my new 'master' his new 'slave'

[pure_morning]

Hi! ^__^

I've been a lurker for years now. I started with reading the stories mostly, and at times would enter the discussion board, to indulge my curious nature.

BDSM, mostly in the form of Master/slave has always intrigued me. I've never experimented with Master/slave in my personal relationships with boyfriends from the past because I just kept those thoughts hidden in my mind, only for me to think about, and to take pleasure in. (How selfish I was!)

Well, recently, with my new boyfriend, who I absolutely love, I have been introducing Master/slave aspects to our sex life. I started with saying "Can I suck your dick, please?" or "Can I please, turn around (or get on top,...etc), please, sir." So, I said these things to see what his response would be, and wow, was it positive! Afterward and now, when I'd say those types of things he'd say "Now, how do we ask...?" or "Not until I tell you too." And other things of that nature. This turns me on incredibly! ^_^

Furthermore, the other night when we were intimate with each other I turned it up a notch (I think?) and said "You're the Master, baby!" and I felt like he was thinking it over in his head first before saying, "Yes. I'm YOUR Master, I'm your Master, baby, now come here...etc." He he. Wow! Well, what a pleasant surprise that was.

Now, my question is...I'm new to this whole world, and I'm pretty sure he is too. Where do we go from here? Just keep "kicking it up a notch"? What are some suggestions for an appropriate next step.

Ps. I'm into the whole him being my Master I'm his slave concept, so the dominance/submission part of BDSM and not necessarily the s/m part. Unless he changes that

k thx!

 

[FloggingMolly]

Personally, I'dsit down and talk it out with him. Does he want it to go further? Bondage? Just bedroom play?

Something I've learnt here is that you have to find your own way that BDSM fits your relationship, not make your relationshp fit BDSM. If you feel you have to get tied up each day, fisted once a week, have sex with anyone he tells you, or masturbate in public to fit in and join the BDSM 'club', you're short-selling your relationship, and will only feel like you aren't good enough.

Of course, if these things float your boat, go for it, it was just an example

good luck hon

 

[BLoved]

Now, my question is...I'm new to this whole world, and I'm pretty sure he is too. Where do we go from here? Just keep "kicking it up a notch"? What are some suggestions for an appropriate next step.

If he's to be the master, perhaps you should be asking him.

 

[MisterSir]

Lesson 1: You can safely ignore anything BLoved comes out with. He's not going to help you here.

 

[BLoved]

Lesson 1: You can safely ignore anything BLoved comes out with. He's not going to help you here.

It never takes the obsessive-compulsive very long to hi-jack a thread to express their personal animosity.

 

[Stella_Omega]

It never takes the obsessive-compulsive very long to hi-jack a thread to express their personal animosity.

lesson 2;

No matter what you say about him, Blovd will try to turn it into something that sounds better to him-- for instance, an insult about you.

 

[BLoved]

lesson 2;

No matter what you say about him, Blovd will try to turn it into something that sounds better to him-- for instance, an insult about you.

And another hi-jacks the thread to express more personal aminosity.

Shall I join every discussion and we shall see how many of them get hi-jacked?

 

[MisterSir]

Lesson 3: If you're caught in a lightning storm, the best thing to do is actually to get on the ground and kneel down with your backside in the air

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

And another hi-jacks the thread to express more personal aminosity.

Shall I join every discussion and we shall see how many of them get hi-jacked?

That is such a cool idea! I like it. Kind of an experiment. Okay. Do this: go to this board, and pick a juicy thread and hop right in. I'm telling you, these people are freaks. Complete nutjobs. And totally OCD, and casual as all fuck. What we'll do is, we'll wait and let you get established...then WHAM! We jump in and hijack the sucker!

What do you think?

 

[pure_morning]

Personally, I'dsit down and talk it out with him. Does he want it to go further? Bondage? Just bedroom play?

Something I've learnt here is that you have to find your own way that BDSM fits your relationship, not make your relationshp fit BDSM. If you feel you have to get tied up each day, fisted once a week, have sex with anyone he tells you, or masturbate in public to fit in and join the BDSM 'club', you're short-selling your relationship, and will only feel like you aren't good enough.

Of course, if these things float your boat, go for it, it was just an example

good luck hon

Thank you! That's great advice. I will ask him what he wants to do. And I will fit BDSM into our relationship, not the other way around

 

[pure_morning]

If he's to be the master, perhaps you should be asking him.

You're right, and I definitely will, thanks.

 

[pure_morning]

Lesson 1: You can safely ignore anything BLoved comes out with. He's not going to help you here.

I think he helped me.

 

[pure_morning]

lesson 2;

No matter what you say about him, Blovd will try to turn it into something that sounds better to him-- for instance, an insult about you.

I can handle it.

Thanks for the warning

 

[pure_morning]

And another hi-jacks the thread to express more personal aminosity.

Shall I join every discussion and we shall see how many of them get hi-jacked?

Please, no more hi-jacking my thread everyone! Goodness, it was my first post.

Calm down people! Help a n00b out. He he.

 

[satindesire]

Please, no more hi-jacking my thread everyone! Goodness, it was my first post.

Calm down people! Help a n00b out. He he.

You might try having both of you filling out a BDSM checklist ( http://www.thebrc.net/check_list/default.htm ) and then showing each other your lists?

That way, you can see where you two match up in your interests, and open up conversation without awkwardness.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

You might try having both of you filling out a BDSM checklist ( http://www.thebrc.net/check_list/default.htm ) and then showing each other your lists?

That way, you can see where you two match up in your interests, and open up conversation without awkwardness.

BLoved! BLoved! BLoved!

Sorry.

Yeah, satindesire has some good advice here. Also, you mentioned you were a big Lit story reader. Why not pick out a few BDSM or D/s themed ones that really arouse you and give them to him, saying "I think these are incredibly hot."

 

[pure_morning]

satindesire & DeepGreenEyes

you two rule, i'll try both ideas/suggestions, thanks

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Are you interested in bedroom only or a bit more of a broader spectrum?

Satin and DGE have covered the good ground on the bedroom side of things, and others wiill pop up more for the rest, but I'll start by throwing out there that there's an immeasurable amount of ways to serve someone in regular life too.

It doesn't have to be anything major, just small things to make his day to day life easier.

 

[pure_morning]

Are you interested in bedroom only or a bit more of a broader spectrum?

Satin and DGE have covered the good ground on the bedroom side of things, and others wiill pop up more for the rest, but I'll start by throwing out there that there's an immeasurable amount of ways to serve someone in regular life too.

It doesn't have to be anything major, just small things to make his day to day life easier.

Bedroom for now, and I'm mostly up for anything when it comes to 'broader spectrum' in the future...

What small things did you have in mind, can you share your ideas/suggestions with me?

 

[rida]

One thing that I've not seen mentioned that I'd like to bring your attention to: sub-frenzy (there is a thread somewhere ... sorry cannot dig it out now). And I'm sure there is also the analog Dom-frenzy although I've not seen mentioned it anywhere.

What it means is that with the excitement of novelty and discovery you'll find yourself craving more and more: more new things, more intense experiences, more and more.

The fact that you are in a relationship is good as you can satisfy your cravings within it as sub-frenzy makes pyl* act rush at times in their choice of PYL*. There is still however the risk that you might push yourself into a direction that once the novelty wears off does not satisfy you and you might feel you cannot change your agreement with your PYL anymore.

This is the first time you and your boyfriend are experimenting with incorporating power exchange in your relationship. Take it slow, leave plenty of room for re-negotiation of limits and agreements (for example, every 6 months) as you will discover things you love and things you hate, things you can live with and things that you cannot handle at all.

Remember that no matter who has the power, the relationship has to be satisfactory for both sides.

Good luck and have fun!


*pyl: pick your label among submissive, slave, bottom
*PYL: pick your label among Dominant, Master, Top

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Bedroom for now, and I'm mostly up for anything when it comes to 'broader spectrum' in the future...

What small things did you have in mind, can you share your ideas/suggestions with me?

Currently, I don't live with Mr, so I just try to have things arranged how he likes here. I make sure his preferred drinks and food are on hand, I wash and iron any clothes he leaves here, make sure I have the toiletries he likes, serve his dinner first when we eat together, fetch more drinks as needed, run errands, give him a shower (when he's not in a hurry that is ) Just little things like that.

I find it's about noticing and taking care of the small things. Big, grand gestures are good and well, but paying attention to their likes and dislikes, their preferences, and tailoring your actions to suit says a lot more.

 

[pure_morning]

One thing that I've not seen mentioned that I'd like to bring your attention to: sub-frenzy (there is a thread somewhere ... sorry cannot dig it out now). And I'm sure there is also the analog Dom-frenzy although I've not seen mentioned it anywhere.

What it means is that with the excitement of novelty and discovery you'll find yourself craving more and more: more new things, more intense experiences, more and more.

The fact that you are in a relationship is good as you can satisfy your cravings within it as sub-frenzy makes pyl* act rush at times in their choice of PYL*. There is still however the risk that you might push yourself into a direction that once the novelty wears off does not satisfy you and you might feel you cannot change your agreement with your PYL anymore.

This is the first time you and your boyfriend are experimenting with incorporating power exchange in your relationship. Take it slow, leave plenty of room for re-negotiation of limits and agreements (for example, every 6 months) as you will discover things you love and things you hate, things you can live with and things that you cannot handle at all.

Remember that no matter who has the power, the relationship has to be satisfactory for both sides.

Good luck and have fun!


*pyl: pick your label among submissive, slave, bottom
*PYL: pick your label among Dominant, Master, Top

You bring up some good points, thank you!

ps. love the Aristotle quote in your sig.

 

[pure_morning]

I find it's about noticing and taking care of the small things. Big, grand gestures are good and well, but paying attention to their likes and dislikes, their preferences, and tailoring your actions to suit says a lot more.

Awh, '...says a lot more.' Yes, I agree.

I've been trying to do those things, taking care of him, paying att. to likes/dislikes, tailoring my att. to suit his needs since the beginning of our relationship, so I must be on the right track. Sometimes it's hard though. I have a natural tendency, or personality, that wants things MY WAY and NOW. And for the record we don't live together either.

You ladies and gents are so helpful! I'm so happy that I've gotten such wonderful replies. Thanks again!

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Awh, '...says a lot more.' Yes, I agree.

lol, well it does. And it makes his life easier when he doesn't have to recite his whole pizza order to me, including variations. He just says 'let's have pizza' and I know what to do.

And I personally get a kick when he notices that I've noticed things.

 

[subwannabe]

Communication is the key. Start talking about it and then talk about searching out books or literature, movies, etc on the subject. Read and watch them together and then talk again. Keep on talking. This is whatever the two of you want to make it. Just talking about it can be a huge turn on all by itself. Lay out a few simple ground rules and outline of the area you want to go in and then improvise from that point. You may find there are some things you don't like and don't want to do again but, more importantly, you will find things that you do like and want to do again. Good luck and make sure you report back.