new to it all

[kendil]

hi there i am just posting here because i am looking to get in to a BDSM life styli but i am not shore how to do it or what is and is not ok to do please can and one give me a little incite to it all i would really like that thanks and sorry to take up your time

 

[gemaussieslut]

Hi there.

Welcome to Lit.
You should do LOTS of reading.
Do you know what you want from the 'lifestyle'
What do you already know about the 'lifestyle'
Real life or online
(and about a million other questions)

I'd start with reading through some of the BDSM Library - a sticky post at the top of the BDSM forum.
That should get you started and answer some of your questions and be able to give you an insight to what you might be after

 

[fuckmeat]

Welcome Kendil

What is 'ok' basically boils down to what you and another mutually want and consent to. There's no right or wrong way to begin exploring BDSM. If you tell us a bit more about yourself, we'll be able to give more helpful advice.

 

[BLoved]

hi there i am just posting here because i am looking to get in to a BDSM life styli but i am not shore how to do it or what is and is not ok to do please can and one give me a little incite to it all i would really like that thanks and sorry to take up your time

Love, Part II: Introductions

Casual 'BDSM' and Emotional Abuse: The Case for Love

 

[fuckmeat]

Love, Part II: Introductions

Casual 'BDSM' and Emotional Abuse: The Case for Love

Kendril, I have no wish to hijack your thread but I would strongly advise against reading this idiot's bullshit. The man's a total menace around here.

Try The BDSM Library as a place to start.

 

[BLoved]

Kendril, I have no wish to hijack your thread but I would strongly advise against reading this idiot's bullshit. The man's a total menace around here.

Try The BDSM Library as a place to start.

Kendil, you will find there are a lot of trolls in this forum who love to spend hours accusing me of everything under the sun, but have very little to say about BDSM.

I trust you will decide for yourself what to read and what to avoid.

 

[kendil]

Thank you all so much for your post. It means a lot to me that you took time out of your day to do it

As for what am I looking for I tent to be more submissive I enjoy doing as I'm told. I hope this will help you point me in the write direction.

Thanks again. ~kendil~

 

[sinnocence]

I trust you will decide for yourself what to read and what to avoid.

Example: bloved.

 

[CutieMouse]

Welcome to the boards!

Ask questions - the old adage that no question is too stupid applies.

There are millions of ways of being or expressing submission - do you want to be submissive in the bedroom? Do you want to express your submission by helping a lover organize their life (run errands/keep house/etc)? Do you want both? Are you looking for a long term relationship, or a short term relationship? What do you want out of this kind of relationship?

Understanding yourself and being a confidant, strong, clued-in person is essential to having a healthy power-based relationship.

Do you like to read? If you do there are lots of good resources (I'll hyper-link to the Amazon listings for you) -

When Someone You Love is Kinky
The New Bottoming Book
How to be Kinky

Do you learn better in person? Are you really social? (I'm a bit of a hermit, myself. LOL) Most major cities will have groups committed to educate and assist people interested in BDSM. Try Googling "BDMS Munch + your city" - a munch is a no pressure social event (usually at a local restaurant) where "kinky" people get together to talk, ask questions, learn about future lectures/demonstrations/etc. Sometimes there will be an option to attend an event afterward (usually at a local "dungeon"), but no one is obligated to attend, and if one chooses to attend, there is no obligation to participate.

If you have any questions at all, like I said - ASK!

 

[kendil]

As for what part of my life I want it in I want it in it all. This is going so sound silly and may not even fit in but but I love the idea of like a true 50's stile of live the women staying home and taking care or everything for her husband.

 

[CutieMouse]

As for what part of my life I want it in I want it in it all. This is going so sound silly and may not even fit in but but I love the idea of like a true 50's stile of live the women staying home and taking care or everything for her husband.

That isn't silly at all. There are people who might not see what you described as a BDSM thing, but don't let anyone tell you that. IMO a lot of BDSM is mental - if your mindset is focused on your partner, and your mindset is that ironing his shirts and caring for his (and your) home is a loving act of submission, it is.

I checked your profile - you're 25? Do you have a firm grasp of healthy relationship dynamics? (kinky or not) How are your communication skills? Do you have an idea of how to cater to someone you want to cater to, yet still stand up for yourself? Everybody gets all caught up in the kinky woo-woo magic of BDSM (spankings, etc), but (again - IMO) a lot of it boils down to plain old healthy relationship stuff.

 

[Mads]

As for what part of my life I want it in I want it in it all. This is going so sound silly and may not even fit in but but I love the idea of like a true 50's stile of live the women staying home and taking care or everything for her husband.

Not silly at all... My wife (and sub) and I live in much that style. There's a lot of good advice to be had here but as with all resources, there's some not so good.
The best I can suggest is to see what fits into your view and aims, rather than molding yourself to what you think is normal for a 'standard bdsm relayionship'

Good luck.

Mads

 

[kendil]

i am in a relationship and i care for him a lot. my boyfriend and i have a vary open relationship we trust and tell each other everything. how ever i dont know if he could be as controlling has i would like him to be (and i bet he is reading this right now hehe) yes the spankings seems fun and all and i know i would love them but i do think i like the mental part to it even more

 

[Stella_Omega]

i am in a relationship and i care for him a lot. my boyfriend and i have a vary open relationship we trust and tell each other everything. how ever i dont know if he could be as controlling has i would like him to be (and i bet he is reading this right now hehe) yes the spankings seems fun and all and i know i would love them but i do think i like the mental part to it even more

You are asking him to take on responsibility for you. That might be a lot to ask...

Unfortunately, you will have to work out exactly what you want him to control you in. What you wear? No problem. What job you take and the hours you work? BIG problem...

Stuff like that.

 

[BLoved]

i am in a relationship and i care for him a lot. my boyfriend and i have a vary open relationship we trust and tell each other everything. how ever i dont know if he could be as controlling has i would like him to be (and i bet he is reading this right now hehe) yes the spankings seems fun and all and i know i would love them but i do think i like the mental part to it even more

~smile~

Perhaps you should talk to him directly and take it from there.

My first beloved and I did it that way. We talked, experimented with simple stuff, liked it and explored more, cautiously, carefully, but playfully.

If you are both going to experiment, it is a good idea that both of you do the research. Learn as much as you can about whatever activity interests you before trying it.

Just keep it safe first, playful second, and you can't go too far wrong.