The use of the words "slut" and "whore"- what are your thoughts?

[Stella_Omega]

Insta-disclaimer: All statements below are my opinion. I could always stand to learn more about this lifestyle and about the different dynamics at work in relationships- everyone could. I'm not denigrating anyone or any relationship that works for both parties involved, I just want input on what I think. Either you can handle participating in this discussion in an intelligent and respectful fashion, or you can't. Make that decision before you post, please and thank you.

Hello, A/all.

I have long been aware of, and intrigued by, my submissive nature. I have interacted with Dominants in the past, and I have noticed an apparent commonality- the use of the words "slut" or "whore" to refer to One's sub. Perhaps this is just my own mental block, but I absolutely despise their use in this context, and I would really like the feedback of this community- you're some of the smartest, most well-spoken deviants I have ever had the pleasure to converse with!

Here are my arguments:
1) There is a large difference between domination and subjugation. When one is dominated, it involves a consensual, respectful, maybe even worshipful offer of one's servitude. It means that the submissive has consciously and intelligently made a free choice to elevate the needs/desires/pleasure/etc of the Dominant above their own. There's nobility to this. There is an honor conferred, a trust established. Subjugation is honorless- the subjugated party never had the opportunity to assent or refuse. It's like a lion priding himself on bringing down a gimpy gazelle with pneumonia- it says nothing of the lion except that "he" enjoys crushing the weak.

I feel that if the relationship dynamic is really domination, then the Dominant knows that the submissive is not a slut, nor a whore, but a desirable person of worth who has chosen to kneel to Them, chosen to submit, offered their loyalty, fealty, affection, love, lust... I think you can all see where I am going with this. If the relationship is one where the submissive gets "rode hard and hung up wet", that's obviously not the dynamic I'm looking at- I think a that a sustained D/s relationship requires the respect of both parties.

2) I would venture that Dominants usually outline a policy of monogamy to their submissives. I know that if I considered myself One's sub, I wouldn't be giving my body to anyone else without the explicit order- and thus obviously the knowledge and consent- of my Dominant. Being that slut and whore are terms explicitly constructed to cast negative judgement on the sexual promiscuity of a given person, they don't seem to apply in a monogamous relationship.

3) These words are laden with misogynist sentiment. I don't think I'm alone in calling myself both a submissive and a feminist. And I'm not naive enough to think that all D/s relationships involve a female sub and a male Dominant. But I have never seen a story, a post, an anecdote- not even a sig- in which a male sub advertised himself as "X's little slut" or "X's loving whore". If both of my above points are invalid, surely then there should be evidence of male subs being "sluts" and "whores"?

4) If I'm a whore, and you're balls deep in me, Mister, what exactly does that make you? You didn't trip and fall into my pussy... (grins) Obviously, this is my most facetious and irreverent argument, but the side of me that craves a beating can't help but make it.

Thoughts? Responses? Anecdotes? Phone numbers?

Fucking Absolutely A. Those words have to be used very precisely in my presence, lest we suddenly stop having a real nice time. Which does not mean they shouldn't be used ever. But-- as someone else said-- No woman is "a" slut, she's "my" slut. or "the" slut, in a group sitch.

(Frexamp; my livejournal identity is "dharma slut"-- I am not "a" slut, I'm a slut for destiny.)

 

[satindesire]

As a side note, (even in mid-orgasm!) if Mister called me a "fucking dill pickle spear" I'd probably die laughing.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

As a side note, (even in mid-orgasm!) if Mister called me a "fucking dill pickle spear" I'd probably die laughing.

How about "get on your knees, goddamned chips and a drink"? If he said it in a growling, dominant way?

I will spare you jokes about $5 footlongs.

 

[satindesire]

How about "get on your knees, goddamned chips and a drink"? If he said it in a growling, dominant way?

I will spare you jokes about $5 footlongs.

OH GAWD! :caning:

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

OH GAWD! :caning:

What? That's not a cane, is it? It's a Quizno's Bullet.

Those words have to be used very precisely in my presence, lest we suddenly stop having a real nice time.

I like this.

 

[infinity706]

I just use words like slut, whore, cunt, cocksucker, etc. as silly nicknames. Of course, it certainly gets some weird looks from people when I go out with friends. Seriously, it's all about context and intent.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I just use words like slut, whore, cunt, cocksucker, etc. as silly nicknames. Of course, it certainly gets some weird looks from people when I go out with friends. Seriously, it's all about context and intent.

And then some.

 

[Rumorhasit13]

In my perspective, I'm personally not into humiliation. Now.. granted of all things that could be said in that instance, whore or slut is not that bad.. but used in that context, I would find it.. I don't know. I agree that there is a certain amount of fealty involved with a submissive making the intellectual decision to give up control to their dom.. so in short I agree with you personally.

Now having said that, clearly many people don't have an issue with this.. and enjoy it. I wouldn't personally, but that's me.

 

[Etoile]

Either you can handle participating in this discussion in an intelligent and respectful fashion, or you can't. Make that decision before you post, please and thank you.

I can't, because I'm an incorrigible prankster when it comes to being told where and how I can post. However, I've done as you requested, and made a decision before posting. I decided to post.

http://i39.tinypic.com/14s302.jpg

However, I am using the above frivolity to demonstrate that the word has lost absolutely all of its meaning and does nothing for me in an academic sense. When used too frequently, words lose their impact. When used too broadly, they lose their impact. When I was a preteen, the "no swearing" rule changed to the "don't say it unless you mean it." I was allowed to say "fuck" but I had better have a GOOD REASON for doing so. Casually saying fuck this and fuck that diminishes the word's power, so my mom told me it was only for when you really meant it. (Interestingly, I was never allowed to say "shut up" to her, and even as I near 30 I still can't bring myself to do it.)

So because "slut" is used everywhere (Brad Majors - asshole! Janet Weiss - SLUT!!) for things that don't even have actual relationship to "a person who enjoys sex and/or has a lot of sex," (notice that the "generally agreed upon" meaning is still rather vague) it has no good meaning anymore. Further, it's an invective. It is all-too-often used to describe someone negatively. Therefore, I have a hard time giving it a positive connotation. I don't have a problem with somebody who enjoys sex or has a lot of sex, more power to them! But calling them a "slut" isn't my style. (And no, nobody is "reclaiming" the word slut, unlike "queer" it was never an acceptable term to begin with.)

Oh shit, I went and contributed to the topic after all.

 

[Imo]

To me, they are just words albeit with negative connotations. What makes all the difference is the intention with which they are used.

Among friends they can be teasing, among lovers a turn on, among enemies a deadly insult. It is the intention of the speaker that gives them their power.

If the intention is simply to degrade someone I agree with the previous posters that it is rather sad if that's the best one can come up with. I'd probably have a blast cutting someone like that to tiny little shreds verbally. As much for amusement value as for indignation, but then again, easy and deserving targets are hard to come by.

If terms like "slut" and "whore" are used between consenting partners I don't see anything wrong with that in itself. Again, it is the intention and the relationship of the partner that defines the emotional value.

Just my 2c

 

[infinity706]

(And no, nobody is "reclaiming" the word slut, unlike "queer" it was never an acceptable term to begin with.)

Actually, I'm reclaiming slut. Of course, not only do I attempt to make it acceptable, but I call men and women slut, whore, cunt, bitch, cock/cuntsucker etc. equally. Making them gender neutral tends to take away a lot of the stigma people have about them.

 

[Kojote]

Insta-disclaimer: All statements below are my opinion. I could always stand to learn more about this lifestyle and about the different dynamics at work in relationships- everyone could. I'm not denigrating anyone or any relationship that works for both parties involved, I just want input on what I think. Either you can handle participating in this discussion in an intelligent and respectful fashion, or you can't. Make that decision before you post, please and thank you.

Hello, A/all.

I have long been aware of, and intrigued by, my submissive nature. I have interacted with Dominants in the past, and I have noticed an apparent commonality- the use of the words "slut" or "whore" to refer to One's sub. Perhaps this is just my own mental block, but I absolutely despise their use in this context, and I would really like the feedback of this community- you're some of the smartest, most well-spoken deviants I have ever had the pleasure to converse with!

Here are my arguments:
1) There is a large difference between domination and subjugation. When one is dominated, it involves a consensual, respectful, maybe even worshipful offer of one's servitude. It means that the submissive has consciously and intelligently made a free choice to elevate the needs/desires/pleasure/etc of the Dominant above their own. There's nobility to this. There is an honor conferred, a trust established. Subjugation is honorless- the subjugated party never had the opportunity to assent or refuse. It's like a lion priding himself on bringing down a gimpy gazelle with pneumonia- it says nothing of the lion except that "he" enjoys crushing the weak.

I feel that if the relationship dynamic is really domination, then the Dominant knows that the submissive is not a slut, nor a whore, but a desirable person of worth who has chosen to kneel to Them, chosen to submit, offered their loyalty, fealty, affection, love, lust... I think you can all see where I am going with this. If the relationship is one where the submissive gets "rode hard and hung up wet", that's obviously not the dynamic I'm looking at- I think a that a sustained D/s relationship requires the respect of both parties.

2) I would venture that Dominants usually outline a policy of monogamy to their submissives. I know that if I considered myself One's sub, I wouldn't be giving my body to anyone else without the explicit order- and thus obviously the knowledge and consent- of my Dominant. Being that slut and whore are terms explicitly constructed to cast negative judgement on the sexual promiscuity of a given person, they don't seem to apply in a monogamous relationship.

3) These words are laden with misogynist sentiment. I don't think I'm alone in calling myself both a submissive and a feminist. And I'm not naive enough to think that all D/s relationships involve a female sub and a male Dominant. But I have never seen a story, a post, an anecdote- not even a sig- in which a male sub advertised himself as "X's little slut" or "X's loving whore". If both of my above points are invalid, surely then there should be evidence of male subs being "sluts" and "whores"?

4) If I'm a whore, and you're balls deep in me, Mister, what exactly does that make you? You didn't trip and fall into my pussy... (grins) Obviously, this is my most facetious and irreverent argument, but the side of me that craves a beating can't help but make it.

Thoughts? Responses? Anecdotes? Phone numbers?

Your outlines of your personal view bear dignity.
I like that.
For me (and since she can’t talk for herself right here and now for my bottom) slut or whore are purely terms of ‘dirty talk’. She would not like to be called that way in public and I would not like to call her that way.
She isn’t even a slut in any way. I had my share of those and can’t deny a certain like for this kind of woman, but she isn’t. And obviously she isn’t a whore.
We recently discovered that some words bear a certain thrill. Especially when they are new and not well worn.
She reacted strongly to ‘fuck toy’ which I picked up here. I didn’t use it before and she, understanding English pretty well, liked the sound as well as the implication.
This one surprisingly managed to carry over to day to day life. Maybe because it is true in itself. I don’t use it in public anyway. But at home it will be heard of every once in a while.

I think the use of derogatory terms in sexual situations is important for her to let loose.
She is very confident, proud and upright in public. Nobody would suspect her to be submissive in any way. But that also leads to a disability to let loose even in the most private situations. When we discovered spanking and verbal humiliation we did so slowly. It took us years to realize, that we both actually would like a real top/bottom relationship and another months to change our way of living.
Nowadays we do live that way every time, but without being overly outgoing. Most decisions get made via discussions or eye contact if in public. I want to know if she is fine with something or if she is unsure and only take it up to me to make the final decision.

Therefore I totally understand your dislike for such terms. And if they don’t give you something at least sexually you should not feel obliged to tolerate them.
It’s all about fantasy and what your brain likes or dislikes, hm?


But this one reminds me that I should thank all of you for this cute little new word to play with…
If you ever need a german word of this kind (for the foreign sound or what) let me know…

 

[Etoile]

Actually, I'm reclaiming slut. Of course, not only do I attempt to make it acceptable, but I call men and women slut, whore, cunt, bitch, cock/cuntsucker etc. equally. Making them gender neutral tends to take away a lot of the stigma people have about them.

You can't reclaim something that was never claimed in the first place. "Queer" used to be neutral, then it became derogatory. It's being reclaimed. "Slut" was never a good thing.

Do you ever use any of them as a term of affection, or is it "you fucking cunt" when somebody spills a drink on you?

 

[Kojote]

You can't reclaim something that was never claimed in the first place. "Queer" used to be neutral, then it became derogatory. It's being reclaimed. "Slut" was never a good thing.

Do you ever use any of them as a term of affection, or is it "you fucking cunt" when somebody spills a drink on you?

Uh... That's an interesting one!
Slut was never really derogatory for me. I always felt attracted to the kind of girl who gets called a slut by others.
Of course the exact meaning of the word changed a bit over times. When I was young it was mostly used by girls about other girls and we boys picked it up.
There was some envy in it that implied the certain girl might be an… interesting fuck…?

Later I realized that associate some personal qualities with the term. Characteristics like promiscuity, sexual confidence, self confidence to follow her own wishes and so on.
Of course this is totally crackbrained, but it’s me…

 

[satindesire]

Oh shit, I went and contributed to the topic after all.

Dammit, Janet!

 

[Black_Bunny]

I don't view it as being called a whore in the traditional sense but more, a whore for her and the harsh treatment I crave from her. It's also kind of a theoretical thing. If she ordered me to serve someone else, I would. I would be a slut if she demanded it of me and we both know that.

Explicit language isn't always about disrespect.

Being called a slut, whore, etc. is freeing because, as a "slut" I can want the things I want without feeling (as) guilty about it.

I identify with both of these.

I am not actually a slut or a whore, but I do "slutty" things for him if he asks it. He controls how 'good' or 'bad' I am by what he asks of me. I am his slut, not a slut.

I had a very sheltered childhood, so terms like these still have their shock value for me. Along with the terms 'slut' and 'whore' (as well as the favourite 'fucktoy' ) he also says things such as 'oh you naughty girl' 'what would your mother think?' They are all part and parcel of humiliation, and allowing me to free.

Also, he calls me 'fuzzy bunny' and things like that... and I'm not literally a fuzzy bunny.

Lastly, if my body didn't respond the way it does when he calls me that, or if I just said straight out to him "I don't like that word", he'd stop using it and find something else.

 

[satindesire]

Also, he calls me 'fuzzy bunny' and things like that...

Awwww!

 

[eastern sun]

When I was growing up - "slut" had very lonely connotations (i.e. the only way a "slut" could get find affection was through fucking guys who didn't really care about you but were only interested in the fact that you would fuck them), and was reserved for the girls who were always flirting/fucking - but never in a long relationship. They were the girls you could fuck and leave without pricking your conscience. (And I struggled to escape that role.)

When ownership is attached to it - as in "my slut" - it has a whole new meaning. It means you're in a relationship of some kind. You belong. There's at least a semblance of longevity. I've only ever been called "my slut" by people online. I bought into it, too. I liked the feeling it gave me, and responded more eagerly to the idea that I would do anything for this one person.

My husband is more likely to call me "dirty" or "bitch." He's always used words that referred to something that was happening at the time, so when he calls me a "slut," it's because I'm being promiscuous.

 

[ShyVixen]

When ownership is attached to it - as in "my slut" - it has a whole new meaning. It means you're in a relationship of some kind. You belong. There's at least a semblance of longevity.

That's how I feel in relation to being called a 'slut'.

I also agree with IMO in this post:

To me, they are just words albeit with negative connotations. What makes all the difference is the intention with which they are used.

Among friends they can be teasing, among lovers a turn on, among enemies a deadly insult. It is the intention of the speaker that gives them their power.

For me it's the intention in which the word is spoken. If someone I barely knew called me a 'slut', it would have a negative connotations. If my PYL calls me a 'slut', and more importantly 'his slut', it's a turn on and a spoken reference to a form of ownership. I don't have any problems with the word.

However, on the flip side, I don't like the idea of anyone, even my PYL calling me a 'whore'. And without delving deep into my psyche, I'm not sure why.

 

[Somehowyou]

It is always in the context that the comment was made. These are words i only use during play. They are terms of endearment. I love to have sex doggie and talk dirty to my partner if my partner is responsive to that sort of thing. I will call her my dirty little slut and my whore and say "Your a big whore aren't you." "Ya suck daddies cock like the slut that you are." etc and we will talk dirty and sexy...it is totally hot. After the loving, I do not use those words.

I meet a woman in the bar or on the stret that i would like to get to know I am trying to meet I do not approach her with slut and whore.

It is all about context i believe.

 

[JMohegan]

I feel that if the relationship dynamic is really domination, then the Dominant knows that the submissive is not a slut, nor a whore, but a desirable person of worth who has chosen to kneel to Them, chosen to submit, offered their loyalty, fealty, affection, love, lust...

That's quite a dichotomy you're setting up there. Promiscuous female *or* person of worth.

You're not the only one, of course. Implicit in the notion that slut and whore are humiliating terms is the notion that female promiscuity is fundamentally wrong. It's so interesting to me that this moral standard holds up, even here.

 

[satindesire]

That's quite a dichotomy you're setting up there. Promiscuous female *or* person of worth.

You're not the only one, of course. Implicit in the notion that slut and whore are humiliating terms is the notion that female promiscuity is fundamentally wrong. It's so interesting to me that this moral standard holds up, even here.

I don't know...personally to me, the word "slut" and "whore" can easily mean a man as it can a woman.

 

[Kojote]

Awwww!

That's exactly what I thought about it...

That's quite a dichotomy you're setting up there. Promiscuous female *or* person of worth.

You're not the only one, of course. Implicit in the notion that slut and whore are humiliating terms is the notion that female promiscuity is fundamentally wrong. It's so interesting to me that this moral standard holds up, even here.

Sure that it has to be that way?
Even with changing moral standards the words might stay on the derogatory side because the where used that way long enough.
Just a thought...

I don't know...personally to me, the word "slut" and "whore" can easily mean a man as it can a woman.

Oh but that doesn't contradict his.
Just erase the 'female' and it fits.

 

[JMohegan]

Sure that it has to be that way?
Even with changing moral standards the words might stay on the derogatory side because the where used that way long enough.
Just a thought....

What is a positive, or even neutral, term meaning "promiscuous woman"? The female equivalent of "stud"?

 

[CuteBrat]

For me, the words "slut" and "whore" have powerful effects, both online in a PM or i-m or in person. They instantly put me deeper in a submissive head-space and they deliniate the power differential and what my purpose likely will be for the speaker.

I definitely WAS a slut when I was unowned. I had a rep for that going back before high school. I probably do more slutty things now than then, but I don't really consider myself a slut because anything I do is always under the orders of The Masters.

I guess I like being called a slut or whore. It communicates to me that the speaker understands what I am goood for.

But then again, I have never claimed to be normal...