As The Hospital Pervs

[Saint Peter]

Post 'em, Nursey!

What Pete said!

 

[sweepthefloor]

<<<<----stickable for you.

Is this stick-able?

 

[unregistered]

 

[_Milky_Whites_]

Even the intravenous drug addicts can not escape my stick. I ask them: So, where are you hitting it at? And they show me.

Yes!! They can tell you exactly what is accessible and what is scar tissue. If they say "stick this one", then I do.

 

[sweepthefloor]

What Pete said!

The 72 hour window is coming up, it will be butter on rice Pete.

Now dat's sucktion.

This nurse always has her suction set up.

 

[Saint Peter]

The 72 hour window is coming up, it will be butter on rice Pete.

I have it marked on the calendar.

 

[sweepthefloor]

Yes!! They can tell you exactly what is accessible and what is scar tissue. If they say "stick this one", then I do.

Yeah that tricky scar tissue. Sometimes they are so afraid, they don't tell you. I just open them up because who are we to judge them?

 

[sweepthefloor]

I have it marked on the calendar.

Good. Are you selling me to the highest bidder? Or do you want your own legacy?

 

[Saint Peter]

Good. Are you selling me to the highest bidder? Or do you want your own legacy?

I will put you up on eBay at 72 hours and three minutes.

 

[sweepthefloor]

I will put you up on eBay at 72 hours and three minutes.

seed 2.0 don't reveal the secret.

 

[sweepthefloor]

or is the gig already up?

 

[sweepthefloor]

My dirty little mind is up to this:

I am playing words with friends, a scrabble game on the iPhone with the intimidating, brutally hot charge nurse from the hospitals Emergency Room.

It is true! I give up higher points to make words like: tit, ass, load, whip, beat, hot, sex, dirty!

The game has a chat function. I asked him if he ever gets tired of beating me, he said no, I only ask you to bring it to me, so that is what I do.

One day, I might rock his mind and kick his ass, but I am having fun right now making sexy words for less points!

 

[sweepthefloor]

I must stop the insanity! Read the Words and then the sad sad comment.
Will anyone ever read my language?

 

[sweepthefloor]

Put your mouth on this and suck.
Exhale. Put your mouth on this, and inhale for as long as you can.
It is an incentive spirometer.
Don't blow, suck.
When the little ball rises to the top, hold it. Good.
http://0.tqn.com/d/copd/1/G/O/0/-/-/2221723523_f0522ee55a_m.jpg

 

[naughtycakes]

I must stop the insanity! Read the Words and then the sad sad comment.
Will anyone ever read my language?

Thank You! I read your words last night until I was too sleepy to continue and I loved them!

Can't wait for the novel

 

[sweepthefloor]

Thank You! I read your words last night until I was too sleepy to continue and I loved them!

Can't wait for the novel

<blush> thank you. i am being very lazy about the novel. i am so happy you like my words! i was not happy with the comment on that post though. <sigh> guess i can't love the whole world at once.

 

[sweepthefloor]

I cannot be contained.

Story

It is 3 O clock telemetry naptime. I have to speed chart. I don’t do well with talking because I want to leave on time.

Nurse A: You still sleeping with your ex?
Janey: Why?
Nurse A: Isn’t he engaged?
Janey: I gave the fucker a piece and now he wants to pack his bag and move in.
Nurse A: You need to stop.
Janey: His dick is nice and clean, it is just too easy, plus he roughed me up a bit, I kinda liked it.
Nurse A: You said he was a lamb!
Janey: He was.
Nurse A: You need to find a nice man.
Janey: I am back on the market.
Nurse A: You are not a piece of meat.
Janey: Yes, we all are. You have seen dead bodies, and live bodies.
Nurse A: But you are special, you have something people want to touch. People want to get inside you and violate your mind, I see it, and even the chaplain wants you.
Janey: My mind is untouchable, they should violate my body.
Nurse A: You are sick.
Janey: Do I need a shrink?
Nurse A: I think you should come to this party at my house.
Janey: I have a crush on someone don’t worry.
Nurse A: Who is he? Details?
Janey: You won’t understand.
Nurse A: Spill.
Janey: I don’t know who he is.
Nurse A: What is his name?
Janey: I don’t know.
Nurse A: What does he look like?
Janey: I don’t know, don’t care.
Nurse A: How do you know him?
Janey: Some poetry website.
Nurse A: What kind of poetry website?
Janey: You know I write lots of stuff and put it all over.
Nurse A: What does he write?
Janey: I don’t know.
Nurse A: What does he do for his job?
Janey: Hard labor.
Nurse A: Where is he from?
Janey: A big city.
Nurse A: Great, he is a fucking steam fitter.
Janey: (in hysterical laughter) What is a steam fitter?

Orthopedic MD sitting by eavesdropping: Steamfitters lay pipe.

Janey: Lay pipe? (I bet they do lay some pipe)
Nurse A: Yeah I come from a whole family of steamfitters, you know I ran away.
Janey: And married an attorney.
Nurse A: Yes!
Janey: I am not coming to the party.
Nurse A: Go to school for journalism and find a nice writer.
Janey: I am going back to school for nursing.
Nurse A: <sighs>
Janey: Get a shrink right? Girl likes unknown being: what is the diagnosis?
Nurse A: No! Come to the party!
Janey: What meds will they put me on?
Nurse A: Come to the party!
Janey: Don’t let them lock me up!
Nurse A: Get serious!
Janey: I want to suck phantom dick.
Nurse A: Come to the party.
Janey: <sighs>

It is 4 o clock, and most all the doctors are gone. The pager is blowing up, the ER is full, the nursing supervisor is on the phone, and she wants to know the census. I stand in the middle of the nurses station, streaming (and they are all used to this speech): Ok ladies and men it is time to give out the five o’clock beta block and six o’clock Lasix. We are going to drop some preloads around here and increase cardiac outputs. Let’s rock it out. I am a cheerleader!

I did not get the usual reply: Are you finished your speed charting? (I always refer to charting as speed charting because I type so fast and I always add to that: nobody talk to me. it never works)

Why is it so quiet? A second ago we were talking filth. I don’t have to turn around to blush because I know someone is standing behind me. I take a few steps forward, because I know I am going to get teased. I think, I could sit down and look up blood pressures, or run to the medication room. It is trapped rabbit syndrome.

I turn around.
Cardio MD: Is it Ms Hemodynamics weekend to work?
Janey: Friday and Sunday only <smiles> looks like we still have jobs.

Nurse B: Hey Cardio, are you here to see your new admit? Says he sneezed and then got flank pain. The CT says his kidney is flipped upside down, probably from the force of the sneeze.

Cardio MD: Are you feeding that to me?
Nurse B: Well yeah, that is what the ER doctor said probably happened.
Cardio MD: Are you feeding that to me?
Nurse B: Well why does he have pain?
Cardio MD: I don’t know but what you are saying does not happen, I am not eating that.

Janey: Medical mysteries: Normal hearts can break under stress-induced cardiomyopathy triggered by stress and emotions. We once said people could not suffer from an emotional broken heart, now we know better. Broken hearted syndrome. The catecholamines are stunning my heart right now. <smiles>

Cardio MD: Ok Janey but this man was born with a weird kidney, it has nothing to do with the sneeze. Consult nephrology if you want to.

I skip past the code cart, it is locked and the defibrillators are plugged in and functional. I sign my little name on the line.

I hop to the medication room, and swear the pharmacist hates us, why else would they put all the cardiac meds in the bottom drawer. The man nurse is standing behind me, and I rush into the pharmacy tech.

Janey: What are you holding in that bin?
Pharm: What do you want?
Janey: Love potion number 9?

The man nurse pushes me out the medication room door.

 

[LadyGreyFortress]

I cannot be contained.

Story

It is 3 O clock telemetry naptime. I have to speed chart. I don’t do well with talking because I want to leave on time.

Nurse A: You still sleeping with your ex?
Janey: Why?
Nurse A: Isn’t he engaged?
Janey: I gave the fucker a piece and now he wants to pack his bag and move in.
Nurse A: You need to stop.
Janey: His dick is nice and clean, it is just too easy, plus he roughed me up a bit, I kinda liked it.
Nurse A: You said he was a lamb!
Janey: He was.
Nurse A: You need to find a nice man.
Janey: I am back on the market.
Nurse A: You are not a piece of meat.
Janey: Yes, we all are. You have seen dead bodies, and live bodies.
Nurse A: But you are special, you have something people want to touch. People want to get inside you and violate your mind, I see it, and even the chaplain wants you.
Janey: My mind is untouchable, they should violate my body.
Nurse A: You are sick.
Janey: Do I need a shrink?
Nurse A: I think you should come to this party at my house.
Janey: I have a crush on someone don’t worry.
Nurse A: Who is he? Details?
Janey: You won’t understand.
Nurse A: Spill.
Janey: I don’t know who he is.
Nurse A: What is his name?
Janey: I don’t know.
Nurse A: What does he look like?
Janey: I don’t know, don’t care.
Nurse A: How do you know him?
Janey: Some poetry website.
Nurse A: What kind of poetry website?
Janey: You know I write lots of stuff and put it all over.
Nurse A: What does he write?
Janey: I don’t know.
Nurse A: What does he do for his job?
Janey: Hard labor.
Nurse A: Where is he from?
Janey: A big city.
Nurse A: Great, he is a fucking steam fitter.
Janey: (in hysterical laughter) What is a steam fitter?

Orthopedic MD sitting by eavesdropping: Steamfitters lay pipe.

Janey: Lay pipe? (I bet they do lay some pipe)
Nurse A: Yeah I come from a whole family of steamfitters, you know I ran away.
Janey: And married an attorney.
Nurse A: Yes!
Janey: I am not coming to the party.
Nurse A: Go to school for journalism and find a nice writer.
Janey: I am going back to school for nursing.
Nurse A: <sighs>
Janey: Get a shrink right? Girl likes unknown being: what is the diagnosis?
Nurse A: No! Come to the party!
Janey: What meds will they put me on?
Nurse A: Come to the party!
Janey: Don’t let them lock me up!
Nurse A: Get serious!
Janey: I want to suck phantom dick.
Nurse A: Come to the party.
Janey: <sighs>

It is 4 o clock, and most all the doctors are gone. The pager is blowing up, the ER is full, the nursing supervisor is on the phone, and she wants to know the census. I stand in the middle of the nurses station, streaming (and they are all used to this speech): Ok ladies and men it is time to give out the five o’clock beta block and six o’clock Lasix. We are going to drop some preloads around here and increase cardiac outputs. Let’s rock it out. I am a cheerleader!

I did not get the usual reply: Are you finished your speed charting? (I always refer to charting as speed charting because I type so fast and I always add to that: nobody talk to me. it never works)

Why is it so quiet? A second ago we were talking filth. I don’t have to turn around to blush because I know someone is standing behind me. I take a few steps forward, because I know I am going to get teased. I think, I could sit down and look up blood pressures, or run to the medication room. It is trapped rabbit syndrome.

I turn around.
Cardio MD: Is it Ms Hemodynamics weekend to work?
Janey: Friday and Sunday only <smiles> looks like we still have jobs.

Nurse B: Hey Cardio, are you here to see your new admit? Says he sneezed and then got flank pain. The CT says his kidney is flipped upside down, probably from the force of the sneeze.

Cardio MD: Are you feeding that to me?
Nurse B: Well yeah, that is what the ER doctor said probably happened.
Cardio MD: Are you feeding that to me?
Nurse B: Well why does he have pain?
Cardio MD: I don’t know but what you are saying does not happen, I am not eating that.

Janey: Medical mysteries: Normal hearts can break under stress-induced cardiomyopathy triggered by stress and emotions. We once said people could not suffer from an emotional broken heart, now we know better. Broken hearted syndrome. The catecholamines are stunning my heart right now. <smiles>

Cardio MD: Ok Janey but this man was born with a weird kidney, it has nothing to do with the sneeze. Consult nephrology if you want to.

I skip past the code cart, it is locked and the defibrillators are plugged in and functional. I sign my little name on the line.

I hop to the medication room, and swear the pharmacist hates us, why else would they put all the cardiac meds in the bottom drawer. The man nurse is standing behind me, and I rush into the pharmacy tech.

Janey: What are you holding in that bin?
Pharm: What do you want?
Janey: Love potion number 9?

The man nurse pushes me out the medication room door.

This made me laugh to micturition myself

 

[sweepthefloor]

Just take Lusty Kalms.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3353/3344250626_ac4113b207_o.jpg

 

[sweepthefloor]

This made me laugh to micturition myself

Pad up girl! I got the chucks.

 

[LadyGreyFortress]

Pad up girl! I got the chucks.

LOL no worries I can just do a quick In & Out on myself, with sparkling aseptic technique

 

[sweepthefloor]

LOL no worries I can just do a quick In & Out on myself, with sparkling aseptic technique

Oh those perfect words, sparkle. You have just been hired at the University of the Perverse Hospital. The benefits package includes breaking taboo.
Let me know when you call a Hot Code.

 

[cjh]

I cannot be contained.

Story

<snip>

The man nurse pushes me out the medication room door.

if you were a little grittier and hated your job, this would read like bukowski writing about working at the post office.

great read.

 

[sweepthefloor]

if you were a little grittier and hated your job, this would read like bukowski writing about working at the post office.

great read.

thank you. he pushes me out the door and i fly with my mind full of what is in my hands. squishy bags of saline clutched to my chest, i catch my balance and stop all motion. the force of his six feet slammed into my back with his face near my neck is his punishment for the push. catch me if you can can, cause i twitch on down the hall.

 

[LadyGreyFortress]

Oh those perfect words, sparkle. You have just been hired at the University of the Perverse Hospital. The benefits package includes breaking taboo.
Let me know when you call a Hot Code.

Thank you most kindly. I am more tickled than I was at my pinning ceremony when the Cutie Patootie Chief of Medicine accidentally pinned my right breast instead of my uniform. I knew without doubt then, Nursing was my true calling. Still carry His mark close to my heart