Questions alot of questions!

[Pervosuxx Marina]

Hello there, I was wondering if it was possible to repost a story, as I wish to paragraph it better.

Also I wish to know what more I can do to make my story better bigger and more apealing for everyone.

Here are my stories, as you will probaly notice right away the paragraphing has to be fixed, and I do wish to do so, but was wondering if there were any other certain things that would make it better as well.

Thank you and I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 1
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=472262

CHapter 2
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=473751

CHapter 3
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=483271

 

[Darkniciad]

As to editing the existing story/chapters

• Start a new submission
• In "Title" use the same title ( or as much as will fit ) as your original story/chapter + something like *EDIT*
• Select the same category, and fill in other fields ( description, keywords ) with placeholders. They don't matter.
• Paste/upload the new, edited text
• In the "Notes" field, say that this is an edit of an existing submission's story text. It can't hurt to reference the Lit ID# of the story ( the numbers at the end of the url in your browser window when you view the first page of your story ) to avoid any question about what story/chapter you're editing
• Preview and submit as you would a new story/chapter

Approval of edits is subject to the same wait time in the queue as for a new story. I have seen edits go through a lot quicker -- and in bulk -- than new stories quite often, though.

 

[Sanichi]

Better bigger and more appealing

Hello bulletproff,

I can make a few suggestions. Some of the comments to your stories are the usual mix of cruel/incomprehensible/bizarre so I hope this is more useful. Feel free to PM me for detailed explanation.

I would not usually open a story that had Chronicles in the title. Are you set on that?

The story doesn't need to be bigger, if anything it needs a trim. Chapter 01 consists of a dozen thick blocks of around twenty lines each - even if the story was fascinating that is hard to read. I guess that is what you are going to fix? One way is to put in dialogue because at the moment there is none, e.g.: "I told him to give the plastic to me" becomes: "Give it to me." That goes on its own line. This isn't just to help the flow, in that instance the words carry built-in innuendo, and if you describe how she tells him (sharply, timidly, dismissively, suggestively) then you reveal character and move the story forwards.

Once you have introduced a character, you should trust the reader to remember who they are. Just about every mention, it is "my son Peter" and "my son Brian". This leads to: "My son and Malik went up to Brian's room", which had me briefly wondering if this son was Peter? Malik followed Brian to his room.

The opening sentence: "My name is Erica Bradson, I am 48 years of age and I have been happily married to my husband Daniel for 23 years" is dull information, uninspiringly told. All the reader needs to know is that she is approaching fifty, and married almost half that time. The effects will influence the story, or shouldn't be given. Next in the same paragraph is a list of the children with ages, ailments, education and job prospects. It's nice to know but it's not getting your story started.

I can't tell you how to write, just that as it is I couldn't enjoy reading. I took a glance at the other chapters but they are the same with intimidating blocks as paragraphs with not one word of dialogue. Sorry.

It's been edited but there are still typos and punctuation errors. More than that, it needs you to discipline the writing tendency. Read aloud a sentence such as: "He walked towards me and stretched his hand and presented himself to me", and consider only what you need. (He presented a hand.)

There is a whole thread on how penis, vagina, and anus are not the best words to rely on in an erotic tale!

It's in Interracial Love and there will be a good readership for a story of a middle-aged woman and a black handsome stud (I was a bit thrown by the mention of Malik's blue eyes?) For me, the first hint of interest came where she bent under the sink and revealed: "I wanted someone to look at my huge behind." That sounds honest and real, and erotic. More like that, please!

 

[driphoney]

. . . if you describe how she tells him (sharply, timidly, dismissively, suggestively) then you reveal character and move the story forwards. . . .

I thought all of Sanichi's advice sounded good. However, with the rabidness of an new ex-smoker, I have finally jumped onto the Anti-Adverb Bandwagon, so I hardily recommend you leave the "ly" words out and dig deeper into the thesaurus.

Trust me, it does read better.

 

[Sanichi]

Should that be 'heartily'?

Ah yes, the dreaded adverb. I wish to join your campaign.

I didn't mean literally to write: "she said, suggestively", only that information can be given about how things are said through the actions that go with it.

 

[StrictMasterD]

Not sure thisi s the correct thrad for this or not, but I have sent feedback to counltess authors on this site applaudingthem for the story ands askinf for more chapter, why do i NEVER get any feedbak from them> I have no proble sendingf feeback but I wouldl ike replies fron them when I do
In 3 years of sending feedback i got 1 reply

Authors thrive on feedback, why can;t they reply when it si given even a simple thank you, when feedback is sent with no reply, it lessens the desire to comend an author since they wantto be thanks but neefr return the favor

 

[Pervosuxx Marina]

Thank you very much for the suggestions, I am in fact going to add some dialog in my revised chapters as well.

A chapter that I have written pending right now and should come out in a day or two. Has both dialog and better spaced paragraphing, and since I did not want to release chapter 4 untill my new write style was more apealing and easier for readers, I rewrote chapter 1 instead, using my new style as a test, but this time from the point of view of malik, so to not lose the originality.

This way I can find out if my new written style is more apealing to people, but mostly if it is easier to read.

Any more suggestion will be most welcome

Also I will post the chapter the moment it has been approved.

 

[driphoney]

Ah yes, the dreaded adverb. I wish to join your campaign.

I didn't mean literally to write: "she said, suggestively", only that information can be given about how things are said through the actions that go with it.

Yes. Heartily.

I've been looking back at some of my old stuff and scrutinizing the "ly" words. Almost all of them could be stripped out. Few seem to need an improved descriptor. It's really like a light bulb went on, and now I can see how much weaker the sentences are and what a crutch they are.

Naturally, it doesn't mean I'm going to necessarily quit overly using them when verbosely posting.

Not sure thisi s the correct thrad for this or not, but I have sent feedback to counltess authors on this site applaudingthem for the story ands askinf for more chapter, why do i NEVER get any feedbak from them> I have no proble sendingf feeback but I wouldl ike replies fron them when I do
In 3 years of sending feedback i got 1 reply

Authors thrive on feedback, why can;t they reply when it si given even a simple thank you, when feedback is sent with no reply, it lessens the desire to comend an author since they wantto be thanks but neefr return the favor

Whenever I get private feedback with a return e-mail, I always respond. But, for some reason, I've never considered it proper to respond to public comments. Maybe I should reconsider. On the flip side, I never expect a response when I leave a public comment and I'm not sure I've ever gotten one either. I know some writers like to respond directly in the comment section. I've never felt comfortable doing that. In a way, since it's all free, the story is a gift from the writer, the comment left is a bit like a thank-you in appreciation (or a slap in the face!), so perhaps the writer feels the "transaction" is done? Just an additional thought.

You make a good point, though.