Laughter is Contagious

[Guest]

Imagine cyber sex with Gilbert Gottfried

Heh, the closing line makes me howl

 

[kayte]

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman said, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."

The second woman responded, "Oh, that's nothing. I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!"

"Whoa," replied the first woman. "I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"

Good afternoon {{{{{DGO}}}}}}

That is perfect!

 

[Sensualdreamer]

This is off of http://www.27bslash6.com/ I found it highly amusing - you would have to check out the ************ article to fully appreciate it Makes me think of South Park comes to life

http://www.27bslash6.com/images/Chatroulette_04.jpg


The "Grubby Tenant" article is also amusing to me...but maybe I've got a warped sense of humour...

 

[HoneyBearFarms]

6 Year Old

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns
to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'.

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother,

’Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he
talks, the dumber he gets.’

 

[kayte]

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns
to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'.

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother,

’Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he
talks, the dumber he gets.’

Good morning {{{{{HBF}}}}}

Now that one is great! Thank you so much for the laugh!

 

[kayte]

A bit of an oldie, but always funny to me when someone shares it.


How To Get Out Of Shopping With The Wife

Yesterday my wife received the following letter from our local Target store:
Dear Madam: your husband has been causing trouble in our store. We request you leave him at home. Our video surveillance team noted the following incidents:
He sneaked boxes of condoms into other people's carts.
He set all the alarm clocks to go off at 5-minute intervals.
He left a trail of tomato juice on the floor in front of the women's restroom.
He told an employee in an official voice: "Code 3 in housewares. Stat!"
He tried to put a bag of candy on layaway.
He moved the "Caution -- Wet Floor" sign to a carpeted area.
He set up a tent in the camping department and told children they could come inside if they brought a blanket from the bedding department -- and twenty obliged.
He answered a clerk's offer for assistance by screaming, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
While shopping for a gun in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where he could find the antidepressants.
He darted around the store humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
He practiced his "Madonna look" in the auto department with different sizes of metal funnels.
He hid in a clothing rack and, as people browsed through, cried, "Pick me! Pick me!"
But the final straw was when, after an announcement over the P. A. system, he assumed the fetal position and screamed, "Oh, no! The voices are back!"

My wife's out shopping today. She ordered me to stay home, so I am ... watching the college football game and drinking a beer.

 

[Mrtenant]

My new pencil sharpener

http://www.chilloutpoint.com/images/2010/08/33-weird-and-funny-gadgets/33-weird-and-funny-gadgets-01.jpg

 

[kayte]

http://www.chilloutpoint.com/images/2010/08/33-weird-and-funny-gadgets/33-weird-and-funny-gadgets-01.jpg

Good afternoon Mrtenant ~ That has me ROTFLMAO. Thank you for the funny.

Welcome to the thread. Hope we see you often.

 

[ga400us]

OUCH!

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman said, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."

The second woman responded, "Oh, that's nothing. I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!"

"Whoa," replied the first woman. "I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"

That is too funny, thanks dgo!!

 

[ga400us]

In case you didn't know...

In case you didn't know...

Women are Angels

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSVC7-YhJGUR4FT7306SsL8aKCGEmg-HAXdGJo0Z45FqcKCoPs&t=1&usg=__VzNkJXLvA8exK0cFr7jx865xSuM=

And when someone breaks our wings....
We simply continue to fly....
On a broomstick....

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQge3qsY7wdQVZWHUlh4rDTC1j7WjewMnznJeZgvO1kMaqDpiA&t=1&usg=__q4EqgTFDBM6rESeEcXz7JHYTkjI=




We are flexible like that.

 

[kayte]

In case you didn't know...

Women are Angels

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSVC7-YhJGUR4FT7306SsL8aKCGEmg-HAXdGJo0Z45FqcKCoPs&t=1&usg=__VzNkJXLvA8exK0cFr7jx865xSuM=

And when someone breaks our wings....
We simply continue to fly....
On a broomstick....

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQge3qsY7wdQVZWHUlh4rDTC1j7WjewMnznJeZgvO1kMaqDpiA&t=1&usg=__q4EqgTFDBM6rESeEcXz7JHYTkjI=



We are flexible like that.

Good evening {{{{{GA}}}}}}

That is priceless! Thank you so very much!

 

[HoneyBearFarms]

Justice

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.

Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.

He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.

She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.

I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk; naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car .''

Priceless.

 

[Guest]

How Twilight Should Have Ended

How Seven Should Have Ended

 

[kayte]

Top 10 Reasons Golf Is Better Than Sex



10. A below par performance is considered good.

9. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

8. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

7. Foursomes are encouraged.

6. You can still make money doing it as a senior.

5. Three times a day is possible.

4. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else.

3. If you live in Florida, you can do it every day.

2. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And best of all................

No. 1. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.

 

[ga400us]

Good evening {{{{{GA}}}}}}

That is priceless! Thank you so very much!

{{{{{kayte}}}}} You are very welcome!

 

[ga400us]

ROFLMAO

Top 10 Reasons Golf Is Better Than Sex



10. A below par performance is considered good.

9. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

8. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

7. Foursomes are encouraged.

6. You can still make money doing it as a senior.

5. Three times a day is possible.

4. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else.

3. If you live in Florida, you can do it every day.

2. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And best of all................

No. 1. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.

 

[HoneyBearFarms]

Little Johnny

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher > doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what
famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders".

Guess where I am now...

 

[Riles]

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher > doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what
famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders".

Guess where I am now...

-grin-

This one was in the Ontario Farmer a few months back. Very cute.

 

[done_got_old]

"FATHER OF THE YEAR"


A man boarded a plane with six kids.

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned Over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"

He replied, "No Ma'am, I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

 

[DaemonOfSin]

"FATHER OF THE YEAR"


A man boarded a plane with six kids.

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned Over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"

He replied, "No Ma'am, I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

lol nice one

 

[kayte]

Royal Marine Appraisals Of Junior Officers



1. "Since his last appraisal, this officer has hit rock bottom and has started digging".

2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity".

3. "I would not allow this officer to breed".

4. "This officer is really not so much has been, but more of a definite won't be".

5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems it's only to change feet".

6. "This lady has delusions of adequacy".

7. "He sets low personal standards and then constantly fails to achieve them".

8. "This officer is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot".

9. "This officer should go far, and the sooner he starts the better".

10. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus".

11. "This officer certainly takes a long time to make his pointless".11. "This officer certainly takes a long time to make his pointless".

 

[Kuvi_Wildwolf]

I laughed at this so I thought I'd share it

Mascot eats cheerleader.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

OMG lol - too funny!!!!

Herbal essence orgasm for men

 

[kayte]

More put downs....


1. "This officer doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier'."

2. "He has a knack of making strangers immediately."

3. "This officer brings joy to others, when he leaves the room."

4. "When his I.Q. reaches 50, he should sell."

5. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored - he's the other one."

6. "A photographic memory, but with the lens cover left on."

7. "This officer is a prime candidate for natural de-selection."

8. "This officer has two brains: one is lost, the other is out looking for it."

9. "If this officer was any more stupid he'd have to be watered."

10. "If you gave this officer a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

11. "It's hard to believe that he beat a million other sperm."

12. "Some officers drink from the fountain of knowledge, he's only gargled."

13. "This officer would have to study for a month to pass a urine test."

 

[kayte]

I laughed at this so I thought I'd share it

Mascot eats cheerleader.

Good morning Kuvi ~ Thank you so much that is hysterical!