get fucked by as the eight inch-ers, some times even more so.

My spa experience indicates that the number of bottoms are increasing. I am always amassed when the buff str8 looking guy says while grouping you in the dark of a maze, " He man, come back to my room and fuck me?"

I have to admit that I am somewhat of a voyeur and love to go to a male spa around 10 pm, get a room and take a nap until about 1 or 2 am, that is when most bars close and the young horny guys start showing up for actions. It seems to me that these day the younger guys have less trouble admitting that they enjoy sex with another man. I think most try to score with a girl but if they can, they know they can get off at the spa with a guy.

I am an older guy but in good shape with a nice all over tan, so they may not be attracted to me but at the same time they are not turned off.

About 2 pm one of these young studs will find himself in a sling getting fucked by every guy in the place. It is best when you can watch the actions with someone cock up your ass, sharing the hot action together.

But I still love the times with my buddy taking turns being the others bottom.
If you think you might enjoy it first start with your finger, then move to a small vibrator, if you keep getting a charge out of it try finding someone who will go slow with you.

My first time was in Austin and this Army guy bent me over and shoved his cock up my ass, cold not believe how much that hurt. He slammed into me about 10 times and came, pulled out tossed the rubber on the floor and said thanks man. Zipped up and took off. It would have been easy to stopped after that experience but I then found a guys who took the time to loosen me up, get me well lubed and ready and then slowly fucked me. The anal orgasm I had from that experience shock my world. I had never experienced anything like that before and new right then I wanted more of it.

Good luck.

 

[Wolfman1982]

I'm a guy who is married to a wonderful woman but I also have an obsessive need to suck cock. I have absolutely no desire to do anything else sexually with another man. Nada!! No kissing, hugging, cuddling and no anal!! I don't even want to get a blowjob in return. My favorite thing is to be down on my knees, with a guy standing up in front of me, tightly holding onto my head and repeatedly ramming his, preferably, very thick cock in and out of my throat!! I'm constantly lusting after women and the sight of a sexy woman wearing high heels makes me weak in the knees. I don't know how to classify myself. I simply love sucking cock and swallowing cum.

I hate labels, but if I had to label you. Then it would be, straight guy with male blowjob fetish. Or is that too narrow ? maybe perhaps "straight guy who loves sucking cock on a man and that is it" or just kinky straight guy ? Cause to me I do not care about labels any more. But just enjoy it

 

[pualcr2112]

I just want to see what a man is like. never had one before.

 

[none2_none2]

So I'm new to the GLBT thing, and exploring my bi-curious side. Have PMed and emailed with a few guys here and from AN Other forum. Am having a 'safe meeting/chat' with a guy later this week.

First thing: I'm amazed that quite so many guys do not want to fuck or be sucked to orgasm. Seems there are some who really just want to suck cock (or be fucked) and go straight home. And quite a few who just prefer wank play.

Now I'm not judging (good luck to them), but I'm going to have to dump my long-held gay stereotype I'd assumed that gay sex was a reciprocal thing - oral and anal. It's proving quite difficult to find someone who wants to explore everything in both directions.

Not a rant, I'm just genuinely surprised. Interested in your thoughts?

I know this thread is old, but wanted to add my two cents. I'm from the US, not the UK, so realize that perhaps there is a difference in other parts of the world. In my experience, I've never ran into that many who were as you are describing only wanting to bottom. I've normally found that most are between top only or top/versatile.

Now as a top only (since about 1986), when I was single it was always a frustrating thing to find someone who was compatible with my sex drive and my preferences. I always wondered if sometimes what you encounter the most is partially due into is how they see you. For instance, I'm only average in cock size. I'm not one of those that needs to wear baggy pants in order not to look pornographic. Now perhaps for those that are hung, perhaps size-queen bottoms flock to them. They may not even be conscious of that, but their observation could thus be thinking that so many are bottoms. Likewise, i was always attracted to rugged, muscular, manily guys. Many of that type to keep their image, tend to be tops. It isn't always the case, but it does seem to be a trend. On the other hand, many "in charge" kind of guys in real life, prefer to bottom because they see it as a chance to have some part of their life where they don't have to be in charge.

As for assuming that gay sex is about reciprocal activities, realize that there is a difference between that term and one sided sex. When I was young, I went through doubts as to whether I was gay or not. I found the male body (hairy, muscular) extremely attractive, but I really didn't like penises. I didn't like one banging in the back of my throat. I didn't like the taste of cum. (Precum is nice, but not all men produce it and few produce much.) I also didn't like one pounding my ass. Likewise, I will admit that while oral may be pleasant, I have never found it orgasmic. So for the first 2 or so years of gay sex, I was really wondering if somehow I was some closet heterosexual as the gay sex was SO unsatisfactory. Then finally some older guy let me fuck him. (In my own experience the older men tended to be tops only.) Well for the first time fireworks went off because I was fucking a guy's ass. For a while longer I was versatile, but I still never enjoyed anything but sex involving the other guy's ass.

Finally, I realized how so silly this whole "must be versatile" mindset was. Why should anybody do sex that they don't really like. It would be as bad as telling a gay guy that he also has to have str8 sex, or a str8 guy that he also has to have gay sex. That was part of my maturing process. One should have the kind of sex life that they enjoy -- not what they are told they should do. If one does enjoy versatility, all power too them. However, there is room in this world for total tops as well as total bottoms. I'm fortunate in that my partner of 8+ years still enjoys me being a total top.

One last thing, Hitchiker69 mentioned that he has never had a truly reciprocal encounter. There is a difference between reciprocal and one-sided. Keep in mind that for some men the mouth and/or the ass are as much a sex organ as their penis. So don't get the idea that when a sex act involves one man's penis and the other man's ass or mouth that the man with the penis is the only one getting pleasure out of the encounter. If it wasn't that way, then there wouldn't be any happy cock suckers or happy anal bottoms. I will say as an older top, that it is hard to maintain energy after you get off. Unfortunately, my partner doesn't seem to get off while I'm fucking him -- no matter how hard I try. So I usually have to finger his hole or grab a dildo and continue to use that on him as he masturbates. I have to fight sleepiness off as after I cum, I'm tempted to doze off. When I was younger, I had no problem staying awake after late night sex. In fact, I would most likely be ready for round two when I was younger. I can still j/o multiple times now and then, but my point is that age does play a role in how much energy you have to help another guy get off after you cum yourself.