New Story Reviews (volunteers welcome!)

[SweetWitch]

The Boys’ Bet by BurningAngel


And remember, to comment on this, or any other review, go to this link: Comments/Suggestions on the New Story Review Thread

My review: The Boys’ Bet by BurningAngel.

This is the story of a young woman, a member of a street racing team, who is trying to pick up the pieces after boyfriend’s tragic death in a wreck.

Minor punctuation issues aside, (a decent editor can fix that) this short story is well-written and structurally sound. There’s a nice back story, a feeling of realism and a touch of anxiety throughout.

But I was left confused. Is this a chapter story or is it a short story? It ended abruptly with no resolution whatever. I was left with the feeling you get when you pass by a bakery, smell all the goodies baking inside and know that you can’t have any.

Still, in all, a good effort with a show of intelligence in the writing.

Molly Wens

To comment on this review, go here.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

I don't understand what the big deal is here. If you read a story on the site--and we all read here--just write a quick review. There shouldn't be a need for schedules or assignments to a few ultra-dedicated individuals. It should be easy enough to take what you read and write a few honest words about it.

Shall we get started?

YES! Exactly. You're so smart... I was trying to figure out how to get people to 'sign up' for days like they did before.. lol.
Duh! Ooh, this is so exciting!

Keep reading!

 

[SweetWitch]

YES! Exactly. You're so smart... I was trying to figure out how to get people to 'sign up' for days like they did before.. lol.
Duh! Ooh, this is so exciting!

Keep reading!

Cool. Now that you're back, maybe we'll get some action around here.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Cool. Now that you're back, maybe we'll get some action around here.

lol, ya never know.

I cant seem to get caught up doing what I am trying to do right now so that I can read a freakin story, lol. I guess that's gonna have to hold off til tomorrow.

 

[SweetWitch]

lol, ya never know.

I cant seem to get caught up doing what I am trying to do right now so that I can read a freakin story, lol. I guess that's gonna have to hold off til tomorrow.

We'll need a new review tomorrow, you know.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

We'll need a new review tomorrow, you know.

True story.
I have a busy day tomorrow, so I will try to do that while I'm having my
morning dose of caffiene and nicotine.

 

[litfan10]

We'll need a new review tomorrow, you know.

I will do my best to get something on in the morning but more after work.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

(Okay, so I plugged in my computer and grabbed a new can of pop. I am an addict. )

My review: Breaking Books by egyptfrazier.

This story was pretty short, and not bad. There was a good idea behind it. A student needs tutored for a retake on a test, and they have a mutual attraction.. Unfortunately, I got lost in the grammatical errors.. which is nothing an editor couldn't fix. The story was there, but I think it needed to be developed a little further.


To comment on this review, go here.

 

[litfan10]

Well, busier day and night than I expected so I only read through one story today.

And remember, to comment on this, or any other review, go to this link: Comments/Suggestions on the New Story Review Thread http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=428875&highlight=story

So today I read Athalia's "Hot Tub Service Girl" http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=490787&page=1. It was the title that pulled me in, and the first sentence that hooked me.

This is the story of a tennis playing college co-ed who ends up using her experience with her parents' hot tub at her home to help a woman she met while practicing tennis to finish setting up her brand new hot tub. One thing leads to another and the pair get together with the husband coming home to find them, and after dinner and getting comfortable with each other the night moves on to the bedroom.

As I mentioned in another post here, I am a sucker for character development, and Athalia gave this to me in spades on this one. All three characters were developed thoroughly and with an impressive amount of depth.

Of course, along with characters when I read stories here I want some action, the hotter the better. Well again Athalia gave me everything I wanted and more with very well described sex.

As a writer, I appreciate a well written, error-free story, and Athalia earns this benchmark as well. It was very well written.

Through my reading the only thing that didn't work well for me was the point at which Emily (our hut tub service girl) feels that she might have been set up by the married couple. Athalia used this to motivate Emily to take things to the next level but as this was not the case with the couple I found it hung in my head looking for the reality of the set-up that it became too much of a distraction for me. I wish Athalia could have come up with some other way for the continuation. But this is very much a minor point and probably more my problem than the writer's.

At the end I enjoyed the story very much and expect others will too.

 

[litfan10]

So I get up this morning and log on and "Joy! Joy!" I find a bunch of stories that I want to read. Whoo Hoo! Lots of reviews today. So I get the house morning activities finished and the day semi-started, and I sit down to read the stories and "Boom!" - they're gone. What was almost a full page of new stories for 8/17 is gone and only about six or seven remain. I go back and refresh and come from multiple pages to the stories and no change. I remembered the title of one of the stories "Kidding Hitler." It does come up in a search but when checking back still not on the new story list.
What is up with this?

ETA: at around 10:30 am my time they're back up and in place! After chores I will have plenty to read.

 

[JeffLeigh]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=490987

AvgWhiteMan's "Two Heads Better Than None" is a unique introduction to the tale of a man who heads to Taiwan to write his second novel and to get women.
Written with a certain unique voice, this tale isn't a get-your-rocks-off-fast sort of story, but draws you in with the first person narrative of a man you're not sure you like or hate.
Featuring voyeurism and oral sex scenes, this short little fiction (I'm assuming) is quite simply a good read. Three short parts - the journey, the apartment, and the night on the town - carry you through the man's first day in a new country and introduce you to a bit of his anti-feminism opinions. Though the protagonist isn't 'Brad Pitt' material, it is the mind of the writer and the character that draws you into this quick read. He's a bit cocky, kind of self-depreciating, and has a touch of the macho dominant spirit that is both attractive and off-putting.
I would recommend this story to anyone who is interested in looking at an excellent example of tone and voice. Also for a writer who needs a bit of coaching of first person narratives because AvgWhiteGuy does an excellent job of maintaining character voice while telling his story.
On the Gables Scale of Erotic Fun it rates a 6/10, being less about eroticism and more about the profile of a man.
Overall I gave this story a five. But to be honest I think it deserves a 4.5/5.

Enjoy the Ride,
Cassandra Gables (AKA JeffLeigh)

 

[sr71plt]

So I get up this morning and log on and "Joy! Joy!" I find a bunch of stories that I want to read. Whoo Hoo! Lots of reviews today. So I get the house morning activities finished and the day semi-started, and I sit down to read the stories and "Boom!" - they're gone. What was almost a full page of new stories for 8/17 is gone and only about six or seven remain. I go back and refresh and come from multiple pages to the stories and no change. I remembered the title of one of the stories "Kidding Hitler." It does come up in a search but when checking back still not on the new story list.
What is up with this?

ETA: at around 10:30 am my time they're back up and in place! After chores I will have plenty to read.

That's just the way the rhythm of posting at "New" works. A slug go up right after midnight. Then they often get pulled back before a longer list starts building. Just the way it is.

 

[litfan10]

That's just the way the rhythm of posting at "New" works. A slug go up right after midnight. Then they often get pulled back before a longer list starts building. Just the way it is.

Thanks Pilot! I've often seen the dual releases during the day but never stories getting pulled.

 

[JeffLeigh]

A Witty Commentary on The Minds of Every Writer

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=491139

BadSanta has taken it upon himself to write a satirical (at least I hope the point was satire because if it wasn't he missed his mark) commentary on the thoughts that run through every writers mind when we receive those nasty little anonymous comments that threaten our fragile literary egos. I must say he hit his mark. I believe that "Be A God!" is a clever and poignant first person rant on the constant battle between our inner 'mom' (the voice that says we're the greatest writer on the planet) and the little demons that those anonymous comments tend to fire up (you know, the ones that keep telling you what a failure you are and how horrible and non-stimulating that one erotic scene is?).

The first part of this 'how to' story is probably the best part, in the second half the author diverges from his somewhat angsty rant to a more ego-boosting, uplifting speech that seems a little too 'Ben Saunders, Motivational Speaker' to me. This well edited (by very well credited editors I must say) commentary is just the right piece of fiction to tuck away in your favorites list for that day when those ugly little comments bring you down. Receiving no score on the Gable's Scale of Erotic Fun, I gave this piece 4/5 stars for voicing all writers inner thoughts on those would-be-haters who post under the dreaded name, anonymous.

Enjoy the Ride,
Cassandra Gables (AKA Jeff Leigh)

 

[litfan10]

Whoo Hoo! Welcome Cassandra! Glad you are joining in on this thread. Definitely keep yours up as well.

 

[fuckwaffle]

i have one question. why only new stories? there are thousands if not close to a million stories on this site, why just new ones? there are older ones on here that might never have been read that may just be better than any new one posted.

i would be glad to write reviews on some of the older stories that i have found enjoyable and/or profound.

or should i join cassandra on her thread?

 

[litfan10]

i have one question. why only new stories? there are thousands if not close to a million stories on this site, why just new ones? there are older ones on here that might never have been read that may just be better than any new one posted.

i would be glad to write reviews on some of the older stories that i have found enjoyable and/or profound.

or should i join cassandra on her thread?

I think the main point is to expose people to stories so go for it. The reason for new stories I think is that this is a review of unknown stuff to give readers of the thread a sense of whether or not to invest the time in reading the story or to get through the list of some many new ones.

Have fun!

 

[SweetWitch]

In keeping with the original purpose behind this thread, perhaps we should move any discussion and commentary to Comments/Suggestions on the New Story Review Thread .

 

[sr71plt]

In keeping with the original purpose behind this thread, perhaps we should move any discussion and commentary to Comments/Suggestions on the New Story Review Thread .

A little anal retentive, are we? The "organized" system is defunct. I say celebrate whatever reviewing/commenting there is--however/wherever it's given--don't try to organize it into oblivion along the lines of a nonfunctioning former system.

 

[SweetWitch]

A little anal retentive, are we? The "organized" system is defunct. I say celebrate whatever reviewing/commenting there is--however/wherever it's given--don't try to organize it into oblivion along the lines of a nonfunctioning former system.

At the risk of being rude, do you think you could possibly find something constructive to do with your time other than constantly find fault with everyone and everything? With all your energy, one would think you would want to contribute rather than waste your time with posturing and being so "holier-than-thou".

Never mind. Don't answer. Everyone is quite well aware of how you feel about me. They're also quite well aware of how you feel on this subject. What they don't know is how you feel about any stories you've read here.

Do have a nice evening, dear.

 

[sr71plt]

At the risk of being rude, do you think you could possibly find something constructive to do with your time other than constantly find fault with everyone and everything? With all your energy, one would think you would want to contribute rather than waste your time with posturing and being so "holier-than-thou".

Never mind. Don't answer. Everyone is quite well aware of how you feel about me. They're also quite well aware of how you feel on this subject. What they don't know is how you feel about any stories you've read here.

Do have a nice evening, dear.

Excuse me. You were the one finding fault with someone actually stop talking about doing reviews (like you are) and start doing them (like you aren't).

And I was responding to what you were posting.

I don't really have a problem with you. I think it must be a reflection thing in your perception.

Beyond that, your response isn't responsive to the thread. And I'm pretty sure I wrote a whole series of reviews here since you wrote a single one.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=358806

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=359956

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=361015

And as far as being constructive with my time, did you miss the posting of one of my stories on Lit. today or my announcement about the launch of a 260,000-word anthology I posted to the new books page just a couple of hours ago. How much more constructive were you figuring I should be (in relation to you, for instance)?

Now, would you like to get off my neck and focus on the thread topic?

I say that if someone actually wants to write some Lit. reviews, they should be allowed to decide where and what to post--rather than being read some moldy old rules that died years ago. I certainly don't see where you have any standing to boss people around on how and where they should post reviews and comments on reviews.

And in the vein of being constructive on this forum, take a look around at who is responding to questions on Lit. processes and writing issues--it isn't you, toots.

 

[fuckwaffle]

And remember, to comment on this, or any other review, go to this link: Comments/Suggestions on the New Story Review Thread

this is the first story i read when i found literotica. i was looking for stories about adventurous couples and was directed to this one by a friend.

Boystown by bobfr published on 08/01/02 over eight years ago.

the story line is well told and is about a young couples erotic vacation in south texas and mexico. it is in the loving wives category and is highly rated by the readership here at literotica as it has a red H. in fact all of bobfr's stories have the H except three.

from what i could tell his grammar and punctuation are good enough to survive a reading. i saw nothing in these area's that would make me cringe.

as story lines go in this genre; the husband wants his young wife to have fun, as he puts it, while they are on vacation. the young wife agrees of course or there wouldn't be much of a story.

there are several places where i had to put the story aside for a while before i started reading it once more. it is fairly long, 7 lit pages and contains many hot scenes. i gave this story 5 stars when i finished reading. i thought it was well written and told a very good story about fantasies. i know that not many find the subject matter to their liking but it was well told no matter.

it has my thumbs up.

x 5

eta: it also look like bobfr has started writing again...i will have to give his newest a read.

 

[JeffLeigh]

CatherineTheGreatest's Unexpected Delivery

Despite the overabundance of parenthesis and exclamation points, this story of a surprise delivery is a nice piece of action. Of course, that's about all it is - action. Where CatherineTheGreatest has a plot behind her sex-filled story, the characters are rather two-dimensional and serve only as catalysts for the MFM sex. We do get to see a bit of depth into Catherine, but I wouldn't dare to go so far as to call this a character study. What this is guys (and gals) is hot, heavy, and short-worded sex.

"Unexpected Delivery" is about the delivery of a hi fi (whatever that is) and two hot studs to the door of a Ms. Catherine Collins when she's about to head out the door to meet her new man for lunch and a special treat. While the bulk of this story is filled with the heavy sexing these two studs give our forty-something protagonist.

CatherineTheGreatest does a good job of tying in the 'date' at the end of the story and I am glad that she had the foresight to do so because I must admit that towards the end of the sex-fest I was beginning to wonder about her poor old date. Though the sex isn't the best-described and the author seems to prefer action to details I give this story a 6/10 on the Gable's Scale of Erotic Fun. It didn't trip my trigger right away, but the sex is long and varied enough for a good cock-stroking or cunt-flicking on any day. Just don't expect to orgasm as much as Ms. Collins does.

3/5 on the Literotica Rating System, though I think it deserved a 2.5. This story could definitely be fine-tuned with a grammar check and added details. I would also like to know more about this elusive "Shane" and how he knew about Catherine's insatiable sex-drive.

 

[driphoney]

Butter on Cream by OnnaDare

I found this interracial gem while traipsing through the lonely threads of writers begging for reads and comments over on the Story Feedback Forum. And I’m glad I did. This not-so-little story from first-time poster, Onnadare, is four Lit pages long and is not your typical page long, second-person or struggling what-I-did-at-camp-letter-home type stroker that is so common with first-timers. What this newbie lacks in polish and grammar, she (?) more than makes up for in storytelling ability. GPS can be easily fixed. The narrator has a voice. We know what “she” feels. We know what “he” feels. We’re in the action, and we relate to these very real characters.

With a beginning, a CLIMAX (or two) and an ending, this is a tale about taking a little step out of your racial comfort zone. It’s also about the sexual insecurity that can come from being dumped and finding that desirable part of yourself again. No fetish sex here, which is fine by me. All the neighbors and relatives stayed home. The girl-friend was busy doing the bi-thing with someone else. No stilettos were injured in the telling of this story.

The author says she wrote it on a dare. I dare her to do it again. And keep doing it.

Nothing says "keep going" quite like a "5" vote, so I gave her one.

Remember, to comment on this, or any other review, go to this link: Comments/Suggestions on the New Story Review Thread

 

[litfan10]

Remember, to comment on this, or any other review, go to this link: Comments/Suggestions on the New Story Review Thread

I just read the newest story by NicoleSix, "Summer Housing " http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=491549

This is the continuing adventure of a young college girl exploring her sexuality quite liberally from having been raised very properly. In this installment, Nicole spends her first summer off from college staying there sharing an apartment with a friend and two guys. Coming home early one day she walks in to find the boys watching porn, and, as having never seen porn before, she joins in and the fun ensues once again.

I have found all of Nicole's stories to be a pleasure to read. Pretty quick with a nice level of descriptions and well described hot sex. Who could ask for more?

The writing style is fluid, and Standard English rules are followed fairly well. There are a couple of minor glitches but rare and in no way distracting.

If you are looking for a hot, quick read this should suit the bill nicely.