When a trust is broken...

[Alana_]

...how have you handled it...dealt with it?

Have you had a trust broken by a family member, loved one, a friend be they online or RL..or someone you simply trusted?.

Has it had an affect on your judgment of others, or did you brush it off as a harsh piece of luck and just move on.?

If it's online/Lit related, please don't antagonize. It's a simple question.

 

[monique_minx]

I've had my trust broken a lot, by my mother, my godfather, my former Master...

How have I handled it?

With my mother and my former Master, I lashed out viciously, I hated and loved them both and it ripped me to shreds. I lost myself to losing them, to feeling betrayed and hurt. I drank until I actually managed to give myself liver trouble, I swallowed drugs and drank and fell down the back stairs to land on concrete; trying to end my own life.

In the end I cut them both out of my life, they turned into people I didn't know and people that didn't really want to know me or care about me or love me anymore. They used me when they saw fit and threw me away.

My godfather was different, he broke my trust in an entirely different way. This man is three times my age and up until a few months ago, I trusted him with my life. I laughed off the god awful shit he whispered in my ear, I was in complete shock, my sisters thought it was brave to just laugh it off but I didn't think so. I felt cowardly for not telling him how disgusting and depraved he was. My sister had to tell my dad what his best friend of 40 years had whispered in his eldest daughter's ear because I simply couldn't.

My family cut him out after my dad confronted him and he denied the whole thing. My father knew I wasn't lying because what I'd said was so old fashioned that it couldn't possibly have come from me. He also knows, of course that I don't lie either.

So in the end, they all ended up cut out and now I don't trust as easily. I'm an open book to be sure but I don't let people into my heart much anymore. I hold up defenses against it because I can't handle anymore broken hearts or betrayals.

 

[EzraPound]

to my knowledge no one who has ever hurt me ..meant to do it..

Only those who I care about have the capacity to really hurt me..and even though it happens, I can't stop my self from trusting someone again..I am incapable of doing it..

I open my heart to my friends I may get hurt,but I also reap the benefits of that trust..

I have a chronic case of foot in mouth ,,it will kill me some day..but the hardest part of it is when I say the wrong things and hurt someone I care about..I need to know that they will trust me enough to know I meant no harm ..thats the hardest part when I don't get a chance to make it right, after a blunder...to have them belive that I may have meant to harm them.

no one is evil (in bad ways) you may think I am naive but their it is..

no one goes around thinking "I'm evil" and will debility do hurtful things to anther just to do it ,usualy it happens for a reason, self defemce.eliminating a precived threat, that sort of thing"

yes even the "terrorist" do what they do because they belive they have no other choice..that they are trying with every tool at their disposal to protect thier world from evil..see where I am going with this?

if you trust someone../trust them enough to know when they fuck up, it wasnt meant to hurt..

 

[monique_minx]

no one is evil (in bad ways) you may think I am naive but their it is..

no one goes around thinking "I'm evil" and will debility do hurtful things to anther just to do it ,usualy it happens for a reason, self defemce.eliminating a precived threat, that sort of thing"

I disagree, my former Master told me quite clearly how proud he was of how he managed to psychologically shred me and his reason? If you're good at something, you should be proud of it.

And I said to him, "Are you Callum?" And he said, "Yes. I got you to do things even after we ended, after you were destroyed...things for me that you don't do for just anyone. I am proud to have control over you in all things, always."

And that's the reason I can't ever see him in person again. Because he likes to torment me with his control over me, the first person I ever gave myself over to completely and he would abuse it. I have no doubt in my mind that he could spit in my face and tell me to strip naked in public and I would. I would give up my hard limits for him if he wished it, I would let him kill me and I would kill myself if he told me to. That's how deeply I loved and trusted him. Part of me still does and probably will til the day I die. But I've cut him out to protect myself.

My mother told me she regretted ever having children, waking up at 4am with her hand over my mouth was the most terrifying experience of my life. I realized then that she was crazy and I no longer trusted her.

 

[EzraPound]

I swear to you, I am not being patronizing when I say this..

That is what I belive, I do not expect you to change the way you belive.
so I wont argue the point ..*hugging you tightly* ..and I know just how horrible, sick misguided people can be....have had my own experiences with that...but I still believe what I do..

 

[sallythescorpian]

No one has broken my trust in a long, long time, but then I am VERY VERY slow to trust anyone. I have many acquaintancces, but my friends - I have 8 people who I would consider very close friends. All of whom I have known for a long time - most have been close friends since age 6 with the most recent addition being a friend I met at 17 - that's 21 years ago.

There are people with whom I am friendly, but would I trust them, possibly to a degree - but over all - probably not.

I have had my trust broken, but its not something I rant and rave over, but I chalk it down to experience. Someone who breaks my trust will never regain it, ever - no matter what.

 

[monique_minx]

I swear to you, I am not being patronizing when I say this..

That is what I belive, I do not expect you to change the way you belive.
so I wont argue the point ..*hugging you tightly* ..and I know just how horrible, sick misguided people can be....have had my own experiences with that...but I still believe what I do..

*Holds up my hand*

I'm not trying to change your point of view Ezra, I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion and their beliefs. I just stated that I disagreed and why.

*Hugs him back with a soft smile*

And I don't want any sympathetic crap either, I know what my life is like, I have lived it. I don't feel sorry for myself so I sure as hell don't see why anyone else should.

My forever favourite quote - "I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself, a bird will fall dead from a branch without ever having felt sorry for itself."

 

[Lady Reiha]

...how have you handled it...dealt with it?

I subjected them to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1z3-H-csk8I

http://animefullcircle.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/azu_tomo0056.jpg

 

[Drunken_Angel]

I wonder if you ever can undo the damage of a broken trust. When someone has broken my trust in a major way, usually I distance myself from them. When I don't there is always an edge.

Sometimes, however, I wonder about trust itself. I think the first trust is often given in naivete, a blind faith emanating from whatever esteem you hold for that person, but once that esteem has proved wrong it erodes that sense of trustability. I find myself in some situations trusting differently now. It is a choice, not a feeling.

I found myself feeling insecure and jealous of my last lover, we were both poly, but I knew the people who wanted her cared nothing about our relationship and believed that they wanted her all to themselves. They actually told me, so it wasn't just my imagination. I knew also that though she and I are both female she has a very strong need for men, sexually if not emotionally. I never knew where I stood and I didn't have a sense that she was being honest with herself even while she reassured me.

I have always considered jealousy to be MY issue, not my lover's, rising from insecurities. However, sometimes you have to just acknowledge that it is there and talk about it. She assured me more than once that nothing would come between us and I had to make a choice. I chose to trust her. I chose to risk being wrong and risk the heartache that would cause because I valued so highly what we had. Putting the two to against each other and the risk was worth it.

Its not that I distrusted her, it's that whatever emotion or certainty usually accompanies trust was just not there. It was overridden by all the other emotions floating around and by my own confusion. I had to do without it and I feel a stronger person because of it. And now, looking back, despite the months of pain and depression of our breakup.. even at the worst of it, I never regretted the decision or a moment of our time together.

 

[ShyMystica]

This does contain some rather violent ideas, so please do not read if you feel you can't handle it. Also, this wasn't posted to create sympathy or to gain attention. I am using it as a personal release for I grow tired of keeping such things inside. Thank you for reading.

Trust is a delicate thing yet can be as tough, misguided and blind as the person who gives it. I have had my trust broken in far too many ways to mention and by so many people that I no longer keep count.

I put my trust in my parents, as everyone does as a child. I trusted that they raised me to the best of their abilities and that what pain, harm or anger I received was always a result of their caring or love. Many years later I found out that I was simply a toy to boost my father’s ego; the constant lies, betrayal and emotional abuse all deliberate to cause me harm. While it occurred I believed all the shit he told me was the truth, including the horrid and violent truths about myself, even as a child. In this case I turned to myself for I couldn’t put harm onto him as he did to me. I slashed and burned for many years upon the body he created; as I learned to believe everything he taught me (despite how outrageous those thoughts seem to outsiders). I wouldn’t call this a revenge attack, but in the end it had astronomical effects upon him which I would never predict.

I put trust in friends and romances. I believe we all have the capacity to get hurt in these relationships. We put our hearts out in the open and trust they won’t get stamped upon. Perhaps I do this too often, perhaps I try to believe in the best of people instead of always seeing the violent selfishness the world has become. Either way, I seemingly throw my heart out as if it were nothing more than a dying flower that I hope someone will pick up, hold, cherish and allow it to blossom into something beautiful. Once again I turned to myself, for what is the point in becoming what they are? The sooner I can be free of them, the better, so in all cases I have locked myself away from the world and cut, cut, cut.

Even with evidence that my trust was being used, I confess I deliberately turned away and begged myself to believe it was something else. I made myself blind for the truth that the person who held the delicate trust I offered would hurt, betray or destroy it willingly, was simply just too much to bare.

Yet the cycle often continues to spin, as I don’t wish to be the damsel locked away in a tower awaiting a prince upon a white horse to save me from myself. Yet that is always how it seems to start. The original emotions of feeling wanted, cherished, cared for and saved are addictive, especially when you constantly swim in the sea of your own self-disgust.

I put the blame of their betrayal upon me, for I shouldn’t have given my trust away so freely. The sad truth is that people lie, cheat, and use others for personal gain. Not all people are so obvious and the line isn’t always so black and white. But in the end, for the majority of people in the majority of their lives, that is all it comes down to; personal gain. I also know that while someone may have no desire to harm me, that their own personal greed/desires/needs will always outweigh my own, and will also result in my trust being broken and destroyed.

But knowing this, I won't stop giving it away, for I believe that my trust will one day be cherished the way it is deserved if I remain open and don't become bitter. I believe that there are people out there, though few, who are not like the norm. I don’t believe in revenge nor do I see the point in violence or creating havoc. For if I lower myself to such things I am no better than what they are. I also strongly believe in forgiveness. It is a powerful tool, especially to give to someone who doesn’t want it or deserve it. Yes they can destroy me momentarily, but they will never break my soul or spirit to the extent where I will become as bitter and twisted as they are. But while I always forgive, I never forget.

Forgiven not Forgotten - The Corrs

All alone, staring on
Watching her life go by
When her days are grey
And her nights are black
Different shades of mundane
And the one-eyed furry toy that lies upon the bed
Has often heard her cry
And heard her whisper out a name long forgiven
But not forgotten

You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're not forgotten

A bleeding heart torn apart
Left on an icy grave
In their room where they once lay
Face to face
Nothing could get in their way
But now the memories of the man are haunting her days
And the craving never fades
She's still dreaming of the man long forgiven
But not forgotten

You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're not forgotten

Still alone, staring on
Wishing her life goodbye
As she goes searching for the man long forgiven
But not forgotten

You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're forgiven, not forgotten,
You're not forgotten,
You're not forgotten,
No, you're not forgotten.​

 

[fuckmeat]

In RL, I'm very cautious about trusting people with who I really am. I've had friends over the years who I was really close to, but who have not made it past my choices to be openly bisexual, settle down with a West Indian woman and be her owned slave. Too many people still think of bisexual people as dangerously promiscuous, fickle and disloyal. I've had people treat me like I'm indiscriminately attracted to everyone on planet Earth, keeping me away from their boyfriends/girlfriends and being suspicious if I'm nice and friendly to their SO. It's hurtful for longstanding friends to suddenly stop trusting me just like that, so I've become warier about trust myself. Also, most of the girls and guys I was friends with at school are fiances, spouses and parents. Their lives are very different from mine so Mistress and I have discovered we're not welcome in their hetero couply social lives. We have gay and bi friends, including a couple with a son, but those are friends we have made as adults. Childhood friendships have mostly not made it, which is a shame. It's one of the reasons I'm not interested in facebook cause when I did have an account, people from school would add me as friends but not interact with me. University friends were worth having but I'm perfectly capable of emailing them without using FB.

Anyway, trust.

Open bisexuality is a grey area in society. Gay people are legally protected from discrimination and so on but with bi people, it's subtler. There's a seediness and a shiftiness attached to bisexuality, despite the fact that bi people can no more help who they're attracted to than homo or hetero types. So I trust people who are good enough to trust me. I shy away from being the first to trust and I didn't used to be like that. It's a shame.

If someone betrays me and breaks a trust, if it's a serious trust that's it, they're out of my life. I don't care if they're family, in fact it's all the more unforgivable if they're family. I'm not the kind of person who needs people. A Mistress or Master, yes but people in general to validate my existence... not so much. I won't cling to people who I know are bad for me, or feel that I can never kick a friendship to the kerb because of longevity and/or past stuff that's gone on. Friendships require trust, respect and loyalty, just like relationships do. If those things go and can't be regained, there's no point IMO. I am a very loyal friend and so I hate disloyalty in others, it offends me and makes me feel gullible for having been a good friend to them for so long. If I can be a loyal friend, it shouldn't be too difficult for others.

 

[Alana_]

I don't think I've had a trust broken that hurt me in my real life, to the point it's affected me.

I have had a trust broken though online. About four years ago..I was an administrator for a pretty successful site that began as a kids site supervised by parents, until the parents got too involved and we made it an adult site and chased off the kids.
It was hugely successful, and I was a mod, then an adm, and then I was a co creator of one sister site that sprung up off it ..I was best friend of the Adm of the entire lot, and genuinely loved her. We were daily chatters for five years and had been in contact via phone , sharing home life and kids stories. sending gifts to the kids, ect..just like 'real friends'.

I dont know how or what happened exactly, but I logged on , or attempted to one morning to find my settings changed and that I was cut off entirely from the main site, and the actual site I was co creator on. To this day I don't know what the hell happened. Emails weren't replied to, and my IM's too..I was just cut off. But from friends of friends of friends online, I learned apparently this was her form when she felt her authority was under threat by anyone else that was getting to popular for her liking....She just got rid of them.

It hurt like hell, but I was more angry than saddened. Had I been emotional maybe I'd have rung her to find out what happened, but my anger wouldn't allow me. I jsut stewed on it, and decided to mark it down to one of those 'stories you hear about the internet'.

It effected me to the point it took about 3 years for me to trust anyone even slightly. It's only in the last year or year and a half, that I give out my email or IM. My list is very small as a result. And I rarely use it as I don't want to set myself up for another friendship only for it to go pear shaped also.

I have one male I contact daily from another site via email . Him I trust entirely as he won't talk to anyone on IM at all, only email, as he's very aware in Adult sites it's too easy to get drawn into something sexual or flirtatious, and he won't disrespect his wife..So it's emails, like pen pals, and he's happy with that, and Im more than happy he's not hitting me up to IM.

I talk to one male here regularly on IM when I'm lucky to be one when he is, which isn't often enough. And he knows I trust him, and he respects that I'm the last person in the world to hit on. Saying that, I don't think it's something he makes a habit of anyway, as he doesn't strike me as needing that kind of attention.

I used to trust more easily..But not now..and I probably trust men easier than I trust women, which is for me pretty sad.

 

[grant_s]

I Have had my trust broken, and to put it simply, I cut that person out of my life, they may as well be dead to me. I don't tend to trust many people to begin with, so as you can imagine, if I had a page with the names of people I trusted in life, I would only be left with half that page.

It might not be the right way to deal with it, but to me its the way I deal with it.

 

[yeishia]

When trust is broken it can be slowly rebuilt.

When it is broken a second time by the same person......

I fear all is lost!

(I can say this now having given, in my naivety, and because of unconditional love, multiple chances on occasion to the same person or circumstance.I never give up hope though that someone will be worthy of my absolute trust, and because of that have found a select few who in fact are. I thank those people from the bottom of my heart! )

 

[kiba]

...............

 

[kiba]

I know this sounds real self serving and negative.. but i just dont trust , im not surprised when someone does whatever they do. Not a great attitude to have i know, but i have seen the worst of people at times. A year or so working vice undercover in the past did not help things I have always been in somewhat of an incharge position and have learned that decision makers dont have a lot of true friends

 

[Ausus_girl13]

Trust is hard.

I want to share, but am feeling gunshy (ha, for those of you who know me, you know it's nigh impossible).

Truth is, my trust has been broken by the one person who should have never broken it. And it colors every single day of my life.

It wasn't a lover, or a friend, it was my mother.

I don't honestly know, if I will ever recover.

 

[Alana_]

Thank you everyone for sharing your views and experiences. It's very brave of you, and I respect all, and for those that were hurt, and left with emotional scars, I really hope they heal for you.

I think trust is one of the greatest gifts that one can give, if not the greatest..even above love..For if there's no trust, there in my opinion can't be love.

Please keep sharing, it's interesting to read, and maybe can be a means of finding an ally who can support without expecting anything in return , only what you're ready to give.

( the word ''you're'' = us, me, us all, or the you that wants to be included..It's not meant with disrespect )

 

[fuckmeat]

Trust is hard.

I want to share, but am feeling gunshy (ha, for those of you who know me, you know it's nigh impossible).

Truth is, my trust has been broken by the one person who should have never broken it. And it colors every single day of my life.

It wasn't a lover, or a friend, it was my mother.

I don't honestly know, if I will ever recover.

I'm sorry to hear that hon *pulls Asus and minx into a group girlhug*

My mother hasn't broken a serious trust with me but she never went out of her way to cultivate unconditional trust in her kids. She would tell me she regretted having children, even from a fairly young age. She used to talk about all the things she could have done with her life if motherhood hadn't monopolised twenty years of it. She wanted us to move out once we were old enough and if I hadn't gone to uni I'd have been required to get a job, cut the apron strings and built my own life elsewhere. We weren't mistreated as such, but we were an inconvenience as far as my mum was concerned. She was incapable of hugs and praise, my nan was the same so I know where it comes from. I have never heard her say she loves me or is proud of me. I know she does, I have just never heard it. Likewise when I told her about my sexuality, she was basically indifferent. No drama, just 'it's your life so do what you want with it.' There have been many occasions when I would have liked her to me more concerned about my life choices but it was just never there. My friends thought she was a great mum, because she basically let me do as I pleased. She'd let me play out and roam the streets on my bike when I was a kid but it was just so we were out from under her feet and she could watch the tv in peace. I developed my own sense of personal responsibility and what I should and shouldn't be doing. When I think of all the opportunities I had to go totally off the rails, all those near misses that I would never have been exposed to had she given more of a shit about what I did with my time... it's frightening.

So yeah, on that level I can empathise. I've never given my mum that kind of trust to break, because I know it would quite possibly end badly. It does affect how you trust others.

 

[Leopald]

I have a hard time truly opening up and trusting anyone, as I've been burned too many times. As a result, I can come across as emotionally distant or closed off, as I raise walls and boundaries which friends and loved ones usually have difficulties seeing through. This has a tendency to backfire in the relationships that truly matter to me, and instead of being recognized as unhealthy emotional behavior, its often perceived as a lack of love or interest.

This also applies when meeting new people in my life. I'm not very good at small-talk, and I usually don't feel the need for deeper connections in the first few meetings. This, combined with the fact that I have a horrible knack for sabotaging my own success and happiness, results in having very few close friends and a bunch of acquaintances that know my name, but not much else.

Its often easier to put up the front and engage in harmless flirting in an online setting where, with very few exceptions, I expect nothing more than that to develop or transpire. This is not to say I can't make friends or have meaningful relationships in real life or online, its just far more difficult for me. Each setting carries its own reasons.

 

[Niriate]

I had it broken once.. it nearly destroyed me. Kinda like with Minx.

I don't want to share it, since it keeps burning my gut inside out every time I have to say it (if you do wish to know it, PM me). Needless to say, I cut that person out of my life, forever. There is almost 0% chance of meeting that person ever again, which is fine with me, since I wouldn't have a clue what I would do if I'd ever meet him again. (Probably strangle him to death)

As a person, I can trust people that I have a great feeling with, even if I've never met them IRL. That said, I do find it easier to trust women then men. I don't know why exactly, but I think that I can just.. match with them easier then with men.

 

[monique_minx]

*Hugs FM and Ausus tightly*

Wow...talk about mummy issues huh?

*Runs over and hugs Niriate tightly*

Been there, done that...bought the t shirt!

I might have a little more to say on trust when I'm less tired, I seriously need to go to bed, two and a half days without sleep...I'm amazed I haven't fallen down!

 

[Light Ice]

I am of the opinion that a trust is never truly betrayed.

 

[chronicle_tenko]

I am of the opinion that a trust is never truly betrayed.

I suppose I mean to be blunt, but I don't mean to offend or truly be rude. But if that is true, then I am of the opinion that you are a fool, or someone who has had too easy a life.

Trust can be betrayed. Horrifically. Shatteringly. I spent nine years recovering. I should know.

 

[monique_minx]

I suppose I mean to be blunt, but I don't mean to offend or truly be rude. But if that is true, then I am of the opinion that you are a fool, or someone who has had too easy a life.

Trust can be betrayed. Horrifically. Shatteringly. I spent nine years recovering. I should know.

*Hugs my Jesus*

I don't mean to be unsympathetic but I have to say that I am truly glad my relationship didn't last as long as yours and some others on here that have told me their tragedies. I think any longer and I would have been irrepairable and completely insane. I had a period of time where I was crazy and damaged like that but at least the insanity waned...after awhile.

Seven months felt like forever to me and it mightn't seem very long to most of you but the pain of it has lasted a lot longer than the relationship did.