First Non-Erotic thing I've attempted to write for a while...

[Miss_Pixie]

For a moment, I feel like a child again. Clinging to foolish hopes.
I find myself pouring my heart out, like I was whispering my secrets to a faveorite doll... Then the moment is gone and I find my self sitting across from him. A stranger, a predator, a traitor. He's too close for comfort, I can smell the muck and smoke from so many years ago... My heart races in terror. He can hear it above the whistles and rowdiness of the Casino. Suddenly his teeth seem sharp...

Swish. Shuffle. Cut. Shuffle. Deal.

I meet Tony's eyes over the rim of my drink, and he reaches for his gun. I look at my cards a frown to say "Not Here." When I look up, our Target has disappeared.

Later, As I'm leaving, I feel Tony's heavy hand on my shoulder and a squeezes gently. I wince knowing he's disappointed. I chickened out. Our target needed to be eliminated and time was running out. I was running out of options... Tony left me to go round up the Boys and I trudged back to the loft. They'd beat me there as always and I'd spend my night being grumpy because I'd been a pussy and hadn't done my job.

Royce had to die. There was no other way. He'd chased me, tormented me, haunted me for nearly 200 years. The night he left me for dead, he stole not only my birthright, but my soul...

--------------------------
I just wrote this all of 5 minutes ago... please be gentle with me lol

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Boxing is more than touching gloves. Writing is more than hugs from mom.

 

[al_Ussa]

Boxing is more than touching gloves. Writing is more than hugs from mom.

Coming from a guy who doesn't have any stories posted here that's especially rich.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Every time you guys toss that in I cry for a week. You must be fresh out of material to steal.

 

[al_Ussa]

Every time you guys toss that in I cry for a week. You must be fresh out of material to steal.

Actually I think its kind of funny. You just waste your day trolling around an erotica site bitching and whining because America's demographics are changing. Nobody cares about some fat doughy corn-fed WASP. Nobody cares about who your ancestors slept with or what hillbilly church you go to. Deal with it. Your old and stupid and your whole way of life going to die soon.

I think your just jealous cuz you probably married some overweight trailer trash and never slept with a hot Latina or Asian chick.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Actually I think its kind of funny. You just waste your day trolling around an erotica site bitching and whining because America's demographics are changing. Nobody cares about some fat doughy corn-fed WASP. Nobody cares about who your ancestors slept with or what hillbilly church you go to. Deal with it. Your old and stupid and your whole way of life going to die soon.

I think your just jealous cuz you probably married some overweight trailer trash and never slept with a hot Latina or Asian chick.

I fucked your mom and youre my son.

 

[TxRad]

Put JBJ on ignore for a better AH.

 

[mynameisben]

I wrote a non-erotic grocery list once. But that was a mistake. Now I supercharge all my grocery lists with insane, mind-bending sex.

 

[TxRad]

The one non-erotic story I have posted here on Lit led to a three book publishing deal. So keep at it Pixie, you never know what's ahead.

 

[Miss_Pixie]

The one non-erotic story I have posted here on Lit led to a three book publishing deal. So keep at it Pixie, you never know what's ahead.

I wrote that, literally, in 5 minutes. Everyday i sit down, set a timer and go. This is not one of my better results but, I may go forward with it. Vampires and what not aren't quite my bag. Lol

 

[TxRad]

I wrote that, literally, in 5 minutes. Everyday i sit down, set a timer and go. This is not one of my better results but, I may go forward with it. Vampires and what not aren't quite my bag. Lol

There in lies the catch. Finding what your bag is. I went back to my first love, which was auto racing. I was just playing with a character or two in the piece I wrote and posted here. Someone liked it, told a friend, who told a friend. The rest is history as they say.

 

[Miss_Pixie]

For those 5 minute deals, my brother sends me a word everyday. One word and i have to write the thing that comes to me. I like writing fairytale type things. Just in versioms that don't suck lol. I cant stand whimpy female characters....

 

[djserani]

I like it. For a 5 minute write, I think it's good. And even if vampires aren't your thing, it's a good exercise in stepping outside of the box we tend to put ourselves in.



I find fantasy and writing worlds outside my own more difficult than staying in the world that we know. Re-writing the rules is almost harder for me because then I have to remember what I decided and stay consistent.

Good luck with it!

 

[Miss_Pixie]

I like it. For a 5 minute write, I think it's good. And even if vampires aren't your thing, it's a good exercise in stepping outside of the box we tend to put ourselves in.



I find fantasy and writing worlds outside my own more difficult than staying in the world that we know. Re-writing the rules is almost harder for me because then I have to remember what I decided and stay consistent.

Good luck with it!

Thanks DJ

 

[Liar]

I wrote that, literally, in 5 minutes. Everyday i sit down, set a timer and go. This is not one of my better results but, I may go forward with it. Vampires and what not aren't quite my bag. Lol

There's a challenge then. MAKE it your bag. Take away from the premise all that isn't your bag, and create in it's place something that is. Look at that vignette and think of how to build a story from it that excludes everything about "vampires and what not" that you don't like.

3...2..1..go!

 

[TxRad]

There's a challenge then. MAKE it your bag. Take away from the premise all that isn't your bag, and create in it's place something that is. Look at that vignette and think of how to build a story from it that excludes everything about "vampires and what not" that you don't like.

3...2..1..go!

I agree. Challenging yourself in areas where you are not comfortable can teach you a lot about how and what you do write.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Oh! The bottomline is Pixie wants an affirmative-action trophy. She posted mind drool, everyone knows it, and she needs the feedback. She isnt obligated to believe me but my personal ethos refuses to lie to her. She can wallow in the mire of flattery if she wants....it wont make her writing better, it just delays the time when her writing improves.

 

[Miss_Pixie]

I've written a Vampire novel before, though it's never been edited or published. I wrote it to prove that I could do it better than Sthephanie Meyer.

My Vampire, Marie, was a cross between my mother's best friend, Anne Bolyn, and Blanche from the Golden Girls.

My human Damien was every male friend I'd had up to that point lol

I had a voodoo priestess, a wicked sorceress, 3 or 4 sub plots and god only knows what else

 

[TxRad]

I've written a Vampire novel before, though it's never been edited or published. I wrote it to prove that I could do it better than Sthephanie Meyer.

My Vampire, Marie, was a cross between my mother's best friend, Anne Bolyn, and Blanche from the Golden Girls.

My human Damien was every male friend I'd had up to that point lol

I had a voodoo priestess, a wicked sorceress, 3 or 4 sub plots and god only knows what else

Sounds like you need to find an editor you can live with (Editorially speaking.) And then you need to post it. You never know. You might just well be better than whoseit up there.

 

[Miss_Pixie]

Oh! The bottomline is Pixie wants an affirmative-action trophy. She posted mind drool, everyone knows it, and she needs the feedback. She isnt obligated to believe me but my personal ethos refuses to lie to her. She can wallow in the mire of flattery if she wants....it wont make her writing better, it just delays the time when her writing improves.

Ok JBJ, I'll bite. What advice/ scathing criticism, do you have to offer that could be even remotely herpful, and not just inane spiteful ass- babble, you've been posting?

 

[Miss_Pixie]

Sounds like you need to find an editor you can live with (Editorially speaking.) And then you need to post it. You never know. You might just well be better than whoseit up there.

I'll dig it out and give it a shot.

 

[TxRad]

Ok JBJ, I'll bite. What advice/ scathing criticism, do you have to offer that could be even remotely herpful, and not just inane spiteful ass- babble, you've been posting?

Ass-babble is his stock and trade. Put him on ignore and the world of the AH gets so much better.

 

[djserani]

I think writers need both encouragement, even if it's "Hey that doesn't suck" as well as constructive critisism. If all they ever got was how wrong something was, how many would still write? And I think that there are quite a few good published authors out there that would never have seen a bookstore shelf if that's all they'd heard.

 

[Miss_Pixie]

I honestly feel bad for him. If this is the only way he can feel good, he must live a pretty lonely life.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Ok JBJ, I'll bite. What advice/ scathing criticism, do you have to offer that could be even remotely herpful, and not just inane spiteful ass- babble, you've been posting?

Dump the auxillary verbs, they ladle passive voice all over what you write. But you do wanna use them to add a passive flavor to passive characters. Aim for congruence in action and dialogue.