The 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'

[BLoved]

Chy-girl I am not your top, but;

Stop now.

This guy is a total manipulator, and you have better people to be manipulated by.

Put the asshat on ignore, and enjoy a pretty song instead;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WoQQ-mAQeE

More efforts to disrupt the discussion.

 

[BLoved]

/END THREAD

And more efforts to disrupt the discussion.

 

[Etoile]

And more efforts to disrupt the discussion.

Seems to be working.

 

[BLoved]

This sounds like something out of erotic fiction, and not reality. I'm sure such people exist, but they're not common.

And upon what do you base your claim it is not common?

We are united as a community because we are into kink

So why don't we see cunnilingus clubs, fellatio clubs, anal sex clubs for the vanillas?

Why is it only casual players feel the need to huddle together?

A demonstration of their mutual insecurities and the need to reinforce their love-less choices through mutual denial of the consequences?

 

[intothewoods]

~smile~

In other words, 'let's disrupt this discussion'.

So predictable.

I don't know how much there is left to distrupt. At some point, we have to agree to disagree.

 

[BLoved]

have you stopped beating your wife?

Another effort to disrupt the discussion.

Some people find it difficult to remain on topic.

 

[Etoile]

And upon what do you base your claim it is not common?

Upon what do you base you claim that it IS common?

 

[00Syd]

So why don't we see cunnilingus clubs, fellatio clubs, anal sex clubs for the vanillas?

They're called swinger clubs.

 

[Etoile]

I don't know how much there is left to distrupt. At some point, we have to agree to disagree.

That's the problem, though. He won't agree to disagree. He'll let you concede that he is right, though.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

So why don't we see cunnilingus clubs, fellatio clubs, anal sex clubs for the vanillas?

Why is it only casual players feel the need to huddle together?

A demonstration of their mutual insecurities and the need to reinforce their love-less choices through mutual denial of the consequences?

Strip clubs, brothels, and the bunny ranch!

 

[BLoved]

Look at the dictionary and chew it out as abusive.

It's the meaning of the word. I don't care if the rest of the SM community wants to put rose perfume on this tart and call her a rosebush till the cows come home.

As Angelic Assassin's sig line used to say "welcome to the deep end." Enjoy your water wings.

~smile~

Do you think anyone is honestly taking you seriously ... other than your maturity-challenged friends?

 

[CutieMouse]

~smile~

It doesn't take a puritan to recognize that 30,000 years of evolution has hardwired a connection between intimate behaviour and intimate emotional bonding.

Our cave-dwelling ancestors, sans birth control devices, found that engaging in intimate behaviour led to the making of babies.

If there was no corresponding intimate emotional bonding, those mothers would remain single and big-brained humanity would have gone extinct.

It is because intimate behaviour and intimate emotional bonding are linked that those who copulated stayed together and raised the offspring.

It is only in the last fifty years or so that intimate behaviour didn't have to lead to offspring.

Fifty years is not enough time to undo 30,000 years of hard-wiring.

Those who try end up dysfunctional.

There is nothing wrong with preventing sperm from fertilizing an egg, but to deny the connection between intimate behaviour and intimate emotional bonding is to deny one's humanity.

See this bit is fascinating to me.

The Man has done extensive study of Evolutionary Biology and how it relates to human interaction, emotions, sexuality, etc. How do bonds form? What is the hormonal and bio-chemical reaction when humans interact? We discuss it rather often as it's an interesting subject

It is true that we are designed to feel something when sharing intimate moments with another human being. It's biochemical and hormonally hard wired into our consciousness. The mere act of sharing conversation raises our Oxytocin levels (the same hormone responsible for triggering orgasm and also causing nursing mothers to release milk - guaranteeing the continuation of the human race). Touch does the same thing (even professional massages), as does a steady gaze during conversation; oxytocin is essential to one's ability to biochemically develop trust. Fascinating, eh? Oxytocin is the hormone that ties all of humanity together and helps us maintain some degree of civility as a culture (we won't get into the whole war thing ).

So yes, Evolutionary Biology has programmed us to feel a connection - often an emotional one. A connection programmed into our chemistry that has nothing to do with "Love" which is a construct created thousands of years after modern man came into being. It is chemicals and synapses and ancient biological response - nothing more. People apply the word "Love to that biological response, because as humans we desire to label and catalogue things.

BL uses this biological response to bolster his argument about love and abuse; The Man uses it to explain what's going on with us chemically as we get to know one another better. As he put it "Sweetie you aren't thinking with your frontal lobe; you're thinking with your Primal Brain... exactly as you are designed."

 

[intothewoods]

And upon what do you base your claim it is not common?

How are my claims less valid than your own, which are based on collarme.com, this forum and one visit to a party.

So why don't we see cunnilingus clubs, fellatio clubs, anal sex clubs for the vanillas?

Why is it only casual players feel the need to huddle together?

A demonstration of their mutual insecurities and the need to reinforce their love-less choices through mutual denial of the consequences?

Have you heard of swingers?

As I have said repeatedly, people only interested in NSA play and sex are not huddling together. The public scene is not so monolothic.

 

[intothewoods]

That's the problem, though. He won't agree to disagree. He'll let you concede that he is right, though.

I hear you. Pity. I think a substantive discussion about the problems in the public scene would be worthwhile. Maybe I'll start it at some point.

 

[Etoile]

~smile~

Do you think anyone is honestly taking you seriously ... other than your maturity-challenged friends?

Stooping to name-calling? Tsk.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Stooping to name-calling? Tsk.

It's not abuse if he said it with love!

 

[BLoved]

The Romantic paradigm didn't exist until 1200, and in most of the world doesn't still. They don't seem to have any problem reproducing in cultures where women are pretty much property along with land and goats.

The paradigm you're talking about is an experiment not even 1000 years old.

All cultures link intimate behaviour with intimate emotional bonding.

Only dysfunctional cultures have a surplus of single mothers.

 

[00Syd]

Only dysfunctional cultures have a surplus of single mothers.

So, basically, the entire African American culture is dysfunctional.

Nice.

 

[BLoved]

You are lying on all counts. If you wanted to leave it up to the readers you would be satisfied when they tell you they don't agree.

You are confusing posters for readers.

It is rather obvious most posters are much too addicted to dysfunctional behaviour to see any other point of view.

Readers are another matter.

 

[CutieMouse]

All cultures link intimate behaviour with intimate emotional bonding.

Only dysfunctional cultures have a surplus of single mothers.

Awesome.

Now I'm extra dysfunctional because I divorced my husband of 12 years.
You know, the one that asked me to marry him on our second date, because he just KNEW I was his True Love. The one I married 6 months after meeting. When I was 20.

The thing neither of us knew was that he had an issue with falling in love. Repeatedly. He did it 2-3 times a year [with other women].

I'll be sure to inform our therapist (we saw her individually and as a couple for about a year... he fell in love with her at one point too) that she was wrong to support our decision to divorce as being emotionally and psychologically healthy, offering our children a much better opportunity to witness healthier relationship dynamics than our marriage offered them.

 

[Etoile]

All cultures link intimate behaviour with intimate emotional bonding.

Only dysfunctional cultures have a surplus of single mothers.

Dysfunctional...cultures?!?!?! *falls over laughing*

Oh man.

Unless you've read Collapse by Jared Diamond, or some of Mitch Loeb's research on failed states, you have NO business labeling "cultures" as "dysfunctional."

Oh man, I am just laughing my ass off. My professors would rip this APART.

 

[BLoved]

BLoved: Why do you care about other people?

It was the way I was raised.

I recall a man coming to the door of our home when I was six, begging for food. My mom gave him a bowl of soup and bread, which he ate at the foot of the stairs.

Cubs and scouts reinforced what I'd learned.

I was taught those who have the power to help others have an obligation to do so. I still believe that.

My power is in my words, and my willingness to be demonized so as to share those words with people who might benefit from them.

 

[Etoile]

My power is in my words, and my willingness to be demonized so as to share those words with people who might benefit from them.

Who do you think you are, Jesus Christ?

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Who do you think you are, Jesus Christ?

A martyr. I called it about two threads ago.

He's so predictable. It's just not fun.

 

[BLoved]

i thought you should know that your statement is completely incorrect.
anyone with a smidgeon of knowledge knows that the single most successful species ever on the planet earth were the Trilobytes.
they reigned for 300 million years - twice the span of dinosaurs, which were also greatly successful - and humans have survived, so far, for only one half of 1 percent of that time!

Only one species has arisen with the power to end all life on the planet.

Only one species has arisen with the power to leave the planet.