The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

and, you get to go right past the principal office to the speech class.

I put in an open book.

and it gets scanned for obscenity.

I put in a dollop of free speech...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and it gets scanned for obscenity.

I put in a dollop of free speech...

and, you get a dollop of whipped cream on your lips.

I put in a linen napkin.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, you get a dollop of whipped cream on your lips.

I put in a linen napkin.

and the Mummy wants his wrappings back.

I put in a messy dinner...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and the Mummy wants his wrappings back.

I put in a messy dinner...

and, you get a finger-licking good time.

I put in a devil's food cake.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, you get a finger-licking good time.

I put in a devil's food cake.

and you get a dozen little imps teasing you.

I put in a visit from Old Scratch himself...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a dozen little imps teasing you.

I put in a visit from Old Scratch himself...

and get covered in DDT.


I put in an organic apple

 

[Austin8]

and get covered in DDT.


I put in an organic apple

ummm, and it's juicy, and sweet, pesticides taste bad.

I put in a 5mm fine thread, grade 8 bolt

 

[Handley_Page]

ummm, and it's juicy, and sweet, pesticides taste bad.

I put in a 5mm fine thread, grade 8 bolt

and the machine flags up a message saying that it wants it's bolt back, please.

I put in a request for a dozen 1.24", 6 BA, countersunk bolts.

 

[Austin8]

and the machine flags up a message saying that it wants it's bolt back, please.

I put in a request for a dozen 1.24", 6 BA, countersunk bolts.

and you get a dozen 2.00" flat washers

I put in a Snap-On brand, torque wrench

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a dozen 2.00" flat washers

I put in a Snap-On brand, torque wrench

and nearly break your wrist, according to the Hospital report.


I put in a splint.

 

[Austin8]

and nearly break your wrist, according to the Hospital report.


I put in a splint.

and you get a pint

I put in a crutch

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a pint

I put in a crutch

but it does not fit the wrist.


I put in an electric lawn mower

 

[YoursSINSerely]

but it does not fit the wrist.


I put in an electric lawn mower

And, you get a very quiet neighborhood.

I put in a whole sprinker system just for you.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And, you get a very quiet neighborhood.

I put in a whole sprinker system just for you.

and it goes on every time a woman in a t-shirt walks by.

I put in a wet t-shirt party at the neighborhood tequila shack...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it goes on every time a woman in a t-shirt walks by.

I put in a wet t-shirt party at the neighbourhood tequila shack...

and the over-80s decide to join in.


I put in a Ductor Tester.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the over-80s decide to join in.


I put in a Ductor Tester.

and you meet with very little resistance.

I put in an EE's Mantra: Ohm, Ohm, Ohm...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you meet with very little resistance.

I put in an EE's Mantra: Ohm, Ohm, Ohm...

and the gnome barman cries out "ain't you go no ohm to go to?"

I put in a wind turbine.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the gnome barman cries out "ain't you go no ohm to go to?"

I put in a wind turbine.

and it interferes with the air currents, causing hurricanes and tornados throught the Western Hemisphere.

I put in a perpetual motion machine...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it interferes with the air currents, causing hurricanes and tornadoes throughout the Western Hemisphere.

I put in a perpetual motion machine...

and it stops in the wind.

I put in a Flag

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and it stops in the wind.

I put in a Flag

and it flutters in the breeze.

I put in an Albertan Chinook...

 

[Austin8]

and it flutters in the breeze.

I put in an Albertan Chinook...

and you best be seeking shelter

I put in a snow cave

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you best be seeking shelter

I put in a snow cave

and Mr. Quinzee shouts "No room! No room!"

I put in a sudden thaw...

 

[ms.read]

and Mr. Quinzee shouts "No room! No room!"

I put in a sudden thaw...

.... and you get a hot dog....

.... I put in my bad mood...

 

[Austin8]

.... and you get a hot dog....

.... I put in my bad mood...

and you get a frown turned upside down

I put in an autographed Fred Beckey book

 

[kimbalee]

and you get a frown turned upside down

I put in an autographed Fred Beckey book

and you get a big coffee table book with illustrations by R. Crumb.

I put in an invitation to a fancy-schmancy restaurant for a gourmet meal...