Reflections on SELF 15

[Evil_Geoff]

I'm recovering from this year's SELF (SouthEast LeatherFest, Atlanta, GA June 11th -13th http://www.seleatherfest.com). I'm tired, exhausted really, and I'm not processing really well. But some of this is just demanding to be let out and I need to get this out of my system to at least give me some starting points for other, more indepth writing later. Maybe.

This was an incredibly emotional weekend for me. I cried.

A **LOT**.

They weren't bad tears though. They were good tears. Tears of welcome, and tears of joy. Tears of relief and tears of release. There were tears of grief (which is not necessarily a bad thing (sometimes it takes years to let go of something holding us back)). I'm still getting tears as I process some of this and say some emotional farewells that are long, long overdue.

I won't remember everything but here are some highlights:

A house full of friends the Sunday before SELF - crafting toys, sewing projects, caring for leather - sharing laughter, and energy and making me incredibly glad I have these people in my life.

Scheming with Tori to get two dear friends in the same place at the same time to surprise both of them - sharing what was planned for the other person without alerting either of them to what was going to happen to THEM! *LOL* And working to get some of the people dear to our friends to be there as well.

Helping Master Rick and gypsie with getting ready for the SE Master/slave contest - loading up the vehicle with our toys, and clothes and their gift baskets and their contest leathers...

Following Master Taino's van across a big chunk of South Carolina on I-85.
*Any stories you might hear about his driving are true!* *LOL*

Arriving at the hotel and being surrounded by my Leather family. My friends. MY people. I've come **HOME**!

The energy. OMG, the energy!

Listening, in awe, to some of the most incredible, generous people in the lifestyle open their hearts and hard won knowledge for those who want to learn.

Participating in two ceremonies to present two friends with earned leather in recognition of their progress along their leather paths . And then gifting leather to yet another friend to help them in the next stage of their journey.

Hugs.

Being there for the identification lesson! *lots of {{{{{HUGS}}}}} to Mama Vi, Q and Mollena for sharing that with us!*

Breaking bread with Viola Johnson for the first time in many years and being privileged to see her in her guise as story-teller.

Helping a friend let go of some unnecessary, unwanted, emotional baggage. And reminding them of their own strength and power.

More hugs!

Being reminded, several times, of the power and strength and wisdom to be found in the history of our tribe, and in the importance of documenting and saving our history. Our elders are fast disappearing, and if WE don't capture their information **NOW**, and record our own, who will know what was done to get us to where we are today? How will those who follow us know their own background?

Watching friends win their title contests. And friends step down from last year's titles. And feeling the bittersweet pain when still other friends did not win their bids. And standing up to cheer in pride because

NC'S IN DA HOUSE! NC REPRESENTS! WORD!
(for folks not on FetLife or other forums where the contest winners were announced, and/or not involved in the Leather community, the SELF Master/slave couple and Mr. SE Leatherfest were from North Carolina. And Tori and I donated time and/or items for 3 of the 4 title holders!)

Floggers and paddles and crops... Oh MY! And TENS and violet wands and knives, and leathers, and corsets... can you say *smorgasbord*?

Holding Tori's hand and weeping when Lady
Catherine announced that an anonymous group of people became SELF sponsors in the name of *The Sanctuary of a Dark Angel.*

Seeing Ms Khiki, and realizing that North Carolina has a pretty rich and long history of producing regional, national and International titleholders. *and she's still hawt!*

Lots and LOTS of HUGS!

Meeting Dr. Bob and enjoying being able to converse with him briefly.

Wishing there was more time - time to play, time to visit, time to soak up the energy and time to sleep! *lol*

Standing with Lady Beth and the rest of the Kindred at the end of her class and feeling the most incredible connection with them all.

Winding down, driving home, crying some more as I recalled some people and events from The Sanctuary and sharing those memories with Tori. Being grateful beyond words to have been a small part of that place, missing it like crazy, wishing it was still here. And realizing that I wanted it as much for other new people to find as much as I missed it for myself.

There's more, so much more. But like Richard Pryor might say... "I need 8 hours sleep and a bowl of Wheaties."

Thanks for listening to me ramble.
- Geoff

 

[Stella_Omega]

Fan Fucking Tastic, Geoff!


when you have more to share, I'll be here to listen!

 

[FurryFury]

This is awesome! I'm so happy for you.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

One Shining Moment...

There were so many moments that touched me at SELF 15. One of those moments was a morning session at the bootblacking station. I went, intending to get a shine on my boots, and I walked away with so much more.

I was introduced to the bootblack, who will remain nameless here because his story is not mine to tell. He is a former titleholder, who had stepped away from bootblacking in public for a very long time. I was going to be his first public client in several years. He was quiet, polite, and I caught just a touch of nervous energy. Whether that was from apprehension, or anticipation, or a little of both I can not say. But as I sat in the chair and brought my boots up, he smiled. We chatted about inconsequential things, but as we spoke and as he unlaced my boots, there was a definite feeling of comfort and peace with him.

We spoke of our respective journeys, places we had been, events we had attended, people we knew, and I was pleasantly surprised by several common points of contact. We may not have been in the same place at the same time to connect, but we had a good bit of overlap in our circles. We spoke of the past and traditions, of current affairs, and of growth and renewal.

We spoke of the drain that leadership places on the emotions and energy of a person, of the toll that intense scrutiny brings, and how the constant demand for your presence, your energy, to give, give, give to the community can suck the simple joy of an activity out of your soul.

It was a conversation that was simple in it's language, and yet profound in it's meaning. And it impressed upon me the fact that Leather knows no gender, knows no sexual orientation, knows no geographical boundaries. But Leather knows Leather, regardless of gender, orientation, role, or place.

As he laced my boots back up I was humbled that he had shared so much his journey with me. I didn't want the session to end. I was learning a lot from a humble bootblack I just met. And I sensed some regret on his part because he was taking away something too. But we smiled, grateful for the shared energy and conversation, appreciating the service offered and service accepted. For the brief moments we shared that space and time, we were brothers in Leather, and that was a beautiful thing.

I can only hope that his memories of his first public bootblacking client since the end of his title year are as fond as my memory of him. Anyone could have been waiting there and been the first to sit in his chair, but I was lucky enough, honored and humbled to be that one. Thank you for that moment!

 

[Homburg]

This is one of the reasons why I keep coming back to Lit. I'd heard the term 'bootblacking' before, but never really looked into it. After reading the above post, I was intrigued, and decided to do some research. I wound up on a coupla site (bootdog's being one I really liked) and was deeply impressed with the thought, care, and service that the act can carry.

 

[FungiUg]

I'm recovering from this year's SELF (SouthEast LeatherFest, Atlanta, GA June 11th -13th http://www.seleatherfest.com).
[...]
I cried.

A **LOT**.

Okay, you're on onion chopping duty from now on!

Sounds like an amazing experience.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Thanks, Fungi! It was an amazing experience. As long as I've been active in the scene here in the Southeast, this was only the second time I've been able to attend SELF. I hope I can attend many more.

 

[FungiUg]

I hope I can attend many more.

One of the reasons why I decided it was time to move on from my previous relationship was I was sick of feeling apologetic for attending munches, let alone going to events. We have an annual get together down south known as Southern Exposure, which I do hope to attend in the future. So yes, I can understand the emotional impact. For me, it's feeling like I "belong" or that I am "home".

 

[Stella_Omega]

... We have an annual get together down south known as Southern Exposure, which I do hope to attend in the future. So yes, I can understand the emotional impact. For me, it's feeling like I "belong" or that I am "home".

This for me as well. It's a sense of tribal belonging.