Women...ugh

[Keroin]

There's a reason I don't arrange all-girl activities anymore. I mean, I like them, I'll happily participate in them, because I have a lot of really cool female friends, but organizing? No farking way!

Why is it so hard for women to make plans?

When L and his guy buddies plan to do something, it usually involves about three emails. #1 This is what we're going to do and here's the date who's in? #2 Who's bringing what? #3 Don't forget the _______.

Easy peasy. Done. Maybe they have to change a date once or twice but that's it.

My girlfriends here, (who I adore, BTW), are in the middle of arranging a bike riding / wine tasting tour and my inbox is absolutely FULL of emails just to decide a date to meet to plan the trip! It's as if no one wants to plant a flag, no one wants to be the boss or something. And this is not the first time I've gone through this.

I once tried to organize a girl's surfing weekend for a group of about six women.

Yeah.

Never again. I do NOT have the patience.

So what is it? Why do women have such a hard time with this sort of thing compared to men? Thoughts?

 

[Dearelliot]

Yeah my wife wonders thru the grocery store for an hour...Im in and out in 10 minutes or less..

 

[Betticus]

I bet if you were arranging a nice lunch with a trip to a chocolatier after lunch then you wouldn't have so much trouble..

Also, drinking and exercise don't go hand in hand.. there's dehydration involved and I've been in the tasting room when the cyclists come thru.. damn they stink like hells bunghole.

It's popular in Cali to rent a limo and do a chauffeured wine tasting tour.

 

[the captians wench]

*shrug* I don't have that problem. Of course, I haven't tried to plan anything with groups larger than 3, and usually I'm left to make all of the plans and every one just follows what I say.

Maybe I'm just lucky.

 

[Keroin]

Yeah my wife wonders thru the grocery store for an hour...Im in and out in 10 minutes or less..

LOL. That's funny because it's my hubby who likes to wander through the supermarket. I'm the grab-it-and-go half our our partnership.

I bet if you were arranging a nice lunch with a trip to a chocolatier after lunch then you wouldn't have so much trouble..

Also, drinking and exercise don't go hand in hand.. there's dehydration involved and I've been in the tasting room when the cyclists come thru.. damn they stink like hells bunghole.

It's popular in Cali to rent a limo and do a chauffeured wine tasting tour.

We're not doing the tour de France, BTW. Just a leisurely ride through some nice, flat terrain, followed by wine, then back to the selected reantal pad to chill and hot tub and such.

*shrug* I don't have that problem. Of course, I haven't tried to plan anything with groups larger than 3, and usually I'm left to make all of the plans and every one just follows what I say.

Maybe I'm just lucky.

You are lucky.

Planning for a night out or lunch or that sort of thing never seems to be a problem. The hassle always seems to come when it's an event of more than one day in duration.

And these women are not shrinking violets, by any means, which makes it all so much more baffling.

I really do appreciate the art of female negotiation and compromise most of the time but sometimes it just bogs things down far too much.

 

[MisterSir]

So what is it? Why do women have such a hard time with this sort of thing compared to men? Thoughts?

We see a problem (something needs organising) and fix it. You see a problem and...I don't know and I'm going to stop there lest I insult the whole of the board's biggest demographic in one fell swoop. You girls kinda scare me

 

[graceanne]

I'm not sure. It annoys me, too. We didn't know the specifics of me and my friends birthday party until that night, because she wouldn't make up her flipping mind. And then we got there and switched bars twice, because of this, that, and the other thing. It's why I hate coplanning.

If I'm planning something I make phone calls and send out emails saying when it's going to be, what I want you to bring, and where we're having it. It is IMPOSSIBLE to make things fit everyone's schedule so you just gotta do your best schedule wise.

 

[Primalex]

Why is it so hard for women to make plans?

They don't like to offend.

Take graceannes example - her friend didn't move from one bar to the other because she couldn't make up her mind, but because she was worried that her guests didn't like it and as guests don't complain, she did it for them.

Guys expect feedback, girls try to act preventive.

IMHO one of the biggest relationship problems between guys and girls.

 

[Keroin]

I'm not sure. It annoys me, too. We didn't know the specifics of me and my friends birthday party until that night, because she wouldn't make up her flipping mind. And then we got there and switched bars twice, because of this, that, and the other thing. It's why I hate coplanning.

If I'm planning something I make phone calls and send out emails saying when it's going to be, what I want you to bring, and where we're having it. It is IMPOSSIBLE to make things fit everyone's schedule so you just gotta do your best schedule wise.

And how about the endless wardrobe changes? Egads. I don't know how many times I have sat waiting while a girlfriend changes her clothes again and again and again, trying to decide what to wear when everything she puts on looks fabulous to me. (Not a problem with my country friends but definitely with my city friends).

I should add that I live with a man with the resting heart rate of a bumble bee, so I operate at a much higher rate of speed than normal humans. I'm low maintenance but L is zero maintenance and freakishly quick. On more than one occasion, while preparing to go out somewhere for the evening, I have stepped out of the shower to hear him say, "I'll be in the car!"

I wish I was kidding about that.

But I'm with you Gracie. Make a date, set a time, pick a location, let everyone work around it. You'll never please everyone, you just won't.

 

[Keroin]

We see a problem (something needs organising) and fix it. You see a problem and...I don't know and I'm going to stop there lest I insult the whole of the board's biggest demographic in one fell swoop. You girls kinda scare me

LOL. Well, you can whisper it in my ear. I am often baffled by my own sex. Especially the shoe thing. I'll never understand the shoe thing.

 

[rida]

They don't like to offend.

Take graceannes example - her friend didn't move from one bar to the other because she couldn't make up her mind, but because she was worried that her guests didn't like it and as guests don't complain, she did it for them.

Guys expect feedback, girls try to act preventive.

IMHO one of the biggest relationship problems between guys and girls.

I think you hit it pretty square in the head.

Why is it so hard for women to make plans?

Unless there is a strong personality in charge of the event, left to their own device, all the women involved want to have a say but none want to be responsible for upsetting another woman.

So if there is a date when all but Susy can go, they cannot pick that date, and start the process again. Now, depending on Susy's personality they might ask her to change and arrange her schedule. That means that if Susy is someone known for being a bit of a "victim" but they really like her, the rest of the group will change their schedule to accommodate Susy. Until the day one of the rest throws a fit over indulging Susy each and every time and you got yourself the break up of the group.

The solution is for one of the group to be willing to be the "bad guy" and lay the plan: who's in is in, who is out can come next time.

I'll never understand the shoe thing.

where to start ...

 

[Primalex]

I think you hit it pretty square in the head.

Thank you.

I wonder about the Japanese culture regarding this. Is this 出る杭は打たれる。 part still true?

 

[Keroin]

Unless there is a strong personality in charge of the event, left to their own device, all the women involved want to have a say but none want to be responsible for upsetting another woman.

So if there is a date when all but Susy can go, they cannot pick that date, and start the process again. Now, depending on Susy's personality they might ask her to change and arrange her schedule. That means that if Susy is someone known for being a bit of a "victim" but they really like her, the rest of the group will change their schedule to accommodate Susy. Until the day one of the rest throws a fit over indulging Susy each and every time and you got yourself the break up of the group.

The solution is for one of the group to be willing to be the "bad guy" and lay the plan: who's in is in, who is out can come next time.

LOL. I love your scenario, so true.

I'm quite happy to be the bad guy, I just get tired of the constant, millions of little problems to solve. It wears me out.

The good news is, we have now officially picked a date to start planning the trip! Ha. And I know we're all going to have a blast when we're on it. These are some pretty amazing women.

where to start ...

You crack me up girlie!

 

[the captians wench]

If it weren't for the shoe thing, the clothes thing, and the crying at movies thing I'd wonder if I had any girlie in me at all.

 

[YourCaptor]

You would think women would be great at planning, having to deal with that monthly thing and all.

But I guess in the end they are all just pussys anyhow.

What are they all doing biking anyway? Tell em to get their bitch ass back in the kitchen and bake something.

 

[graceanne]

And how about the endless wardrobe changes? Egads. I don't know how many times I have sat waiting while a girlfriend changes her clothes again and again and again, trying to decide what to wear when everything she puts on looks fabulous to me. (Not a problem with my country friends but definitely with my city friends).

Seriously. I can, and have, gotten ready in 15 minutes, down to makeup and jewelry. My best friend takes HOURS to get ready. Ah!

I should add that I live with a man with the resting heart rate of a bumble bee, so I operate at a much higher rate of speed than normal humans. I'm low maintenance but L is zero maintenance and freakishly quick. On more than one occasion, while preparing to go out somewhere for the evening, I have stepped out of the shower to hear him say, "I'll be in the car!"

I wish I was kidding about that.

I wish K was like that. He takes an hour to get ready in the morning. Part of that is he takes his showers in the morning (I take mine at night), but the other part is that he is SLOW! I can get me and three children ready in the time it takes him to shower, brush his teeth, shave, and get dressed. On the rare occasion he's ready before me, it's because he forgot something he needed to do (like get his tools out of the car), so I'll get like 'all right, lets go' and he'll be like 'oh, wait. i need to [fill in the blanks]' and then i scream. Not to mention he never remembers to go potty until we're ON OUR WAY OUT THE DOOR. I'm like 'dude. you've been sitting on the couch for the last 5 minutes. Why couldn't you go then?'

I SWEAR that man is like molasses on a cold winter day.

But I'm with you Gracie. Make a date, set a time, pick a location, let everyone work around it. You'll never please everyone, you just won't.

Exactly. I put together a thing for Easter at my house. My mom was the main person I needed to check with, so I called her and asked her if she was doing anything for Easter. She's not so I said, lets do something at my house, Easter day, 2pm. I'll have Miss bring the meat, I'll do the potatoes, you do the veggies, and AJ will bring the dessert. Everyone bring their own drinks." Then I call miss and AJ and informed them of their part.

There might be a very good reason mom puts me in charge of planning this kind of stuff.

LOL. Well, you can whisper it in my ear. I am often baffled by my own sex. Especially the shoe thing. I'll never understand the shoe thing.

Me, either. I wear sandals 99% of the time. I have two pairs of dress shoes (one set of flats, one set of heals), and one pair of tennis shoes, and I'm good.

 

[Keroin]

You would think women would be great at planning, having to deal with that monthly thing and all.

But I guess in the end they are all just pussys anyhow.

What are they all doing biking anyway? Tell em to get their bitch ass back in the kitchen and bake something.

Pfft. *Rolls eyes*

I am an excellent planner. Trust me, you want to travel with me. I am ridiculously organized and on top of things and, yes, I can read a map, on the fly.

Seriously. I can, and have, gotten ready in 15 minutes, down to makeup and jewelry. My best friend takes HOURS to get ready. Ah!

I took a trip out to California with three girlfriends several years ago. Have you ever seen that episode of Star Trek where two of the crew members, (Kirk & ?) have something happen where they're moving super fast, seeing the world as a fly might, and to them it looks as if all the rest of the crew are frozen because, in relation, that's how fast these guys were moving? Yep, that's what that trip was like for me, lol. A lot of sitting and waiting and waiting and waiting...

 

[graceanne]

Pfft. *Rolls eyes*

I am an excellent planner. Trust me, you want to travel with me. I am ridiculously organized and on top of things and, yes, I can read a map, on the fly.



I took a trip out to California with three girlfriends several years ago. Have you ever seen that episode of Star Trek where two of the crew members, (Kirk & ?) have something happen where they're moving super fast, seeing the world as a fly might, and to them it looks as if all the rest of the crew are frozen because, in relation, that's how fast these guys were moving? Yep, that's what that trip was like for me, lol. A lot of sitting and waiting and waiting and waiting...

Yup. Seen it. Good show. Wasn't there a next generation like that, too?

Ug. I hate sitting and waiting. But, then, my family has learned not to let me get too bored. I start compulsively organizing things, and that annoys the snot out of them.

 

[FurryFury]

E-mails I can take all day but PHONE CALLS but the shit out of me. If we agree to meet up at X time, date and place I WILL be there. I don't need tons of follow up. If my buds are adults I expect that from them too but hey, guess what? PHONE CALLS. *grr*

 

[graceanne]

E-mails I can take all day but PHONE CALLS but the shit out of me. If we agree to meet up at X time, date and place I WILL be there. I don't need tons of follow up. If my buds are adults I expect that from them too but hey, guess what? PHONE CALLS. *grr*

Oh, I hear you. What annoys me is when they ask me to make a decision and then question that decision (are you sure?) and make a million different suggestion. All of which require a different phone call. It's like "I am trying to get me and my kids ready/doing something that requires my attention. I DO NOT CARE! MAKE A DECISION AND THEN CALL ME AND TELL ME."

But then being asked if I'm sure annoys me on basic principle. I do not say things when I'm not sure, and if I do I start with the phrase 'I'm not sure of this, but . . '. "Are you sure?" usually is followed by sarcasm on my part.

 

[FurryFury]

Exactly. I'm like this time, date and place? Okay see you, only call if there is a problem.

But no one listens.

 

[BiBunny]

E-mails I can take all day but PHONE CALLS but the shit out of me. If we agree to meet up at X time, date and place I WILL be there. I don't need tons of follow up. If my buds are adults I expect that from them too but hey, guess what? PHONE CALLS. *grr*

Yes! I also hate people--read: chicks--who call me to babble for no good reason. I talk on the phone about things I'm not interested in to make money, thank you. I have no desire to do it in my off time, too.

 

[YourCaptor]

Pfft. *Rolls eyes*

I am an excellent planner. Trust me, you want to travel with me. I am ridiculously organized and on top of things and, yes, I can read a map, on the fly.

What!!

Did you sneak into boy scouts?

Quick! Somebody teach this bitch how to bake cookies!!

 

[wicked woman]

We're concensus builders, that's why. [Most traits have a positive and negative side to them.]

 

[Keroin]

Yes! I also hate people--read: chicks--who call me to babble for no good reason. I talk on the phone about things I'm not interested in to make money, thank you. I have no desire to do it in my off time, too.

I don't mind yakking on the phone but then I'm on the phone so rarely, and I'm so often thousands of miles from friends that I consider any opportunity to talk with them a gift. Even now, most of my correspondence is done via email, so I really love phone chats.

Quick! Somebody teach this bitch how to bake cookies!!

Good luck with that.

Self Hijack:

When I did my advanced diver course, one of the tasks involved reading a compass underwater. You have do do a few exercises - swimming out and back on a set heading, swimming in a square using the compass, etc. Anyway, on the day I was doing my test, there was another dude doing the test with me - an ex-Navy guy. Long story short, I passed with flying colours. He flunked.

Organized, good planner, can read maps on the fly & can read compass on the swim. Out-navigates Navy guys!

Ha! So there!

/self hijack

We're concensus builders, that's why. [Most traits have a positive and negative side to them.]

Absolutely. Agreed. Most of the time, I think the female consensus building, inclusive style of operating is very cool. It definitely has its pluses. I just wish it could be set aside sometimes.