How did BDSM relationships start?

[tiedupsub]

Hi, I am interested to hear how people began their BDSM relationships, how you met, how did you both discover each others interests, had you had previous BDSM relationships or was it something you discovered with your partner etc?

x

 

[satindesire]

I met my husband at work. We started having lunch together, then we started dating. After about 6 months, we decided to move in together.

Shortly thereafter I introduced him to BDSM.

That was several years ago. ^_^

 

[tiedupsub]

So were you into it previously? I'm just interested as i would like to see how well my other half would take to it, he has shown glimmers of interest in minimal stuff. How did you start to introduce it to him and how long into the relationship?

x

 

[satindesire]

So were you into it previously? I'm just interested as i would like to see how well my other half would take to it, he has shown glimmers of interest in minimal stuff. How did you start to introduce it to him and how long into the relationship?

x

Yes, the relationship I had been in before I met my husband was the relationship in where I was introduced to BDSM.

I had been involved for about 3 years already, had been to a lot of munches, parties and meetings. Workshops, etc. We were pretty heavily into BDSM but after we broke up, I was left sort of bereft.

I thought about trying to find another partner in the BDSM scene but no one really struck my fancy. I have a very specific "Type" of guy I'm into and no one looked the part, unfortunately.

I had noticed Mister (what I call my husband on this site) several times before because I thought he was really good looking and always treated me with such respect and kindness, but we really didn't start communicating a LOT until after I was single. He told me later on in the relationship that he knew I had been with someone and that's why he avoided me-because he was too attracted to me and didn't want to disrespect my taken status.

Anyway.

Yes, what was the point I was trying to make? Oh-right. Okay, so it was about a year into our relationship before I brought up BDSM. He had never been exposed to it in any realistic sense (mostly just the terrible shit one sees via the media) and had a lot of preconceived notions. We did a LOT of talking for a while, and we researched quite a bit. Read a lot. Then, he gradually started incorporating it into our lives. It was baby steps.

Really, the first thing you have to do when it comes to introducing BDSM to a person whose got no real knowledge of it is to first disspell their fears. The movies and TV shows where BDSM is mentioned often doesn't accurately portray what it's really like in REGULAR people's lives, and people can get a pretty far-fetched idea of what BDSM is really like.

 

[Black_Bunny]

I'm opposite to Satin in that my partner was previously involved in BDSM, and he was the one who introduced me to it. He picked up that I had a submissive personality (perhaps before he even asked me out?), we became vanilla boyfriend and girlfriend, and gradually he would do things gently here and there to see how I would react to it, eg calling me his slut, telling me stories of his past. When I responded favourably, he suggested I read a variety of stories on Lit and tell him what parts I liked. I did this, as well as a heap of research on the BDSM lifestyle, and then I approached him asking him to be my Dominant. This was about 3 months into our vanilla relationship.

 

[praefect]

As a 27 year old dom I was quite the oddity around here. Most guys were older than me by about ten years. Back then I labled myself a sexual dominant. Dominant sexually, but outside of that? naw. That was so not my style.

Because of my age I was approached by a self labled sub, who wanted to interview me for a character she was writing. She asked me questions, I asked her questions, and within an hour or two I had a pretty good feel for her. Married, submissive, married to a submissive. It was kind of tragically funny.

"What do you want for dinner?"
"I don't know, what do you want?"
"I'm fine with whatever you want."
"Me too. Decide on something."
"NO YOU!"

Or their kissing. 10 years of marriage filled with kisses where nobody ever took the initiative.

In any case, she told me about something her husband would like to change about her, and then asked me a fatal question.

"If I was your sub, what would you do?"

And I thought about that for a minute. Real hard. And I felt myself going to a mindspace I usually only ever got to in bed. Topspace. And I told her exactly what I would do, if she were my sub, and at the end of that... she began crying. She told me she felt healed. That she had never experienced anything like it. And her reaction, I had never experienced anything like it either. True submission to my will. It had felt like some type of vulcan mind meld.

I'm beginning to realize that this is a very, very long story. With ups and some really deep downs. And then ups again with a happy end. So, to make it short, I now have two slaves. Her and her husband. Slave slut and slave stud. I love them both very much and they both love me, and they love each other as much or more than ever.

 

[00Syd]

I met my boyfriend, Seb, when he was invited over to tie me up by a guy I was currently playing with because Seb is pretty darn good with bondage and the guy I was playing with at the time was not. A couple of months and a few unexpected plot twists later, we started dating. So we had a BDSM aspect right from the very start, which was new for me, and pretty darn nice.

 

[Netzach]

I met him at a munch. I had pretty much decided I was only going to date openly pervy people at that point - I don't believe in "conversions" based on my own experience with a vanilla partner for seven years. "Conversions" either mean the other person is kinked and it shows strongly, or they're cruel bargaining which fails to respect the disinterest of the vanilla. Mine morphed into that as I got more desperate and I never want to be that asshole again, ever.

I also have certain attractors that are rarely hit by men in the SM community but I stuck with it and definitely got what I wanted.

 

[KoPilot]

I met S on the internet... we first made personal contact because he wanted me to be part of his community project because he liked my art so much. For the first few weeks it was strictly professional; I asked questions about how to become involved, which people I should avoid working with, what the specifications of the finished product were supposed to be, things like that. I don't remember when it turned into a friendship, but I think it had to do with my coming to him for advice one day. He was older, so he'd been in my shoes and knew what to say, and then... I think I just started going to him for advice and support for a lot of problems I was having, and in the process, laid myself bare.

I was crushing on him a lot, and when I wasn't in a funk, we'd play and fart around a lot. Little blips of roleplaying as ourselves and getting into fake arguments, and in all of those situations, he'd always ensure he came out on top. His playful and dominant personality was addictive, so I was hooked.

A few months later and we were dating, and a year after that I revealed my kinks and he's totally cool with them.

"Rope bondage, huh? You know that I'm just gonna end up tying you up and leaving you there, right?"
"Hey!"
"You love it."
"...yeah."

 

[00Syd]

I met him at a munch. I had pretty much decided I was only going to date openly pervy people at that point - I don't believe in "conversions" based on my own experience with a vanilla partner for seven years. "Conversions" either mean the other person is kinked and it shows strongly, or they're cruel bargaining which fails to respect the disinterest of the vanilla. Mine morphed into that as I got more desperate and I never want to be that asshole again, ever.

Yeah, ditto. I tried the conversion thing towards the end of a 4+ year relationship, and it made me feel like a gigantic asshole. After that I decided to look pretty much exclusively within the kinky pool, and so far that's been working out for me pretty well.

 

[cromsgirl]

Met first then BDSM

My husband and I have been together about 14 years, married for almost 9 and kinky for about 2. Ours stared when I started reading stories on Lit and found that the ones I liked the most were BDSM. I have always liked biting and hair pulling during sex, and the stories I read gave us areas to talk about and try. We are still exploring different areas.

 

[Moxon4]

With previous gfs things just kind of naturally went into BDSM, mainly with light bondage, and maybe ordering them around if they were into that.

My current gf/sub I actually met on a BDSM meet up site, and it started as solely a BDSM relationship, and then kind of turned into us having a vanilla side after realizing that we were really compatible.

 

[FungiUg]

Hi, I am interested to hear how people began their BDSM relationships, how you met, how did you both discover each others interests, had you had previous BDSM relationships or was it something you discovered with your partner etc?

x

My current partner I met by escourting her to a gangbang. She was a friend of a friend, and was scared silly of the idea, but dead keen. So I offered to go along just to keep an eye on her and make sure she was safe and looked after. She had a whale of a time, and we've been friends ever since then. That was almost two years ago now, but we only really hooked up a few months back.

So I'd say we had kinky interests in common to start with, and I certainly had BDSM experience prior to getting together with her.

 

[MisterSir]

My sort-of partner was the first person I met at the first munch I went to. I made fun of her choice of cider, she took the piss out of my hair and by the end of the night we were discussing the logistics of using cheese singles and Marmite to construct a dildo. Since then, and mostly by accident, we progressed through being mentor/student to...fucking, and then from fucking to being secondary partners (she's got a primary partner, but they're both poly).

 

[rida]

Hubby and I have been together 15 years, married 14 and 5 years since introducing power exchange and S&M play into our sex life. He introduced the concept of D/s while we were going through a funk, realizing before I did that I was wired submissive (I've always been pretty much service oriented in my relationship). I resisted for a bit, mostly due to other issues that we were dealing with, but when I started reading up on it, it made sense and I felt it was worth it to give it a try.

Two years after starting exploring it, I fully embraced my submissive nature and Hubby encouraged me to explore outside as well (we already had an open marriage by then) as he sensed I wanted to go places he was not interested to go (and also felt not ready to go).

I put an ad on a free paper and I met the Sadist. We have been seeing each other for just a bit over two years, with an average of one play date per month. He was looking for a slave, I did not know exactly what I was looking for, but we fit incredibly well right away. I was open to developing an emotional connection and surely enough it happened. He did not feel threatened by it and later realized that he too actually cares for me deeply.

The Sadist and I are evolving and exploring our natures: he too is married and has another submissive, and I'm starting to think about finding myself a male sub of my own. But no matter where life will bring us, I think we will be in each others' life for the long haul.