New Author, New Stories

[CuriosityCanKill]

I'm obviously one of many authors seeking feedback on here, but I really would appreciate it if people would view my stories and offer any feedback or suggestions they have.
I'm trying to bring myself to work on more things, but before I do so, I'd like to know what people liked and disliked about my current two stories.

Private or public feedback is welcomed. Be as specific or general as you'd like.

Thank you!

 

[CuriosityCanKill]

Oh, and I also would gladly return the favor if you wish and read/critique your stories, for what it's worth.

 

[D_K_Moon]

I'm obviously one of many authors seeking feedback on here, but I really would appreciate it if people would view my stories and offer any feedback or suggestions they have.
I'm trying to bring myself to work on more things, but before I do so, I'd like to know what people liked and disliked about my current two stories.

Private or public feedback is welcomed. Be as specific or general as you'd like.

Thank you!

We are famed for our laziness, we need a link to your stories.

 

[srlmort]

Whee are your links

Yes like the last poster said, where are the links.

Always looking for new things to read.

=)

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Curiosity, welcome.

This is the prey the pirhanas want;

Curiosity Stories

Watch the water froth and turn red

Will go take a look later

 

[D_K_Moon]

Curiosity, welcome.

This is the prey the pirhanas want;

Curiosity Stories

Watch the water froth and turn red

Will go take a look later

Shhhh, you'll scare the prey...I mean new writers away....

 

[D_K_Moon]

Hello Curiousosity...

I took a peek at "How It's Supposed to Be". http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=443594

It was very short. I liked that there were no names, just he and she. It worked for you in this piece, at least in my opinion. In a longer story it may have become monotonous.

On the technical side of things. Watch your paragraphs, there were a few where you changed characters midway through, and you should have had a break at that point.

On the creative side, I liked it a lot. I think the first few paragraphs could have been a bit stronger. I think you did a good with your characters, despite the shortness of the piece, they felt real to me, and I liked them.

I found the love scene both tender and erotic, quite surprising. I loved the last sentence.

Overall, I think it was well done. And I'll let someone else take a peek at your other story.

 

[_Lynn_]

I read “Twelve Months”.

Height and weight are far better when you describe them. She is tiny. He has muscle mass. Build on those.

Bra sizes are not the same around the world, so a 32B might mean nothing to some readers. Descriptions give a better picture than numbers.

I found the first few paragraphs confusing and had to read them over. You cover them meeting, his going into the service, a mention of time home from training, the year gone again, and him coming home in two hours all in just over three hundred words. That’s a lot to digest in a short space.

That she didn’t meet him when he came home struck me as odd. Was their relationship secret? Spouses and SOs tend to wait at airports (or wherever) for their loved ones when they come home.

You have some long paragraphs. When reading on a screen you want to keep them under about eight lines.

The dialogue worked okay. There wasn’t anything screaming out at me anyway.

Not a full story as is, you could have expanded this one to give it more depth. Because it’s so short, there isn’t time to learn much about the characters. They seem decent, but there's nothing firm to grasp, you know?

I suggest you try to develop your characters and broaden the story next time.

Keep writing. You have a good start.