Cuckold: The last taboo?

[sweetnpetite]

I tried posting about it on BDSM board. I tried posting about it on the GB. Nobody wants to talk about it! Is it the last taboo?

I will keep searching til i find answers!!!!!

 

[Dragonlipz]

I tried posting about it on BDSM board. I tried posting about it on the GB. Nobody wants to talk about it! Is it the last taboo?

I will keep searching til i find answers!!!!!

Finding and quantifying the 'last taboo' is ultimately dependent on the individual: for some the ultimate taboo is homosexual intercourse, for others - anal desire.......so it really is relevant about whose ox is being gored.....figuaratively as well as literally

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Take it to the Loving Wives cat. They scream over that stuff.

 

[TE999]

I tried posting about it on BDSM board. I tried posting about it on the GB. Nobody wants to talk about it! Is it the last taboo?

I will keep searching til i find answers!!!!!

With all the open marriages and interpretive living arrangements nowdays, cuckoldry's becoming a dying art...like neon tube bending, handmade clocks and virginity.

"What once were vices, are now habits." The Doobie Brothers.

 

[Seduc1ove]

With all the open marriages and interpretive living arrangements nowdays, cuckoldry's becoming a dying art...like neon tube bending, handmade clocks and virginity.

"What once were vices, are now habits." The Doobie Brothers.

So maybe that makes virginity the last taboo?

 

[Stella_Omega]

S&P my darling, I noticed two of those posts. And I can tell you why they got so little response.

Cuckoldry, essentially a hetero issue, has nothing much to do with GLBT interests-- at least, not until same sex marriage has been legal long enough for folk to have a chance to be blase about it. We're nowhere near that point yet.

Cuckoldry, which is almost always predicated on stinkingly lousy communication between a husband and a wife, has very little to do with BDSM which is ALL about communication and negotiation.

It isn't that it's taboo, it's that for most of us it just isn't interesting.

 

[Xelebes]

I will write the stories, but I usually don't talk about it. In reality, it's not that much big of a draw in a relationship when most go about it at a swingers club. There's no technique to go over, there's no real specifics to go over. The only element is the emotional part of it and the sadistic part only works when certain relationship dynamics are already in place.

Cuckoldry is a template for kinks. You will have to go into specifics - like creampies, pain slattery, sensory deprivation, toileting, servicing and so forth.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Take it to the Loving Wives cat. They scream over that stuff.

you took the words out of...

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I tried posting about it on BDSM board. I tried posting about it on the GB. Nobody wants to talk about it! Is it the last taboo?

I will keep searching til i find answers!!!!!

It hasn't been a taboo since the '60s and the era of free love, swingers, key parties, wife swapping and the hot wife syndrome.

And no matter the comments on the LW stories, just the vast number of reads per story will give an idea of the interest in the subject. I would bet that every single reader is secretly fantasizing about doing it or participating.

AS a writer of the genre I like married women better than singles...just saying.

 

[Liar]

Is it a taboo?

Writing and reading stories about it? Weeeeelll maybe. But if so, it's not the last taboo by far. There are way more no-no topics.

Doing it? That's just douchebaggery plus sex.

 

[Carnevil9]

It's discussed plenty over at the Story Ideas forum. Try shopping over there.

 

[squarejohn]

I tried posting about it on BDSM board. I tried posting about it on the GB. Nobody wants to talk about it! Is it the last taboo?

I will keep searching til i find answers!!!!!

The Reverend Dr. Uprightly
Was cuckolded daily and nightly
He murmured, "Dear, dear,
I would interfere
If I knew how to do it politely."

 

[xssve]

S&P my darling, I noticed two of those posts. And I can tell you why they got so little response.

Cuckoldry, essentially a hetero issue, has nothing much to do with GLBT interests-- at least, not until same sex marriage has been legal long enough for folk to have a chance to be blase about it. We're nowhere near that point yet.

Cuckoldry, which is almost always predicated on stinkingly lousy communication between a husband and a wife, has very little to do with BDSM which is ALL about communication and negotiation.

It isn't that it's taboo, it's that for most of us it just isn't interesting.

Au contraire, it's typically the sign of excellent communication, and a deep level of trust, and cuckholding couples, according to the data are among the happiest - in some ways, it's the essence of love, putting someone else's needs above your own.

In this way, it's very similar to BDSM relationships, where one partner allows the other to act out their fantasies - naturally, it works best when both partners are similarly inclined with regard to their respective roles, but in both instances, the act of going beyond the "accepted" limits often enables psychological growth that might otherwise be stunted and turn sour - think about the actions and words of critics of "fringe" sexual practices, these are not the words of happy people, whereas in cuckolding, theoretically, couples are getting the best of both worlds, variety and social-sexual networking in a stable relationship: in some sense, if you want to look at it that way, it's not much different from a buddy system, just in case the third turns out to be Mr. Goodbar.

I posted a couple of links to articles about it in the How To forum a while back, check it out.

From a male POV, males with a low libido, performance anxiety, even erectile dysfunction may actually thrive on it, they didn't get married for a steady lay, and it may be that the non-sexual aspects of the marriage are the ones they find the most gratifying, you cannot make these kinds of generalities based on a notion that uncontrollable jealousy is normative.

Of course the reciprocal, Cuckqueening, is a bit more rare, or at least gets less press, but traditionally, women have often been known to put up with cheating spouses as long as their spouses are discreet, and they get the other benefits of being married, economic security, social networks, etc., it's just that in most cases, they don't want to hear about it.

Whether this is a result of cultural conditioning or due to sex differences, is open to question, I've only actually run across One or Two women willing to discuss this fetish, possibly because women traditionally are more motivated to protect their sexual reputations as it relates to overall economic security - i.e., the culture at large is no more understanding of the one than it is of the other, and tends to presume some sort of desperation on the part of the cuckolded partner as motivation for putting up with it, whereas as often as not, it's their idea to begin with, which is even more likely to generate significant cognitive dissonance (and assume it stems from low self esteem, whereas in reality, you really need pretty much bombproof self esteem) in a culture that places an inordinate amount of faith in appearances, and has difficulty assimilating anything outside a narrow range of generic roles.

Historically, on the other hand, it's not at all uncommon, and can be found in both formal and informal forms.

It's not just sex of course, in the wake of the Arizona immigration laws, "accent reduction" classes are the newest form of "self help".

 

[Stella_Omega]

I get the impression that what you call "cuckolding" I call "Open marriage."

 

[xssve]

Not at all, although cuckolding is a form of swinging, the major difference is that one of the partners plays a much more voyeuristic role, whereas by contrast, swingers may or may not even want to meet their spouses partners, or hear about their exploits, which is in some sense, the whole point of cuckolding.

 

[Liar]

Not at all, although cuckolding is a form of swinging, the major difference is that one of the partners plays a much more voyeuristic role, whereas by contrast, swingers may or may not even want to meet their spouses partners, or hear about their exploits, which is in some sense, the whole point of cuckolding.

Hm, your definition differs from mine then.

Put simply, if the cuckoldee (?) consents and is in on it, it is merely a form of open relationship. Or at most, cuckolding roleplay.

 

[Verdad]

I thought S&P was asking about cuckoldry as a sexual fantasy/fetish/turn on/what have you. Which makes most of the sociology here rather beside the point. The attraction of cuckolding, for those who are attracted to it, isn’t some kind of social enlightenment or what not. It’s that the thought of someone else doing their partner makes their dick hard.

 

[xssve]

Consent was assumed, since we are talking about cuckolding in specific context as a fetish - otherwise the main diff is the voyeuristic aspect of it - while it may be part of swinging, it isn't implicit like it is in cuckolding, where it's central, and the cuckoldee may or may not engage in sexual activity themselves; either way they presumably derive some gratification from the act, either from the voyeurism itself or the subsequent resolution and re-establishment of the social bond.

i.e., the cuckoldee may derive gratification form the voyeurism itself, or conversely, may endure it as humiliation and derive gratification from subsequent reaffirmation of the social bond with the cuckolder, which may be heightened to an ecstatic degree by contrast with the previous humiliation.

It also demonstrates the cucklodee's devotion, which may be personally gratifying to them, a sort of a variation on the martyr complex, a form of reciprocal altruism.

Biologically, it creates an opportunity for genetic diversification, as well as strengthening social bonds which is probably why for indigenous populations who practice it, like the Inuit, it's normative behavior, for them it is in fact not even an option, it's a matter of survival - you simply cannot kick a neighbor out of your igloo in a storm, and certain death, and the limited population benefits from the incidence of genetic diversification - although I am curious about how they sort out the resulting genealogies.

 

[xssve]

In some ways, it's actually monogamy that is the deviant behavior, and insofar as human sexual relationships, from a behavioral/trait standpoint have evolved, it would be surprising if there were not some incidence of workarounds for jealousy, which, while providing male paternity assurances, has a limiting effect on genetic diversity.

The population of Pitcairn suffers dramatically from the choices of the original mutineers to uphold their normative monogamist Christian values rather than adopt Polynesian polygamy - although they really didn't have a large enough population to begin with they reduced it even further in the resulting fracas to the point where incest was unavoidable.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Hm, your definition differs from mine then.

Put simply, if the cuckoldee (?) consents and is in on it, it is merely a form of open relationship. Or at most, cuckolding roleplay.

Liar, I agree.

 

[xssve]

Splitting hairs, anything that isn't strict monogamy can be called and open relationship, but there are different words for swinging and cuckoldry or cuckold role playing, if you like) to reflect the different social/psychological dynamics - it's even distinctly different from a threesome, and if I were to conjecture, I'd have to say that an element of cruelty is generally assumed, being that physical gratification is generally assumed to be the goal of most sexual activity, the psychological elements being somewhat more opaque.

Cuckoldry still has an air of suspicion around it, whereas swinging typically requires little or no justification or explanation, other than to people who have to have everything explained to them, and are unsympathetic to begin with, it's simply unthinkable to most people that seeing or hearing about ones SO having satisfying sex with someone else can be a cause for anything but dismay.

For most people, this would be considered a life shattering event, and thus emotional masochism, under the catch all "low self esteem" would be a typical initial dismissal - but, while there may be an element of emotional masochism involved, I don't think it's enough alone to explain it, in fact, I think that may more incidental than central, there are too many ways to satisfy emotional masochism without resorting to cuckoldry.

Like elevating monogamy to an ideological status, and then sweating the exceptions, for example, which entails all kinds of mock suffering apparently.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Dude, all of these categories can be called hair-splitting if you want.

Cuckolding is the specific label for a marital sexual relationship that thrives on non-consent and coercion. That's the point. That's what its about.

Otherwise, it's swinging or an open marriage or Polyamory, all three of which imply mutual consent.

Of course all of these things lie along a continuum, and there are always grey areas...

 

[xssve]

If you're going to split hairs, you can't use prejudicial misconceptions as criteria.

Presumably you associate it with non-consent and coercion, since you said it, I have found neither to actually be the case in any statistically meaningful way, and would not include it in the definition, which by virtue of the wording in the OP is confined to the category of cuckolding fetish, not what might more accurately be called cheating, there being no confusion at present about what that word means.

Granted my evidence consists of anecdotal self reporting - I would say the majority fall into the "hotwife" category, with male feminization a close second.

In short, if it isn't consensual, it can be more accurately referred to as a paraphilla (compulsive) than kink to be generous, or a serious character flaw to be less generous.

I am basically adopting the position that "kink" is, by definition, consensual, to take any other position is to muddle the issue, and cast kink and/or fetish in a less than benign light just when it's come out of the closet.

i.e., cuckolding, traditionally, consists of one spouse cheating, and the other getting their nose rubbed in it, either by the spouse, or the appropriate gossips, non-consensual and legally actionable, and thus, an explicit perpetrator/victim dichotomy, both socially and legally.

Cuckolding kink retains some of the element of humiliation, but like any other fetish, is generally confined to a particular circle who are cognizant of the rules of that particular game, rather than the public at large, i.e., ideally, it allows the cuckoldee to indulge their fetish without damaging their social status or reputation, concerns more or less common to all categories of kink and fetish.

i.e., it only known to those who are sympathetic, and not advertised to those who are not.

In fact, this is theoretically, possibly the most problematic category of kink, from a perspective of non-consent, in this case, and unsuspecting public, since in fantasy form, it's most likely to contain an element of exposing the non-consenting public - either through recruiting strangers or allowing strangers to watch.

It really flirts with the edge here, if in fact you at all buy the argument that to expose the public to your particular fetish is to make them non-consensual "victims" - technically true, even if your position is "get over it" - even seasoned kinksters find certain things disturbing, and would prefer not to watch, even I have my limits.

Anyway, I'd rather hear what S&P 's thought are on the subject - I'm not sure if it's anything I'd be into on a regular basis, I'm pretty selfish, but with the right person I could be talked into it.

 

[xssve]

I thought S&P was asking about cuckoldry as a sexual fantasy/fetish/turn on/what have you. Which makes most of the sociology here rather beside the point. The attraction of cuckolding, for those who are attracted to it, isn’t some kind of social enlightenment or what not. It’s that the thought of someone else doing their partner makes their dick hard.

From a storytelling angle however, the sociology is crucial: I find it a rich source of story ideas, even if I'm lukewarm on the idea sharing my old lady with anybody, quid pro quo or no.

Sociology supplies motivation, and unlike any other category of porn/erotica, at least one of the characters motivations and resulting satisfaction are purely psychological rather than physical - motivations that demand explanation - which broadens the range of possible resolutions beyond "I camed in her face", and like incest, it contains both the element of an established intimacy, and a "strangeness", or novelty that move it beyond the quotidian - love it or hate it, it's almost impossible to remain emotionally neutral about it given the significant associated psycho-biological and cultural externalities.

In fact, I can come up with plot bunnies in this category all day long without repeating myself.

 

[Stella_Omega]

All I know about cuckolding is the category of fetish fantasies I've encountered here at lit. Presumably, that's the kind of cuckolding that S&P is talking about as well.

It doesn't seem to be very consensual, from what I've read (Admittedly, I'm not interested enough to read a whole lot of it).

But I do like this idea;

...at least one of the characters motivations and resulting satisfaction are purely psychological rather than physical...

As a side issue, that would be interesting to play with.